Betrayal hurt but it was no longer a surprise. It was normal, an expectation. First Zuko and then Mai. TyLee was an inevitable follow up. But in the longer term Azula has decided that it wasn't TyLee who had done the betraying at all. It was she. She when she asked TyLee to give up her dreams. She when she kicked the girl down to prop herself up. She when she called TyLee a tease. Yes, she'd stuck TyLee in the back more than a dozen times during their friendship. TyLee had simply gone and stabbed back. For it, Azula couldn't be angry anymore. She would have done the same. So she compiles herself a list, a list of all the times she had done something to betray TyLee's trust or to use her as a pawn or a scapegoat in her silly mind games. Which—the way she saw it—was a fancy way of betraying her in itself. She compiles the list and she reads it over and over again, to remind herself that she has gotten what she deserved. To remind herself that she wasn't actually the betrayed but the betrayer.

She compiles the list and reads it to herself, to remind herself that she shouldn't have allowed herself to get close to TyLee again. Even if it had been TyLee who made the first move. She knows that it is only a matter of time. They will only hurt and betray each other again and Azula doesn't know if she can handle it a second time.

It keeps her awake at night.

It keeps her awake when she lays in bed next to TyLee.

She wonders when the last night will be.

She wishes that she could go back, wishes that she could have prevented the first betrayal. But she doesn't think she could have. It was the product of a long line of events. Mishaps. Mistrusts. Subtle insults that added up. And they were all from her lips. Never from TyLee's.

These days it is though. It isn't like TyLee to say harsh things, to deliver low blows. But when it came to Azula things are different, she is never short of awful things. Always little, subtle things. She has learned from the best. And Azula will take it. She would take it because she had earned it. She would take it because she so desperately wants companionship and love.

She desperately wants things to be as they once were, before the betrayal.

Azula looks over at TyLee's sleeping form. When she is nice, she is the kindest soul. But she, has the sharpest edge when she isn't being nice.

Oftentimes Azula finds herself doing things that she doesn't want to do. Fetching things for TyLee, going to places that don't interest her—and sometimes truly upset her. All it takes s a simple, "you ruined my chances at the circus, you owe me this much."

Which is fair enough, but it seems that her debt is never paid. That it never will be. And she can't seem to argue because she doesn't want to lose TyLee. Even if that wasn't the case, she can't rid herself of her own guilt and TyLee is playing on that. Azula knows this, she used to do it, but she doesn't have the will to do anything about it.

That morning's dispute involved Azula not wanting to wear the outfit TyLee had suggested. Pink isn't Azula's color and she was getting tired of wearing it. So she dared to say no, she dared to call back to her old, domineering self. Eventually she found herself wearing something that didn't suit her at all. Something that made her feel awkward and uncomfortable. She doesn't like midriff bearing shirts, TyLee knows that. In retrospect, she thinks that, that is exactly why TyLee had made her choice. But she didn't want to make the girl mad. She didn't want to lose their delicate romance. It was hanging on such a hair of a thread.

She thinks about it as she lies next to TyLee. She thinks that she is no longer herself anymore, but a variant of TyLee. And she thinks that maybe she had shaped—or tried to shape—TyLee into a version of herself. So she decides that she is obligated to be whoever TyLee fancies her being. Even if it doesn't suit her even slightly.

All the same, she just wants to be Azula.

These days she doesn't feel like Azula at all even when TyLee lets her choose her own attire.

Even when she isn't wearing the short, pastel pink nightgown Tylee has chosen. She runs her fingers down the length of it. It is too short, it isn't warm enough. She is having trouble sleeping because she knows that things are coming to a head. That she isn't going to be able to do this much longer. As TyLee sleeps she sheds a few silent tears because she is going to be alone again soon. And this time it truly will be TyLee who does the betraying.

She realizes that somewhere down the lines their roles have swapped and it unsettles her. When had she become so submissive and feeble. It must have been when her mind broke. When her mind broke and the guilt seeped into the cracks.

She has lost so much of herself to try to gain love.

She wipes at her eyes and turns away from TyLee.

.oOo.

