Steve drove aimlessly for about two hours. He felt saturated, overwhelmed by the huge bundle of feelings that piled up in his soul. He tried, unsuccessfully, to classify them in his mind, for the sole purpose of understanding them. But after all that time he didn't get anything clear.

The world seemed to have tilted on its axis since Joe's death. Emotions emerged inclemently from where he had been locked them for a long, long time.

His constant concern for his sister…

Catherine and the bittersweet thoughts about him, losing the only chance he had for not to stay alone for the rest of his life, losing his only chance to be happy... kind of…

His inability to protect his team ...

And above all, his feelings for Danny ...

A wave of nausea welled up in his throat ... "What the hell is wrong with Danny?" He shouted, feeling how the sound resounded in the lonely cabin of his truck, and his stomach churned as he thought about the possibility of his friend being involved with his ex again... this possibility was stronger than ever. If he was honest with himself, it's something that Steve had seen coming for a while. Several times he had tried to bring up the subject casually in his conversations with Danny, because he needed to know ... But his partner always scoffed and denied any possibility of that happening.

Steve believed him ... or at least, a part of him did and refused to see the truth that was built inexorably before his eyes. No matter what Danny said, they spent more and more time together since Grace's accident, and Danny started treating Rachel in a different way: the osso bucco, the hurricane and more recently their mysterious trip to Kauai.

The phone rang, knocking him out of his reverie. It was a text message, so he turned the wheel to stop his truck at the side of the road to read it. It was a message from Lou "Jerry in ICU. Doc says he's going to be fine. They pushed us out for the night. "

"OK. Thanks " was the short answer.

"Rest a bit. See U tomorrow". Steve smiled sadly at the thought of Lou's grave voice. He put the truck back on the road and drove to the hospital.

Ten minutes later, he was walking down the almost deserted corridor of the ICU, approaching the desk where a nurse was typing furiously on a laptop computer.

"Can I help you?" The girl asked in a tired voice.

"Yeah, thanks ... I need to see Jerry Ortega ... he came out of surgery recently, gunshot wound," Steve replied, anticipating the refusal. After typing for a few seconds, the nurse told him: "Mr. Ortega is in the ICU, it seems that he's recovering satisfactorily, are you family?"

Before Steve could answer, a familiar voice came from across the corridor: "Commander McGarrett! I figured you'd still be around." Dr. Lee, a tall, thin local man, who had treated several of Five-0's medical emergencies, came over and shook Steve's hand, "As I told your team, Mr. Ortega came out of surgery and is recovering in the ICU, he'll be out for a few hours, why don't you go home and get some sleep? "

"I need to see him, Doc!" Steve answered and the doctor couldn't help but notice the anguish in his voice. He knew that trying to convince Steve otherwise would be unsuccessful, so, releasing a slight sigh, he looked at the nurse and nodded in silence, then looked at Steve again, "try not to wake him up, Mr. Ortega needs to rest."

Steve Steve firmly shook Lee's hand as he nodded, "Thank you, Doc." He walked quickly down the corridor, following the nurse, who stopped in front of a glass door, sliding it gently. At the silent gesture, Steve walked in front of her, thanking him with a nod.

The room was dark, except for the flickering lights of the vital signs monitors. The silence was broken only by a continuous beep that indicated Jerry's heart rate. The most vulnerable member of his team was lying down, with his eyes closed and breathing through an oxygen mask that covered his nose and mouth. The guilt came back, more intense. That bullet had been aimed at him, but Jerry pushed him in the last moment.

Slowly, he pulled the chair closer and dropped into it, feeling dejected. He rested his elbows on his thighs, placing the head in his hands and breathing heavily. The thoughts came back to attack him.


A movement near him woke him up. Steve stretched his stiff neck and lifted his head, to see Jerry trying to take off his oxygen mask. He quickly got up and walked over to the bed, gently pulling Jerry's hand away, "Hey ... shh ... Hey buddy, don't do that! You need it". Jerry looked at him with a frown, while Steve pressed the button to call the nurse, who entered the room a minute later.

While the nurse checked Jerry's vitals and removed the oxygen mask, replacing it with a nasal cannula, Steve moved back, leaned heavily on the wall and looked at his watch, it was 4:00 am. When the woman left the room, he went back to the bed and gently placed his hand on Jerry's shoulder. "Hey…"

"Hey, commander!" Jerry answered hoarsely.

"How do you feel, buddy?" Steve asked in a trembling voice, trying to hold back the tears that were gathering in his eyes as they struggled to get out.

Jerry noticed that and put his hand over Steve's, "I'll be fine, McGruf!"

