I'm a chapter late, but here's the intro lol.

This story is dedicated to iamamember who asked for it to be written :) Well, not this specifically, but for an AO. This is what I came up with.

Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I am so excited to see all the familiar names (it's like coming back and seeing old friends), as well as the new ones. I hope you enjoy this story, and thanks again for checking it out.


Olivia didn't sleep. She had been running on coffee and doughnuts for nearly thirty hours, but she couldn't sleep. She sat at the table long after Alex had gone to their bedroom. She simply stared at the wall, finally breaking down into tears as she went over everything Alex had said.

Alex hadn't been lying. She was right. They hadn't had any significant alone time in over half a year. Really, they had barely spent any time together. And it was mostly Olivia's fault. She was a workaholic and she never said no when Cap asked her to stay after hours. She didn't have to, there was absolutely no obligation, but she did it because she loved her job and because there was always something else that needed her attention. So she stayed. She stayed so much that what used to be considered her overtime were now her regular hours. She ate, breathed, and slept her job. And it seemed normal, that was her life. She came home in the a.m. hours and she left before the 7 a.m. news came on the radio. Sometimes she didn't come home at all. It had happened so gradually over the years, and it had become so routine to work such long hours that she hadn't even noticed how bad it had gotten.

Olivia didn't mind, not really. She was used to working 24/7 because she had done it most of her life. But she had missed one very important detail: she was no longer single. She had a girlfriend at home who she had been horribly neglecting, and the guilt cut her like a knife. She had completely abandoned the woman she loved. How had let she it get this bad? Because Olivia missed her too. Of course she did. She thought about her all the damn time.

When they passed Alex's favourite coffee shop, or there was someone wearing a beige jacket just like Alex's, or she saw a head of long, blonde hair, she thought of Alex. She thought of her when she put on her leather coat (a gift from her girlfriend), and she thought of her every night on her way home. It just seemed like she was with Alex all the time because she was constantly thinking about her.

Alex was the reason she even came home at night. When she was single, she'd just crash in the crib and start her day when she woke up. She never bothered coming home. But now, she did because she had the best thing in the entire world waiting for her: her best friend. Alex, the woman who soothed her worries, cared for her when she was sick, hid Olivia's favourite cookies in her jacket pockets, put love notes in her desk at work when she wasn't looking, who did countless things to make Olivia feel special. Alex brought joy and laughter in her life and made her once lonely apartment finally feel like a home. Of course she missed her. She thought sometimes that they weren't spending enough time together, but then there was a report to be written or a phone call to be taken or a perp to be caught or a child to comfort or an interview to be conducted. There was just always something that called her attention. She truly hadn't realised how bad things had gotten. Not until now, when she sat and really thought about it.

God, how had it gotten to this point? Olivia loved Alex with everything that she had, with everything that she was. That had never changed. When had she gotten so bad at showing it? Christ, when was the last time she had even told her that she loved her? She felt disgusted with herself because she couldn't even remember the last time she had said "I love you". She said it over text all the time, but when was the last time she had actually said it to her face? No wonder Alex felt abandoned.

Olivia bit her bottom lip in an attempt to fight from crying again. The look on Alex's face tonight, the look in her eyes. It haunted Olivia. She had been the cause of that. She had caused the hurt, the pain, the sheer disappointment Alex felt. She had promised Alex that she would never feel alone again, and Christ… she had failed her terribly.

Olivia got up and paced from the kitchen to the living room and then back again. She was angry with herself. When had her job become more important than her lover? How had she allowed it to take over her life? Yes, she loved her work and she could never regret helping the people that she did, but God damn she regretting how it hurt Alex that she spent so much time away from home. No amount of satisfaction she got from catching any of their perps was worth the look on Alex's face tonight. How had it gotten to that point? Alex was one hundred times more important than any of her cases and she should never be made to feel otherwise.

