An Unfortunate Accident

MK wandered down to Nim in her own time. She stood waiting, trying to get the butterflies to calm down. Maybe Nim was too busy to see her? Maybe. She almost hoped for that. Then he edged around the corner, joking with somebody she couldn't see. MK chewed her lip.

'MK,' he gave her a broad smile. 'So good to see you. Look at you! New hair. Looks good on you.'

'Nice to see you too, Nim,' she smiled. 'Look, I could really do with some help.'

Nim scratched the back of his neck and gave her a little shrug.

'I can try,' he said. 'What with?'

'OK,' she breathed out her terror and said carefully, 'this is gonna sound really bad. And I'm probably going to regret it. I need you to check the scrolls for me...and see who I'm supposed to be in love with.'

Nim looked at her for a full five seconds before he answered delicately.

'Shouldn't...you...know that?'

MK nodded. 'Well yeah, in theory, I should know. Problem is I don't, and it's getting me down. And...Nod and I aren't doing too well. Don't think less of me, Nim, please?'

Nim shook his head quickly.

'No, of course not.'

At the bottom of the column, Nim set about finding the right scroll. When he bought it back to MK, her hands were shaking.

'What does it say?' she asked.

Nim gave her a glance over. It was clear she was worried about something. Then he unrolled it and began to read.

'Ah, yes, yes. Falling in love, oh that's pretty. And then...yes...I'd have guessed...and then you and Ronin...' he paused. 'Oh dear.'

'Yeah. That sounds about right,' MK toed the dirt.

Nim looked a bit nervous now.

'You and...Ronin? But Ronin is...well. A bit older. Oh. Well. That's...a surprise?'

MK blushed. Really blushed.

'I know,' she said. 'Tell me about it. I know! Nim...who should I be with? Nod, or Ronin? It's like I can't get on with my life until I know!'

Nim read down a bit further.

'Dreams,' he said. 'Hmm. Oh.'

MK flushed anew.

'Well, you know,' she made her excuses. Then defended; 'nobody can help what they dream, can they?'

'Definitely not,' Nim said quickly. And down he read a bit further. 'Well, it's a bit unclear.'

'Oh great,' MK breathed.

'Don't lose hope though. It just says you have to decide. The scrolls can't tell you what you haven't already done.'

MK looked up at him.

'But whoever I pick I hurt someone!'

'Really? But if you pick Nod surely everyone's happy-?'

'I'm not happy,' she shook her head.

Something caught Nim's eye. Surreptitiously, he glanced down at the spot upon the scroll which had previously been unoccupied to see a letter appearing in beautiful script, like a punctuation mark on the paper of her life. It was fairly irregular, he had to admit, for love to blossom in such an odd situation, but he supposed there had to be one every now and then. He rolled it up quickly.

'Come on, I'll see you back to the surface.'

As MK mounted her bird, Nim waved her off and then stood, shaking his head.

Somebody should warn Ronin, Nim thought. How romantic. How odd.

000

A couple of days later, Nim was hardly surprised to hear another bird land. He did get quite a few leafmen in and out for advice, but on the whole it was the layperson who sought the wisdom of the scrolls. Maybe because it wasn't so worked out for them. This time though, heavy boots and clinking armor announced the arrival of...Nim peered around the corner. Oh dear, he thought. Hopefully it wasn't a question about love.

'Ronin! What a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you, er...commander?'

Ronin's lips tilted up.

'Just Ronin, Nim. You know me.'

And Ronin scratched the back of his neck. He looked positively guilty. Nim waited, nervously.

'Nim, this is gonna sound bad, Okay? Just...don't go telling anyone I asked.'

'Of course not,' Nim agreed. 'You know how it works. It's all confidential.'

'Can you check the scrolls for me. It's...' now Ronin did look nervous.

Nim waited.

'There's a girl,' he said, uncomfortably. 'I need to know...if she's for me.'

