Anakin's training ended up going worse than expected. He thought that with a distraction, there wouldn't be the consistent image of the lifeless body, but it remained in his head. The Jedi basically became a punching bag with how distracted he was. There was no focus in his movements.
Obi-Wan must have caught on and questioned Anakin which he brushed off and found some excuse for his lack of focus. The master accepted his answer and let Anakin leave.
Anakin took his time getting to Padmé's, dreading the inevitable. He realized that Padmé was right. She told him how they couldn't be, that it was unrealistic.
His speeder pulled up next to her balcony where she waited. The same worried look on her face and his same blank look that avoided Padmé's gaze. For once he was going to let go of his emotions and follow through with what was right. Anakin is a Jedi Knight even if he is deeply in love with the Senator of Naboo.
"I've managed to find you excellent security, Padmé." Anakin tiptoed around the words that would confirm the ending of their relationship. "I've also informed the Jedi council of another attack being placed on you." His eyes wandered from overlooking the city to his love.
Finally, Anakin returned. Padmé immediately met the man, pressing a kiss to his lips but earning no response. Despite being in hand's reach, Anakin was so distant. Padmé understood why, the trauma had reached her as well.
The senator nodded along with the business matters but was less concerned with those and more with Anakin. Padmé easily spotted the trouble in her husband's eyes and the weight on his shoulders. They needed to talk about this morning.
"Thank you." She finally spoke and took hold of Anakin's hand. "Let's go inside," Padmé muttered, gently tugging him toward the door. The woman carefully avoided the kitchen. She hadn't been able to enter it since the incident this morning. Anakin's presence was a great comfort she wouldn't be able to sleep through the night without.
Each step he took grew heavier as he followed Padmé. The couple settled on the couch in the main room. Anakin noticed Padmé avoiding the kitchen and he couldn't help being grateful. Just walking by the doorway to the kitchen made the Jedi feel very uneasy.
"I lost control this morning and I'm sorry you were frightened." Anakin leaned away from Padmé's touch. Swallowing the lump he felt in his throat from Padmé's hurt expression, he continued with what needed to be done.
First explaining why, "I felt threatened. He was going to hurt you and I was just in the other room." Anakin shook his head, "What if he got away and told people of our relationship? I couldn't let him live." It was getting harder for him to speak and the man got restless. Anakin stood up and took a few steps before looking back with a blank stare, "Then I realized I can't just… kill everyone that finds out what we are."
Anakin felt the words get stuck in his throat and once again looked away from the Senator.
"We can't see each other anymore." He finally spoke. His voice came out steady as he continued, "You were right. It's not realistic for us to have a relationship."
Anakin apologized but Padmé had already decided to forgive him. It terrified her and she worried for what path the Jedi was following but Padmé couldn't bring herself to pull away from him at all and therefore let the trespass go. She nodded along with the genuine apology, recognizing Anakin's contrite heart and hoping to heal some of his hurt with a gentle touch to his shoulder. He pulled away from it and Padmé's eyebrows connected in concern.
Padmé watched as the words became more and more difficult to form and her worry grew. Her curiosity was answered but her heart fell. The senator had to replay the words in her head a few times and still couldn't accept their meaning.
"What do you mean?"
A mix of frustration and grief coursed Padmé's stomach, making her nauseous. Padmé was the one to speak of this reality before but now that Anakin was the one to pull this card.. The woman brushed the words off with the justifications she voiced, "You're exhausted and traumatized. Let's go to bed and talk in the morning." Padmé decided firmly. She captured Anakin's hand in her own trembling one and led him toward the bedroom.
Anakin felt the woman tug on his hand, guiding him to the bed. Padmé wanted to talk about it until she didn't like what he said, which made it harder for him to keep on being persistent and adamant about his difficult decision.
"Sleep isn't going to fix this, Padmé." Anakin pulled his hand away and looked at the floor. It took everything in him not to take back what he said and just crawl into bed with his love, forgetting
the world around them once again.
"I have to go back. Obi-Wan will notice if I'm gone this time." Anakin lied not wanting to be talked out of the break up.
Anakin's persistence in this sudden statement terrified Padmé more than even the events of the morning.
He pulled away and the emptiness of her hand was mimicked in her heart. The Jedi started for the door and Padmé's heart raced. She was beginning to understand that once he exited, he wouldn't return.
"Anakin, stop!" She demanded, grasping his hand again. The vision of the Jedi, perhaps the last she'd have in a while began to blur as Padme's eyes glossed over with tears. She grew frustrated and wiped them away before grabbing the fingers she held with both hands.
"This is ridiculous. We decided to make it work. That.." she felt stupid begging. "Our love was stronger."
Padmé took a break for breath.
"That it was worth it."
Anakin was growing weak at Padmé's pleading. He didn't want to hurt her ever and right now he was causing her this pain. Deep down, Anakin felt the same and believed their love was stronger, but it would be so hard.
He was turned around again and her hand firmly held onto his own. Panic overcame her features which was almost enough for him to agree to the invitation and stay the night again. He wanted to believe he'd wake up and the problem would go away, but it wouldn't unless he left the Jedi. Anakin loves being a Jedi and loves Padmé, but her safety would always be at risk with him around. Even more so. The sith and the others that despised the Jedi could find out about their relationship and go after what mattered most to him.
Anakin's jaw clenched to hold back the tears that were daring to spill. "I guess I don't feel for you what I thought I did." The shooting pain returned to his heart that grew heavy with despair, "I don't love you." His hand fell loose from hers, "I'm sorry it took me this long to find out."
None of Padmé's words were affirmed. So she was correct. Their love wasn't strong enough.
But then even that fact was denied. Their love was non existent.
It felt like a thousand tons had been placed on Padmé's chest and he was unable to breath. The relationship she'd been so passionate about, that her joy and entire world revolved around never existed. The feelings she'd thought were reciprocated were a fantasy.
The woman froze, her pleading and persisting finally halting. Her hands fell away from the touch she so desperately craved and yet would never be granted. Because Anakin didn't love her. The tears began falling down her cheeks, far quicker than her dangerously slow heart rate.
When Padmé's icy shock thawed under the heat of her consuming pain, she pulled away. No words made it from her lips and she returned to her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her. She couldn't look at that man again, the man she'd never be able to have.
