Baka & Test: Ask A Baka
Rating: K+
Pairings: Canon/Crack
Genre: Humor, Romance
Disclaimer: I still don't own this…
Notes: Here's the first true chapter of this "story", with answers a plenty from all your favorite characters. I've placed all of the questions as per the story's format, as in, in style of a true test. Teacher's comments included. Anyway, keep them questions coming! – More Answers To Come Next Chapter.
Song: U2 – "Hold Me, Trill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me"
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Partial Test #1
1. (For Kouta) When are you going to go out with Aiko? (From Latios1)
- Kouta: My heart belongs to my camera. I won't waste my time on something I cannot get juicy photos out of.
- Teacher's Comments: That's too vague there… Are we thinking about the same Aiko?
2. (For Aiko) When are you going to go out with Kouta? (From Latios1)
- Aiko: I have to tell sensei that I got the same question as Muttsulini. Weird one too… Anyways, "go out"? What's up with that? I have something much more in-character planned for my dear voyeur Kouta…
- Teacher's Comments: Where were girls like you when I was in school…
3. (For Aiko) Are you jealous that Kouta spends most of his time spying on girls and trying to get panty shots? (From Yoky2cool4u)
- Aiko: Me again, huh? Jealous, of what? One simple flash of my skirt is enough to get him back on the floor and… my, that sound too kinky. Although, I must admit that it is a bit annoying to have him running around trying (and failing) to get panty shots all the time, when all he needs to do is just ask… But, then again, I do like that part of him.
- Teacher's Comments: Miss Aiko, may I speak to you after class…
4. (For Shouko) Have you ever thought of not harming Yuuji when you go out on a 'date'? (From Yoky2cool4u)
- Shouko: …Love hurts.
- Teacher's Comments: …Too short.
- Shouko: …Says you.
- Teacher's Comments: …Funny…
5. (For Himeji) Have ever tried the food you make? If not I dare you to eat it! (From Yoky2cool4u)
- Himeji: I don't think I have. It does smell nice and the ingredients I use are all but the best, so I can assume it's good. I guess I've just been too preoccupied with giving it to someone in time to give it a try. I did bring Yoshii-kun a few treats, so I guess I could it one or two before giving them to him…
- Teacher's Comments: Today we lost one of our brightest and most valued students. In pace requiescat.
6. (For Kouta) Will you ever stop taking (perverted) pictures of girls ... and Hideyoshi? (From Yoky2cool4u)
- Kouta: Can your heart stop beating? Can you stop drinking water? Can you stop channel surfing when nothings on? Then I too cannot stop what I need to live. Especially not Hideyoshi.
- Teacher's Comment: There's too much that I should get involved in that I will pretend I didn't just read.
7. (For Akihisa) Why are you so stupid and your sister so smart? Have you ever thought of having your sister tutor you? And last but not least, why are you so stupid? (From Yoky2cool4u)
- Akihisa: Why do I always get multiple questions… This wasn't even in the book… Ok, calm down, and think. First, I'm stupid because I fell down the stairs, into the street and got run over by a bunch of sombreros wearing burritos. Second, no way. She just saw an Adam Sandler movie and the first thing she would do would be to strip every time I got an answer right. No thanks! And last (but not least), I was born that way, then given to adoption, and was never taken to Mario Land… Did I pass?
- Teacher's Comment: What is wrong with you? (PS: Sombreros means hats; you got run over by hats?)
8. (For Shimada) What do you like about Aki(hisa)? (From misslaly19)
- Shimada: Figures, first question I'd get… …Well, I suppose it's maybe the way he acts, mostly, around me and around everyone else. That carefree comical side of him. Or maybe it's the way he defends what he believes in and those he cares about. Or, maybe it's when I met him. I can be a bit rough on him at times but he never gets mad or let's that ruin our friendship… Or maybe it's all of the above…
- Teacher's Comments: That was sweet… Are we thinking about the same Akihisa?
9. (For Himeji) What cup are you? (I'm a woman) (From misslaly19)
- Himeji: Good for you? I am too… My cup? Do you mean as in coffee cups or tea cups? Is that like those "what anime/manga character are you" type of question? Because I wouldn't know. If what you mean is bust size, then I'm a size F… If the databooks are to be believed. I know, I know. Lame pun… Regardless, if you're a woman then you know that big breasts aren't always the best…
- Teacher's Comments: I pray for the safety of you back… And for your safety against boys…
10. (For Hideyoshi) Are you really a man? Please, will you marry me? (From misslaly19)
- Hideyoshi: Of course I'm a man, or boy at least. I know my looks scream otherwise, but I'm a full fledge boy, not a girl or a gender all on my own… And I don't really know how to answer the other question. Are you being serious? I don't even know you, not that I'm saying no it's just that I would like to know you a bit better, if you're okay with it at least, I mean… I don't really know what to say.