Nim got that sinking feeling.

'Don't you know?' Nim asked delicately.

Ronin cocked an eyebrow.

'I know how I feel. But she...I don't think she knows herself. It's not healthy is it? It's distracting. So it's better to know.'

Nim nodded.

'True, true,' he said. 'Come on, then.'

Now this is deja vu, thought Nim, as he read down the scroll.

'Career figures in a big way in this!'

'There's a surprise,' Ronin said.

'Naturally, Tara too. And then...' Nim stopped now and forgot his nerves. Then he said softly; 'love. At first sight.'

'Involuntary!' Ronin defended quickly. 'Tara was...just perfect-'

'Oh Ronin,' Nim put a hand on his shoulder. 'I know you miss her. We all do. But I wasn't talking about Tara.'

Ronin looked a bit guilty now.

'MK,' Nim said.

He resisted the urge to give the commander a doubtful look.

'I haven't touched her,' Ronin defended himself preemptively.

'I'm not the judge, Ronin. I just read what's in the scrolls.'

Nim read all the way to the bottom.

'Ronin. You already know how you feel. You know there's no such thing as destiny, don't you?'

'I'm not so sure.'

'If there was, I'd have scrolls for that.'

'Or maybe somebody else keeps the scrolls, Nim.'

Nim looked at him, and seemed to have his own moment of revelation then. Then he said;

'True love will bloom even in adversity, Ronin. And of course...she has to choose you.'

Nim sat back on his tail to rest.

'Ronin. You look ten years younger.'

Ronin leaned in.

'Are your eyes going dim?'

'I mean it!' Nim smiled. 'You look...refreshed. What about Nod, Ronin? Aren't they...you know? Together?'

Ronin nodded.

'Allegedly. I'd believe it if he wasn't sleeping on my sofa most nights.'

'Oh. I see.'

'Something about MK not being sure. I don't want that boy messed up any more than he already is.'

'Understandable,' Nim agreed. 'But...matters of the heart can be tricky. Sure can.'

'If I could control how they feel I'd get them back together.'

Nim shrugged.

'But you can't. How do you feel, Ronin?'

The commander's lip tilted up.

'Like a schoolboy,' he said. 'Mores the pity I can still be so stupid.'

Nim watched him stride away. Tara would be proud, he thought.

000

MK come out for dinner with me. MK, I'm a silly old man with a crush that you started, and I want to take you on a date. Ronin actually cringed. There wasn't a lot left that could turn the commanders stomach, but the idea of taking Nod's girlfriend away did. Ronin glanced at the boy. The low drone of the hummingbirds was soothing on Ronin's ears. The slight vibration in his bird, familiar. It was a long haul back to Moonhaven. Time to think. Time to reflect.

The last four years had mellowed Ronin, but it had lent MK a new maturity. When she'd first come to Moonhaven, he'd taken one look at her and smelled trouble. He had a sixth sense for people. It was Ronin's survival mechanism. When MK settled down with Nod, Ronin figured maybe the trouble was over. Then she grew her hair and started wearing it loose. Ronin had a weakness for long hair. Then she ditched the jeans and tank tops and started wearing dresses. And at that point, Ronin had been forced to admit he was attracted to her. At least in a...I'll never let you know it...sort of way. He drifted into recollection.

Sometimes, when Nod was away, she'd bake Ronin a pie for his dinner. She'd turn up on his doorstep with the dish still warm in her hands. Of course, he couldn't let her come and go without offering her a drink. So over time it became coffee and pie on his sofa. And before long, he'd had her giggling and without really trying, and he'd started to let on more than he should have done. More about his life, more about his head. More about his heart, sometimes, too, in a roundabout way.

Ronin failed to see the shadow descend.

000

Before the morning was out, four men were spotted, flagging in the distance. Between their exhausted birds were strung two leaves. When the birds came down to land, they ditched into the soil on their bellies and lay panting like landed boats. Ronin got up first, stumbling, half blind with a head wound, to where Nod lay. Through blurred eyes he stared down at the boy. He was white.

