Seriously Rachel is OOC in this, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone. I also wrote this whole thing sitting at work so if it's not that well done, blame the fact that i was also helping customers at the same time.
Also thanks for all the reviews and alerts on this story. :)


A week ago if you asked Rachel Berry to her face if she got everything she wanted, her answer would have been a simple 'yes'. But when she would asked her self the same question, late at night when she was asleep, in bed with Finn Hudson, the answer some out as an echoing 'no'.

When Rachel got thoughts like these Finn, the dutiful boyfriend would pull out a slice of wisdom from their performance at regional's in their sophomore year:

You can't always get what you want, but if try sometimes you might find you get what you need.

As always Rachel would be placated for a while and go about her life, blocking out parts her mind that scream at her that she isn't where she wanted to be. Hell it's been doing that since junior year of high school when Finn first used that quote to calm Rachel. From then on it's been a motto for them, a motto that Rachel has come to resent.

Rachel knows that it's that lyric that started the gradual wearing away of her drive. Rachel also knows that it's those lyrics that have her standing in her apartment kitchen with her bags packed, thinking about all that has led up to this point.


The summer after losing to Vocal Adrenalin Rachel thinks for the first time in her life that she has gotten everything she wants. Mostly she's thinking that because she finally has Finn, the boy that she has been pining after since her first day of high school.

That summer Rachel takes Mr. Schuester's advice and takes it easy, enjoying spending time with Finn and few other members of New Directions. Many times she catches herself thinking that life is easy and that now that she has everything she wants things won't be so hard.

Just as many times as she thinks that, she thinks that she wishes Jesse St. James would show up and she could flaunt in his face how she is perfectly happy and that she didn't need to win to have her life have some kind of completion. In fact over the course of the two month summer break Rachel loses count how many times she wished that they would run into Jesse.

When it doesn't happen Rachel is a little upset that she didn't get to prove that she has everything she wanted, and that definitely did not include Jesse. From that moment the desire to prove to Jesse that her life is better without him, becomes mixed in with her dreams of stardom.


Sitting at the kitchen table Rachel realizes that it was that summer that her dreams started to wear away. In fact when Rachel had started to pack up her current life she didn't actually know when this started, she does remember the moments when more of her dreams and wants got pushed away for other things.


Rachel sits in the cafeteria, glaring at her salad. She is furious with Mr Schuester, the glee club and with herself. She can't believe that she let the club once again direct one of her choices.

Rachel had wanted to join a local production of Evita playing the part of Peron's mistress, but the group had told her that they needed to focus on upcoming sectionals and they couldn't have her focusing her energy on something other than glee. She pushes the salad across the table and is about to stand when Finn sits next to her and takes her hand.

"Hey I'm sorry that they don't want to support you, but you have to understand where they are coming from." Finn says

"I do. But they don't get it, what this will mean for me as a stepping stone for my future career."

"Rach you'll have time for shows later, right now just enjoy singing."

"I wanted it so badly Finn, but now it's too late to audition."

"Hey there will be more chances and just think of those lyrics from the Rolling Stones." Finn says dropping a soft kiss on Rachel's head.

"Very true. I'll wait until the summer to take on a play."


Rachel looks at the ticket prices for flights to New York and Florida. The club is planning on what to do for their spring break, after placing at regionals they thought they deserved the break before starting up rehearsals for Nationals. Almost everyone wants to enjoy the sun, sand and surf of Miami, with the exception of Rachel. She wants to go to New York, to see a few shows and mark out places where she'll find the best coffee, food and maybe even apartments.

Going to New York also might have a little to do with the fact that she knows that UCLA is putting on a musical showcase along with other universities and Rachel wants to see potential school choices – the chance that she could run into Jesse has nothing to do with it, or so Rachel tries to convince herself.

In the end Rachel ends up joining the group on the beaches of Miami. She does end up having a relaxing and fun time with everyone. She doesn't think about singing, her future or even the fact that for one week she doesn't practice.

On the flight home Rachel reclines against Finn and the pair talks about the upcoming nationals competition.

"I think I needed this break Finn. I haven't been this calm since, well since ever."

"That's good Rachel. I think you needed it to, it's good to take a break and enjoy life. And with this you prove that the Rolling Stones are right."

"I guess I did." Rachel says and drops a soft peck on Finn's lips.


"Rachel can you believe it I got a scholarship for football at OSU!" Finn says picking up Rachel and spinning her in the hallway.

"That's amazing Finn! I knew that you had it in you."

"You have to come with me; you're my good luck charm Rach."

Rachel looks down at the ground, she's happy for Finn and she does want to go with him, but she's still waiting for NYU and UCLA to get back to her. She had applied to OSU to make Finn happy; knowing that she would get in it would be her back up school if all else failed.

