PPOV
After getting little to no sleep the night before, Katniss had fallen asleep on the sofa next to me, head rested on my knee, arms cupped protectively around her slightly protruded stomach. The kicks of the baby earlier today seemed to have eased her mind and put any fears of being loved behind her.
I know she still has nightmares now about all that has happened to her which isn't surprising considering all she has been through and all that she has lost. In the night she often calls out my name, and after waking up climbs between my legs and resting her head on my chest falls asleep there, because she says she can find me easier in her dreams if she can feel me next to her in reality.
Looking down onto her now, I stroke her cheek and wonder how it is even possible that I managed to be the one she chose. Watching her grow up and meet Gale killed me, I knew that the girls saw him as attractive but everyone was convinced that Katniss was the only girl for him because the only time people ever saw either of them smile was on a Sunday afternoon after they came back from hunting as they would walk through the town laughing and joking with each other.
I would stand in the back room and listen to them barter with my father over squirrels and try to have enough courage to step out into the shop, just so she would notice me or remember when I threw her bread on that rainy night. But how could I, I had thrown food at her like she was no better than one of the pigs, so that it skidded through the mud, and then what had I done? I'd raced back inside to save myself from a beating, leaving her out there in the rain.
Even on return of the hunger games the media had seen it better to portray Gale as the cousin because he was too attractive, which really didn't help with my hope that one day she might fully understand how much I loved her and then when they messed with my memories...I shuddered slightly at the memories of me trying to strangle Katniss in district 13 and trying to hurt her in the capitol. They messed with my head so much for their own means, and it disturbed me to think back to those days.
I don't know how she manages to trust me, trust that if some memory left undisturbed, something tiny that nobody ever thought to bring up was suddenly mentioned, to trust that I would somehow be able to control myself, be able to stop myself hurting her. The thought terrifies me.
Hope for me lies in the baby growing inside her right now, that the love for the baby and the bond it will bring to us making us into a strong family unit will somehow overpower what the Capitol did to me. Katniss begins to shift and slowly her eyes open and look up at me sleepily. Sitting up she stretches and then climbs up onto my knee clumsily, to rest her head in my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close breathing in the amazing smell she always carries.
"Why am I so tired and off balance at the moment" she complains into my neck.
I rub her back gently because I know it soothes her, "It'll just be the effect the baby is having on your body" I reply trying not to be patronising.
She leans forward and kisses me gently before withdrawing slightly to rest her forehead against mine and close her eyes. I close my eyes too and concentrate on the feeling of her forehead against mine.
"I can't wait for the baby to arrive" Katniss says in almost a whisper.
I open my eyes surprised at the utter acceptance of the baby, I wasn't sure if she was happy about it or not until now. She's looking back at me with a small shy smile on her face.
"I can't wait either" I reply bringing my hand up to rest on her belly.
Slipping her hand around my neck she pulls me into kiss her again, I'll never forget that first time she kissed me in the cave. Taking me so off guard, at the time it was amazing and I couldn't imagine anything better. But years later after all that conflict is behind us I can tell the difference between the kisses then and her kisses now.
Before, they were exciting and new, but seemed to end a fraction too quickly as if she didn't really want to kiss me. Now they convey love and affection, in the early hours of the morning when she wakes up shaking from nightmares they express safety and after serious conversations they show utter trust that everything will be ok.
Breaking the kiss she pulls away before planting a chaste kiss to my lips again quickly and then smiling broadly at me.
"I think everything's going to be ok you know Peeta" she said decidedly, whilst attempting to straighten her hair. "I thought that this baby..." her hands move down to touch her stomach "I thought it would change things, and that terrified me. But I hadn't really thought about what the changes were" she continued. "But really, this baby is a part of you and me combined that never has to go through anything that we did, we made sure that it had the most perfect world to grow up in." She beamed at me.
"You really are the luckiest baby in the entire world little guy" I say leaning down to kiss her bump.
"Orrr little girl!" Katniss interrupts.
"Or little girl" I agree, allowing once again the smile Katniss always brings, to break through to the surface and it really must be my lucky day because Katniss pulls me in to kiss me again.
Pulling away I let out a contented sigh and leaning back into the sofa remark "I should get you pregnant more often Mrs Mellark!"
Hope you enjoyed it from Peetas point of view!
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