The Un-Divine Comedy
Chapter 2: Sesso
Or: The Sexy Horror Opera Show
AN: Sorry for the delay everybody! Also, some of the content is from a movie I watched in first year, guess which one it is!
WARNING: I get a little explicit in the language in this one, because it is a drag bar – what more do you expect? Also, be prepared for vast passages of text that haven't been edited, I swear that this comes straight from my mind to the screen, and that is something to be VERY afraid of
Again, this is dedicated to all of my friends whom I love so very much, and if this has any basis or bearing on real life people or places, it is a complete mistake. Honest :P
So, Without further ado, here is the story!
"Forget about the mind. The clitoris is a terrible thing to waste" – Lisa Kogan
"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got" – Sophia Loren
Queens and Scenes was exactly the kind of place that finely straddled the line between sleazy and classy, yet somehow managed to combine both worlds seamlessly. However, it was not just the black paint on the walls, the red velvet cushions, the flash of neon lights or the questionable cocktails being served that garnered that reputation, but the exclusive clientele who occupied the area.
It was more than just a drag bar: it was a place for coincidence, sin, outrageous amounts of alcohol, but most of all freedom. Freedom for men and women to be whoever they wanted to be, with whomever they wished. There were people dressed in Victorian era style with dresses and corsets, sipping tea and handling parasols. There were seedy debauched areas filled with fishnets and tight leather. Of course, cosplay and animes were extremely popular themes. Queens were strutting their stuff with pikachu ears or fox tails.
Despite these fascinating distractions, Kim was not interested in any of the events. She was confident, and due to the fortune she received from Diana, she new that something or someone was coming, and all she had to do was wait.
So, Kim strode to the bar in the middle of the building in long-legged, sexy strides with her cloak floating ethereally behind her. The crowd parted in her wake, both men and women dressed in elaborate costumes gazing in awe of the lovely creature known as Kim, transfixed until she reached the mahogany bar and slid up a chrome and leather bar stool only to whisper her request into the bartender's ear.
"One Tangy Pussy in a highball glass please, Prady. Three pieces of ice only."
"Kim, you sure have fine taste," said the barkeep. Prady was a middle-aged man of Indian descent dressed conservatively in orange and green. He was hired basically due to the fact that he rarely batted an eye to even the strangest of clientele who walked through the doors. Also because Prady had extensive personal experience with alcohol. His hair was admirable, formed into a waving mane of glossy black hair to make any bollywood star jealous and facial hair consisting of an impressive black moustache and beard. The only thing more overwhelming than his appearance was his impressive ego, unmatched by anyone even in Queens and Scenes.
Luckily, Kim was a well-established friend and also known to take bullshit with either a swift kick to the nuts or a heavy dose of sarcasm. Therefore, they really just had a platonic relationship where Prady served the drinks and Kim gave the cash money.
"So, what's new in town," Kim asked as she drank from her Tangy Pussy.
"Well, there's a new Queen. She's better than the rest and has already gained a following. No matter what age, religion, sex or plastic surgeon you're under, you can't help but want her. Her name is Lady Lilith Wormwood, and she is sashaying over to the right."
And Kim looked, then she stared. There She was, all alabaster skin and sass. The best new drag queen in the whole joint, a clear cut diamond in a sea of already glistening jewels. Like the Hope Diamond, only the Lady belonged to no one, not even the Queen of England.
Lady Lilith Wormwood had dark, rave's wing black hair, both straight and severely cut. Eyes, as green and hazel as fresh Irish plains containing a hint of mischief and danger. Her lips, full and sparkling with the slightest fragrance of orange and shaped to an alluring pout. Her clear white skin was bare except for a tight renaissance era red lace corset, which showed off her fake cleavage in splendid form. She was wearing fishnets and a tight leather skirt, all in black, which teasingly previewed what was hidden beneath while still managing to be tasteful. To finish the ensemble, deadly black leather spiked heels announced her arrival with loud clicks against the tiled floor.
Kim was not usually one to approach anyone, for she was independent and aloof and a master at not giving a fuck. However, once she finished the last of her Tangy Pussy, she put down her glass and stalked over to the Lady. Once again the crowd parted for her, like the Red Sea before Moses, but a lot more sweatier and with more body glitter.
