Ch. 2
I woke up crumpled on the bathroom floor. The feeling similar to a hangover rushed over me as I gain consciousness. As I felt the little white stick in my hand, I remembered the events of last night. The prom, carrie's death, finding out I was pregnant. Tears started coming back.
I couldn't do this. How was I supposed to do anything anymore? My whole world fell apart last night.
I walked down the hall. I didn't want to be alone right now. I crawled into my mom's bed the same way I did when I was a little girl. Just being near her I felt clearer. I slept the rest of the evening with my mom. It felt childish needing my mommy, but after all I'd been through in the past few hours I had the right to be a little childish.
Whether I actually slept that night or not was a mystery. I thought about my baby. I thought about tommy. I thought about carrie white. I couldn't keep my mind from thinking.
I didn't have to keep the baby. I'm 18, I could get rid of it and no one would ever know. Tommy wouldn't want that. This was his baby too. This little thing growing inside me was just as much his as it was mine. He'd never be here to meet her.
Her…. it was a little girl. I was going to have a little girl. One day there would be a little girl who would come into my room late at night seeking comfort.
I woke up the next morning in my mom's room. I glanced down at my phone. It was the first Saturday in four years I didn't have a cute good morning text from tommy to read. (minus the two weeks we broke up for sophomore year). Mom was in the kitchen drinking her coffee.
I made my way out of her room.
"want some?" she asked.
"I'm good," usually I'd never pass up, but you're not supposed to have caffeine when you're pregnant right? It didn't seem real still. In nine months I was going to have a baby. A little human being was going to depend on me for everything. There was a life inside me, a life that me and tommy created.
I put my head on the counter and my mom came over to comfort me.
"I'm so sorry baby" she rubbed my back. I'm assuming the news covered most of what happened at the school.
I didn't know how to respond or what to do. I rested my head on her not knowing what to say. Am I supposed to tell her now? A tear rolled down my check. At this point, tears falling was just like breathing or blinking.
"honey…" she said wiping them away.
I hadn't noticed till now that I still had a test curled up in my hand. I hadn't let go of it. Glancing down at it, I saw the little pink plus sign that decided the rest of life. Can I even go to college? The plan was to go to school with tommy next year. That's all different now. That little plus sing changed my whole.
I guess I had started crying somewhere lost in my thoughts because mom came back over and held me once again.
"baby I'm so sorry" she said
Why wait? I thought. Silently I slid the test onto the counter. She looked confused at first. She picked it up and looked at me. I couldn't bare to make eye contact.
"You're pregnant" she exhaled. I let out a sob. "shhh, baby… you're gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay"