- Teacher's Comment: Rejoice boy, fangirls like them bishounens… What am I on?
11. (For Yuuko) Do you have a brother (cough/sister/cough) complex? (From misslaly19)
- Yuuko: Pardon? I do not have a brother complex. Brother complex, by the way. Hideyoshi may be as feminine as humanly possible, but he is very much a boy by all means… And that's not really helping my brother complex argument, huh?
- Teacher's Comment: Insert funny comment here.
12. (For Akihisa) What is phi? If your answer is wrong you must eat Himeji's food. (From misslaly19)
- Akihisa: What? The test is threatening me? I always knew they would do this to me one day. And phi? Erm, is it pharmaceutical heroes industries? Peace hills introverted? People have imaginations? Dr. phil? Is it what Himeji uses to cook, because if it is, it would explain a lot.
- Teacher's Comment: φ
13. (For Shimada) Aren't you embarrassed that Muttsulini takes photos of your undies? Why do you like to hurt Aki(hisa)? Can you be nice to him? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Shimada: Of course I am. I don't like getting my underwear peaked at every single time a gust of wind hits or I bend half an inch. Thing is that no matter how many times I break his camera with his skull, he pops another one out. As for Aki, it's not that I like to hurt him, it's just that I'm a bit possessive, I guess. I get easily jealous and maybe I do go overboard at times. Hey, I've been trying…
- Teacher's Comment: When you said he "pops another one out", did you mean a camera or his skull?
14. (For Himeji) Do you realize your cooking is lethal? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Himeji: Apparently not as much as everybody else. Is it really that bad? I don't intend it to be. I know I'm no expert but I do make it with the best intention in mind. I'll have to start tasting it from now on…
- Teacher's Comments: Just take their word for it…
15. (For Akihisa) You are an idiot, why is that? You got two (2) girls flocking for you? How dense are you? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Akihisa: Multiple questions again… First, well an ancient prophecy once said that an idiot would be born into the world and that he would go to school in a sailor shirt and be forever hailed as an idiot. Second, I caramba, did I read that wrong! For a second I read something else. Oh, okay. Flocking, that means going after or something, right? Who, what did I do to them? Why are they after me? Are they working for the Mafia? The Godfather? Reborn? And last, very.
- Teacher's Comment: First time I've seen more question marks in the answer than in the question…
16. (For Yuuji) Why you not marry Shouko? Give a good reason and not those you say in the anime. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Yuuji: Marriage? I don't want to be forced into it. Shouko sees it all like a fairy tale or something, but I'm more realistic. She and I simply don't match. And the ones I said before are good reasons, she just doesn't understand.
- Shouko: …Denial is the first step.
- Yuuji: Get back to your own damn test!
- Teacher's Comment: Second step is anger, then bargaining, followed by depression and finally comes acceptance… The more you know.
17. (For Shouko) Are you on drugs? You are really obsessive with Yuuji. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Shouko: …No, Yuuji is my only drug. …That sounds cliché. And, I know I'm obsessive. A girl has to protect what is rightfully hers. Better than living in the what-if.
- Teacher's Comment: As always, right to the point. Well done Shouko.
18. (For Yuuko) Since you are smart, will anybody hear a tree falling about a five (5) mile radius? Are you single? I find you are cute and attractive and also amusing. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Yuuko: Probably not, unless the tree in unnaturally large and tall, which would probably would not be the case. There would also be many things (buildings, cars, other trees) which would obstruct the sound, not to mention other sounds as well. Chances are you wouldn't hear it. As for the other question, I am, for now. Not that I'm actively looking or anything. Thanks for the complements however, I'm glad someone thinks that way.
- Teacher's Comment: Several types of animals may pick up the sound (faintly) if there are few obstructions, but humans would probably not notice a thing.
19. (For Hideyoshi) Did you get an operation? I'm still confused if you are a male or female. Can I date your sister? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Hideyoshi: I did not, I was born this way-
- Akihisa: Lady Gaga reference!
- Hideyoshi: I'm being serious, stop writing on my paper. I am by all means a male, even if I don't look it too much. As for dating my sister, that all depends on Aneue. If she wants…
- Teacher's Comment: If you're going to reference pop culture icons starting with Lady Gaga you're way too out of it.
20. (For Aiko) Do you enjoy making Muttsulini waste his blood cause of your act? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Aiko: Yes, I very much do.
- Teacher's Comment: Poor boy.
