Author Note: Sorry it took so long to update. I rewrote this chapter 3 times, and every time my idea for this story kept on changing.
Hope you like it and thanks to the two who reviewed and to everyone else who alerted and added this fic to their favorites.
Enjoy this chapter, and please review, unless you have something negative to say.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.
Santana Lopez let out a loud grunt as she grabbed her phone from the bedside table. It had gone off five time in the last three minutes keeping her from falling back asleep. Rubbing her eyes, Santana sat up in her bed to see who she had to bitch at for waking her up. Looking at her phone, the screen said she had five text messages all from Rachael Berry. Rolling her eyes, she read all five messages before placing her phone back on the dresser, leaving the messages unanswered. They all read for Santana to call her as soon as she woke up.
Looking at the digital clock that was sitting next to her cell, Santana decided that it was time for her to get up. She reached her arms above her head to stretched her aching muscles, and let out a long yawn before getting out of bed. Grabbing the folded clothes that was on her computer chair (Rachael had come over the day before and insisted on washing and folding Santana's laundry) she walked into her adjacent bathroom deciding that she needed a shower. She placed her clothes on the top of the toilet and turned toward the shower to turn it on. Opening the cabinet above the toilet to get a face towel, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror that hung above the sink. She let out a gasp as she turned completely to fully look at herself in the mirror.
Who was this girl stairing back at her? This girl, with her puffy eyes, blood stained lips, and vulnerable face couldn't be her. Of course she had changed a lot in the last year and a half, her bitchy exterior had soften and the walls that she built around her emotions had somehow been brought down showing everyone that she was more then just a cold hearted bitch. But this, this letting a guy break her; crying every time something reminded her of him, was something that she promised herself she would never let happen. Sleeping around and using every guy she could is what she did to make sure that she didn't end up like her mother, a drunken, heartbroken shell of a women.
Making herself look away from the mirror, Santana quickly jumped into the shower letting the water wash away the tears that suddenly started to fall down her face. You stupid girl. She mental told herself as she ran her hands through her now wet, black hair.. You fucking should have know better. But she had known better, didn't she? This thing with Finn wasn't suppose to happen. Yes, she did take his virginity their sophomore year but she only did it to boost herself to head cheerleader (long story) and make Puck jealous. It was suppose to be a one time thing, but she never expected the summer before their senior year (a week after Finn and Rachael broken up), that a drunken Finn would roughly push her up against a wall at Jason Beaumont's party and whisper that he wanted to fuck her (his words not hers.) And Santana was so turned on by the gesture that she couldn't say no.
After that night, her summer consisted of having sex and hanging out with Finn. Well in the beginning it was more just about the sex (him learning her body and she dominating his), but there was a point, she didn't know when, that instead of leaving right after she would stay to talk and sometimes cuddle. She secretly loved the way his heart beat sounded whenever she was laying her head across his chest, and she kinda felt safe when he had his arms wrapped around her. She should have stopped it once school started, but she couldn't. She blamed it on the fact that having the quarterback as arm candy boosted her popularity and Santana loved nothing more then being top dog.
So that's how it continued with Santana and Finn ruling the school. Of course they weren't dating (because sex was NOT dating), but there where times that she would look in his eyes and feel like she was his, like she could never belong to anyone else. That look is what made her stop sleeping around with other guys. That look is what got her where she was now.
Looking at her actions over the past two weeks, the moping around, sleeping until the middle of the day, crying until she got a headache just made her mad at herself. Santana Lopez couldn't believe she was acting this way, especially over a boy.
She couldn't take the pain and heartbreak anymore. She had to fix this and get her life back. She had to stop the crying and get back on track. She had to get out of Lima and make something of herself, and there was only one way to fix this.
Letting herself cry one more time over what she knew she had to do, she calmly got out of the shower and towel dried her body. When she was dressed, she looked at herself again forcing herself to smile before exiting the bathroom. Grabbing her phone off the bedside table, she quickly sent a message to her best friend.
My house. 5 min. – S
Rachael Berry quickly pulled in the drive way of the Lopez's house, jumped out of her car and ran to the front door. She opened the door and let herself in with the spare key and quietly made her way up the stairs to the second floor. When she opened the door to Santana's room, she found the Latino girl sitting at her vanity in a cute summer dress that stopped right above her knee doing her make up. Santana pulled her attention from putting lip gloss on to look at Rachael in the mirror.
"Hey, bestie," Santana said with a smile on her face.
"Hey," was all Rachael could say back. She watched as her best friend finished putting the final touches on her makeup and started fixing her hair. Rachael couldn't believe her eyes. It seemed like Santana mood had changed over night "So I see your feeling better."
"Much better." She dark headed girl said giving Rachael a smile.
"Have you talked to Finn?"
