Negotiations
This is a conversation between Faramir and his small daughter Fíriel. I haven't indicated who is speaking every time, because it's obvious.
Shall I tell you the story of the boy who drank an Ent-draught and grew as tall as a tree?
Are Ents real?
Indeed they are. They keep Isengard for the King.
Have you seen them?
Yes, I have. Perhaps you'll see them too, one day.
What are they like? Like trees?
Yes, like trees that walk and talk.
Talk like us, or in tree-language?
Both, but tree-language only to each other. It's a very slow language, too slow for the rest of us. Now shall I begin the story, or shall I just say 'good night'?
If you said 'good night' in Ent language, how long would it take?
All night until dawn, I expect.
Shall we find an Ent and ask him?
Maybe, but not if it keeps us up all night. We'd have to find him early in the day.
But then he wouldn't say 'good night'.
There's logic for you!
What's logic?
Ask me tomorrow. I can't explain while you're sleepy.
I'm not sleepy. What do Ent voices sound like?
Very deep and booming and woody.
Talk like an Ent.
imitating Treebeard Hoom hoom, what have we here? Is this the naughty little girl from Emyn Arnen I've heard so much about?
He wouldn't say that, he'd be polite. And that's a silly voice.
It's silly for me, but I'm not an Ent.
If you were an Ent, what would I be?
An Enting.
How do Entings talk?
I don't know, I've never seen or heard one.
You said that in your sad-story voice. Is there a sad story about Entings?
Yes, too sad for bedtime. I'll tell you another day. Now choose a short story, because it's getting late.
Tell about Elves.
What about Elves?
About the Silmarils.
That's the longest story there is.
Tell about Halflings then. Halfling stories can't be as long as Elf stories, because Halflings are much smaller than Elves.
Hm! Not such good logic this time. What Halfling story do you want?
About how they met the king in disguise, in Bree.
That's the king's own story, and he tells it much better than I do.
But the king isn't here, and I like the way you tell it.
You do, do you, little flatterer?
Yes. Tell it.
Very well. Do you remember who the Halflings had just said good-bye to?
Tom Bombadil. That's a very silly name.
He has another name. Iarwain.
I like that better.
Very well, we'll say Iarwain. Not long after saying goodbye to Iarwain, the Halflings…
No, don't tell that one. It has Black Riders in it, they're frightening.
That's true. We don't want to give you bad dreams.
Do Black Riders give you bad dreams?
Yes, sometimes.
I'm sorry, Father. Let's not talk about them. Tell about Gollum and how he lost the Ring to Bilbo that was the Ringbearer's cousin that you met during the War.
Very well. But only three riddles each, and no new ones tonight. I've had no time to make any up.
That's a pity, but never mind. Tell the story.
…
… and he struggled and struggled, and suddenly, pop! What happened?
All his buttons bursted off!
Yes, so they did, all his beautiful brass buttons, and fell with a clink to the floor. So he escaped with no buttons to his waistcoat, and ran and ran until he would have been quite out of sight if he hadn't been invisible anyway, and all the goblins found was the buttons on the floor of the cave.
And was he sorry to lose them?
I'm sure he felt very untidy, but buttons are small loss if you escape with your life. And later, when he came home safe and grew rich, he had a waistcoat with gold buttons.
And what did the goblins do with the brass ones?
I think they brought them to the new Great Goblin, and said that they had slain the poor hobbit and taken his jewels as a trophy, but he had crept away to die. Which was a great lie, for we know he was safe and sound. And the new Great Goblin had them made into a necklace and wore it on special occasions, and I'm sure he looked very silly.
And Bilbo escaped with the magic ring that you saw later?
I never saw it, but I talked with Frodo who bore it, and he told me the story I have just told you.
It's a good story. Now tell about how you met Gollum.
There's no time for that. It's getting late. I'm going to ring for Morwen to take you to bed.
No!
Yes. And if you're naughty about it I shall get angry and perhaps smack you.
No you won't.
Don't try me too far.
Uncle Boromir wouldn't say I had to go to bed so soon, or get angry or smack me.
Uncle Boromir would have said exactly what I have just said, and he would smack you if you deserved it, and his hand was much, much heavier than mine. Now hand me the bell, I'm going to ring.
Kiss me goodnight first.
All right. Kiss kiss. And yes, you can hug me, but there's no need to strangle me. Ouch! let go!
Only if you promise to tell another story in the morning.
I'll promise, but only if you get down and go with Morwen, now, like a good girl.
I'm a good girl now.
