Title: His Test
Chapter Title: Heartbreak
Author: Haley Starlight
Pairing: JD/Cox (established relationship)
Warnings: SLASH. Don't like it? Don't read.
Author's Note: I originally thought this was going to be a three-parter, but I've changed my mind. Read my profile for further details, kiddies. Also, I changed the name of the fic from 'The Test' to 'His Test'… I decided it was best to try and go with the format of the show. : )
I sighed as I walked over to the nurse's station. Ever since my confrontation with Newbie in front of the on-call room, he had been doing a particularly annoying—yet, rather amazing—job of avoiding me. That had been three and a half hours ago. While I was still oh so very grumpy at the fact that no one had bothered to tell me what was going on with my partner—did they know who they were messing with? Screw the code of silence!—I was at least a little happy that it was time to go home and finally get some real rest. Only problem was, of course, that Newbie and I had made plans to ride home together. Of course, I was half expecting him to get a ride home from Carla, considering the two came to work together, but I secretly hoped that he'd come home with me—if only because he'd be stuck in a small vehicle with me and thereby be forced to tell me what exactly was going on with him.
"Hey, Dr. Cox," Carla said with a smile. What gave her the right to be cheery? So everything was all good for her while I was absolu-hu-hu-tly miserable? She needed to tell me what I was missing, god damnit! "Bambi asked for a ride from me." I opened my mouth to start to rant about the fact that my sort-of-but-not-really-because-I-hate-that-word boyfriend seemed intent on staying away from me—we lived in the same apartment, for goodness sake!—when Carla continued, a knowing smile on her face as she noticed the vein in my neck start to bulge. "I told him no. I understand that he doesn't want to tell you, but he can't keep avoiding you. He can't let this ruin his relationship with you."
"And what exactly is 'this'?" I asked innocently, crossing my arms and I forced a small smile at Carla.
The Latina nurse smiled knowingly at me, and shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you… JD doesn't want it getting out, so he's swearing everyone he's told to secrecy."
"Say there, Carla, does Ghandi know about this little thing that is causing me oh so ve-he-he-he-he-hery many problems?"
"Oh, don't you dare," Carla said, placing a hand on her hip and wiggling a finger at me. "If you try to beat this out of my husband, then I'm going to be forced to do something to one of those stupid jerseys of yours." I narrowed my eyes at her. Oh, she wouldn't… "That being said, I'm going home, and I hope that for your sake you're able to get JD to talk to you about what's going on." With that, Carla grabbed her sweater off her chair and headed towards the exit, and I snarled at her retreating form, scaring a passing intern, who squeaked and quickly ran down the hall. Maybe the glare of annoyance that I gave him also added to his fear. Good.
"Are we leaving yet, Perry?" came a voice from beside me.
I turned around to face the person, before flicking my nose and crossing my arms. "Oh, there she is! Gosh, Tabitha, I thought you had disappeared sometime during the night, hidden under the cover of two of your patients coding. I mean, goodness gracious, I haven't seen you since you decided to PMS all over yourself. Did it stain, because—"
"And you wonder why I won't tell you," JD said, shaking his head at me. "Maybe if you could at least pretend to not be a total jackass for two minutes I'd tell you. But you can't manage that, can you?"
I snarled slightly, narrowing my eyes at my partner. "Now look here, JD: I tried to be that mushy, god forsaken puddle of gooey emotion that you wanted me to be, and then you just blew me off. So what is that supposed to say to me, exactly?"
"It's your fault, that's what it's supposed to say," JD said before walking towards the exit. I sighed, confused, and followed after my doe-eyed wonder. I guess this meant no sex after both of us had been properly rested.
Later (much, MUCH later) that day…
I groaned as I sat up, stretching out a bit, and frowning as my hand hit the back of the couch. That's right, the great Perry Cox had slept on the couch while his whiney, annoying, sexy boyfriend slept in the bedroom. Really, it wasn't exactly my fault that we were fighting. What I couldn't understand was why Newbie insisted on not telling me what was going on with him. Was it really that bad?