"Why would I have?" She replied back coldly, her smile from a moment before no where in site. She watched as her best friend curled her hair, her face not showing any emotion, which was different from the girl who she had been seeing for the past two weeks. The girl who couldn't stop crying as Rachael held her in her arms.
She just shook her head and let out a deep breath as she studied the girl in front of her. Rachael knew it was only a matter of time before this would happen; before Santana would put walls up to keep the pain out. She cursed Finn Hudson in her mind for waiting so long to get his shit together, and basically making her best friend feel like shit for loving him. Rachael had spent that last two weeks taking cared of Santana, making sure she eat food (health food) and telling her that everything was going to be all right; that Finn just needed time and that he would see the error in his ways. But with each passing day Rachael could see Santana slowly shutting her out letting the pain and heartbreak seep in. Looking at the girl in front of her, who had now finished her hair and was putting on some flats to match her dress, Rachael could see that Santana was reverting back to her old ways and letting her anger control her.
"Don't do this, San." Rachael finally said.
"I don't know what your talking about, Berry. Can't a girl get all cute and hang out with her best friend?"
"Not when said girl how been crying for two weeks straight over her boyfriend" Rachael said pulling Santana to sit next to her. "Look, San, I-"
"Ex-boyfriend, and I'm completely over it. So can we please not talk about it? I have been in this room crying my fucking heart out for the past two weeks and all I want to do is get out of this house and not think about it, okay." Knowing that pushing the issue wasn't going to get her very far, Rachael just shook her head and followed Santana. Rachael stopped at the front door to watch Santana walk into the living room to throw a blanket over her mother, who was passed out on the sofa, before grabbing the keys that where sitting on the coffee table(Santana had to share the car with her mother seeing as her mother had wrecked the other one)
"I'm driving," Santana said as they walked out the door, the sunny day greeting them. Rachael got into the passenger seat without saying a word. She was trying to figure out what had happened between last night when she left and this morning that had Santana acting calm and collective. And how was she suppose to bring up Finn when Santana made it clear she didn't want to talk about him.
"So wanna tell me what's going on?" Rachael asked as they pulled out the driveway.
"Nope" Santana replied emotionlessly. She reached over and turned the radio on, letting Rachael knew that she didn't want to talk at all. With a loud huff she looked out the window. Rachael didn't know if she could take anymore of this. Ever since they became friends, (once Rachael started dating Noah, and got over her felling for Finn) they never kept anything from each other. They where so close that they even had their period at the same time for crying out loud. This little 'cold-shoulder' thing that Santana was trying to pull was something that the old Santana would have done, but she wasn't like that anymore and Rachael hated that she was pretending to be.
Santana had changed the station for what Rachael felt like the tenth time before turning it off. Music always reminded Santana of Finn (she had once told Rachael that).
The car was silent for a long time before Rachael decided that she couldn't take it anymore, if she didn't find out what was going on then she was going to lose her mind.
"So where are we going?"
Santana didn't give a response, she just keep driving acting like she never heard the question. Reaching over with her left hand, Rachael tucked Santana's hair behind her ear so that she could see the girls face. The two girls had always been really affectionate toward each other so Santana didn't protest when she felt the back of Rachael's hands brush her check. Rachael took a deep breath before she started to speak.
"Noah talked to Finn yesterday. He said that Finn has been almost as bad as you, not leaving the house, drinking himself into a drunken stupor." She paused when she saw Santana grip the steering wheel a little tighter and a tear fall down her face. Rachael quickly wiped it away before continuing. "He misses you. He told Noah that. He told Noah that he didn't know what he was going to do without you and that he really didn't mean what he said. He loves you, babe. Call him and work this out. There is no use in both of you being miserable when you both want the same thing. He wants you and he want's the ba-"
"STOP" Santana suddenly yelled pushing Rachael's hand way from her with one hand as she used the other to drive. "Just shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear about him, and how much he says he misses me. I've already decided."
The car finally came to a stop, and Santana turned off the car. Rachael was still in shock at Santana's outburst, that it took her a few minutes to register what the girl beside her just said. Taking off her seat belt, Rachael turned herself to face her best friends.
"What do you mean you already decided? Decided on what, San? What are you talking about?" Santana didn't answer, just placed her hands on her stomach while look straight ahead. "It's for the best" Rachael heard Santana whisper before getting out of the car. Rachael just sat in the car as she watched her best friend walk around the front of the car toward the double doors that gave entrance to the building they where parked in front of . Her eyes filled with tears as she saw where they where.
"Santana Manuela Lopez, are you fucking crazy!" Rachael said running after her. Grabbing Santana by the wrist, Rachael roughly pulled her back toward the car.. "I'm not letting you do this. Now get your ass back in this car and give me your keys. I'm taking you to Finn's house right now."
