The cowboys were having a grand old time. Each one was remembering a time when Miss Russell had gotten herself into some kind of jam.
Festus continued: "Miss Kitty is a tough old gal. She was acting like she was fine, but I could tell she had a bad fever. Thinking cold water would help, we went to the river. The river was high due to the run off from spring. It felt bitterly cold. That mud was sticking to Miss Kitty like pine tar to a tree. She spent the better part of an hour in that frigid water.
I thought it best to make camp as Miss Kitty was chilled to the bone. Her dress was covered with water crystals that danced in the light of the moon. She shed the wet dress and I hung it in a bush to dry. Well, she was none too shabby standing there in the moonlight. Her eyes were brighter blue than the river, her skin pearly white, and that red hair. Well let's just say she is well put together. This brought a new round of whooping, as the cowboys imagined Miss Russell without her dress in the moonlight.
Matt, who was not having any fun at all, stopped drinking.
Doc moved between Festus and Matt and inquired: "She still had her undergarments on?"
Festus: "Well kind of. She had gone into the bushes to take care of some personal business, got stuck up in a thorn bush, and she called to me for help as every time she moved she would get stabbed by those thorns. The bush was all stuck up in her petticoat. As I pulled on the bush, the lace came loose. Then Miss Kitty ripped it off."
Doc: "Her petticoat?"
Festus: "Well no, the lace." This revelation brought a groan from the crowd.
Festus: "I made her some supper of wild berry and river rat. She said she did not want any. I gave her some wiskey from my old stash."
Matt: "That homemade rutgut?"
Festus: "Yeah, it's not so bad when you ain't got nothing else. The night went well, except for a few bats that seemed to take a liking to Miss Kitty's hair. When the sun came up I went to get her dress off the bush, saw a bunch of red ants all over that bush.
Miss Kitty was not feeling none too good . I took her to old man Dicker's place. He had a new privy build just this summer. It was all fancy with a moon cut in the door and everything. I asked him about it for her. Mr. Dickers said he had a small hole made for the misses, so he was sure Miss Kitty would not fall in. It ought to have been ok but the door did not close. Miss Kitty gets in there and a swarm of blot fly's just cover her from head to toe. We were half a mile down the road and she still could not get rid of them. Miss Kitty said the flies were not so bad, but the mosquitoes had a feast on her. She was bitten all over."
Doc: "I was reading the other day about mosquitoes being the cause of some sickness. Sam, I need just one more drink. Hopefully you did not stop at any more privies."
Festus: "Well you can't expect a lady to just squat anywhere. I was doing the best I could for her, don't you see? I found her a real good one that was used by the big shots that were building the rail road up there by Hill Junction. It had everything. I checked it out . It had a sears catalog, a moon cut out in the front, a small window to let some light in, a small hole, and a bucket of lye to put in the hole after you was done to stop the flies. Honest Mathew, It looked fine to me. I gather what happened is her dress dumped over the lye getting it all over her shoes. The catalog was the home of a few mice. That was not the big problem. It seemed a snake was in there hunting those mice. It did not take too kindly to Miss Kitty chasing those mice off and bit her in the aaaah.."
Doc: "Upper leg."
Festus: "I didn't see the snake as Miss Kitty came running out yelling at the top of her lungs."
Matt: "Snake bit?"
Festus: "I could not take the chance of it being poison, having not seen the snake. and I knocked her down. I did not feel right about lifting her dress, but figured I had to. I cut her deep so the poison would run out. Mr. Dickens said I had to suck the poison out."
This brought a new round of whooping and hollering as the cowboys thought about Festus sucking on Miss Kitty aaaah upper leg.
Matt: "Give me a drink Sam."
Doc: "It was not poison. Did she hit you - is that how you got that black eye?"
Festus: "No Doc, I am coming to that. Miss Kitty's leg started to turn blue where I cut her. I figured I did not get all the poison out, so I killed one of Mr. Dickens chickens and tied it to her."
Matt: "You mean to tell me you tied a fresh killed chicken to Kitty's Upper leg?"
