Normally, I'm against writing AU, because I loved how things turned out in the movie and I want to keep it that way. I like reading AU though, but I guess they've pulled me in! And some people were suggesting I continue this. This might turn out AU, but I don't know. Let me know what you think.


To be certain he didn't get it mixed up again, Minion removed the bag from the victim's head before she woke. Thankfully, it was the right Ritchi this time. But Minion couldn't help but feel a slight wave of unexplained disappointment. Megamind, on the other hand, was delighted.

"Perfect," he said. "Now we can go back to routine, without that annoying sister of hers interfering."

As Roxanne started to wake, Megamind rushed to his chair. The first thing the reporter noticed when she gained consciousness was that there was no bag. They must've wanted to make sure I wasn't Rachel, she thought.

"Miss Ritchi," she heard the villain say as he turned his chair to face her. "We meet again."

"So you got it right this time, huh?" Roxanne smirked.

The blue alien laid his head against the back of his seat and groaned. "Can we not talk about that?"

"But Rachel wanted me to tell you she had a great time, surprisingly." She turned to the fish. "She also wanted that cookie recipe from you, Minion."

"Really?" Minion said. "How is your sister, anyway?"

"She went back to Lansing. Thanks for giving her a good time, though."

"Good time?" Megamind repeated. "Super villains don't give anyone a good time! They give them a bad time!"

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Fine, thanks for giving my sister a bad time. You happy now?"

"Just forget that kidnapping ever happened! Ugh, now you made me forget what my evil plan was!"

"What was your evil plan last time?" the reporter inquired. "Rachel didn't say."

"I was planning to…" Then he stopped and whispered to his sidekick, "Minion, what was I planning?"

"I think you were…" Minion started. "That is, you were going to…well, kidnap Miss Ritchi, call Metro Man, and then…something with… What was your plan, sir?"

The aliens then realized they had been so distracted with the case of mistaken identity that they had completely forgotten why there was a kidnapping in the first place. Roxanne almost laughed at the situation. Then she glanced around and noticed they had moved their Evil Lair.

"The abandoned marshmallow factory?" Roxanne observed. "Why are there so many abandoned buildings in Metro City?"

Megamind tensed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sir, I just remembered!" Minion exclaimed. "Your plan, it had something to do with chickens!"

Roxanne thought he was joking, until Megamind perked up.

"Yes, the Robot Chickens!" he recalled. "Thank you, Minion!"

The reporter arched an eyebrow. "Robot Chickens? Either there's some cleverness in this plan or you've just had a bad day for ideas."

Megamind scowled at her. "You really can be a pain, sometimes, Miss Ritchi."

"Oh, do you prefer my sister instead?" she asked innocently, batting her eyes.

"No, no! I didn't mean that at all!" Megamind then realized how desperate that sounded. "I mean, of course you're not the best captive either, but your sister just marvels at everything and that simply ruins the whole point of the kidnapping."

"If I'm such a bad captive, why do you still kidnap me?"

The villain paused and then returned into character. "Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we? By the way, have I mentioned that I can now access all of Metrocity's tellie-vasion channels now?"

"Television, sir," Minion reminded him.

"Didn't I say that? Anyway, I'll be broadcasting my message to Metro Mahn right after I use the little villains' room."

Once Megamind was gone, Roxanne found it safe to talk to Minion.

"You know, Minion, Rachel also wanted me to give you her phone number."

Minion widened his eyes.

"Um, that wouldn't be a very good idea," he laughed nervously, "considering I don't have a phone."

"Well, she also has email. You can talk to her online."

"Really, Miss Ritchi, I appreciate it, but I'm just too busy."

"Doing what? Working on Megamind's ingenious plans that always fail? Come on, Minion. My sister has begged me and I hate letting her down. Besides, I think she kind of likes you."

Minion blushed like crazy. "I could get in trouble if sir found out I was emailing your sister."

"Who says he has to know?"

When Megamind returned a few minutes later, he saw Minion writing something down on a clipboard.

