Feline-ious
by
Jeremy Harper
Disclaimer – Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is the property of ZagToon. Catwoman is the property of DC Comics. Both are used without permission.
Chapter 2
Marinette paced around her bedroom, tense and irritable. She thought she had calmed down after enjoying the delicious pastrami sandwich Cat Noir had gotten her while standing guard over the jewelry store, bantering with her as they waited to see if Catwoman returned. But after they quit for the night, Marinette could not help replay the events of her encounter with the notorious thief. Images from the incident flashed continuously through her memory, winding her tighter and tighter. By the time she returned home she was in the grip of a fuming, humiliated anger.
With a frustrated groan she threw herself onto her chaise lounge, burying her face in a pillow and grabbing her hair. She lay like that for a few minutes, then rolled over when she heard a soft musical sigh. Tikki hovered above her, the little kwami gazing at her with sympathetic blue eyes.
"Marinette, you need to relax," she said as she settled down on her chosen's stomach. "Brooding on this will do you no good."
Marinette grimaced. "I don't get it, Tikki. How did she beat Cat Noir and me?"
"She didn't beat you," Tikki corrected. "She escaped."
"That's pretty much the same thing. Catwoman is still out there and I don't doubt she's going to try to rob that jewelry store again."
"And if she does you'll be there to stop her."
"I shouldn't have to. We should have captured her the first time. All the ordinary criminals I've encountered before never stood a chance against me."
"This Catwoman is far from an ordinary criminal," Tikki pointed out.
"Still, she's not an akuma. I sensed no magic about her. I don't understand how she could have escaped both Cat Noir and myself without any powers."
"The world is a vast place, Marinette, and in it are many beings who are as formidable as any Miraculous. History and legend is replete with women and men who performed great deeds with no other resources than their skills and their wits. Mortals have even challenged gods and won. Just because you have powers does not mean you're invincible against people who don't."
Marinette sighed and let her head fall back on her pillow, staring up at the ceiling. "Still...we should have done better."
"Catwoman had advantages over you and Cat Noir. Experience for one. You've only been Ladybug for a few months. I don't know anything about her, but it's obvious she's been active for at least several years and has dealt with unusual situations before. She also knew who you were, and prepared in case she encountered you, while to you she was an unknown. Don't get disheartened, Marinette. It's not like you lack advantages yourself, and if you take the effort to learn from this, you'll do better against her next time you meet."
Marinette looked at her little friend. "You think I'll be able to beat her?"
Tikki smiled at her young chosen. "Of course, Marinette! You've done so much in such a short time, helping countless people and stopping so much evil and pain. I have faith in you. I just wish you had more faith in yourself. The powers I grant you are just tools – without a talented wielder, tools are nothing, and you are very good. Never doubt that."
Marinette smiled slightly. "Thanks Tikki." She dropped her head back again, half-closing her eyes in thought, her lips quirking in half-frown.
"Something else is troubling you," Tikki said shrewdly.
"Yes. No. I dunno." Marinette pulled a face, sticking out her tongue. The kwami waited patiently. Marinette sighed again. "I just... ugh! I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what annoys me more – Catwoman getting away or her flirting with us." She shook her head sharply.
"Is it her flirting or your reaction to her flirting that's bothering you?" Marinette blushed slightly and turned her head. Tikki giggled. "There's no shame in finding her attractive, Marinette.
"I'm not gay," Marinette mumbled.
"I didn't say you are, but you must admit she is a striking woman. There's nothing wrong with a little curiosity."
"I'm not curious. I simply didn't like it." Even as she said it, though, Marinette could not help but wonder if she was being honest with Tikki or herself. "Though I'm pretty sure Cat Noir did," she grumbled.
"Oooh, I understand now." Tikki smiled mischievously. "You're jealous."
Marinette's blush intensified. "Of that alley cat? As if! It'd be a relief if he found someone else to flirt with. But he's my partner and friend, and I didn't like Catwoman pawing him and being a tease."
