Authors Notes: italics are thoughts of the characters

Chapter 1 the return of the asshole

4 months later

Stan March slowly walked out of the red brick building known as the High school of South Park or H.S.P. He hated the end of school because that meant that he had to go home to a bully of sister and his pain in the ass parents who could give a shit about where he was or who he was. He was so enthralled in his thoughts, he missed the do not walk symbol and walked onto on going traffic.

A blaring horn knocked him out of his thoughts and he quickly jumped back as the car grazed his foot. He felt his heart beating so fast that it could probably run 7 marathons and not even be tired for a mile run afterwards. He fell on the soft snow and started steadying his breath. "I….almost…..died" he could feel his breathing becoming even and his heart slowing down.

"SHIT! FUCK!FUCK!ASS HOLE!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!" "My goodness Stan. Never thought I'd hear that from you." Stan recognized the voice but it couldn't be him, could it? Stan sat up and saw a tall brunette boy staring over him. The boy had clear cerulean eyes and his hair fell on his face in a way that gave him a mysterious look. His face had a smirk on it that made his face seem adorable. "What the hell am I thinking?" Stan yelled making the boy lose his smirk. "You tell me Stan Marsh" "C-Cartman? Is that you?" the boy smiled a evil smile "finally you know me" Stan stood up. "B-but you said you weren't ever coming back!" "My mom eloped" Stan felt his mouth fall open and he quickly covered it. "Yeah surprised me too"

"So how have you been?" "Eh, can't complain. Where are Kyle and Kenny?" "They are staying afterschool for a project" Cartman didn't look upset at that. "Want to get some food?" Stan nodded and they headed down town.

Stan took in the new Cartman, again. His face hadn't changed much except it wasn't pudgy anymore and his hair had gotten darker. His body was what kept Stan glued to him. He no longer had a huge stomach, like in grade school, he now had a skinny body and it wasn't a sick looking one but more fit and his arms looked like they could punch a hole in the wall yet hold you very gently. Stan blushed at his thoughts and Cartman snickered.

"Looking is free. Touching will cost you" Stan turned red. Shit he noticed! Stan walked ahead of Cartman so his face could cool down. Cartman easily caught up to him. "Geez Stan, I'm playing around" "I knew that" bullshit I knew that.

"So are you and Wendy still together?" "Nah we kept breaking up so we just decided that we would be friends from now on" "Oh…ashamed. You 2 were cute together" "Really?" "No" Stan hung his head. He was so blunt about it."How about this place?" Stan looked up to see the burger sign above them. "Uh, sure" they entered and sat at the table farthest away from everyone.

" I don't know what I want" Cartman said as he flippantly went through the menu. "I thought you'll eat anything Cartman" Cartman glared and made Stan's mind freeze and his body go numb. The glare was so cold and icy that anyone who saw it could feel frozen in place. "I-I-I" Crap; I can't say a damn thing with that glare. Cartman smiled widely "you should see your face" Stan blushed and stood up, clinching his fists "YOU ASSHOLE! I THOUGHT I HAD OFFENDED YOU!" "Calm down Stan the people are watching" Cartman said casually as he went back to his menu.

Stan lowered his head and quickly sat down. "Sorry" Cartman shrugged "Whatever" "Can I take your order?" the boys looked up to the cute looking blonde girl "hey Bebe" Stan said nicely. "Man Bebe, you definitely got prettier as you got older" Bebe blushed at the comment and held her notepad to her chest. "Oh..Um…thank you…do I know you?" "It's Cartman" Stan said. Bebe dropped the notepad and her mouth fell open. Cartman smiled triumphantly

"Cartman?" "Hey Bebe" she picked up her pad. "I thought you were gone forever" "eh, I had to come back" "oh…what would you like?" "Let me have the burger combo. Stan?" Stan felt agitated at Cartman's comment to Bebe. Why was he feeling that? "I'll have the same" "okay and to drink" "Coke" they replied. She nodded and left hastily.

"in other news. Denver is reporting cases of killing in the hundreds. Mom's killing kids, kids killing sibling and neighbors killing neighbors. As of today, there are over 150 cases and more are coming in. This is the biggest slaughter in the whole state"

Bebe brought their drinks to their table. "How horrible!" "You're telling me" Stan said looking at the news anchor. Cartman glanced at the TV "Hey Bebe, can our order be to go" "uh, sure" she went back to the kitchen. "What's up Cartman?" "He's already here" Suddenly the restaurant door flew open and a scream entered the building