Thursday, July 6, 2023

Oh, Merlin. I know I said I wasn't going to write in this thing anymore, but I have to get this out, and I don't know who to talk to.

Scorpius Malfoy is GAY.

Really. I saw him flirting with a guy today. I tried to tell Rose about it, but she said I was imagining things. James told me to bugger off as soon as he saw me, and I can't discuss this with Lily. She's only 15! She probably doesn't even like boys. I hope. She better not like boys. If one of them breaks her heart, I'll break his jaw! I should keep a closer eye on her when she's near boys…

Anyway, the teen group has this dorky thing where every Friday this summer they are having a "dance." So every Thursday they are going to offer dance classes. The theme for this week is hip-hop. Rose thought it sounded cool, so she dragged me along and abandoned me for some guy. He wasn't even that cute; he was way too muscled. Guys that are attractive look like Scorpius Malfoy Oliver Wood: skinny with toned arms and legs and a tight stomach with a six pack. They shouldn't have the "twelve pack" that Rose's guy did. He freaked me out.

So we get to the place where they are doing the dance classes and it turns out the instructor is actually a guy our age, maybe a bit older. He's thin and toned. The girls were all standing around ogling him and giggling. When he goes to start the class he asks for a volunteer to be his partner. A bunch of girls raised their hands, but instead he grabs Malfoy who has come for some random reason. (I don't know why… I would have avoided it at all costs if it weren't for Rose.)

The instructor, Dick (his real name is Richard, but I think Dick sounds better), shows them a few moves and has Malfoy copy him. He actually wasn't that bad for a pasty pale Slytherin that looks like he's never been outside. But then Dick glances around the room and gives out a grin that makes the girls swoon.

"Don't tell anyone what I'm about to show you," he whispered, like it was some big stupid secret. "This is only a summer job, but I still don't want to lose it."

He stepped over to Malfoy then and moved behind him. A wave of his wand turned the music into this throbbing, thrumming beat that went all the way through my bones. "This is called grinding," he says, and then he shoves his, his dick right up against Malfoy's backside and starts rubbing!

It was hot obscene. Apparently it's fun and muggles like it. I think it looked like they were having sex on the dance floor. It practically was sex! Malfoy started swaying to the beat and then he leaned his whole body up against Dick and moaned.

He sounded like a girl. Seriously. That was why I got hard. The sight of his hard on pushing against his tight board shorts did not in anyway cause that reaction. It was all because he acted so feminine that I forgot he was a bloke.

And then Dick backs off and explains more about grinding and the fact that it is not allowed at the dance and if we do it they will remove us. He made us practice dancing then and I got stuck with a blonde who had boobs the size of her head, but they were obviously just a charm, so I was not impressed. Malfoy danced with a bird too, but Dick kept going by and brushing against him or touching his arm.

Malfoy has to be gay. Why else would he let Dick touch him like that?

After the class, Rose decided to drag me off to lunch with her boy toy and boy toy's acne-ridden younger sister. Before we left I watched Malfoy and Dick some more. Dick kept running his hand through his hair and edging closer to Malfoy, who was just smiling this smile. I've never seen Malfoy smile that brightly before.

Then again, I'm usually taunting and harassing him, so he doesn't smile at me. I really wish he would.

Because I wouldn't mind being friends! That's the only reason. I'm not gay. Really. I'm not.

Friday, July 7, 2023

Yay! Tonight was fun! I danced with the girl I danced with yesterday and she let me touch her boobs. I was right, they weren't real because they felt way smaller than they looked. And then Dicky-Ricky came up behind us and started to grind me for just a minute, and Merlin was he hard. It was so hot. I guess an adult came into the room though because he left and that was sad.

Oh! Malfoy spiked the lemonade too! I saw him do it. He poured copse corp copius copious amounts of alcohol into the bowl. So I drank a ton of it. And then I got him to give me the bottle of alcohol (I think it was vodka, but it might have been gin. Or whisky. Whatever, it was yummy.) by licking him. Yup. He was just standing at the wall and watching people dance, the bottle in his hand, so I walked up to him and asked for it. He said no, not even if I kissed his ass. So I asked, what if I licked it. He blushed! It was so cute!

"Not my ass, no." I think that was what he said anyway. So I licked from his yummy collarbone all the way up to his yummy ear and back down. And he shuddered and shivered and almost dropped the alcohol, but I caught it. So I said thank you and left and snuck back up to my room to drink it. But he was still red when I left and it made me so hard that I had to toss off in the bathroom so I could walk. I've got the bottle though and this book thingy I'm writing in and I'm a little bit smashed, but it's okay because Malfoy was so hot.

Now I've got to go wank again.

Saturday, July 8, 2023

Sweet Merlin, I licked Scorpius Malfoy.

Later…

I wanked over Scorpius Malfoy.

Later…

I'm hung over and Mum won't let me have any pain or nausea potions. And she's making me go on the teen group's backpacking trip today.

I think Malfoy's coming too. Save me?

Much later…

Everything was okay, at first. Malfoy and I ignored each other and were at opposite sides of the group. I was hoping that maybe he was smashed and had forgotten about me licking him, but then I looked over at him and he grinned and licked his lips. So he remembers. But that's okay, really. Because he doesn't know that I wanked over him. I don't know why I decided that Malfoy was hot enough to toss off to, especially since he's a guy and I'm not gay and he had broccoli stuck in his teeth most of the day. Really, he's completely unattractive.