Tikki nodded sagely, still smiling. "I see."
"Besides, it was creepy. She's old enough to be our mother." Tikki gave her a skeptical look. "All right, older sister," she amended. "It's still creepy."
"Of course, Marinette. And the fact that a very attractive woman propositioned your very handsome partner has no effect on your feelings here. You're simply being professional."
"Exactly! I'm concerned, not jealous. Not in the least. Why would I be jealous of Cat Noir being distracted by a smile and...uhhh..." Marinette made a vague curving gesture with her hands. "Perks."
"Significant perks," murmured Tikki.
Marinette blinked at her little friend. "Right. I mean, I don't mind if Cat looks, but only as long as it doesn't interfere with us stopping Catwoman the next time she shows up. He can have a poster of her in his room for all I care." She trailed off, wondering why she suddenly felt disconcerted at the thought of Cat Noir thinking another woman was attractive. She let out a puff of breath and pushed the feeling aside. "It's late. I should get ready for bed." Tikki nodded and fluttered up the the bed loft.
Marinette quickly changed into an over-sized white tee and sleep shorts and went through her nightly routine: brushing her teeth, washing her face, letting down her hair and thoroughly brushing it. Once done she leaned on her sink and stared into the mirror, considering herself. She was not a bad looking girl. Far from it. Almost everyone she knew had commented on how pretty she was, and she was starting to almost believe it. Four years of bullying at the hands of Chloe Bourgeois had admittedly done damage to her self-esteem, but her experiences as Ladybug had helped her begin to recover. She tilted her head slightly. Her complexion was excellent – to her immense relief she rarely suffered from acne. She liked the slight dusting of freckles across her cheeks. Her eyes were a deep, expressive bright-blue shade and her blue-black hair was soft and silky. She smiled, but it faltered as her gaze flickered down to her bust.
So I'm petite, she thought. So what? Mama's petite too, and that doesn't make her any less attractive. Besides, I'm still developing! Unbidden, an image of Catwoman toying with the zipper of her bodysuit, pulling it down to reveal a bit more of her admittedly impressive breasts to a stuttering Cat Noir flashed in her head. Marinette placed her palms to the sides of her breasts and pressed them together. Even that way they seemed little more than a handful to her critical eye.
Marinette let out a defeated sigh, dropping her hands and slumping her shoulders. She wandered off to bed, grumbling.
She spent a restless night, ridiculous yet disturbing fantasies of Cat Noir flirting with Catwoman, of him running off with the older woman, haunting her dreams.
After finishing a very long, very cold shower, Adrien left the bathroom and walked to his bed, bare-chested, dressed in light blue pajama pants. Plagg had settled down on a nest he made of some handkerchiefs in the half-open drawer of the nightstand, chewing on a small wedge of cheese. Adrien dropped down on the edge of the bed, head bowed, his fists clenched on top of his knees, and heaved out a great sigh. The kwami cast a curious glance at his chosen as the teen flopped back onto the mattress and covered his face with his hands.
"I'm a jerk," declared Adrien.
"Yep," said Plagg amiably.
"I'm a dope," Adrien continued.
"No arguments from me."
"I'm a wretched, depraved pervert."
"Eh, I wouldn't go that far."
"But I am!" Adrien bolted upright and waved his arms wildly. "I love Ladybug -"
"I know. It's impossible for me not to, since you say it at least three times a day."
"- so why do I keep thinking about Catwoman?"
"Maybe you being a straight, healthy young man going through the hormonal turbulence of adolescence has something to do with it?"
"That shouldn't matter! I mean, I'm not stupid. I know she was playing me with her flirting. Plus she's a criminal. I should not keep thinking about her the way I am, and yet... ugh!" Adrien shook his head sharply.
Plagg let out a put upon sigh. He bolted his cheese then left his nest to float in front of the young man.
"As amusing as it is to watch you get all tangled up and flustered with this moral crisis, I really think you should take a deep breath and try to relax. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how you're feeling."
