Thanks for the reviews and the tons of story alerts! I'm so glad that so many people are interested in this fic. It fills this little writer's heart with such joy. :)

A/N: I'm not particularly satisfied with this second part, but I know everybody's been anxious for more so I decided to go ahead and post it. I really hope you aren't disappointed! And just FYI - I've made references to various things from all seasons, but they're pretty generalized for the most part I think. So I guess you could say there are slight spoilers, but mostly for seasons 1 and 2.

Same sad disclaimer.


I said we've been walking a thin line.
You've got one hand on the devil baby and one hand in mine.
But don't let go. No, it's not too late you know.


Over the years, we've started to walk a thinner and thinner line. The Group had been through so much together – we've been through so much together and it has become extremely difficult not to push sometimes. Cal had been more right than I'll ever admit to him – the line had ended up more like a shield for when I didn't want him to read me, but that didn't mean it always worked that way.

When my marriage to Alec started falling apart, I shoved that line even further toward him. I couldn't handle the bullshit from both my soon-to-be ex-husband and from my best friend, despite how different the two were from each other.

Eventually I'd started to realize that our line – my line – was going to come back and bite me in the ass. It was just a matter of time really and I had to be prepared. I know now that I was naïve to think that would be possible. When it comes to Cal Lightman, I should know better than to think I could ever prepare myself for something.

The man drives me insane sometimes because he's entirely too reckless. I honestly don't know how we've made our business work for so long. Maybe it's because I balance out his self-destructive (and sometimes just plain destructive) tendencies with my more rational nature. Maybe it's because we both want someone who could create that balance. Or maybe it's something else entirely.

Either way, we've survived to this point, but it hasn't been easy. Cal wreaks havoc in my life, but I truly believe he doesn't mean to most of the time and sometimes I don't think he realizes how much his decisions affect me. Perhaps one day he will.

He's always tried to protect me from the darkest parts of the cases we take on, but the times when he can't – no matter how hard he tries – he blames himself and beats himself up over it to the point of misery. I've always told him that he can't keep everything from happening, but I know he doesn't believe me. I know that he just wants to prevent all the bad things from happening to me and he's told me that so many times over the years I've long since lost count.

When I got attacked during the Jenkins case, I knew he felt responsible because he thought he shouldn't have missed the signs, he should've been able to keep me safe. I think he wanted me to blame him, to be angry at him, but I couldn't and wasn't going to. Despite what happened that night, what I cared about most was he was there to comfort me immediately. He'd wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to his chest, while I just wept hysterically, my trembling body curled up into a ball. Looking back now, I don't think I would have wanted anyone else there holding me. Honestly, that night speaks volumes about our relationship, even if neither of us will ever admit it.

But it seems that no matter what I say or do and no matter what happens to one or both of us, I'm constantly holding on to him for dear life. The danger and excitement draws him in time and time again, but I know that despite how exhausted it makes me I could never let go. I wouldn't want to. Cal has become a part of me that I adamantly refuse to lose.

I held on when he put the Group in jeopardy by buying out Zoe's share. I did despite how much I wanted to kill him for being so irresponsible and kill Zoe for being such a manipulative bitch.

I've held on through all the hell he went through with her, even the times when it was his own fault.

I didn't let go after the stunt he pulled in Vegas or the disaster he put the Group (and me) through with Clara.

I've kept my grip on him through everything, even Walloski.

One thing I wish Cal would realize is that I know, and always have known, the bad is inevitable, if only because I'm a part of his life and even if he's the one responsible for it. I had a damn good idea of what I was signing up for when I agreed to be his business partner. He thrives on danger and excitement; they're his drugs of choice. I knew that going in and still I said yes, yet he doesn't seem to understand. Sometimes I wonder if he ever will.

He continues to grab hold of the recklessness, the danger, thinking one day I might actually release my hold on him. Yet despite everything, what he doesn't seem to realize is that, in the end, I'm the only thing that still hasn't let go of him.

I wonder how long it'll take for him to understand that I'm never giving up, that I'm never letting go. More importantly I wonder what I could do to make him understand that I'm always going to hold his hand in mine.


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