'Nod,' Ronin touched his forehead. He was cold. 'Get the healers!'

Ronin grabbed his shoulder and shook him. 'Nod! Open your eyes. Nod!'

Ronin looked down at his own hands. The knuckles were skinned. Covered in his own blood. The sound of clothes behind him, and Ronin twisted. The world spun. A row of leafmen looked on as healers rushed toward them. Then somebody put two fingers on Nods throat. Ronin stared at the healer. Five seconds. Ten. Then the men hoisted him up and carried him away.

Ronin tried to stand and bent double with pain. He put his back to a rock. He was dripping blood but it didn't matter. Nod mattered. MK mattered. Whatever had happened between he and the girl could go hang, for all he cared, so long as she and Nod were safe. I'll make you safe, he thought, as he sank on jellied legs to kneel. His green boots in the dust, he put both hands down in front of him. He had to stay upright, at least. That always helped. But there was no strength left in his back. The ground was pulling him down.

'Commander!' one of the lads yelled, as the healers came for him.

Ronin collapsed. Laying on the rock, he thought grimly that at least he was getting a rest now. And it was nice and cool. The pain was less when he was horizontal. Then somebody drew the rolled up jacket away from his skull, and the sickening movement of bones in his head turned his stomach. Blood dripped down his cheek, and Ronin passed out.

000

MK managed. She'd never had to manage before, not like this. She washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned. She visited. Every other day, and sometimes once a day she took fresh sheets to Nod. The arrows had poisoned him, and taken away his dignity and his control. Now he soiled himself twice a day, most days. When he wasn't being sick. Two or three times a day she came and went from the healers tree, first visiting Nod, and then when that was done, she'd go to Ronin when she should really be asleep.

Her clothes became baggy and her skin, pale. She sported dark circles under her eyes. She sat by Ronin and begged him to wake up. Nod was draining her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Ronin didn't move. Every so often he'd slip into REM sleep, and his eyes would start to flicker.

It was four weeks of heartache before he began to make any noise at all. Then it was only moans, or vague words. The healers said he was coming out of the deep sleep, but MK couldn't allow herself that much hope. Her friends peeled away through lack of attention. The last thing she expected one chilly winters morning, was a knock at the door. MK wrapped herself in a shawl and went to open it.

'Oh God-' she breathed.

Back lit by midwinter sun, Ronin leaned on the door frame. He started forwards with a noise that was almost her name, and MK met him somewhere in the middle in a fierce hug. She felt herself dissolve into tears in his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He looked – and felt- far different in the thick woolen jumper and the winter cloak. More homey actually. Safer. She liked it.

'I thought you were dead,' she sobbed, 'you just slept and slept! Ronin, I thought you were dead!'

'So did I,' he sounded exhausted. 'MK, let me sit down before I fall down.'

MK let him go quickly and drew him inside. He lowered himself delicately onto her sofa, with a leg that looked like it hardly worked now. He sighed through his nose.

'So weak,' he shrugged, 'I'd been laying down for six weeks I suppose.'

MK swiped tears away. She perched beside him.

'I'm so sorry, Ronin. I was trying to be there when you woke up-'

'Don't worry about that,' he waved a hand, and reaching for her, pulled her into another hug. 'Seven sisters, girl, you're thin.'

MK nodded.

'Doc says I shouldn't be up. He told me if I went out it was all my responsibility,' Ronin smirked. 'Grey old stiff hasn't had any action in twenty years. I told I'm tough enough to take it, but now I'm not so sure.'

'God, Ronin, are you OK?'

'No worse than I was yesterday,' he said. 'So tired. But I can see again, thank the Seven.'