Adrien gave the kwami a skeptical glance. "It doesn't feel right."
"That's because you're not use to it. Despite being a Miraculous, you're an innocent, sheltered kid. So is Ladybug. This Catwoman is anything but. That's why she vamped you two up – she knew it'd get the both of you all hot, bothered, and thrown off-balance."
Adrien glowered. "Okay, but in that case why am I still feeling this way?"
Plagg shrugged. "Because she's very good at projecting sex appeal." He tapped his cheek thoughtfully. "In fact, thinking on it now, she may be one of the best I've seen, and considering I knew Cleopatra back in the day that's saying something. It also doesn't hurt that she has the, uh, assets to back it up. She's quite the looker, for a human. Definitely has a killer body."
Adrien's expression was incredulous. "You think that?"
"Just because I'm not attracted to humans doesn't mean I can't appreciate the aesthetics, kid." He grinned wickedly. "I bet she could feed an entire orphanage of babies with those funbags."
"Plagg!"
"What, you don't agree? If you didn't notice the size of her boobs after she practically thrust them into your face, then maybe you should get your eyes checked."
"You are disgusting, Plagg."
"Like I'm saying anything that you haven't been thinking."
Adrien grunted, grudgingly conceding the point. He swung his legs up on his bed and lay down. "I shouldn't be thinking like that. It's like... I'm being unfaithful to Ladybug.
Plagg vented an exasperated sigh. "Hard to be unfaithful when you're not even in a relationship with the girl, your fevered wishful thinking aside." The cat sprite ignored the sharp glare his chosen shot at him. "I'm gonna say it again, and try to get it through your thick skull this time – there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. You can love someone yet find someone else attractive. That doesn't make you a pervert; it makes you human." Plagg smirked. "Something that I'm forever grateful that I'm not."
Adrien pursed his lips as he contemplated what he had been told. "I... guess. Maybe you're right for once."
"Hey, I'm always right! Five millennia of experience talking here."
"Says the cat who got his head stuck in a bracelet because he thought it was camembert," Adrien retorted dryly. He rubbed at his face wearily. "All right. I'll try to learn from this fiasco and let it go. If I run into her again, next time I won't let Catwoman get to me so easily."
"Good luck with that," said Plagg. "At least you'll get some interesting dreams out of this."
"I hope not," Adrien said as he crawled beneath his bed's covers.
"You hope in vain. Especially with that last line Catwoman said to you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, like you forgot! Something about she, you and Ladybug finding something more entertaining to do together than fighting." Adrien blinked then suddenly blushed furiously. Plagg cackled. "I knew it! I knew it! That's why you were so long in the shower – you were imaging in all sorts of technicolor details what it'd be like being the meat of a Catwoman/Ladybug sandwich!"
"Shut up and go to bed, Plagg," Adrien groaned, concealing his mortified expression behind his hands. The effects of his long, cold shower seemed to be wearing off. Still laughing, the kwami shut of the lights and settled down in his nest.
Adrien's night was as restless as Marinette's, dreams of both Ladybug and Catwoman both being with him in delightfully wicked ways making his sleep an awkwardly pleasant torture.
Selina sighed as she stepped out of her suite's bathroom, dressed in a terrycloth robe, her short black hair damp from her shower and wrapped up in a towel. She sat down on the couch, propping her bare feet up on a coffee table, ankles crossed, her arms thrown out on the back of the couch. She stared up at the ceiling with languid green eyes for a while, then suddenly chuckled, shaking her head. Sitting up, she fetched her tablet from the satchel resting at the side of the couch, unlocked it and called up her files on Ladybug and Cat Noir.
Adorable, she thought with a smile as she looked at pictures of the pair. So very cute. And very dangerous. Despite her comments to the young Heroes of Paris about them being out of their league against her, she did not hold them cheaply. She refused to fall into the trap of underestimating them due to their youth and inexperience. One especially humiliating encounter with Nightwing had taught her the folly of that. In addition, some of the akuma they fought and defeated had possessed powers worthy of the attention of the Justice League, if the super-villain had manifested in the States.
