Please leave a review, I have no idea if I'm doing okay. All rights go to V.R.
After dinner, I lead them through the halls the same way Eric had us. I don't say a word and let them take in the dark, cavelike experience of the Dauntless compound. In a way, I am trying to create the same experience I had. It has shaped me into who I am. I silently lead them to the dormitory that I had spent the last year in.
Now, I live with Tobias. Originally, I had my own condo, but Tobias would slip into my room each night or I his, and in the end it seemed a waste, so I moved in with him. We didn't speak about it, it just kind of happened.
I pause outside the wooden doors, my arms folded across my chest. I lean as if this is the most casual conversation in the world. The initiates stop when I do, they all stare at me.
"Through these doors is where you will be staying." I inform them. "One half of the room is for girls, one for boys. But in all, you share a room." The girl from Abnegation looks at me wide-eyed, and I can't blame her, I felt the same. "Breakfast is at seven o'clock in the morning, I expect you to be at the training room by eight-thirty. If you do not comply, you will be punished."
Everyone looks shocked at this, they shouldn't be. Under Eric's rule, failure to comply meant you no longer had a faction.
"Tomorrow," I say, "you will find out about the initiation process. If you do not pass each stage, you will be forced to leave the compound."
"And go where?" The Amity boy asks.
"No where." I shrug. "You will be factionless." There is an cry of moral outrage, I ignore it. "There will be breaks between each stage, for you to do as you please. You are not allowed to leave the compound unless accompanied by a Dauntless member. Do I make myself clear?" They all nod, wide-eyed and scared.
I smirk and swing the door open. It is almost exactly the same as it was. There are fourteen beds for the fourteen initiates. I don't know when Tobias had the chance to organise that, we didn't know how many were coming until a few hours ago.
We have put a curtain in the middle of the room, so they at least get some privacy from the opposite sex. The showers, we also sectioned off, we built a makeshift wall. It was important to me that people were not forced to get naked in front of others if they could avoid it.
"I suggest you sleep, initiates. Tomorrow is the first day of a very long few days."
I leave them to get settled and fight amongst themselves. I barely make it two seconds and around the first corner before Tobias emerges from the shadows.
"Are you following me?" I ask him.
"I missed you today." He says, not stopping his stride towards me. He wraps his arms around my waist. I reach up and kiss him. It's slow and low burning.
"I was heading home," I tell him. Whenever I call his condo home, he grins. "I wanted to see you."
"We can't," he shakes his head. "We are having an initiate party in The Pit, Zeke demands it."
"I don't want to go," I pout. "I want to be alone with you."
He laughs and kisses me. "We'll go for a minute, then we'll leave." He releases me, catching my hand with his as he does, lacing our fingers together. We walk to The Pit in silence.
The chaos of The Pit still grips me. Zeke is stood in the middle, a bottle of drink clutched in his hand, a cluster of people around him as he tells a story, they're all grinning and laughing at him. Children run up and down the steep slopes, it not longer makes me nervous. The Pit is filled with people, some fighting, some talking, some making lavish gestures with their arms. The noise is deafening. There are four people playing music on drums in the back, it's a low, menacing beat. I can't help the smile that forms, my home is perfect for me.
We seek out Cristina and Will, who are sitting close together at a table away from the hustle and bustle. They are talking fast, Cristina is frowning, Will looks unhappy. They have been arguing a lot recently, I don't know how to handle it, their public outburst make me uncomfortable.
Their heads snap up as we take a seat with them, they immediately relax, trying to look as though they weren't arguing. This is unlike either of them, both are so forthright in their emotions. I frown and feel Tobias press a comforting hand on my back. We talk about frivolous things, our conversation staying light, to be honest it's unsettling.
"Hey," Christina suddenly says to Tobias. "I heard you didn't tell the initiates that you're a leader?"
I look to him, he shrugs. "I want to evaluate them before they all know."
"But the dauntless-born know." Will says, frowning. "Four, that doesn't make any sense."
He shrugs again, "it does to me."
Will is right, it doesn't make sense. Also, he's not supposed to be apart of the initiation process this year, he shouldn't be evaluating anyone. His features have stiffened and I know the topic is closed, I study him, I can feel my eyebrows pucker.
"I'm excited." Christina says, I turn to look at her. "Without Eric, initiation should be fun for the initiates."
"Initiation isn't fun." Tobias snaps, "it's gruelling and hard. There's always one person a year who throws themselves into the chasm, not everyone is cut out for Dauntless life."
The four of us lapse into silence. I think of the Abnegation girl, I wonder if she is Divergent or Dauntless? Is she running away like Tobias was? Will she be able to make it? The only person I have no doubt about is the boy from Amity, the first jumper. Zac, he chose as his name. I saw a fire there that won't be put out easily. A further ten minutes pass in silence, my hand is gripping Tobias' he is stroking the wall of my palm with his thumb. Suddenly Cristina stands and announce she is going to bed, she glares at Will and stalks off, he follows after her.
I stare after them.
"They'll be fine." Tobias whispers in my ear. I sigh and nod, but I am not so sure. "Do you want to go home?" He asks and I nod again. We stand, and we weave through the crowd, our hands remaining conjoined. People stare after us as we leave, their scrutiny makes me uncomfortable, I know Tobias is the same.
When we get home I change into a cotton t-shirt, and small pair of shorts. These are the clothes I sleep in, Tobias undresses into his underwear, and we climb into bed. I rest my head on his shoulder, my arm snaking around his waist, whilst his hands trail up and down my body - from my shoulder to my lower back. We are silent, comfortable, content. He kisses my head and I close my eyes. If there is one thing I never have to give up for as long as I live, let it be this.