'Ronin,' MK dissolved again. The sleeve of her oversize jumper caught the tears. 'I kept talking to you. Nobody thought you could hear us, but I figured if you were just sleeping, maybe you'd be dreaming too. Maybe I'd get through-'

'No dreams,' he shook his head. 'Just darkness, and big, blanks where I know there should be things I know. I have to get the nurse to show me how to put my boots on. My Ma's cooking for me, MK, I don't remember how to use the bloody stove!'

'Won't it come back?' MK asked.

'Yeah, eventually! By then all trace of masculinity will be gone from my life! What a mess. MK, you look tired.'

She smiled.

'I'm exhausted,' she admitted. 'Nod needs clothes and sheets almost every day and I have to keep his spirits up, and yours, too. I haven't had a good night sleep in weeks. I keep staying over with him, but the patients wake up in the night. It's not good. Got to keep this place clean, too. I'm knackered,'

Ronin closed his eyes.

'He's - MK? Is he alive?'

'Oh God, of course he's alive! Didn't they tell you?'

MK's stomach turned involuntarily when Ronin's eyes filled with tears. He rubbed his face.

'God, how could they let you think he was dead? He got an infection from the arrows. He can't walk yet, he's so weak. Then he keeps soiling himself, but they say it'll pass.'

MK leaned in. She shook him gently.

'I'm going to kill them,' he said softly. 'Stupidity is still rife.'

'Ronin, don't you dare, because then you'll be behind bars and I'll have to cook two dinners-' MK tried a smile.

'I thought he was dead,' Ronin said, 'on my watch.'

'Take me to the hospital,' she said, 'I need to take his dinner anyway. And I'll take you to him.'

Ronin got to the end of the sofa before his leg gave out and he had to sit down.

'Ronin-'

'I'm fine,' he lied, and trying again he limped to the door. MK felt her heart twang. He'd always been so strong.

'Come on,' he said.

000

'Ronin!' Nod exclaimed. He dragged himself up to sit. 'Seven sisters, Ronin, you're up!'

'Up and kicking back,' Ronin crossed the room and grabbed the boy.

'Commander, anyone'd think you'd grown a soft side,' Nod said, but he hugged Ronin back fiercely. If tears were shed, the men managed to keep MK from seeing them.

'Except I'm not anymore,' Ronin looked at him. 'I've been...replaced. Temporarily anyway. So now I'm just your old git nearly-Dad, who can give you all the shit he wants to.'

'Good reason to get better, then,' Nod said sarcastically.

'Damn straight it is, because if you don't, I'll be in here to visit you making you feel even worse.'

'That shouldn't be too challenging for you.'

MK slid onto a seat beside the bed. Nod had been recently changed. She was grateful for that. His pride wouldn't stand Ronin seeing him as MK had.

'Just say you love each other,' she smiled.

Ronin just smirked. Nod scratched his greasy scalp.

'We just did.'

MK laughed.

'Is it true?' Nod asked. 'Did you lose your memory?'

'Some of it,' Ronin said. 'I can't tie my shoes up or remember how to button a jacket. And for a bit somebody had to show me how to wash. I remember other things though. Like you and that bloody girl you found-'

'Oh God-' Nod groaned, covering his face. 'Don't, don't remind me.'

'What girl?'

Ronin turned to MK.

'He found this girl. Well. He thought it was a girl, All dolled up in white sitting on a tree stump. I say, don't be such an idiot, lad, that's a trap. Your boyfriend, chivalrously, decides to go straight into a nose-dive, all pumped to become a hero in green!'

Nod groaned. MK laughed.

'What happened?' she asked.

'A trap!' Ronin said. 'Obviously.'

'And the girl?'

Nod pretended to bang his head on the wall.

'A boy,' he admitted. 'Skinny insect boy. Jesus, Ronin. Why d'you have to bring that up?'

Ronin tapped his forehead.

'I remember enough.'

MK laughed.