"You can't tell me what to do Ray. I have to do this, okay? It's my body and I can't have this baby. Not with it's father thinking I'm a slut, and—"
"Why are you doing this to yourself, he said he didn't mean it. And you know you want this baby. You told me that yourself" Rachael said pulling the taller girl towards her and wrapping her arms around her. Santana let her face rest in the crock of Rachael's shoulder for just a minutes before trying to pull away, but Rachael just tightened her arms that were around Santana waist pulling her closer so she could talk in to Santana's ear. "Don't do this 'Tana. Your angry and upset and doing this will not make it better. You need to talk to Finn. Don't do this because your mad at him, okay. Just get in the car and we will talk okay."
"Rach, if you love me, then you will respect my decision." Santana said finally getting the strength to pulling away from her. Rachael looked deep in her friends dark brown eyes, seeing sadness for only a quick second before the bitterness took over. "You don't even have to come in with me. You could wait out here until I come out."
Rachael closed her eyes as she tried to hold back the tears that were trying to come out. She prided herself on being a wonderful actress, but standing in the middle of the Women's Clinic parking lot, hearing that her friend wanted to kill the baby that was inside of her, Rachael couldn't act indifferent like Santana wanted her to be. What was she suppose to do? She couldn't let Santana go in there by herself, but she also couldn't support what she was about to do. What would Finn think when he found out.
"Please, Ray-Ray," was all Rachael had to hear Santana say before deciding what to do. She leaned forward placing a quick kiss on Santana's forehead before taking her hand and lacing it with her. Without a word they both walked toward the entrance.
You can do this Santana. She told herself as she handed the lady behind the window the clipboard with all her information. Taking a deep breath, she sat back down in the plastic covered chair that was next to Rachael.
Rachael hadn't talked to her since they walked into the Women's Clinic. Santana knew it was wrong of her not to tell Rachael that they were coming here but she knew that Rachael would have tried to talk her out of it; she had to do this.
Yes, her friend was right, at one point she did want to keep it, but she just couldn't. She couldn't be a mom at eighteen, and she saw what Quinn went through when her and Puck gave Beth up for adoption so that was diffidently out. No, what she was doing was for the best. She was doing this for both her and Finn. Getting an abortion was the only think that could fix this.
She was getting an abortion. Just the thought of it made her sick. She grabbed Rachael's left hand with her right leaning her head on her friends shoulder. Closing her eyes, she placed her free hand over her still flat stomach as she tried to clear her mind, but all she could think about was the night that started all of this.
"Finn, not tonight," Santana said as she gently pushed at her boyfriend's shoulders but he didn't budge. With one hand resting one her hip and the other one slowly inching toward her left breast, he tenderly sucked on her collar bone. Even thought it felt wonderful, she just wasn't feeling up to having sex tonight, not when she had been sick all morning. "I'm serious, I don't feel well."
Realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere, Finn rolled off of her with a frustrated groan. He got out of her bed and sullenly stormed toward her adjacent bathroom.
"Where are you going?" She asked quickly sitting up.
"To get rid of this." Finn said bitterly pointing toward his hard-on that was painfully pushing against his jeans. "I really don't feel like having fucking blue balls tonight, like I been having every night this week. Is that okay with you?" Before she could even answer he had slammed her bathroom door closed. She could hear the water suddenly running.
She was such a bad girlfriend.
She had been back from her New York trip (where the whole her being sick thing started) with Rachael for three weeks now, yet she still couldn't tell Finn why his girlfriend didn't want to have sex. Okay so when she first came back and made their relationship official they where having sex more then they did when they were just friends with benefits, but what her and Rachael just thought was a bad case of food poisoning from some food that they ate in New York, turned out to be something more life changing.
The door to the bathroom opened swiftly and Santana could tell by the impassive expression on Finn's face that he was still really mad at her. But she couldn't help it. How was she suppose to tell them that they where having a baby when they just started dating 'officially' three weeks ago. It as really his fault. He was the one who wanted to do the whole "no condom, I promise I'll pull out" thing even thought she told him that she just switched her birth control and that it took a couple of days for the new one to be effective. "Don't worry about it, just trust me" He had said. Didn't he know that that never works, but it was his birthday and that's what he wanted (for there to be nothing between them when having sex) so she gave in.
"Look, I'm just going to go home," Finn said as he grabbed his keys, and wallet of her computer desk. To say she was shocked was an understatement. Yes, she was being a little unfair (okay more then a little), but she was sick and as her boyfriend he should want to take care of her, right? Or was this relationship still just sex to him? She was so confused.
"No, don't go." She said getting up from the bed and quickly pulling him into a hug, which he didn't return. Santana burred her head in his neck and pulled him a little closer to her. "Look, once I'm feeling better, we can have all the sex you want. Where ever you want. I just need you to stay."