He's too skinny and too pale. I think he likes being pale because when we were listening to the counsellor drone on about the forest around the resort he put on gallons of sunblock potion. (About the only thing I caught from the lecture was "Back in the 60's, some hippies came here and turned the place into a commune. You know, sex, and drugs, and debauchery." Which is actually kind of awesome.) He slicked it all over his arms and even took off his shirt to put it on his chest. And then he had the nerve to come over and ask me to put some on his back.

Mum always told me to be polite too, so of course I had to smooth some on for him. You wouldn't believe it, but he has the tightest, most awesome muscles in his back and upper arms. I wish I had muscles like that.

He left his shirt off after that too, so when we took turns climbing up into the hippies' tree house, I got to watch the muscles move under his skin. Merlin, I want muscles like that.

But other than the muscles, he's not at all hot. In fact, he's just a scrawny brat with freaky white hair and weird grey eyes. He's not worth turning gay for. I'll never be gay! I'm straight!

Sunday, July 9, 2023

I think I might be just a little bit bent. And a little bit drunk. Uncle Charlie gave James a bottle of firewhisky and a bottle of wine, and Levana complained that she doesn't like the smell of firewhisky so he gave it to me. And I drank like half of it.

Today was so horrible. It was rainy and Grandpa and Grandma asked us all to hang out as a family, so I didn't see Scorpius Malfoy for most of the day. And when I did see him, he was off flirting with that dance instructor. He even let Dick hold his hand.

I don't think he'd let me hold his hand.

For some reason I want to though.

Anyway, after spending all day with the family, they finally let us go back to our rooms so that they could have some adult time. So now I'm just sitting here, watching the rain beat against my window pane, and thinking about the summer days that have gone by. We've only been here a week now, but it feels like so much longer. The nights on this island are so warm and sleepy and you can see so many stars up in the sky, far more than you can see in England.

I'm starting to think there's more magic in this place than muggle repelling spells. It feels like the whole world is covered in magic. But it might just be that my brain's covered in firewhisky...

Monday, July 10, 2023

Mum and Dad sent me back to the teen group again today. I'm starting to think they don't care about me being safe and that they just want me out of their hair. Luckily Uncle Charlie slipped me a hang-over potion, so I'm not as miserable and out of it as I was on Saturday. Unfortunately, now that my head isn't pounding and I don't feel like I'm going to throw up at any minute, it's much harder to keep myself from staring at Scorpius.

I just wrote Scorpius. Not Malfoy. Not even Scorpius Malfoy. Just Scorpius.

I must be bent. Seriously, there are a bunch of girls floating around wearing nothing but bikinis and I can't keep my eyes off of Scorpius, who's wearing these huge swim trucks and a wife beater.

Oh, no. He's seen me looking at him.

Later…

I had to put the book away before he came over. How dorky would I look if he caught me writing in a journal/diary/letter thing? But he came over, and he started talking to me and pointing out people. I was so busy focusing on him, I hadn't realized that there were a bunch of rich and famous people here too.

He pointed out some people I'd heard on the Wizarding Wireless and a couple of Quidditch players from the United States and one from Spain. As he kept pointing out all of these people, I got this insane urge to try to get him to smile, so I said, "Welcome to the world of scantily-clad celebrities," and I got an actual laugh out of him! Merlin, I've never heard a hotter laugh. It was deep and husky and it made me want to jump his bones.

So I give up. I'm bent. But only for Scorpius. And I'm basically sure of this because when Dick-head came over and started flirting with Scorpius again, it was all I could do not to growl at him.

I'm so doomed.

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

I knew that Dick-head was interested in Scorpius. It was so obvious! And they seemed to have something good going on, which I hated. I couldn't stop watching them today, no matter how much I was disgusted by the two of them.

I know. I'm jealous. I'm jealous that Dick-head gets to touch Scorpius. I'm jealous that Scorpius asked him to put sunblock on his back today instead of me. I was even jealous of their stupid little innocent conversations.

Like this one:

Dick-head: "So, tell me, what is your ideal meal?"

Scorpius: "I love anything with potatoes in it. Mother says it's plebian, but I could eat an entire plate of mashed potatoes for dinner."

Dick-head: "Anything aside from potatoes spark your interest?"

(Blushing) Scorpius: "Well, I have a confession to make. I had a hot dog once and it was the most delicious thing on earth."

Blah, blah, blah. It's not fair! I want Scorpius to pay attention to me! I want to be the one he confesses about food to! I want to cover him in sunblock potion and touch his arms and smile at him and just be around him.

I tried to get close to him today. Really, I did. But Dick-head wouldn't go away.

And every time I tried to talk to Scorpius he would give me this horrible fake smile and tell me something inane, as if he didn't want me around.

What did I do wrong? I'm so confused! I thought he maybe liked me. I mean, he was hanging about with me last week. And now he won't pay any attention to me.

I should go straight again. Stupid gay boys and their hot muscles.

Wednesday, July 12, 2023

We played Quidditch again today. And Scorpius didn't touch me once, even though we were on the same team. This might have been because I played Seeker this time and he was a Chaser, but it was probably because Dick-head played a Chaser too. There I was, all alone up above everyone, the sun almost too hot on my back, as I watched for the Snitch. I couldn't help but see Scorpius brush up against Dick-head and Dick-head reach out to grab him playfully.

I hated being up there, left on my own. So I did my best to spot the Snitch and I grabbed it before the game had been on for an hour. I got my arse up after it and caught it before the other Seeker. I tried to show Scorpius that our team had won, but he was already gone, as was Dick-head.

This is such a cruel summer. It's even worse than I thought it would be when I first opened up this book.

And I sound like a girl. Or gay. Or both.

I want to go home. Stupid Bermuda Bliss. Stupid Scorpius. Stupid me.