"Finn I want to wait to hear back from NYU and UCLA."

At those words Finn's face falls, but then brightens up with what he thinks will be a great idea.

"Just come with me for one year and then after that transfer over to NYU." Finn says ignoring the school that he knows Jesse goes to.

Rachel wants to tell him 'no', but he's looking at her with such hopeful eyes and having Finn was something that she really wanted. So Rachel bit back her initial response and told Finn that she will consider it.


The next thing Rachel knew she was a junior at OSU living with Finn and being an average person. This is never what she wanted and she knew it with every fibre of her being.

Sitting in the kitchen Rachel thinks about how different her life might have been if she hadn't let wanting to prove to Jesse that she got everything she wanted mix in with her dreams of stardom. She thinks that this whole thing starts and ends with Jesse and that it really never should have.

She wants to blame Jesse for the way her life turned out, but she knows that she can't. If anything what Jesse had done to her should have made her burn – made her desire, drive and focus to be a star even greater. She will thank him though if – not if, when – she sees him again, because it was something he said that finally caused her to look at her life and decide it was time to go after what she wanted.


Rachel is sitting on her couch with a glass of wine watching the red carpet for the Tony's. She thinks about how she had always envisioned herself on that carpet, not on a couch in an Ohio student home.

This year Rachel is more on edge about the Tony's mostly because she knows that it will be the first time in five years that she will see Jesse perform. Not only is the show he's a part of up for a best musical Tony, he is nominated as well and in his Broadway debut no less.

The show starts and Rachel can't take her eyes off the opening number. She never forgot how captivating Jesse was when he performed, but this was different. The song showcases his vocals, while allowing him to show his heart, something that Rachel couldn't deny he had. The rest of his cast is just as good and the opening number ends with such power that Rachel thinks any other performances that come after will pale in comparison.

The rest of the awards show is lively and the host does an ok job of mixing humour and theatricality. By the time it comes to announce the lead actor in a musical Rachel is yawning, but when the nominees are announced she springs up on the couch, her fingers crossed for the boy – man – who broke her heart.

"And the Tony goes to Jesse St. James."

The audience lets out a cheer and from her perch Rachel lets out a scream. She watches as Jesse makes his way to the stage after hugging his co-stars and shaking hands with Joel Gray. Jesse looks down at the trophy in his hands and takes to the mic.

"Wow. I… this is a great honour, especially for my debut. I need to thank so many people for this. Firstly the awesome cast that I have spent so much time with, you guys have become like my family. Eric and Steve for taking a chance on me and allowing me to make this wonderful character my own. The two of you made it easy for me to find my footing in this city and guide me through the first show I have done. I also need to thank my parents who encouraged me, as well as my mentor Shelby Corcoran who trained me for this life."

Rachel watches Jesse pause before looking straight into the camera and Rachel backs up against the couch, she feels like Jesse can see right into her living room.

"Lastly I need to thank RBB, my gold star. You showed me that when I try harder than anyone else I can always get what I want. You also showed to me how important it is to work from the heart and because of you I always do. Thanks!"

Jesse lifts the award above his head before heading off the stage. Rachel sits with her mouth open; did Jesse just address her on national tv? He mentioned her initials and a gold star, which has always been Rachel. Gold stars as metaphors. Her gold star has faded, covered in football games and amateur OSU productions.

Rachel turns off the tv and sobs into her hands over the loss of her drive, dreams and worst of all herself.


Rachel looks at the one way ticket in her hand. The capital letters of JFK burn into her retinas and Rachel sheds a tear. She knows she's going to be giving up so much, but she can't give up on her dreams any longer.

Rachel looks up as she hears the door open and Finn steps into the kitchen. A pain shoots through Rachel as she knows that saying goodbye to Finn is going to be the most painful part of all.

"What's going on Rach?" Finn asks, seeing the bag and the ticket in her hand.

"I'm leaving Finn. This is never what I wanted. I can't stay here anymore, I have to go. I have to live the dreams that I have had since I was four."

"What about our life together Rachel? Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Finn asks, still not fully comprehending that his girlfriend of five years is walking out on him.

"It means a lot to me Finn, but thinking back on our life I realized that being like this stole from me the life that I wanted. It has nothing to do with you Finn, you have been perfect and loving and for the longest time I thought that would be all that I needed, having you. But now it's time for me to get what I want."

Rachel picks up her bag and ticket and steps towards Finn. He opens his mouth to once again give Rachel their motto, but Rachel cuts him off.

"I know what you're going to say Finn and you know what the Rolling Stones were wrong. When you do try, you do get what you want."

With that Rachel walks out of their small apartment and finally on her way to getting what she wants.