Olivia shook her head. Things needed to change. They were going to change and she would not let this ever happen again. Alex deserved to be worshipped, to be treated like the absolutely incredible human being that she was. She deserved to know how special, how loved, how treasured she truly was. She needed to know that nothing was more important than she was. Olivia genuinely felt that nothing came above Alex, but she clearly had done a horrific job of showing it because she had been putting her job first for months on end. She had been grossly negligent in their relationship, but not anymore. Now that she knew what she had done, she was going to fix it.

As it turned out, Olivia stayed up all night, working through the thoughts that rolled through her mind. She devised a plan; she was on a mission now. She was going to remind Alex of just how important she was, so Olivia thought back to when they first started dating, drawing on all the little things she used to do that Alex loved.

She pulled out a pen and paper and began writing. But the more she wrote, the worse she felt. She now saw in black and white just how much she had neglected Alex. She hadn't done some of these things in years. No wonder Alex wasn't happy. How could she be? Olivia hadn't shown her how special she was in a shameful amount of time.

Rather than get herself down, Olivia reminded herself that things were going to be different now. She was going to make Alex happy again, and she would never allow this to happen again. So she made her list, and the very first thing on it was to cut back to her regular hours at work. That was the first thing that desperately needed to change. By six a.m., she had finished her list, her plan was set, and she felt cautiously optimistic. There was just one thing that made her worry. Would Alex even want to try again or was it too late?

Olivia got up from the table when she heard Alex get into the shower, her joints cracking in protest from sitting for so long. She made her way to the coffee machine and made a fresh pot, waiting until she heard the bathroom door open before pouring two cups. She put them on the table, sat down, and waited. Alex walked into the room a minute later, and Olivia's heart ached with how beautiful she was. When was the last time she had greeted her in the morning like this? She wasn't wearing make-up and the sight made Olivia think of just how vulnerable this devastatingly beautiful woman was. Alex was fierce, she was a survivor. She was strong and she could overcome anything. But she was also just Alex, the woman who craved affection and safety, whose trust was so difficult to earn, who had been so disappointed by the woman who promised to love her every single day.

"You're still here. When you didn't come to bed…"

The surprise (laced with sadness) in Alex's voice was a little disheartening. Had she lost so much faith in Olivia that she really thought she'd leave after such an important confession?

"I'm still here," Olivia confirmed, as Alex reached for the mug of coffee and took a seat at the other end of the table. "You brought up some really important problems in our relationship, Alex. Specifically about me and my behaviour. And 'I'm sorry' doesn't even cover it. In fact, I think it would be insulting at this point to even try to apologise. I've been so blind and so foolish. I've been ignoring you for so long and the worst part is, I have no excuse.

I didn't join you in bed because I just had too much to think about. What I've done to you, to us… I don't even have words. I want you to know that I listened and that I know I've let you down. Worse even. I made you feel like you didn't matter, like you were second best. For far too long I've let you believe you aren't the most important thing in my life and that is so sick and so wrong. It's completely backwards because you are the only thing that matters to me, Alex. The only thing. You are the most important person in my entire life and I have been disgustingly negligent in showing you that.

Our relationship needs to change and I want you to know, it will. It changes today. I know I can't undo what I've done, but I can change how thing will be between us from now on. Because I never wanted this for us. I never pictured this for us and I'm sure you didn't either. You aren't happy and that is so far from okay it's not even funny. I can't believe things have gotten this bad.

But it changes today, okay? I've spent the whole night thinking, making lists of what I need to change and things I need to start doing again with you. I want to improve us and I want to show you just how much you mean to me, Alex. I love you with everything that I am and I want you to feel it, know it. I see now how horribly I have been neglecting you, and I wish I had something better to say than I'm so damn sorry. I want to do better by you and I want to fix us. I just need to know… do you want that too?"

Please don't tell me it's too late. Please.

Alex looked down at her coffee, too many emotions overwhelming her to really pinpoint exactly how she felt. She didn't know what to say or what to think. She took a few minutes to respond, and when she did, Olivia's stomach sank.

"I don't know."