Chapter 2
With a groan, Lyssa asked for a moment and got herself to her feet. She quickly found a dressing robe, wrapping it securely around her before returning to the fire. Voicing her permission to enter, an excited maid rushed in and babbled at her for a second before running round, picking up her discarded clothing.
Lyssa's mind was still fuzzy with tiredness and the blissful warmth she had been enjoying and couldn't follow what had been said. Unaware of the mage's confusion, the girl summoned in another couple of servants who moved quickly and cleared up the remains of her bath. Once that was accomplished, Lyssa was startled as she was advanced on and in a panic, waved them off, asking to be left alone. They did as she asked with a few glances and shrugs at each other as they left. Sighing in relief she allowed herself a few more minutes at the fire and decided she really needed to get to bed before she dozed off again, standing up this time.
Her entire body stiffened in shock as a familiar and much loved voice drawled in amusement behind her.
"A little bird told me I wasn't the only one who wanted to push through the night to reach home" he said teasingly.
"Alistair..." Lyssa breathed, her heart suddenly racing.
Even the mere sound of his voice sent shivers through her body. She'd loved that voice right from the beginning, could have listened to his funny tales and jokes all night in camp when they were on the road. It could go from light, sarcastic, and teasing to deep and sensual in seconds and had always made her body react as it did now.
She closed her eyes against sudden tears and tried to steel her resolve. She felt him come to stand behind her, his arms wrapping round her upper body tightly and he buried his face in her neck, inhaling her unique scent.
Cursing her own weakness, she couldn't help but lean back into the embrace, his large body almost engulfing hers, so reassuring and strong. She reached one hand up to tangle in his hair, noting absently it needed to be cut, the other hand holding onto his arms, encouraging the embrace.
"I've missed you so much, love" he whispered in that deep wonderful voice, nuzzling her neck as he did.
Tears fell freely now, as she tried to respond in kind, for the Maker only knew how much she had missed him. Her voice caught on a half laugh, half sob. She wasn't ready for this she realised now, even if she'd had the extra time she was hoping for, she still wouldn't have been ready.
"Lyssa what is it?" Alistair asked, raising his head in concern.
He tried to encourage her to turn in his arms but she resisted and suddenly he felt a bad feeling settle into his stomach at her out of character behaviour. His Lyssa, always proper and composed in public, had never shied away from freely embracing him in private.
"We need to talk, Alistair" she finally got out.
She winced inwardly as she remembered how much he hated that phrase. Nothing good came from those words in his opinion, and she guessed this would just prove him right. She felt his body tense behind her and while he didn't release her, his embrace loosened.
"Is this the right time to talk?" he asked nervously, "we've both just got back and are overtired, maybe some sleep will help?"
"I'm sorry my love, but this can't wait, I wish it could" she responded.
The endearment had slipped out but she couldn't regret it, he was her love and always would be, no matter what happened now.
He tried to turn her round to face him again, and yet again she resisted.
"Lyss what is it? You're scaring me" he asked, a pleading note in his tone.
She stood there for a moment her mouth open, tears rolling down her cheeks, struggling to find something, anything that could explain what was happening. There were just no words. Instead, she grabbed his hands from where they were holding her loosely and pushed them down to her swollen abdomen.
"Well someone has been eating a lot, I think I warned you about that once" Alistair tried for humour, then was rocked as he realised what he was feeling. He ran his hands all over her belly and then backed right off.
"Lyssa, turn around" he said quietly.
She bowed her head and futilely tried to wipe away her tears and mentally prepare herself for what must come.
"For the sake of the Maker Lyssa, TURN AROUND" he shouted.
She spun to face him, shocked. There had been many an argument along the way, when they and their companions had fought to save Ferelden from both the blight and the civil war, but he'd rarely raised his voice to her, let alone commanded her.
He pulled the sash of her robe free, exposing her body, then stood back, his mouth open in shock as he took in the obvious changes. She opened her mouth to speak but he held up his hand and she stopped. He was visibly struggling to get his rarely shown temper under control. He tore his eyes away from her and paced her room until finally he stood before her, his usually bright and sparkling eyes full of hurt and deep weariness.
"Who?" was all he asked, softly.
Lyssa was stunned to her core, how could he ask her that after everything they'd been to each other?. Her own temper ignited abruptly, a wonderful side effect of pregnancy she'd come to realise.
"Who?" she spat out "How can you even ask me that, Alistair?"
"Oh I don't know Lyss, I haven't seen you for five months and you return, pregnant and even barefoot" he noted with sardonic amusement "forgive me for wanting to know who you found to give you something I can't, I'm just funny that way" he retorted.
She choked back her angry words and instead spoke in a very measured tone, as if she was speaking to someone very slow "Well here is the thing Alistair, you once said you could count very high, lets see if that is actually the case" and placing her hands on her bump, she continued "this here is a pregnancy about six months along, I've been gone for five. You tell me what that means".