21. (For Kouta) Do you have any pictures on Yuuko? Why are you so easy to have nosebleed? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Kouta: I do, but they're not of my best quality. She is very hard to capture "just right". And, I get easily excited…
- Teacher's Comment: Hey now, keep this K+.
22. (For FFF) Are you guys terrorist? Or just retarded? You guys need a therapist. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- FFF (#1): We are not terrorists. We stand together for what is right. We believe in equality, for every member of the male species. We a-
- FFF (#2): If you say "we" so much then why are you the only one answering. "We" should all answer "our" question.
- FFF (#1): No! I'm doing this for the team.
- FFF (#3): Says who?
- FFF (#1): Says me!
- FFF (#4): What about "we"?
- FFF (#1): What about "we"?
- FFF (#4): Wha-?
- FFF (#5): Stop confusing him. He's a bit slow.
- FFF (#6): Retarded is an offensive word, and the exam has it. Can we sue?
- FFF (#1): Get away from my desk you hood wearing idiots, I don't know if you've been told but these things need to be washed daily!
- FFF (#7): I think we can sue. Most definetely.
- FFF (#2): I agree.
- FFF (#1): Don't ignore me!
- Teacher's Comment: It's a sad day when you're all counted as a single stu-
- FFF (#1): Who asked you?
- Teacher's Comment: Don't take the paper away!
- FFF (#8): Hi!
- Teacher's Comment: …
23. (For Kubo) Have you gone to a doctor? You are very disturbing. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Kubo: Disturbing? Why? Is it because of my love for Akihisa? Why is a true love that is hotter that the burning sun considered disturbing? I love Akihisa and I will fight for him. Maybe my attempts are a bit over-the-top, but I do not regret them. I need no doctor!
- Teacher's Comment: I do not want to know what you have done.
24. (For Shimizu) Have you gone to a doctor? You are very disturbing. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Shimizu: I have not, since I have no illness. Akihisa is not worthy on my dear onee-sama's love, therefore, I must protect her. I'll admit that he's not as bad as I originally thought, but he's not that much better. I find it uncalled for to call me disturbing because of that.
- Teacher's Comment: What have you people been doing?
25. (For Kaoru (The Principal)) Why no cooking class? That could help Aki(hisa)'s grade. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Kaoru: I understand that cooking class would help many students, Akihisa included, but administering a new class into the ESB would be an arduous task. That, and I fear for everyone's safety once Mizuki gets involved…
- Teacher's Comment: Principal, boss? Why are you taking this test? If I grade you wrong, am I fired?
26. (For Souichi (AKA: Ironman)) Why do you like to give tests? Just to torture your students? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Ironman: I like to give tests because it's my job, be they normal tests or the remedial classes. I will admit that I do enjoy making an entrance and taking the screaming and crying students away, but it's all for their own good. Which is as good as an excuse as I need.
- Teacher's Comment: You too? You know, answers like that make your reputation all the harder to change…
27. (For Akira) Why are you incest with your bro? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Akira: He's just too cute, is all. I do have the best intentions for Aki, be they what they may, but he's too innocent. Many of those girls could take advantage of him and leave him ruined for marriage, and then being as girls are, not take the responsibility for it. Aki is my baby, and as such, I'm with him.
- Teacher's Comment: That's… disturbing.
28. (For Shimada) Have you considered how your actions really hurt Aki(hisa) even if you like him? Deal with his idiocy. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Shimada: I know I get out of hand sometimes, and I'm trying to fix it. But… he does go overboard a bit too, you know, so it isn't all me. If he would be an idiot and a perv with just me, then I guess I could look the other- …What are you making me say?
- Teacher's Comment: Someone once said the first step is denial.
29. (For Himeji) Have you considered how your actions really hurt Aki(hisa) even if you like him? Deal with his idiocy. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Himeji: I didn't really consider it like that… You're not referring to the cooking again, are you? I swear I'll taste it beforehand, promise. Also, I guess I can get too jealous of how he is with other girls and such, and I don't have an excuse. He… He's a great boy, and I'm afraid he'll go after someone else. I don't want that, and I'm yet not strong enough to hold him any other way. I… I wouldn't know how too.
- Teacher's Comment: Are we still thinking about the same Akihisa? Really?
30. (For Aiko) Are you guys (Aiko & Kouta) dating? I find your relationship amusing. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Aiko: Not really, but thanks for the compliment thou. Regardless of what Muttsulini will say in his answer, I know what strings to pull to make him look my way. And to keep him looking my way. I find it amusing to, but I don't know if for the same reasons…
- Teacher's Comment: Really, youth these days…
31. (For Kouta) Are you guys (Aiko & Kouta) dating? I find your relationship amusing. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Kouta: Don't listen to what she said in her answer. We are not. We won't. End of discussion.