000

Ronin tightened the harness around Black. He looked over his shoulder at MK. She was carrying the dirty cooking pot that had contained Nod's dinner. Whatever they were feeding him in the hospital it wasn't filling him up. MK could understand why. Nod could eat his way down two dinners and he regularly wanted them, too.

'I guess they won't let you go back to work yet?'

Ronin nodded.

'No, they won't. The new Commander thinks it's unbecoming to return, at least until I can button up my own jacket. Unfortunately, the Queen also ordered me to rest. What I think shouldn't be repeated in a ladys presence.'

'Can I make you dinner? It feels like forever since I saw you.'

'Have you got the energy, MK?'

'No,' she shook her head and smiled. 'I'll find it though.'

Ronin smiled. Ronin let the stirrups down, and peering at her over the birds neck, he said nothing. Then he climbed up. Wincing, he arranged his bad leg and offered her a hand.

'Ronin, should you be riding with your head injury?'

'Docs says no,' he admitted. 'I say yes. What else am I gonna do with myself all day?'

MK smiled.

'Trust me.'

She gave him her hand and let him pull her up. When she was settled behind him, Ronin twisted to look at her. Then he said darkly.

'Nod isn't all your responsibility, you know.'

'Ronin,' MK said softly, 'you're still sick yourself.'

'And you're not?' he twisted to look at her. 'MK, you're wasting away.'

She shook her head.

'I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping well.'

Ronin kicked the bird into flight.

'You're sick, MK. When was the last time you ate?'

MK didn't answer. She leaned her head against his back. Ronin was surprised by the gesture, but not by the silence.

'Why don't you take a night off from your duties and come and see my Ma. She's got a hotpot for tonight. You can put your feet up and relax, and she'll do the running around. It's what makes her happiest,' he smirked.

'I bet she's loving taking care of you.'

'She's ecstatic,' Ronin admitted. 'Since my father passed away, Ma's had nothing to do. The chance to baby me is a big deal. To be honest, I need it. Until I can make my own bed and remember how to wash, anyway. Come over, MK.'

'Alright,' MK nodded.

MK smiled at him. She'd never been so happy to see anyone in her life. She'd though she was losing him, and Nod too at one point.

MK put a hand on his shoulder from behind.

'Once I thought you and I would never be friends,' she said. 'You were always so serious. So...strict and stiff! Then Nod told me it's only because you care.'

'Careful,' Ronin said darkly, 'you'll make me out to be soft.'

'Good,' MK smiled, 'somebody other than me should see it.'

'Feel privileged then, few people get to.'

000

'Ma, give me that,' Ronin took the third plate out of his mothers hands and laid it in front of MK. He shook his head free of the heat and took his own seat. 'Feed this woman before she falls through a crack in the floor.'

MK smiled at him.

'You do care,' she quipped.

Ronin arched an eyebrow. MK put her head in her hand.

'Come on, Ronin. I'm joking. You know? Ha ha ha? Try it with me.'

'He was always a bit serious as a child you know,' said Ma, as she bustled into her own seat and admired the spread. 'He used to tell all the other boys not to dive into the river-'

'Ma, are you trying to embarrass me?'

'No, son, I don't need to try,' she smirked.

MK laughed, and disguised it as a cough when Ronin glared at her.

'What were you like a kid, Ronin?' MK finally started to relax and enjoy herself.

'He was a stickler,' Ma said proudly. 'A stickler for rules. He used to tell the other boys not to dive in the river.'

'She used to push me in,' Ronin gestured to his Ma.

'Yes, because you needed it. Boys dive in. Girls paddle. You needed to be one of the boys.'

'Patrick died that way, Ma.'

'Son, he hit a rock at the bottom. It could've happened to anyone. If you let that stop you, you never have any fun.'

'I'd sooner keep my neck in one piece.'

'Yet you go off, leave you poor Ma alone, and join the leafmen. And now look at you.'