Looking up, I silently asked a God I didn't believe in to listen to me, and take mercy on me, for once in my miserable, god damn life. Hell, my rants weren't even as good now that my relationship seemed to be on the rocks for reasons unknown. "Please just get him to tell me. I'm not good with the emotion crap, and I don't know how to ask him without him taking it the wrong way. He usually understands what I mean when I say something… He usually understands that I'll never say some things outright. And this… it's making me miserable. Before I started my god awful long shift, we were great. Had sex, ate dinner, had sex again, and then passed out on the couch with beers in our hands. And then suddenly he gets to the hospital and he's all doom and gloom? He won't even tell me why! We've been dating for a year now and ne-he-he -ver has he nawt told me what's going on with him. Really, he's like a three year old—he can't keep his mouth shut. And… While those times are always so very annoying, they're actually kind of nice, and I might be pushed as far as to say that I miss them… So, big guy, if you really exist… I love him. Please help me out here, for once."
"Dan killed himself."
I quickly turned around, finding that JD had been watching me from the hallway, his face sad and lost. I swallowed hard, and was forced to say something about the idiot wasting space when he was alive, but bit it back, realizing if I said that then it'd give JD more reason to not tell me anything in the future. "JD…"
Newbie walked over to the couch, sitting down slowly as he looked down at his hands. I quickly lifted an arm, wrapping it around his shoulders as I pulled him close. "I found out yesterday morning… My mother called me and told me about it…" He wrapped his arms around himself, and I felt inclined to pull him closer, smoothing down his hair just a bit. "I told him about us last week… Apparently he couldn't deal with it. At least, that's what she told me… She said it was all our fault… That she hated me… That we were going to burn in hell and that she never wanted to see my face again…"
"JD," I whispered softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "She's angry, I'm sure she didn't mean it."
"But she did," JD said quietly, looking up at my face. "She blames me. She blames us; what we have, what we do… Dan was getting his life together, things were going great for him… there's no reason why he would go and… I mean… The timing is—"
"A coincidence," I stated firmly, but softly. "I'm sure we weren't the reason."
"But we were," JD said with so much certainty that it killed me. "I… I'm going to go see my mother, try to work things out… If she decides to stop hating me… I'm going to live with her for a little while… take care of her, because Dan can't now…"
"Live with her?" I asked, shocked and hurt and—god damn this kid, why did he make me feel this way? I don't want him to go—I honestly need him. "But what about us, kid?" And then he said it, causing my heart to shatter.
"I'm not sure about us right now. We're the reason my brother's dead."
"But… How could you say that? I… JD."
JD shook his head, silencing me. "I appreciate what you said, and your attempt at leveling with me… I really do, Perry. And I love you too, so much. But… I just feel so guilty. I need to rectify that before I can move on. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?!" I yelled, standing up from the couch quickly, glaring down at my Newbie. My Newbie? Right. Didn't seem like that was happening anymore anytime soon. "I've been bending over backwards for you! I've changed who I am as a person to please you, so I can be with you, so you can be happy! I left Jordan for you, I risked the chance to see my son every week for you! And now you're running off to the mother that said such crappy things to you?! She's the reason you're feeling like this right now, she's the reason you're so guilty! So why the hell run to her?! If you're doing that, Newbie, then stay there permanently! Don't ever come back!"
I hated the tears I saw in JD's eyes, and immediately regretted being so harsh. But, honestly, what the fuck did he expect me to do? He left me hanging all night, PMSed all over me, and for what? To tell me that he was moving and we were done? I had a right to be pissed off.
"I understand," Newbie said, nodding slightly as he rubbed at his teary eyes, looking down at the ground. "I'll get my stuff and stay with Carla and Turk until I leave. Goodbye, Perry." With that, JD sat up from the couch, walking back into the hallway. I stood there, trying to figure out what exactly it was that had just happened.
Just so you know, this story WILL have a sort-of sequel to it. I promise you that the early "thoughts" in the beginning of the first part will tie into it all.