- Teacher's Comment: No comment.
32. (For Shimizu) Why not go out with each other (Shimizu & Kubo), since you have the same goals? Regardless of reasons. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Shimizu: Me? With Kubo? As if. I don't know what goals you're referring to but I for one do not want to get into Akihisa's pants. And he better not want to get into my dear onee-sama's. If I were to give men a try I'd at least go for Hideyoshi.
- Teacher's Comment: I smell a crack pairing…
33. (For Kubo) Why not go out with each other (Shimizu & Kubo), since you have the same goals? Regardless of reasons. (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Kubo: Blasphemy! My goals are nothing like those of Shimizu, aside from keeping Akihisa and Shimada very, very apart from one another. That does not imply me and Shimizu getting together. I mean, she's a good girl and everything, but, BUT, that's all there is to it. Nothing more; nothing less.
Teacher's Comment: That won't stop the fanfiction writers…
34. (For Yuuji) Are you guys best friends (Yuuji & Akihisa)? Why many like to target you guys? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Yuuji: Yeah, we are. We've known each other for a while, and we're practically bros. I guess people like to target us because the mistake the situation he and I are in. Most people see us as the guy who has the number one student and all around beauty at his feet (Me) or the guy who has two beautiful girls after him who are about to reach a ménage-à-trois pact with him (Akihisa). In reality, we are just slaves in these girls evil plots. We are the victims here, dammit! Stop with all the abuse!
- Teacher's Comment: I still fail to see what the problem is…
- Yuuji: Give it a try yourself teach.
- Teacher's Comment: No thanks.
35. (For Akihisa) Are you guys best friends (Yuuji & Akihisa)? Why many like to target you guys? (From Angel Of Light And Hope)
- Akihisa: Of course! Even if he uses me at times, and gets me beaten up regularly, but then again, all of my friends do that. It's normal. I don't know why I'm being targeted. I don't even know by who. Will someone tell me? My life is in danger and I don't know why!
- Teacher's Comment: Girls fight over this…
- Yuuji: Give it a try yourself teach.
- Teacher' Comment: Wrong paper… I hope.
36. (For Akihisa) When are you going to tell Shimada you love her? (From KoMonkeyXXX)
- Akihisa: Well my dear K.O. Monkey Pornography, I have no idea what you are talking about. Minami is not something to be loved… That sounds harsh, let me try again. I… I really don't know how to answer this. Saying I don't care about her is a lie, but love. Do you mean love as in marriage? Or as in sister? Or friend? Or super hero? Or Pitbull? It's too vague…
- Teacher's Comment: You're existence is vague…
37. (For Yuuji) How fast can you run? I suggest you begin now. (From KoMonkeyXXX)
- Yuuji: What? Is Physical Education a part of this test now too? I can run pretty fast, but I've never measured the speed of it. Depends on what's behind me, I guess.
- Teacher's Comment: Considering the next question, I would presume a "Shouko" would be behind you.
38. (For Shouko) What would your reaction be if I told you that Yuuji got drunk last night and married my seventeen year old sister? (From KoMonkeyXXX)
- Shouko: …Possibly a mixture between Kuudere and Yandere, a la School Days. What would your reaction be when you learn you have one less sister, and one less brother-in-law.
- Teacher's Comment: I won't say nice boat.
39. (For Kouta) Do you love Aiko? When are you going to admit you love Aiko? (From KoMonkeyXXX)
- Kouta: No and never.
- Teacher's Comment: Too short.
- Kouta: Bite me.
- Teacher's Comment: Hey.
40. (For Akihisa) Why won't you return Minami's kiss? At least she doesn't try to kill you with your cooking. And another thing... do you ever think before you speak? Minami would stop hurting you if you just used your brain a little! (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Akihisa: Why do I get the longest questions? Ok, let's go. First, ah… erm… Second, my cooking doesn't kill me. It's the lack of food that might. Lastly, I really don't, and I guess you're right. Maybe if I were to think a bit more, she wouldn't get mad as much, but most of the time she gets mad I don't even know why. But hey, I don't really mind. Rather she smacks me than she cries, right?
- Teacher's Comment: There may be a chance for you yet… FWI, I think the question meant Himeji's cooking, not yours.
- Akihisa: Oh, that's true. Himeji is a beauty, but she cooks to kill an elephant. Not even Hideyoshi can withstand it.
