Chapter 2:
The next day I'm at work, pretending to check my email, while my mind is racing thinking about last night.
After an insane several hours, Cartman had his arms around me and I was about to fall asleep curled up into him, when I heard his cell phone beep with a text message. He unwrapped one of his arms from around me and stretched over to my nightstand to grab and check his phone.
After a few seconds of reading it, he rolled away from me and got out of bed, grabbing his assorted clothing from around my room and hurriedly putting them on.
I wanted to ask him where he was going, but I wasn't sure he'd tell me, and even if he did tell me, I was a little scared of what the answer would be, so I didn't ask.
When he was dressed, he bent down and kissed my lips super-fast.
"Bye Jew," and then he left.
Now I was sitting at work wondering where the hell he'd left to, with my mind churning up constant images of Butters and him tangled up in bed, wearing the same clothes he was wearing when he'd been with me, but even worse, his shirt was off with Butters.
We'd been sleeping together for an entire year. How fucked up was it that I didn't even know if we were exclusive? How fucked up was it that I didn't even know if he considered us to be in a relationship? Did he even like me, or did he just like having sex with me?
With every new question my mind fired at me, it hit me that I didn't have any answers, and I began to feel really shitty. Then a really terrible thought surfaced.
If Cartman was only hooking up with me, then didn't I deserve to be a relationship with someone who wanted me to be in one with me?
Someone who called me and wanted to hear about my day?
I mean sure, Cartman heard about my day, but only while he was undressing me.
What about dates? What about romance?
Was I resigning myself to a life without them? Did Cartman even want to be with me in the long-term? I didn't know. I didn't know anything.
Now I really felt sick.
I put my head in my hands and tried rubbing my throbbing temples. 'Must stop thinking about this,' I command my brain.
As I'm giving my brain silent commands, Mark, my co-worker passes my desk.
"Hey Kyle, I'm going to Subway for lunch, wanna come with?"
"Come to Subway," I repeat, trying to focus myself.
"Uh yeah Subway, I mean unless you wanted to get food from somewhere else?" he asks.
"Somewhere else," I repeat distractedly, my mind still on Cartman. Mark gives me a curious look. Mark must think I'm retarded, repeating everything he says. Say something Kyle. Yes or No, just pick an answer!
"It's ok-" Mark starts saying-
"Yes," I finally answer.
"Yes? Ok cool" Mark smiles at me.
Lately I've been noticing that Mark invites me out to lunch a lot, but doesn't ask anyone else to go if I don't go with him. A few weeks ago I started thinking he might be interested in me, but brushed the thought aside, as I had Cartman so it didn't matter anyways. But now that my Cartman world is going to hell, a lunch with someone with a crush on me might be the perfect thing.
I smile back at him, "Let's go."
As we walk out the door together I start thinking that Cartman and I have never been out to eat together. Not once. I mean, sure if you count when he locked Butters in a bomb shelter so he could come to Casa Bonita and the times we went out to eat with Stan and Kenny then ok, but the two of us have never left my bedroom together. How sad is that?
ENOUGH CARTMAN!
"So Mark, what's up?" I say, determined to sound normal.
"Actually, I was just going to ask you the same thing, you seem a little out of it," Mark says, again with the curious look.
"Nothing too huge," I reply. Yeah, nothing except my world imploding. No biggie.
He looks unconvinced.
"Ok it's something, but nothing that a Veggie Delite sub won't cure," I joke.
Mark laughs, "Ok Kyle, if you say so."
Lunch with Mark at Subway is nice. Lighthearted. We mainly talk about basketball and some of the crazy shit we've seen growing up in South Park. It's fun, normal.
He doesn't ask about what was bothering me before, and I don't volunteer any information, so the topic stays on regular things.
But then when we get up to throw away our trash at the end of lunch, Mark asks if I have a boyfriend.
He doesn't ask as someone inquiring if I'm gay or not, he asks it as if he hopes the position is open.
I pause for a few seconds before replying honestly, "I'm sort of seeing someone right now."
"Oh, ok," he says, "You mean like you have a boyfriend, or that you're hooking up with one person but it's not official?"
Actually what's been going on with Cartman fits the second category Mark mentioned a hell of a lot more than the first, and I don't really know how to respond, because that makes it sound like what I have with Cartman isn't that serious, and I don't even want to say those words to myself out loud.
"More the second category, but it's complicated," I finally respond.
"Gotcha. Just curious. Don't worry I won't bother you about it again," he says.
"No, its cool dude, don't worry about it," I say.
I wonder what Cartman would say if I told him someone asked me out today. I wonder if he'd tell me to go for it. Actually, that would be one way to get him to tell me what he thinks we are. Mark actually just gave me the perfect opening.
I smile at Mark, "Ready to head back?"
He smiles back, "Yeah, let me know if anything changes on that front though, k?"
I nod, and we both head back to the office, with me feeling a little bit lighter.