Festus: "Well yeah. Mr. Dickens only charged me two bits for the chicken."
The cowboys agreed that was a good price.
The girls from the Long Branch could not keep up with the drink orders as the cowboys debated where on Miss Kitty the aaah upper part of the leg was, and the use of a fresh kiled chicken on snake bites."
After another round of drinks, Festus continued: " Miss Kitty was looking kind of feeble. I thought she could get some help in Shakers town."
Matt: "There are no women in Shaker town, just miners!"
Festus: "Yeah, I didn't think about that until we rolled in to the center of town. All those yahoos were pawing at her. Miss kitty was holding her own, kidding them and puting then off."
The cowboys gave a knowing nod. One of them stated, "Miss Russell can handle men better than any woman I know."
Festus: "You got that right, but I thought it best to get her out of there. Those yahoos would not let us go. I pulled my gun, but someone hit me from behind. As I was going down, I saw them pull Miss Kitty from the wagon."
Matt was struggling to keep his temper under control. He felt an overwhelming desire to see Kitty. No one saw Matt slip out. Entering Doc's office He asked quietly, "You asleep?"
"Yes", Kitty replied.
Matt smiled: "I was just checking on you. Doc said he gave you something to make you sleep. I know you never sleep this time of night, Are you ok?"
Kitty sounding a little tired responded, "Yeah. What's going on at the Long Branch? It sounds noisy for a Tuesday.
Matt laughed. "It is packed. They're all listening to some tall tale."
Kitty: "We are always low staffed on a weekday. Maybe I should go down. Sam may need help."
Matt: "Sam has them under control."
Just then they heard a loud round of laughter coming from the Long Branch, followed by some breaking glasses.
Kitty Smiled. "Maybe you should get back down there before they start shooting each other."
Matt took her hand softly. "I am going. You need anything before I go,are you sure you're all right?"
Kitty: "I'm fine. Get down there so you can tell me what Festus is saying."
Matt: "You know Festus, he always tells the truth embellished with a little horse hockey. You should sell a lot of beer tonight."
Kitty: "Let me guess, his uncle went on a trip like ours. Could you send one of the girls with some clothes for the morning?"
Matt: "I don't think anyone ever went on a trip like that. See you later. You can tell me the real story when your feeling better." He made it to he door, turned and looked at her with sad eyes. "Those men from Shakers town hurt you?"
Kitty: "No, I told them you would shoot them. They were not impressed. They said you're a law man and would not do anything. After some debate, they decided if they hurt me they would have to kill Festus and then you would hang them. I also offered the bigger ones a free trip upstairs of the Long Branch. The bell rang and they all had to go to work. It seems they fire anyone who misses a day. They figured I was more trouble than I was worth."
Matt smiled: "You do get yourself into a lot of trouble. Maybe I ought to get myself a farm gal."
Kitty: "I can see it now -you sitting at home every night knitting on the porch. Oh no, I got that wrong. She would be sitting at home alone while you would be at the local saloon hunting bad guys."
Matt: "I bet she would be a lot less trouble than you, but not as much fun."
There was a loud round of laughter from the Long Branch folowed buy some whooping and hollering.
Matt: "See you later Kitty."
Kitty: "Later Matt." She rested her head on her pillow. A smile grew on her face as she thought of Matt on a porch swing knitting baby socks.
Back at the Long Branch:
Doc asked: "So how you get that black eye?"
Festus: "If you have to know, the wagon went under a branch. Miss Kitty ducked and it hit me, knocking me off the wagon."
The sun was coming up. A few cowboys were passed out with their heads lying on the table. Miss Kitty came in, walked up behind Festus, stopped, put her hand on her hip, and taped her foot.
One of the cowboys said: "She is built like a brick shithouse." This brought a new round of laughter.
Festus made a hasty retreat out the door.
Sam handed Miss Russell the book on the take this Tuesday night. It was higher than the total from all last weekend.
Kitty raised her eyebrows. Then she said: "I need those supplies more than ever, anyone want to take me to Brisco?"
There was a stampede to the door.
The end