- Teacher's Comment: I see…
41. (For Shouko) Was it love at first sight with Yuuji? (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Shouko: …There's a probably good chance that it was. I knew I felt something for him back then when we were kids, but even if I used to call it love I wasn't really sure. Now I am, and maybe I was back then too. Regardless, there's no mistaking it now.
- Teacher's Comment: How sweet…
42. (For Yuuji) Why don't you ever stop to think about Shouko's feelings? She's loved you for so long. And I know, deep down in your heart, you love her too. It showed when you saved her from certain death during the ST war. And I qoute 'I thought I lost you'. Would a man not in love say that to a girl? (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Yuuji: And Akihisa complains about the length of his questions… Okay, let's see, where to begin… I think about Shouko's feelings (even if she doesn't take mine into consideration), which is precisely why I tell her not to think of us as a couple when we are not. I don't say it to hurt her or anything, it's just, I don't see her that way. I don't think I love her. Maybe I care about her, of course, but love? Regardless of what I say, I'll admit one thing though; I don't want to lose her. So of course I was afraid that she would die. Even if our opinions don't always see eye-to-eye, I will always protect her, since my mouth and heart don't always see eye-to-eye either.
- Teacher's Comment: Guess you too, huh?
43. (To Shimada) I know Aki(hisa)'s annoying and stupid, but can you go easy on him for once? (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Shimada: More people take Aki's side than I thought… Of course I can, and I'm trying, I promise. I want to be nicer to him and show my "nicer" side or something like that, but I guess considering everything it's hard not to be tough on the guy. He means well yet he gets on my nerves so very easily. My fault for falling in love with an idiot…
- Teacher's Comment: Love is a whirlwind of emotions…
44. (To Yuuko) Do you have a brother complex? Please tell me you do! And also, what's your favorite yaoi couple? Would you support Kubo with whatever guy he dates? I mean, come on! It's free yaoi! (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Yuuko: For the last time: no! I don't. I won't tell you I do. And furthermore, I-… Yaoi? The test talks about yaoi? Well, if it's about that… My favorite couple, out of all fandoms or out of the people I know? If it's the people I know it's definitely Yoshii with my pathetic excuse for a brother. He'd be so cute as an Uke. I can just imagine him looking up and Yoshii, as Yoshii prepares to shove into him with that look in his eyes… Still not sounding convincing here on the bro complex. As for Kubo, sure, knock yourself out. But I don't think I'd see him as free yaoi. I like pretty boys, a bit on the feminine side, which Kubo is so not.
- Teacher's Comment: …So it's not just the boys with dirty minds (Aiko excluded) here, huh? I'm honestly surprised. Also: Keep. It. K+!
45. (To Hideyoshi) You know... You make it very difficult for a girl to know which way she's supposed to swing... But, on the upside, if you truly are a boy, then at least you look cute in a dress! I can have the best of the best with you! Will you wear anything the drama club gives you for a play? (From Angelic Sakura Blossom)
- Hideyoshi: I do? I mean, that's good right? I'm very flattered by that, since I always thought that I'd never get a girl to look my way unless she was dissing me for stealing her boyfriend's gaze. And I'm sorry for any confusion, but I'm truly a boy. One which rather not wear a dress but knows he will be forced into one anyways. Can I say again how strange this question makes me feel, I'm embarrassed by it, a lot. Also, I will wear anything to a play, since I live for the drama club. In fact, I'd be okay wearing nothing, since there have been rumors about a city play of Equus, but I would rather not have to play Jill…
- Teacher's Comment: Quite the charmer you're becoming… And by "nothing", do you mean-?
- Yuuko: Playboy pervert.
- Hideyoshi: It's not like that Aneue, I meant it in an artistic, what-if scenario kinda way!
- Yuuko: Right…
- Teacher's Comment: This will be on the test.
- Akihisa: This is the test!
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The Author Rants About:
Male Vs. Female
I've noticed on this Q&A (and on many other of my reviews) that the readers usually take the side of one or the other end of the spectrum, or down right criticize both. I find that hilarious. Are Minami's and Himeji's treatment of Akihisa pure abuse, or does he deserve it for acting like an idiot and hurting their feelings over and over again. What about Yuuji & Shouko? Kouta & Aiko? The Kinoshita siblings? Our poor teacher?
It's just fun to find alternate interpretations to what we are given. In my case, I think Akihisa deserves some of the treatment he gets, because he gets quite a bit more in return. Regardless of which pairing you prefer both Minami and Himeji are top beauties, so he'd have to be blind not to be grateful. Then again, Akihisa is a genuinely nice guy, so the girls have an actual reason to favor him over the rest of the Letter-In-Face classmates of theirs. And…
…I swear I was going somewhere with this.
