Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters, Harry Potter places, Harry Potter ideals or Harry Potter plots. I do own everything that I didn't mention above… except your cat… or dog... wOOt.

Summary: A collection of one shots on how the end of days really occurs.

Warning: There will be extreme insanity ahead. If you are affected by bouts of giggling fits, you may want a pillow handy in case you fall off your chair.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
How the Harry Potter Series Really Ends

By: Kadasa Mori

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

--- Chapter Two: Those Muggle Contraptions ---
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The Dark Lord, the fear of all wizard kind, was presently rubbing his pale white temples, groaning in annoyance. "Merlin good help is so hard to find these days…"

The death eater in front of him, assigned to leading the way in case any aurors popped up was talking a mile a minute. Voldemort had crucio'd him several times already but the talking never stopped. It just seemed to get worse. He'd debated whether or not he should kill the poor soul and rid the world of this unnecessary evil… but it was getting harder to find volunteer work…

Sighing again, he pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming on.

"And so Bellatrix wanted to torture the poor lad so she starting using cutting curses which only made his screaming louder and I got even more of a headache. Did you know that headaches could cause your stomach to hurt as well? Maybe that's why I didn't feel so good afterwards. Or maybe it was because of all the blood. I mean come on. Ew. Gross. There's germs in blood. It's all disgusting and gross. Maybe that's why Bellatrix likes seeing blood. I mean, no offense my lord but she hasn't really had a shower in while and she's starting to smell. Oh Merlin! Do you think she bathes in blood?! Maybe that's why she smells!"

Voldemort had the urge to whimper as they traveled into Muggle London. It was about three in morning so there was no one on the streets. The death eater continued talking and Voldemort tried to block it out with all manners of pain directed at the stupid creature but it wouldn't stop.

"And then she gives him to Greyback who decides to gnaw on the boy's head! I mean honestly! There's other more hygienically ways to torture someone!"

He finally transfigured a pair of ear muffs and grinned as it blocked out all sound. He had a slight skip in his step as they ignored the red symbol lighting up on the opposite side of the white stripey area of ground. But with the ear muffs blocking all noise, he didn't hear it coming.

He did happen to notice when he was suddenly engulfed in light.

Voldemort frowned. "What's that?" He turned only to find a glowing monstrosity headed towards him. The last thought that ran through his head was

DDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

"Woo hoo!!!" Harry Potter shouted, driving the car and jerking the wheel again, petal to the ground. "Fast!"

Glued to the seat (because he was one of the only wizards Dumbledore knew and trusted well enough to teach Harry how to drive) was Severus Snape, as pale as snow, trembling, eyes wide. "I'm gonna die!" he shrieked as Harry spun the car, doing a doughnut before he got back onto the road.

The car skidded around the corner, leaving behind the remains of the Dark Lord, which promptly caught on fire then scattered in the wind.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.--- A few hours later, no where near the scene of the hit and run ---

"And I think Malfoy bleaches his hair. I mean no one can have hair that blond right?" He blinked. "My lord?" the deatheater asked when he realized there was no dark presence behind him. Blinking again, he shrugged then turned, heading back towards home.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Author's Note: For some reason, the mental image of Voldemort, standing in the middle of the street screaming "DOOOOM!" as a car raced towards him was incredibly funny… or maybe it was because I'm on a sugar high…

(shrugs) Ah well. Happy Easter everyone!

Kadasa Mori