Looking for Answers

Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin. I own nothing.

Story is set during Season Five and explores the lack of communication between Martin and Louisa.

Chapter 2

But the best laid plans are made to be … diverted? Disrupted?

One of the things that made Martin a superior GP was his ability to observe all the relevant information leading to a particular diagnosis. His encyclopedic knowledge of the body's physical systems and workings allowed him to make connections that other doctors made only in consulting the literature or specialists. Not surprisingly, his diagnostic Achilles' heel, however, was in diagnosing his own relationship with the enigmatic Louisa, or at least, she was enigmatic to him as he freely admitted on more than one occasion.

Martin had noted Louisa's distraction immediately following the birth of their son. He tried to fill the gap, helpfully preparing meals, shopping, changing nappies, folding laundry and in general, trying to fade into the background while she learned the ropes of new motherhood, whilst hormones continued to ebb and flow. Being a man of few words, he did not talk things through, except when he felt it was absolutely necessary. But even Martin noticed that Louisa's stress level was rising, particularly once her mother returned, and as she returned to work.

Since "gynae" was not his thing, he conducted some research. First, he determined that she was likely suffering from some mild (likely temporary) post-partum depression symptoms, most of which he tried to relieve by being helpful. He didn't quite realize the impact he was having by not talking to her nor communicating on a "need to know" basis. As always, he sought physical solutions, since they were his comfort zone, rather than emotional solutions, or heaven forbid, a combination of the two.

Martin was further puzzled by her desire to seek advice from total strangers on the web, in unprofessional chatrooms or blogs or whatever those things were called. Louisa's desire to seek useful data points from the firehose of information on the web was curious, if not actually dangerous, in his mind. What could these strangers offer that he could not? It was a mystery, although Louisa did seem to take some comfort from them. Martin himself communicated with professional colleagues about professional matters, but would never seek advice from uneducated, anonymous people who freely offered unprofessional, disorganized "advice." It was one of the many things about her that fell into his lack of understanding her at all at times.

Once he was in full blown diagnosis mode, however, Martin himself was a force to be reckoned with. And when the subject was improving Louisa's life, it was all the more important that he tended to his subject carefully and thoroughly. He really did love her, despite the fact that he never actually said it in so many words. Out loud. To her.

So, how to fix the broken (i.e., stressed out) Louisa?

He decided that if he could reduce her stress in a direct and meaningful way, life would be better for her, for the baby and for him. A win-win-win situation, if ever there was one. What would reduce her stress quickest?

After dinner that night and once the baby was settled, he asked the question: "Louisa, what exactly are you doing to relieve your stress? I've been observing you, and I think that your mother's observation that we're stressed out, while a bit of stating the obvious, has a kernel of truth to it. You're under some stress, as am I, what with all the new parenthood, going back to work, dealing with inept staff and unruly children and chaos at work, etc. Your mother was not all that helpful, beginning with the drugging of our son, and continuing with her unreliability and finally, her desertion without adequate backup plans being laid. We need to get organized and fix the things that are wrong. So, back to my original question. What are you doing to relieve your stress?"

Louisa looked at him, slightly aghast. She couldn't decide if Martin was blaming her for the condition of the school, or her mother's unreliability, or even her own stress levels, but she felt a bit attacked by the question. So she turned it back on him. "Martin, why is this all about me? I might ask you the same question: what are you doing to relieve your stress? You're under many of the same stressors as me. What are you doing to relieve your stress? Hm?"

With those two questions out in the air between them, it was clear that they needed to talk. Actually, once she threw that question back at him, she immediately felt better. Perhaps it was not rational, but there it was. Shared misery was better than misery suffered alone and in silence.

"Well, I've tried to take care of our physical needs. I've done a lot of the shopping and food preparation. I share many of the duties of taking care of James. I feed and change him when you're not here," Martin replied.

"You're not answering my question. What are you doing to relieve your stress? What would you consider to be stress relieving activities which could become part of your life, which would reduce stress?" Louisa pursued.

Martin thought for a minute, then began to respond. "In the past, I used to work on my hobby … fixing and restoring antique clocks. But as I said last year, it was time for something new and so it was. I try to get in some reading of the latest medical journals, so that I maintain currency in my medical knowledge. I even read some of it to James when you were out last month and it was just the two of us."

"And I loved coming home and seeing you reading to him. I think that's a good start, but did it really reduce your stress?" Louisa really wanted to know. Because reading aloud to her son, while a fun thing to do, would only alleviate some of her stress, she thought. "Do you ever think of activities we could do together to have some fun? I think that would really help in my case. I'm feeling a little like everything I do is because I have to, not just because I want to. I'd like to have some things that we do together which are fun and benefit both of us."

"Such as what?" Martin was curious what Louisa had in mind.

"Well, and don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like it if you demonstrated some physical affection and attraction to me. It doesn't have to be outside our home, but here in our home, I would feel a lot more comfortable, and probably a lot happier, if you hugged me on a regular basis, kissed me from time to time, doesn't have to be at my invitation, but just because you feel like it. I've been thinking that James receives physical affection from both of us individually, but we don't show each other that same level of care, if that makes sense. I miss something that we had briefly, when we were engaged, and which has been gone for a long time – affection between us. Is that something you would be interested in?" Louisa kind of dreaded asking the question, but since they had walked up to the edge of this verbal cliff, she felt like she might as well jump.

"I'm so glad you said something," Martin confessed. "I've been trying to respect your healing process following James' birth, and trying not to be too pushy about resuming our physical relationship. Louisa, there's nothing I want more than to be able to express physically how I feel about you in the privacy of our home. Every day, I feel glad that we're together, but I would also like more. As I said, I didn't want to pressure you or anything. And let's face it, I haven't really had good examples in my life of two parents in a loving, healthy relationship, and actually, I guess, neither have you." He pulled her closer for a better demonstration of what he meant, kissing her softly, but firmly, as he looked down at her very tenderly. "I don't want to rush you into anything, but yes, re-establishing a physical relationship would fit the category of being stress reducing. I'm willing to commit to that for both of us," he said with a grin.

It felt so good to have Martin's arms around her, and know that he wanted her. It was good, too, to see him smile. Suddenly, her stress levels seemed to go away, at least for the time being. "Martin, I've wanted that too," Louisa agreed with him. "In fact, it's one of the primary contributors to my stress – not being sure if you were at all attracted to me, following all the changes in my body after James was born. While I didn't put on all that much weight, as you so articulately mentioned, things have shifted and I've been feeling a bit worried that you weren't interested in me at all. Plus I think you mentioned that your father developed that sort of feeling towards your mother after you were born. I thought maybe you were following in his footsteps," Louis confessed.

"Louisa, the thing that has made me keep my distance, has been my desire to give you all the time and space you needed to heal. If you're saying you're healed and wish to resume more intimate relations, I can't think of anything that would give me more pleasure. I too was worried that maybe you weren't attracted to me either," Martin said. "I've always wondered why you were attracted to me in the first place. Let's face it, empirically, you're much younger and more attractive than I am. Plus, I'm not exactly the warm and cuddly type."

"You know, for two people who are leaders in our respective fields, we are pathetically bad communicators with each other. Maybe we could work on that aspect of our lives, hm?" Louisa responded. "I think if we had fewer miscommunications with each other, we'd both be a lot happier and, as you put it, stress free. Now, where do you stand on turning in early tonight?" she asked with a grin, as she took his hand and led him upstairs for some much needed stress relieving activities.