Azula's morning starts with her being told where she is going to go. She rubs her hands over her face as TyLee talks. She is so tired. Tired of trying to please. Tired of trying make up for things she had done in their youth. She doesn't know how much more she can handle.

"We're going to go to the play and then we'll come back here and we'll have dinner…"

No doubt the meal will be her choice and odds are it will be sea food because she knows that it is Azula's last choice. She lets TyLee go on and on about her plans for the day. And her heart aches because she knows that she is going to be alone again. She knows that she is going to be alone with no lover and no friends because TyLee asks, "that sounds good, right?"

Azula says no. She was going to leave it at that but TyLee frowns. She is growing angry, Azula can see it. She regrets saying no at all, but she doesn't go back on it. It felt as bad as it did go, to repeat herself and elaborate…reiterate that she will not be seeing a show she has no interest in, wearing another dress that makes her look unflattering.

It is a small victory, she feels like she has a small chunk of her old self back. It feels nice to not be so embarrassingly passive.

It feels amazing to tell TyLee that she has become exactly what she hated the most in Azula. That she had learned so well and that she is just as manipulative as Azula had been during her prime. It feels empowering to finally tell TyLee that she thinks that she has already paid for what she had done and then some. It feels better to declare that maybe she doesn't deserve this, not anymore. She is satisfied.

But as soon as TyLee scowls and walks out, all she feels is terrible dread. She doesn't think that the woman is going to come back and she has a startling feeling that she is going to turn Mai against her. It won't be hard for her to do, their friendship is even rockier and hanging on a thread much thinner than the one she and TyLee have. She is going to whisper in the ears of Zuko and Sokka and Katara and Toph…and then Aang too. And Azula is going to have no one again.

She sits on her bed and draws her legs up to her chest.

She knows that she can try to go downstairs and talk to them first, but she feels as though her word has much less weight than TyLee's.

She tries to put her mind off of it. She dresses herself in a deep red shirt and a matching pair of trousers. She doesn't need it, but she slips into her armor—perhaps for old times sake. She wears her hair in a top-knot, the way she likes it. The way that makes her feel secure. She stands in front of the mirror and traces her fingers over her armor.

In the reflection, she sees Azula.

She feels like Azula again.

At least for the moment.

But she wonders all the same if it is worth it. Her heart aches some, because she already misses TyLee. But she misses the old TyLee. The bubbly, perky TyLee. The TyLee, she had effectively erased. She wants them to switch roles again. But she wants to do different this time. She wants her loving, caring TyLee back. She wants her own confidence and strength back. But she wants it with less domineering.

She knows that it is unrealistic. So she crawls back onto her bed and curls herself into a ball and dwells on the days when there was at least an illusion of tenderness and love.

.oOo.

Azula doesn't notice TyLee slip into the room. Not until she feels the bed dip. Something inside of her worries that TyLee is going to physically hurt her this time and she wonders and winces at what they've become.

But the hand that reaches out is tentative and caring. It reminds her of the old TyLee. She wants to smile, but she is scared to hope. Hope has never gotten her anywhere before. But TyLee rubs her back and shoulders in small circle. In the way she knows Azula finds most comforting. Azula doesn't know what to make of it.

Perhaps it has to do with her father and how he had treated her in the past. Or maybe it is something TyLee has done. Maybe it's an unhealthy dash of both. But she thinks that this is a deception. The calm before the storm.

She is going to feel hands curling in her hair and yanking up.

TyLee is going to yell at her.

But none of that comes. Instead, TyLee continues to stroke her back until she is almost asleep. And then she finally says. "I needed to hear that, Azula." She admits. "I was losing myself." She thinks that TyLee will say no more but after a moment she continues. "I was so…angry. I thought that I would just give you a hard time for a little bit and then stop, but I think that I got caught up in it…"

"I suppose that I needed a bit of a hard time" Azula confesses.

"But you didn't need all of that."

Azula shrugs, not knowing what else to do or say. Frankly a part of her still believes that she did deserve all of it. "Didn't I?" It was barely above a whisper, she hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"You didn't." TyLee sighs.

"I did it first." Azula mumbles. She still doesn't face TyLee. "I made you do things you didn't want to do…" She pauses. "I tried to change you. I. I think it worked."