"Listen, Jerry ... I... I'm sorry! ... You ... You shouldn't... "

"It's not your fault, commander! ... Please tell me you guys got that crazy woman. "

"We got her, Jerry. Don't worry about it…"

Jerry's eyelids closed again, while Steve whispered, "Go to sleep, buddy. I'll be here!"

He sat back in the chair and pulled out his phone, smiling briefly as he looked at the image on the screen: a picture of him, Danny and Grace making funny faces. To spend the time and avoid a new mental crisis, he began to slide his finger across the screen and looked at the images: Mary and Joannie, Junior and Tani, Aunt Deb, Chin, Kono ... but most of the photos were about Charlie, Grace and Danny.

When he looked at his watch again it was almost 6:00 am. Silently, he got up and walked to the glass door, sliding just enough to get out. He looked back one more time, to see Jerry, who was sleeping peacefully, then he went out into the corridor and left the hospital pensively.

The sun peeked slowly, turning the sky pink and orange. Steve sighed. He liked to watch the sunrise ... He had traveled the whole world, but nowhere did he see a show as beautiful as the sunrise in Hawaii. He walked slowly through the almost empty parking lot, noticing the fatigue that accumulated in his bones. Like an automaton, he got into his truck and drove home.


After his phone call, Danny pushed the end button and turned to see Steve's dark office. He shook his head. He had always been amazed by Steve's SEAL ninja abilities. The man had slipped away without Danny noticing. Sighing, he walked to the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the small fridge. After opening the lid, he took a long drink, turned on his heels, to turn off the lights and left the headquarters.

He was sick of worry. He knew Steve and he was sure the man would be submerged in a sea of guilt for what happened. But who could have even imagined that? Hassan's wife looked so sincere when she said she wanted her son to learn about forgiveness. None of them could foresee what happened, it was all so sudden!

While he was waiting for the elevator, kicked the floor with fury, "Damn it!" He thought, Steve seemed to slowly overcome Joe's death, and now this was happening! He guessed the emotional recoil that this would mean for his friend and the sadness invaded him. Had not Steve suffered enough? Worry piled in his stomach, as he wondered how much more can a man bear without collapsing?

The Camaro went automatically to Steve's house ... Danny realized where he was, just when he turned in the driveway. He frowned worriedly to see that the Silverado wasn't there. The house was dark and silent. Knowing it was absurd, he surrounded the house through the garden, pondering the faint hope of seeing his friend sitting on the beach chairs. Steve wasn't there.

He retraced his steps and went to the front door, opening with his own key, deactivated the alarm and got into the house, turning on the light of the lamp. He closed the door behind him and looked around.

The house was cozy and familiar. Danny knew every room, every corner was full of memories, some cheerful, but most of them tragic. Sometimes, he wondered how Steve could continue living there. The house was full of ghosts.

He went to the kitchen and, without turning on the light, opened the fridge to get a beer. He returned to the living room, and droped himself on the couch, determined to wait for Steve's arrival. He needed to finish his pending conversation. He didn't understand why Steve's reaction (or lack of reaction) bothered him so much, when he told him about his little getaway to Kauai with Rachel.

True, things happened very quickly after that, but he needed to know ... He needed to be sure that Steve would have his back if he decided to resume his relationship with Rachel. He always felt frustrated at not having made his marriage work and felt guilty about it ... For Grace and Charlie ... for not being able to give them a stable home, a home where their parents lived together.

He felt confused. Steve had always told him that, as far as Rachel was concerned, Danny was like a teenager in love ... he wasn't sure about that. Rachel was the mother of his children, and a part of him would always love her for that. He was sure that, at last, they both had buried the hatchet, for the benefit of their kids. They got along better, since Stan left, and the divorce started. He tried to help Rachel with the children and tried to be a support for her.

But Grace's accident had been a catalyst. Rachel, clearly, was reliving her feelings for him. She used to look at him with that loving expression she had when they met, and that lasted a few months, at the beginning of their marriage. The touches, the innuendo, were becoming more frequent.

Danny knew he had a weakness when Rachel treated him well. In those moments, he could not repress the hope of recovering his family. He knew that, inevitably, he had missed many important moments in Grace's life and now he had an opportunity to not miss a single moment of Charlie's life from now on... and he was determined to take advantage of it, no matter what that meant ... no matter that he wasn't really in love with Rachel.

If he was completely honest, there was only one thing that bothered him ... that prevented him from being completely sure about that was the right decision: Steve.

