Sesha pulled her knees to her chest in her fourth period class. Usually, this class was something she looked forward to for a good laugh or two, but today was dissimilar.
"Are you alright?" Palmer sat in the open seat next to Sesha, "turn that frown upside-down!"
"That's okay," she forced her eyes open, the pills were kicking in, "I mean, no.
I-uhm-I'm alright."
"Matt," Palmer called to the figure entering the room, "Sesha's upset."
"Aww, hon. What's the matter? Tell me all about it," Matt sat on Sesha's lap. She could smell him.
"Nothing," she spoke quietly and managed to return his hug.
"Don't lie to me, love."
Why Matt used terms of endearment to Sesha even though he had a girlfriend escaped Sesha. Whatever, though. That was just Matt.
"No, Matt, I'm okay," Sesha insisted.
"Come on, baby," he tried again.
"Matt! I said I was fine!" Sesha shoved Matt back to a standing position.
"What's going on with you?" Matt asked.
"Nuh-thing!" Sesha yelled, "God! How many times do I have to say it?"
"Sesha," Palmer tried as well.
"Stop pressing me!" Sesha felt the tears.
Sesha felt Matt wrap his arms all the way around her and pull her close, she slid to the ground in a struggle to get away from him.
"Let me go!" She shrieked.
"I know you're on drugs," he whispered in her ear, the same way Bill used to. Only nowhere close.
Her whole body froze with anticipation and he continued to speak, "I won't tell anybody as long as you give them to me."
"No," she shoved him away, "you're lying."
Everything happened in less than a minute, but it felt like an eternity. Sesha was now sitting on the blue-gray carpet that had a dull feeling to it.
"Look, I just want to help you," Matt explained.
"I don't want your help," Sesha refused.
"What's going on?" the teacher had stepped in one the scene.
"She's having an anxiety attack. Can I take her in the hall? Maybe I can calm her down or something," Matt questioned.
"Yeah. I'll call a doctor."
No, don't call a doctor. She should be fine," Matt helped Sesha stand. She crossed her arms over her chest. She was scared, "it'll all be okay."
"Sesha, you can go ahead. Matt will be out in a minute," the teacher sighed. Sesha nodded and exited the room into the hallway.
Her whole body shook as Sesha ambled to a comfortable corner in the hall. Lucky for her, her class was close to a corner, so she didn't have to go far and make Matt look for her. The tears in her eyes began to fall slowly, and she inhaled deeply. Half of what had happened was an act to get people to leave her alone, but the other half was due to the medication.
"Fine, then. I'll just stand outside your car, in the rain. Freezing." She watched him lean against the exterior of her car. His hair was flat and his eyeliner was running. He didn't seem to care.
"Can I have a jump?" Why did she ask such a retarded question? Why would Bill Kaulitz have any freaking clue what a jump was?
Sesha threw her head backwards, clashing with the wall. Bill was the best thing that had ever happened to her and he was dead. It was all her fault.
"Who's annoying?" It was really amazing that this was the first conversation they had ever had.
"You!" Wow, she really was a jerk.
"Oh, really?"
She began to hyperventilate.
"Sesha, do me a favor. -Let me hold you?" Her stomach hit the floor.
"Let you hold me?"
"Hey, Sesha," Matt was in the hallway. He sat beside her.
"Hi," her voice was quiet. She felt bad for yelling at Matt, but it wasn't like she could help it, "sorry for-."
"It's alright. You were pretty upset in there. Do you want to talk about it?" he interrupted, trying as hard as he could to understand her pain and how she felt.
"No," she shook her head, "I'm alright."
"You're not alright. Talk to me, hon," he said playfully and put his arm around her. She smiled.
"Hon...?" he was pressing again.
"I'll be okay," she insisted, not really being honest, "I just want to go home."
"I can drive you, if you want," he offered.
"The school isn't going to let you drive me home," she rolled her eyes, "I'll just walk."
"No, you just had a breakdown, you won't walk," his voice was firm and it was apparent that he wasn't playing around anymore.
"I'll be fine, Matt," she tried. She was thoroughly flattered that Matt cared about her enough to drive her home, but if she said she'd be fine, then she'd be fine, "I promise."
"Sesha, please. Just let me do this. I'll feel better and you can be home. I won't stay or anything. Just, let me drive you."
She nodded hesitantly, "okay."