She sees TyLee wince. "It didn't."

But Azula knows that she has changed TyLee, for the worse. And in turn TyLee has returned the favor. They are damaging to each other. And so Azula pulls away. Not that night. Not even the next morning. But she pulls away.

She tells the woman to leave.

.oOo.

It has been no easy feat. Sometimes she still looks at TyLee and fears catastrophe. Even after so many years. Even with so much time having passed. She still worries that she will do something to put them back where they had been so long ago. To put them back to the times when she tried to force TyLee into things she hated. To put them back to the more recent times, some three years back, when TyLee tried to shape her in just the same way.

She is afraid that they will fall back into more manipulative, abusive days.

She is afraid of more betrayal.

On her worst days she fears that both of them are concealing knives and are ready to plunge them into each other's backs at the same time.

But TyLee reassures her. TyLee says that they are past that. But Azula still worries, she worries almost regularly. Maybe it is for the best, she thinks that it is what keeps her from her manipulative habits. Her fear is double edged though. Sure, it keeps her from hurting TyLee but at times it keeps her from truly enjoying their relationship.

But things are getting better. She is healing.

They are healing. She can feel it. Slowly.

Slowly but it is progress. Slowly, the fear is leaving.

It started with a very simple thing. "I do trust you Azula." She took Azula's hand. "Do you trust me?"

It had been hard to answer. She did. She does. Since their falling out three years back, TyLee has been nothing but kind. Nothing but TyLee. The TyLee she has always known. It is she, herself, who she doesn't trust. She wants to. She wants to trust them both. So she had nodded. With some hesitation, she had nodded.

Now she tries, tries to let her fear go.

On some days she doesn't think that she ever will. On others she is certain that she can. Those days where she is certain are becoming more frequent. More frequent as TyLee keeps her upbeat attitude. More frequent as TyLee continues to let the past go. She doesn't bring it up. She doesn't hold anything against Azula. She only talks about three years ago and before that, when Azula brings it up.

Azula only ever brings it up when she wants to blame herself. Lately she has been bringing it up more, asking how she could have prevented it. Asking if she could have.

TyLee says no. But TyLee also says that they are past that. That the betrayal had been necessary, that they wouldn't be where they are—in a healthier place—if it hadn't happened. And Azula agrees. It is hard to admit to herself, but she agrees. She needed to be betrayed to see that she was doing the betraying, the manipulating.

Just as TyLee needed Azula to put distance between them to truly see that she was becoming her worst self. To see that Azula might have rubbed off on her too much.

.oOo.

Azula smiles. TyLee sleeps next to her, and this time Azula's mind is at ease. This time she has trouble seeing them hurting each other. In fact, it is now hard for her to remember having done so at all. She rolls over in bed and drapes her arm around the woman and scootches closer. With a soft and sleepy hum, TyLee wakes.

"You're still up?" She asks.

Azula nods, brushing TyLee's bangs to the side. They are bed-tousled and wavy.

"You're not over thinking again, are you?"

Azula shakes her head. "No." She isn't over thinking. But she is thinking. This time the thoughts are more pleasant though.

TyLee quirks a skeptical brow, "you aren't thinking about betrayals, are you?"

It is another hard thing to answer. She is, but she is thinking of their progress. Her thoughts are lighter and untroubled. She interlocks her fingers with TyLee's. "I guess you can say that I am." Before TyLee has a chance to grow concerns she adds. "I'm think of how, things are better now." She pauses. "I guess you can say that I'm thinking about how I'm…thinking about them less." And then she adds, "I'm not so worried about them anymore."

TyLee smiles. "Good." She kisses Azula's forehead. It is something that has become so comfortingly familiar. It is something that reminds her that they are now okay. That they will be okay, and that they have been okay for quite some time now. She feels TyLee's grip tighten. Azula cups a hand on TyLee's cheek and TyLee sets her hand over it. It is comforting twice over. They can't hold their knives if their hands are occupied with affectionate, kind gestures.

Azula can sleep easy, because she finally knows that she won't wake up with a knife in her back.

She can sleep easy knowing that TyLee can sleep with just as little stress.

They can sleep easiest still, in each other's arms.