Prady just looked after her, shaking his head and saying, "if anyone can capture the heart of the Lady and everything underneath that corset, it would be Kim."
Kim glided over to the other side of the bar. She touched the creamy shoulder of Lady Lilith Wormwood, and when eyelinered eye met eyelinered eye, the world stopped. Not in the creepy I-want-to-suck-your-blood-but-I-really-shouldn't way of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, but in the awesome, earth-shattering We'll-Kick-Ass-Together way of Catwoman and Batman. Except of course, twice as sexy.
Lady Lilith Wormwood, Kim was pleased to notice, seemed just as shell-shocked as herself, and her hazel-green Irish plain eyes widened slightly, and she licked her inexplicably dry lips.
"Hi," was all that Kim could hear from the Lady, and at that moment Kim diagnosed the problem. Behind all of the lace, pizzazz and silicone chest pads, Lady Lilith Wormwood was just as Kim thought she was: An awkward bird of a man who is shy with members of the opposite sex, although he is pretending to be one. Kim had, of course, much experience with cocky men, and upon first meeting them, they would always try to trap her with the "smoulder." Kim would always escape due to the fact that her own trademark "smoulder" was one thousand times sexier and amazing. The fact that Lady Lilith Wormwood did not try to "smoulder" her at the first moment they met proved to her that Lady Lilith Wormwood might be a decent human being after all, and that she did not need to drive the spike of her stiletto into the lace-clad crotch of this man, like she had for many perverts before.
Kim decided then, to lead the encounter by saying "why don't we get some drinks and get to know each other better?"
Lady Lilith Wormwood, still slightly shocked by the spectacle that is Kim, brooked no argument, and allowed herself to be dragged back onto a barstool, to the immense disappointment of all of her admirers.
As she was sipping from her second Tangy Pussy of the night, Kim pondered her situation. The situation which was, at that moment sipping her own Tangy Pussy.
"So, what's your name?"
Lady Lilith Wormwood, shocked momentarily from the greatness of her cocktail, replied, "I thought that was obvious. I am kind of… popular around here," She looked pointedly at Prady who looked away and continued shining a glass.
"No, I mean your real name. The one your parents gave you. The one that you use when you are out of this hot mess," Kim gestured vaguely around the establishment.
"Oh. Well, my name is Alex. Or Alexander. Mainly Alex, though."
Yep, Kim thought, there is definitely an awkward bird under all of that bravado.
"Well, my name's Kim. And that is what everyone calls me. But before we get ourselves any further on this train, I am going to ask some questions. They will be straight forward and I expect the truth. No trolling."
"Okay." Lady Lilith Wormwood replied easily. She really had nothing to hide, except from his parents who were still unaware of his moonlighting as a Queen. The Lady actually admire Kim's brutal honesty because she herself had narrowly avoided some problems. After all, no one wants to see Penis when they actually want a VJJ.
"So, let's get started. Penis?"
"Yes."
"That's good, VJJ for me, by the way. Implants or chest pads?"
"Chest pads, after all, I am trying to keep this from my parents. Their son suddenly popping breasts wouldn't be very secretive."
"Neither for me, these are all real, no matter what other people might think. Age?"
"20."
"Good, I definitely don't want to be a Pedobear going after any jailbait. For your information, I am 19. Contacts?"
"Nope."
"Same here, and now we get to the final question: STD's?"
"God no! I have brains! Although I have a penis, that doesn't stop me from using my intellect for critical moments. Isn't that a little personal?"
"Well that's great! I am all clear too. And a friend once told me that you can't say 'Yeah, well' to gonorrhea. She's right. Once you get that shit anywhere there is no going back. Better safe than sorry."
After all of the annoying background information was taken care of, real conversation and bonding could begin. Both were pleasantly surprised to discover that they not only shared an intense love for videogames and anime, were attending the same crap university and were both single, they also used the same brands of makeup. All through out the night, Kim found it attractive when the Lady, or Alex, blushed or was nervous, while Alex found himself transfixed by Kim's cleavage and DAT wonderful ASS. :O
Their intense discussion over the pros and cons of Sephora Mascara was suddenly interrupted by a deafening chorus of cat calls and whistles in the direction of the main stage.