We are not two people who touch freely, we don't say 'I love you' often, if at all. Every touch, every kiss, that is a declaration of our love, we only feel comfortable doing it with each other. Tobias is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me, and I, him. Somedays, I am so acutely aware of his existence I feel like there are tendrils reaching out from my body and connecting themselves to him. That he and I are one.
We know the peace we are currently in will not last, the Erudite wanted to attack Abnegation for a specific reason, not just to overthrow the government. When that day comes, when whatever the Abnegation are hiding is revealed, I feel that life as we know it will change, and right now, I'm not so sure I want it.
Tobias lifts my chin and looks into my eyes, he melds his lips to mine and I kiss back with passion. I can feel the low, burning, wanting sensation build, as our kiss deepens. It becomes more frantic, urgent, it's a need, our hands touch each other everywhere. After a few minutes we break apart, breathing deeply. This is where it always stops, where we always break apart. I am no longer afraid of being intimate with him, but I know I am not ready for that. Whenever our lips collide, it's hard to think straight, breaking off from him is the most difficult thing I have had to face yet.
"We should sleep." He says, his voice is husky and if I were to speak I know it would mirror his. I nod and roll over on my side. He slides an arm around my waist and curls himself around my body. I nearly always wake up in exactly the same position, as if the sleeping versions of us, can't bare to be apart. Sleep quickly claims me.
My eyes snap open, connecting with the "Fear God Alone" painted against the wall. Tobias is behind me, his arm still around me, I listen to his even, steady breaths. I awoke with fear in my gut, something is not right. I slide out from underneath Tobias', he doesn't stir and I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. I quickly throw on grey tracksuit bottoms and leave our condo. Heading for the chasm. I don't know why, gut instinct tells me I need to be there.
I stop when I reach it. The Amity boy is standing over the edge, staring down. Fear clenches inside me, we can't have a jumper this year, and not this early. Death is not brave, it is an easy way out. I climb over and join him. He looks at me but says nothing. He's tall, this boy, almost as tall as Tobias. His muscle are evident, he has broad shoulders and the caramel skin of all Amity, dark eyes to match, long lashes frame them. He is a very attractive boy.
I can see from the way he is looking at me, he wasn't planning to jump - relief washes over me. Zac is not surprised to see me though, I note this too. Slowly, I sit on the rock and he joins me, we're so close to the chasm the water is splashing us as it makes it's way down. We sit together in silence, our shoulders touching, facing the waterfall.
"Are you okay, Zac?" My voice is soft.
"I almost didn't make it off the train." He tells me, he's staring at the water.
"That's not uncommon, I had to hold Cristina's hand, and we jumped together."
He looks at me, I look back. "You?" He asks, shaking his head. "No way."
"Way." I raise my eyebrows and give him a small smile. We stare at each other, then I look back at the water, he follows suit. "I was the first jumper too, that is the kind of thing that sticks. No one cares if you almost didn't made it off the train."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see he gives a small not. Then he sighs. "Amity is all about peace. I have spent my whole life believing that peace is the answer." His voice is sad. "Dauntless is not peaceful."
"It's not," I agree. "I was Abnegation." His head snaps around to look at me, disbelieving. "I was, and so was Four. It doesn't matter where you came from now, but whatever Amity taught you, use as a weapon, peace is not all bad. You're the only one in your initiate class who has that advantage."
"I can't see how peace will help me now."
"Maybe feeling peaceful in yourself is a good place to start."
"Initiation is not going to be easy, is it?"
"No Zac, it wouldn't be Dauntless if it was."
We sit and stare at the water. I like Zac, he is not afraid, he is strong, and I think he is going to prove himself kind. I decide I am going to look out for him the way Tobias looked out for me. After twenty minutes pass, I feel a presence behind me, without looking, I know it is Tobias. Zac senses it too, he turns to look and he stiffens.
"Is it a scary looking Dauntless man?" I ask, I'm smiling.
"Yeah."
Zac scrambles to his feet, it leaves me no doubt that he knows who Tobias is. I slowly stand to turn and look at Tobias, I am surprised to see jealousy in his face. It almost makes me laugh. I guess I did leave our bed to hang out with another boy.
"Initiate," Tobias snaps. "You have two hours to sleep before you are due for breakfast. I suggest you get as much as you can, you will need it."
Zac scampers off without a glance in my direction, quickly jumping over the railing and running towards the dormitory. I grin at Tobias as he throws himself over, he strides towards me with purpose.
"What do you think you're doing?" He demands, "hanging out with initiates in the middle of the night?"
"Tobias." I say, placing my hands on his chest and giving him a chaste kiss. "You're jealous."
"Of an initiate? Don't be ridiculous." He stares down at me, his jaw jumping in anger. I try not to laugh.
"Would you be so angry if it was an ugly girl I was sitting close to?" I can't help it, I do laugh at him.
"It's not funny, Tris. What if he tried to push you off?"
I roll my eyes, "why would he try to do that? For what purpose?"
He shrugs, "maybe he worked with Janine, maybe he's here for another reason. You don't know him!"
"You think," the disbelief in my voice is strong, "the boy from Amity was working with Janine and is here to kill me?" I pause, he doesn't answer. "Or are you just annoyed because you woke up to me gone, in the middle of the night, and you find me here, sitting close to a boy you don't know?" I pause again, and again he doesn't answer. I give him a gentle kiss. "What if he was trying to throw himself off, and I was talking him down?"
"Well," Tobias grumbles. "I could see that wasn't going on as you weren't actually talking."
I laugh again, and kiss him forcefully. "I like a jealous Four, he's menacing."
"Shut up," Tobias laughs with me, all tension leaving him, I smile up at him. His hand drops to mine and we connect our palms together. "Come," he says, "lets go back to bed for a little while."
I nod, nothing sounds better.