Alistair went white as he absorbed her words and the expressions and emotions that flickered across his open and handsome face would have made her laugh under normal circumstances. Instead, she wanted to punch him right now.
"I.. Maker. You were pregnant before you left?" he managed to get out, his voice breaking.
She just simply nodded.
"I'm so sorry Lyssa, I'm an idiot, well we both knew that so nothing new there" he babbled. "I just..."
"Saw it and jumped to the wrong conclusion?" she asked tartly.
He hung his head, his cheeks heightening in colour.
She sighed and scrubbed at her face "I am probably to blame for that" she said, walking forwards to touch his arm in mute apology. "I couldn't find the right words, the right way and believe me, I've been trying to for a while".
Alistair drew her into his arms and held her against him, his thoughts and emotions running through every imaginable scale. It was supposed to be impossible for two Wardens to procreate, yet here it was, and he suddenly realised he had been given a very special miracle. One that he'd dreamt about in idle fantasy but had never thought could be a reality. He felt blessed by the Maker himself. He just didn't know how Lyssa felt about it, she seemed so... out of sorts by it.
Lyssa let herself take the comfort offered, even knowing it would just make it harder and clung to him for a moment before stepping back. Alistair watched her withdraw and that bad feeling in his stomach intensified.
"Lyss, what else aren't you telling me?" he asked, "are you not happy about this?".
Lyssa looked up at him, startled "of course I am" she said honestly.
"Then what is it?" he asked, "as far as I can see, you are happy about it, I'm thrilled at the prospect, yet you still look so sad".
There was silence between them for several moments, and Lyssa could feel his earnest gaze on her as she looked at the floor.
"I won't do this to you, Alistair" she said finally.
"Do what to me? Make me incredibly happy? Make me want to shout from the castle walls that I'm being made a father by the most incredible woman in the world? What?" he demanded, trying to keep his tone light.
"I know how you feel about bastard children Alistair, I know what you went through as a child, how you felt about the ritual with Morrigan, I won't compromise you like that" she said simply.
"So what? What are you trying to tell me? You want to save me from myself, from the chance to be happy, with you and our child? That's irrational Lyssa" he said, his voice rising.
"The Lords and Ladies of Ferelden won't think so" she said quietly and watched sadly, as understanding dawned on Alistair.
"You want to leave me" he whispered.
She couldn't watch him as he stared at her in horror, her tears spilling over once again, but the despair in his voice had her reaching out to touch his arm.
"Want? Maker no! But.. It's.. for the best" she tried, but broke off when Alistair laughed mirthlessly and dragged his fingers through his hair. Pacing angrily about her room he started gesturing wildly as he ranted.
"For the best?" he asked, his brows drawing deep over his eyes in a scowl. "Andraste's knickers, here I am King of Ferelden and all, and everyone else knows what is best. Why did I take the throne again? Oh right yes, because we needed to unite the country, so we could defeat the Blight, and apparently everyone but me thought I could be a good King, the right King".
"You are a good King, Alistair" Lyssa said softly. He stopped his pacing and glared fiercely at her.
"Do you remember that conversation, after the Landsmeet when I foolishly tried to do what everyone else thought was best for me? What was it you said? 'No one can make the King do anything he doesn't want to'."
Lyssa looked uncomfortable at having her own words turned on her. The circumstances at the time had warranted it but did that make it any less true now.
"Are you seriously going to stand there having said that, and tell me that you'll leave me, in spite of everything, because we have been blessed by something we never dreamed could happen?" he demanded, grabbing her hands to him, the pressure almost painful.
"We knew a time could come, when we might have to part" she said, unable to look up at him, "and yes I do believe in what I said, but this changes things. You need an heir, I believe that more now than anything" she said quietly.
Alistair released one of her hands and touched her under the chin, raising her head to look at him. She wanted to close her eyes against the tears in his but his gaze held hers firmly.
"If things go well, Maker please let them go well, I will have one" he said, his tone gentle as his other hand dropping to stroke her belly.
"Alistair, be realistic, I'm a mage, the Landsmeet will never accept me, the Chantry certainly won't and there is a good chance this child will be a mage too" she said, begging him to see reason.
He carried on gazing and stroking until Lyssa thought she might faint from the intensity.
"You are also a Cousland even if your mage status prevents you from holding that title and since there hasn't been a mage in that line for a long time, your abilities could have been random chance so there is also a good chance our child won't be."
He released her and paced again, this time his steps more predatory.
"If nothing else, legitimacy can be as simple as acknowledging the fact, and you can rest assured I am not my father in that regard, I WILL acknowledge this child as mine. If they want the 'oh so precious Theirin bloodline' to continue, the bloody Landsmeet won't have any choice."
She opened her mouth to counter his argument then gasped as Alistair pulled her into his arms and growled in her ear "and if you think for one moment that I will let you go, then you seriously underestimate me, my love".
As he bent and captured her lips with his, in a hungry, urgent kiss, his hands sliding the opened robe off her shoulders and following its path down her body, Lyssa found she couldn't think of anything else but HIM.