Kim checked her watch, and as she thought it was 12:34 am on the dot, which could only mean one thing: it was time for Queens and Scenes' nightly drag exhibition to commence. Kim and Alex merely sat back and enjoyed the show, partly because it was good, but mainly because they could not hear each other over the suddenly loud music and wild cheering.
Queen after queen, dressed in anything from nurses outfits to pokemon cosplay were catwalking the stage. Some did renditions of Whitney Houston songs while others performed provocative dances and strip teases. One even ripped their shirt off and did an impressive copy of "The Rain Dance." Soon, however, everyone walked off the stage with lots of cash money strapped in g-strings stuffed bras or stilettos, making way for the main event: The Tiger Twins.
Although they were not even twins, nor did they ever dress like tigers, they were the Tiger Twins because they felt like it, and no one at that drag bar was nosy enough to ask questions that were not even necessary. Melissa and Liv were mainly an oddity, not for their choice of name, but because they were the only performers dressed as women, who were ACTUALLY women. Of course, no one questioned that, either, because the pair DID look bitchin' in stilettos and many people were too amazed by them to be able to close their mouths and ask questions.
And that night, the pair was especially bitchin' dressed as Panty and Stocking from the hit series "Panty and Stocking With Garter Belt" Liv, of course as Panty and Melissa as Stocking, performed and eyebrow-AND-cock raising performance to the tune of "Dream A Little Dream of Me" – The Techno remix… and although no one knew how that could have been possible before, the Tiger Twins left many of the patrons of Queens and Scenes with BIG dreams of both Panty and Stocking.
As they both exited the stage, the Tiger Twins caught Kim's eye, blew her a kiss and sent her a wink, before finally leaving with a sexy click of their heels. This did not escape the Lady – I mean Alex's – notice and he faced Kim who was, surprisingly, blushing.
"You guys share a history or something?"
"Well, let's just sum it up in three words: Ménage à trois"
And with that, Alex had to do some uncomfortable adjusting.
Before Kim could comment on THAT, she was interrupted as, on stage, there erupted an enormous plume of sparkles and smoke, and out came the most beautiful queen she had ever clapped eyes on… Except for Lady Lilith Wormwood, of course.
There she was, a vision in fluorescent pink feathers and leather: RuPaul, the legend, the Queen. And she strutted across the stage to the beat of "Girls just Wanna Have Fun" stroking her feather boa across many mens' faces and strutting her pink g-string clad ass to everyone who whistled at her, which was A LOT. When Kim finally closed her mouth to the spectacle before her, she looked over to her companion to find Alex with his head in his hands.
Before Kim could ask what was wrong with him, RuPaul had somehow gotten close to where they were sitting, and brushed his feather boa across Alex's face, leaving the now bewildered and surprised Queen with an intense blush on his face.
Alex merely held up his hand and said, "Before you ask any questions Kim, yes, RuPaul was my SiFu, or teacher in the arts of being a Queen. And She has never left me alone since."
"Wow," Kim said. She was impressed. Which was a rare thing, because nothing had ever truly fazed her until that moment. "But why don't you seem too proud of the fact that RuPaul is your Seafood?"
"Well, she always comes up at both the best and worst of moments. Like at my bedroom in my parent's house, and on the street, to train me. Also, it's SiFu NOT Seafood."
"Seafood? I am saying it right, yes?"
And, because Alex did not have the heart to correct her, RuPaul SiFu will now be known henceforth as RuPaul Seafood.
Because the party was getting a little rowdy even for his extreme and flamboyant tastes, Alex had a suggestion.
"Hey, I have two tickets to see a Shadowcast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at 5:00 am in the Sony Centre for Performing Arts. Do you want to beat this Pupusa stand and go?"
"Mmm, Girl, you know what I like," Kim agreed with a smile.
"Just please, let me change first. The g-string I have on is currently digging into my fun parts."
And so, after Alex finished changing into jeans and a t-shirt and a more comfortable set of underwear, Alex and Kim were on their way to what they did not know would be one of the greatest misadventures of their lives.
Also… if you don't think a show would be playing at 5:00am, it's fiction, and believability isn't worth a damn in this world. Alex and Kim definitely did not give a damn, they were going to a show. :P
To Be Continued in Part 3, the Last instalment of this saga:
Inferno OR The Night… And Day After