She examined a photo of Ladybug and Cat Noir, taken after one of their victories. They were bumping fists and sporting big, happy smiles. Quite a comely pair. They blush so prettily too. I can't rely on flustering them too much, though. Push comes to shove, they'll fight. I'd rather avoid that, do my best to evade them. She tapped her forefinger against pursed lips. Supposedly Cat Noir is the impetuous one, but Ladybug seemed to have been more effected by my banter. Something to keep in mind. She sighed softly, reminding herself that no matter how much fun playing with these young superheroes would be, she was here in Paris on business, not pleasure. She opened a new file, detailing the object of her excursion to France.
Selina stared at the picture shining in high resolution glory on her tablet, her eyes narrowed and glittering with avarice. She knew prizes like this was a weakness of hers. She would make a much safer living targeted only simple gems or jewelry. She did her best to curb this habit to steal cat-themed treasures and antiquities, and most times she succeeded. She was in no way a slave to her obsessions the way criminals like The Riddler or Two-Face were. But sometimes the itch, the need, became too much, and she had to fulfill it. The necklace held in trust at the Louvre jewelry store in the days before its auction at Hôtel Drouot would be purr-fect.
The Dreaming Tiger's Eyes. She stared at them greedily – a matched pair of topazes, each marked with a long, slim dark line in their depth, like the slit pupil of a cat, flaws that enhanced rather diminished the value of the gems. The stones were set in a gold necklace which crafting dated back to the height of the Mughal Empire. Personally, Selina was amazed it had survived the centuries intact, and had not been broken to pieces and sold off by some rapacious Englishman in the service of the East India Company.
No matter. I'll be sure to give it a good home now. She powered down the tablet, stowed it, and sat back to think, frowning slightly. Selina had planned on having the necklace in her possession tonight, but her encounter with Ladybug and Cat Noir had thrown that askew. She was not dismayed, having made allowances for such an occurrence. She wondered how tenacious the two heroes would prove to be. Like most super-heroes, probably very, but they were also quite young and seemingly without a mentor. It was possible they would be contented in chasing her off this one time and not follow up on it. But then she recalled the look of angry determination on their lovely faces as they chased her across the rooftops of the 1st arrondissement.
Selina chuckled again, shaking again. "No, they're not going to give up easily. Ah well, I'm always up for a challenge." She stood and went to her room's phone to call up for a light supper before changing into a set of lilac silk pajamas.
After savoring her meal and watching television for an hour to let herself rest and digest, Selina settled down for bed. Her sleep was the dreamless, pleasant rest of a powerful woman completely confident in her abilities and her place in the world.
Author's Notes: I had actually planned on writing the next, long-over due chapter of Looking For Trouble before this. However, I follow Kryalla Orchid's tumblr account and read that she was contemplating trying her hand at her own Miraculous/Catwoman crossover, so I decided to try to at least get this second chapter done before she does so and blows Feline-ious out of the water...
In all seriousness, though, her story will probably be much different than Feline-ious, since her tentative plot is to have Selina as a mentor to the Heroes of Paris, while Catwoman here is going to be (mostly) an antagonist. Anyhow, I'm curious to see what Kryalla Orchid will do with the concept, if she decides to work on it. As I mentioned in Chapter 1, this is an inevitable cross-over, and there's probably many different ways you can play it.
For those of you following the Shadows/Ranma 1/2 sides of things, I plan on getting at least the next two chapters of Looking For Trouble done before writing anything else. I really want to finally put that story to bed.
Next time on Feline-ious, Ladybug and Cat Noir discover that Catwoman is far more than what she appears.
Thanks once again to PurseMonger for her pre-reading, advice, interest, and for introducing the euphemism 'funbags' to my vocabulary.