"It's not even about the sex, San," He yelled roughly pulling her away form his body keeping his hands around her arms as he spoke. "I might be slow sometimes but there is something your not telling me. Something your keeping from me, and I'm not just going to pretend that the reason you don't want to have sex, is because your still sick from getting food poisoning in New York."
Tears started to flow from her eyes, because he was right. She was keeping something from him, and the guilt was preventing her from getting to intimate with him, because she was afraid that it might come out in the middle of them having sex, just like the first time she said she loved him.
When she didn't say anything he let her go with a sigh and headed toward the door. He quickly paused to look at her before grabbing the door handle.
"I'm pregnant." It was barely a whisper. She searched his face for a response but he didn't give any just stared at her blankly. "I thought I got food poisoning, but last week I started to think about how it was weird for Rachael to be on her period and I wasn't because we always have it at the same time, so she made me take a pregnancy test. And I didn't tell you because I was afraid of what you would say, and it's been killing me keeping this from you."
Finally taking a breath, Santana looked to Finn (her gaze was on the faded carpet the whole time) to say something, but again he was silent. He looked like he was thinking really hard about something, and it was killing her that he wasn't sharing his feeling about his with her. I guess this is what he had been feeling for the past week and a half she thought to herself. Rushing over to him, she placed both of her hands on the side of his face and pulled him down so that their foreheads where touching.
"I know this wasn't planed and we have only made this thing between us official a couple of weeks ago, but I love you and I know what we can get through this. I mean, the baby won't come until after our first semester at UCLA, and once it's born we can get an apartment together. I know we can do this. You'll be a wonderful father, and I kinda always secretly wanted to be a mother granted not at 18, but- Finn, say something, please",
"It's mine,right?" She felt like she had just been punching in the stomach. Here she was basically telling him she wanted to have a family with him, and the whole time he wondering if it was his child growing inside her. How dare he?
Her hands fell from his face and she quickly turned her back to him, not wanting him to see how much that question hurt her.
"Why the fuck would you ask me that Finn, of course it's yours" She said her voice getting a little louder as she spoke.
"Well if you haven't forgotten, I've already been told once in my life that I got my fucking girlfriend pregnant and the baby ended up being for my best friend, so sorry if I want to make sure that the baby in your stomach is mine." He said gruffly. She could feel his piercing stare on the back of her neck. Well he had a point.
"For one I'm not Quinn, and two how could you think that I would do that to you?, " She yelled turning to face him. The tears had finally dyed up as anger started to well up inside of her. How could be think that of her? He knew her better then that, didn't he? Unlike Quinn, Santana actually loved him.
"Who would have thought Quinn, president of celibacy club, would have had sex with Puck. She barely let me get to first base, but you..." He paused only for a second before continuing. "you have slept with more guys then I think Puck has slept with girls, and that's saying something. All it would take is for one guy to smile at you the right way and whisper something dirty in your ear while I'm not around and you would be on them in a blink of an eye."
She couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. He knew for a fact that she swore off all other guys but him since November. It had been eight months since she had any contact with anyone but him, and it was killing her that he was throwing her past in her face. Is this how he saw her? Some slut who couldn't help but sleep around? Of course she use to be like that, but she had changed. He had changed her.
She couldn't take this. He was suppose to be a little mad, yes, but this was Finn we never stayed mad at her for anything and he definitely never talked to her the way he was talking now. This hurt that she was feeling was nothing like anything she ever felt before, even when her father left when she was eight.
Feeling like her legs where going to give out from under her, Santana made her way to her desk chair and slowly sat down with her back towards Finn. She couldn't stop the sops that racked her body, they got so bad that she was doubled over, her head in her hands.
"Wait, baby, I didn't mean that" Finn said rushing toward her. She could feel him kneeling in front of her, his hands trying to pull her close to him. "Don't cry, I didn't mean any of it. I love you, San."
"Get away" She sobbed pushing his hands from her face. She felt sick, physically sick. How could he say all those things and then say he didn't mean them? Of course he meant them, or he wouldn't have said them in anger. He really thought that she would cheat on him and then pawn someone elses baby as his.
"Baby, I—"
"I hate you" She choked out. "just get out of my sight before I throw up from seeing your fucking face."
She meant to hurt him, but the look on his face only made her feel worse because no matter what Santana could never hate Finn. She loved him to much for that. But her words hit him hard, and he left leaving her to sob on her floor.
"Santana Lopez" Hearing her name, Santana was quickly pulled from her thoughts. She felt Rachael squeeze her hand before letting go. She quickly wiped away the few tears that she felt fall from her eyes, before getting up and walking towards the older lady who was waiting for her by the door that lead to the back. It was now or never.
well that's the end of the 2nd chapter. Hope you liked it. There will be one more chapter, then this fanfic is fin. Please review!