"Are the Robot Chickens ready, Minion?"

The fish quickly hid the clipboard behind his back. "Yeah, I oiled them this morning. They should be ready."

"Then get the camera and let's get started!"

He noticed his friend had a nervous smile on his face while Roxanne wore a huge grin.

"What are you grinning at, Miss Ritchi?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, stifling a giggle.

Maybe she really does enjoy this, Megamind thought. Like I do.


Rachel Ritchi flopped down on her bed and grumbled, not bothering to remove her waitress uniform. Friday night was always the busiest at the restaurant. Why had she even returned to Lansing, anyway? There was nothing here except a tiny apartment and waiting tables from dawn until dusk. Her sister had it all: fame, excitement, larger living space and a super villain pining over her.

Despite all that, she could never hate Roxanne. She was too nice and nurturing. She had even offered to let her move in with her, but she didn't want her sister to think she needed such pity.

Mechanically, she grabbed her laptop from the bedside table and opened it up. She squinted at the light of the screen and read that she had an email from someone named Fillet Minion. She clicked on the link and a window popped up: Um, hi. Your sister gave me your email and I just wanted to apologize for that mix-up the other day. You and your sister look so much alike!

There was no name at the end, but Rachel could guess who it was, and that caused her to grin. She remembered the fish inside the robot gorilla suit. He didn't seem like much of an evil minion to her. After all, what kind of evil minion serves the captive a plate of cookies? She knew this was probably ridiculous, and most likely dangerous, to be chatting with a super villain's sidekick, but she began typing her reply.

Why not? It had been a rough night and it felt nice to have someone to talk to. Even if it was a talking fish, anyone would have sufficed.


Minion sat at his computer. He was surprised when he got a reply back from Fashion Girl.

Hey, Minion. No worries about the other day. It was so fun! Better than spending the day waiting tables, anyhow. You are right about me and Roxanne looking alike. Maybe I should dye my hair so it's less confusing. What do you think? Blonde, raven or redhead? –Rachel

Something inside his head pounded. He was worried emailing Roxanne Ritchi's sister would freak her out, but she was writing like this was an everyday occurrence. He really shouldn't be doing this. His master would flip if he knew what was going on. But somehow, Minion had to talk to Rachel. He couldn't explain it, but he just had to.

Fillet Minion is writing… Rachel smiled bigger as the two got into a long online conversation.

Fillet Minion: I wouldn't dye your hair any color. I think it's fine the way it is.

Rachel giggled.

Fashion Girl: You're right. Maybe I should just grow it out. I don't know why Roxanne likes that pixie cut of hers. It's cute and all, but it somehow doesn't fit her persona.

Fillet Minion: What do you mean by that?

Fashion Girl: She's just so nice. And she has really great hair that she should grow out. I should know. I have the same hair.

Fillet Minion: That may be, but yours is nice on its own.

Rachel couldn't stop the blush that came to her cheeks. Who knew fish could give such splendid compliments? He typed again immediately.

Fillet Minion: I mean in human standards. I don't have hair, of course, and neither does sir.

Fashion Girl: Yeah, where is he, anyway? Does he know you're chatting with me?

Fillet Minion: He's in jail after the incident with the Robot Chickens. And no, he doesn't know.

Fashion Girl:Wait, did you say Robot Chickens? How did he come up with that one?

Fillet Minion: Don't ask. Let's just say his brains were a little scrambled that day and the whole plan ended up sunny-side-DOWN.

She then burst out laughing.

Fashion Girl: LOL & ROTF!

There was a pause.

Fillet Minion:Come again?

Fashion Girl: Oh, sorry. I wasn't aware you didn't know text lingo. I was laughing at your joke. I had no idea a fish could be funny, sweet and a baker.

Another pause. Rachel could imagine Minion's face turning a shade of red.

Fashion Girl: Speaking of which, I never did get to try those cookies of yours. Mind giving me the recipe?

If only she had seen his wide grin as he read her message.

Fillet Minion: Well, first you'll need…


Yeah, don't know how to bake cookies.