Danny knew that Steve wouldn't agree with this. He was sure his friend would remember every moment ... every battle with the lawyers ... the court hearings ... the lost time with Charlie. Steve had treated Rachel kindly since the accident, trying to be, as always, the backup Danny needs ... but he was sure he wasn't going to like the news.

Trying to clear his mind, he turned on the TV, tuning into a telemarketing channel and resting his head on the back of the couch. The monotonous and cloying voice of a girl showing the benefits of an absurd workout machine, stunned him for a while, until he slowly fell asleep.


The familiar sound of the Silverado engine woke him up. For a moment he looked confused around, when the dim light of dawn penetrated through the window. A few steps slid slowly towards the door, which opened shortly after.

Danny saw how Steve's face contracted when his friend saw him sitting on the couch, watching him. After an awkward pause, Steve came in and closed the door, waved his hand wearily in greeting "Hey ..."

Fatigue was revealed in every Steve's movement, shoulders drooping and steps dragged as Danny followed him with his eyes and said, "Hey ... I was worried. Where the hell have you been? " He got up and followed his friend to the kitchen.

"Out there ..." Steve answered and got into the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Then he searched the top shelf for some yellow pill bottles. He took several and swallowed them all together with the help of a large sip of water.

"Steve ..." Danny spoke cautiously.

Steve shook his head and raised his right hand, "Leave it alone, Danny ... just ... don't..." He removed one of the chairs and sat down, resting his elbows on the table and hiding the face in his hands. "I come from the hospital ... I saw Jerry, doctor Lee said he'll be fine".

Danny nodded, as he sat in front of Steve, "I know you don't want to talk about it, but sooner or later ..."

Steve interrupted him "Sooner or later, Danny, but not now, okay?"

"Ok ... then let's talk about something else," Danny took a long swig of his beer, now warm.

Steve raised his head and looked sadly at his friend, "I can't imagine what you might want to talk about."

"Mmmm ..." Danny pretended to think, "We can talk about that mysterious letter that you kept under lock on your desk ... or we could ... I'd like to finish the other pending conversation."

Steve frowned, pretending not to know what Danny meant. Danny shook his head and said "You know what I mean, Steve ... I want to talk about Rachel."

"For real, Danny? ... Now?" Steve made a move to get up, but Danny quickly placed his hand on his friend's forearm, holding him firmly.

Trying to delay the inevitable, Steve made one last effort, muttering, "I'm tired Danny ... Why can't we talk about this later?"

"I'd rather do it now, Steve," Danny replied, trying to avoid the sarcastic tone in his voice, "Before you do another of your ninja tricks and disappear again."

Steve moved his arm back, frowning, feeling again that the contact of Danny's hand on his skin burned him to the deepest. He took another sip of water and got up, took a few steps and opened the glass doors, walking towards the beach, followed by Danny, who was watching him curiously.

Steve stopped by the chairs and leaned down to release the straps of his boots. When he was barefoot, he walked on the sand to the shore, where he let the warm water soak his feet deliciously and waited.

Danny walked until he was a few steps behind him and started talking. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the trip to Kauai ..."

Steve stared intently at the calm surface of the ocean and felt a gentle breeze caress his face and shake his hair. A few seconds later he asked confused, "I don't understand, Danny ... Why did you have to lie to me?"

Danny sighed, "I don't know ... I guess I wanted to be sure of this before talking to you ... or someone."

Without turning his head, Steve asked, "And now, are you sure?"

"Maybe ..." Danny's hesitant tone confused Steve even more. "Maybe what I need is to know what you think ..."

"Let me ask you a question, Danny." Steve looked at Danny trying to keep his sadness from permeating through his gaze. "Why is it suddenly so important for you to know what I think about it? You have clearly made a decision and you and Rachel are together again. It's not important what I have to say about that! "

"You are my best friend, Steve! I need to know you're fine with this. "

"No, Danny. You want me to tell you that it's good news you and Rachel are together again ... " Steve shook his head and turned around so Danny couldn´t see his anguish. "But you already know what I think ..."

Steve lowered his voice, until it was barely audible, "I think it's a terrible idea ... the worst and saddest idea in a long chain of bad ideas! But ... " Steve looked sadly at Danny, who now had an expression of suppressed anger, caught in flaming eyes.

"But ..." Steve spoke again, "As you said, you're my best friend, and I'll be there for you, no matter what you decide. If you think that marry her again, forgetting everything that happened, is the best thing for you and the children..." He approached Danny and placed his hands on his friend's shoulders, "And, above all, if you think that is what will make you happy, there's nothing more to say, Danny. I'll have your back. " As the words escaped his lips, Steve felt his heart shatter."