Chapter the Second. The Clacksmistress Dispenses Career Advice to Mr Shmuel.
The concept of Free Golem creativity came to my mind and so Mr Shmuel's ambitions came to be written down here. He may even be an OC, in which case I may have established the concept of a Free Golem as a man of letters. Feel free to correct me if I am mistaken.
A Golem carrying a briefcase in the office was unusual, thought Adora Belle Von Lipwig Und Dearheart, head of the Grand Trunk Semaphore Company (and called the Clacksmistress in the same vein as her husband being the Postmaster) though so was the concept of the Free Golems until the Golems Trust was well established.
'I Hope I Am Not Intruding, Ms Dearheart, (1) Constable Nebbish told Me About The Burglar At Your House And I Saw Him Leave The Office Just Before I Arrived, I Assume He Was Giving You An Update On The Situation.' (2)
Mr Shmuel knew to wait for the unspoken question to be answered. To be fair, some Golems still could not pick up on unspoken questions and did not always realise they were posing them. Golems were very literal - minded and most Humans were not, Ms Dearheart was more tolerant of this idiosyncrasy than most, and better able to handle it.
'Thank you for your concern Mr Shmuel. Because your people are so long – lived and prize the truth so greatly (3) you may be able to provide some advice on the news he brought. It was clear to me that he did not fully understand what happened even though he was one of the two arresting officers (4) assigned to the case when the suspect surrendered to Alphonse and asked him to call the Watch. Once they had taken custody of Mr Dachtyla they took him out to the street and signalled to Pseudopolis Yard for a pick - up. While they awaited a hurry – up wagon he engaged them in friendly chatter and by the time it had arrived he was gone and neither of them could work out how he'd done it, though Bluejohn reported 'something funny about his eyes.''
'I Will Look Into This. I Do Not Have Any Immediate Answers But I Can Make Enquiries Among The Older Golems. They May Know Something Relevant.'
'Thank you again. Perhaps your enquiries will produce an answer that will satisfy Commander Vimes. Constable Nebbish said the Commander was most perturbed that a suspect could trick his way out of a Golem officer's custody. (5) I think we should move on to the main reason for this appointment. I understand you want to be a writer.'
'Indeed I Do Ms Dearheart. But I Am Troubled By My Kind's Lack Of Creativity. We Were Never Intended To Be Original Thinkers.'
'I have noticed that you are skilled debaters though. This could be of use in writing reasoned editorial opinions in a newspaper.'
'I Have Studied The Form In The Local Press. The Quality Of Such Material Is Highly Variable And Usually Is Little Better Than Attempted Demagoguery In The Down Market Press. The Times Is The Best Though Its Headlines Could Do With Being A Bit Less Sensational.'
'I could mention to Mr De Worde that a Golem's perspective might be useful in securing his newspaper's reputation for objectivity. I think I can persuade him to try you out writing opinion pieces. And I suspect Lord Vetinari would value seeing a Golem's perspective on events in print. There's also the matter of being paid to write. Few authors break through but a journalist often works for regular wages.'
'I Would Be Thankful If You Do That Ms Dearheart. It Would Also Mean A Lot To Me If You Would Examine Some Examples Of My Work. I Believe I Have Found A Genre Of Literature That Is Easier Than Most For Golems To Master.'
He reached into his briefcase and took out a manuscript.
'It Would Be Most Helpful If You Could Advise Me On This Manuscript In Due Course. In The Meantime I Look Forward To The Possibility Of Working At The Ankh – Morpork Times. I Will Continue My Other Literary Efforts In The Light Of Such Feedback As I Receive. I Will Leave The Manuscript With You And Await Your Review.'
Mr Shmuel handed her the manuscript and took his leave.
Adora Belle looked at the title page of the book. The things Morporkians were doing these days. Human steel workers adopting Dwarfish names to boost business. Troll lawyers and hairdressers. Now a Golem journalist and aspiring author.
It was clear that Mr Shmuel had chosen a genre that a literal minded people could cope with. It employed a short story format, each tale carrying an ethical lesson laid out in an easily understood manner.
She looked forward to reading 'Mr Shmuel's Improving Tales For Children.' (6)
(1)The Clacksmistress will always be known to the Golems by her maiden name.
(2)Commander Vimes had sent Nebbish with the latest news because 'She'd never thump a Golem.'
(3)Will the Golems' attitude help the Goddess of Truth ? Weird. They prefer logic to blind belief.
(4)Constable Nebbish (Golem, ethical, wise) and Constable Bluejohn (Troll, big, strong, a bit dim.)
(5)Golems don't use such phrases as 'went librarian.' It's like the Dwarfs' trouble with metaphors.
(6)'Improving tales' used to be a rather worthy genre of children's literature on Roundworld.
