Buffy's p.o.v.
" Hey Buffy, you okay" said Anya when she and Xander walked through the open door of The Magic Box.
Xander was glancing at me with his fake emotionless stare, which I knew was hiding his worry. He asked me a very stupid question.
" So where'd tall, blonde, and stupid get off to?" I tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. I slowly felt the burn grow into the fire that had turned oddly comforting.
I crumpled to the ground in tears. Willow and Anya were sitting on the floor rocking me back and forth. Comfort was useless. I wanted the pain. Wanted the misery. The heartbreak. It was my only reminder that HE was real.
Xander dropped to his knees and apologized about a million times. He didn't realize that I could see around the cold shoulder he gave Spike. I knew that he cared in his own Xander-ish way.
I saw the tears spring to his eyes even though he quickly pushed them back. He was hiding something. I wouldn't push it though. At least he, in a weird way, understood my pain.
I couldn't push him away. Giles was standing there in shock by my reaction. His face was priceless. I laughed inwardly and stood up wiping away the last of my tears.
"He left cause he was tired of Sunnyhell" I said in a huff and ran to my room, where I continued my breakdown alone.
'Spike, you left when I was going to tell you.' I should have told him why I wanted him so badly, and maybe he'd still be here. I wish we could change the past.
I'd ask Willow, but last time I did that it backfired severely. So I can't do anything about about the hole in my heart where Spike should be.