She rubbed his hand lovingly. MK smiled. Ma had to be eighty. MK could see there was love there, so much love. It made her think of Nod, and everything she'd given up to take care of him. It wasn't like she'd had a choice. When he'd been carried home he'd asked for her. And suddenly MK had responsibility. Too much of it, too. This wasn't how she'd seen this year panning out.

000

The sun had gone down, and the birds had gone home to roost. Outside, the night was cold and full of lights. The forest had gone to sleep for the winter. It wouldn't be long before the snow came. The breeze ruffled MK's hair, chilled her face and fingers. It was so quiet. Normally by now she'd have been dozing beside Nods bed. She'd wake with a crick in her neck. She contemplating going back there tonight. For his sake. Then soft footsteps came up behind her.

'MK.'

Inside the little house, Ma was washing up. She clanked dishes gently as she did.

'Come on, let's get out of her hair.'

MK followed Ronin down the line of splash pools. They were so cold now, and the fish inside were preparing for a long sleep. Somebody had lit torches going down to the lake. Ronin held out his hands to help her down the steps. MK let him, and at the bottom they sat on a rock not far from a thin waterfall.

'Watching you and Nod together,' he paused. Then he tapped his head. 'Some things are totally gone, MK. Up here. Did you and I ever...you know?'

'You know?' MK teased him gently.

'You know,' he winked. 'We were...involved?'

She smiled at her folded hands.

'When I split up with Nod the first time, you took me for a ride on Black. You kissed me.'

'I wasn't sure,' he said. Then he admitted quietly, 'I did dream. A bit. Sometimes. For a long time it was all Tara. All Tara. Then...you came up and I started to wonder if I'd forgotten you, or if you were just someone I wanted. I couldn't work it out, but there you were, anyway.'

MK watched him closely.

'Why are you asking, Ronin?'

'I want to know where I stand. What you want.'

'For Nod to get better.'

'I know. I know that bit. But when he is, do you want to marry him? Or not?'

MK gazed into his eyes. Then she turned to the splash pools with a heavy sigh.

'Things have changed, Ronin. Before...he could take care of himself. Now, I'm not so sure.'

'He's going to need care for many months, MK. Are you up to that?'

'I have to be. He needs me.'

Ronin let out a slow breath through his nose.

'That's not a good reason to stay with him.'

MK shook her head.

'What reason do I need? He's sick. He needs me.'

'Love,' Ronin said. 'You need love. And lots of it, when someone you love is sick.'

'What do you know about that?' MK said, a bit angrily.

'What do you know about my past?' Ronin said. 'I had a brother. He was ill for a long time before he died. I wiped up shit and piss for him and it soils more than the sheets. It soils how you think about him. It's not something I'd wish on you two.'

MK threw her hands up in frustration.

'I can't leave him now. He might as well be crippled.'

'I understand that,' Ronin said reasonably. 'Is that what your heart says, or your head?'

MK was about to get angry. Then she realized Ronin was right. She put her head in her hands.

'My head. My head, Ronin. Only my head.'

'And your heart?' he asked quietly.

MK leaned on his arm.

'I can't leave him,' she repeated.

Ronin looked at her, closely. Then, helplessly, he nodded.

'OK.'

'Don't go back to sleep,' MK said, when they were beside his bird again.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he assured her. He took hold of her elbows and gave them a squeeze. MK put her head on his shoulder. Ronin took his chance, leaned in, and kissed her cheek. Then he found her ear.

'For a long time, I believed I'd have a chance with Tara. When she'd done her duties and I could afford to retire. I thought we'd have time together. To love and explore each other.'

'I'm sorry,' MK said softly.

'Don't be sorry. Don't make my mistake. Don't let love slip through your fingers.'

MK was so frustrated, she wanted to stamp her foot. It was wrong. She felt so trapped. Then she stood on tip-toes and kissed him softly on the lips. Ronin pressed back, taking her face in both hands. Need surged up inside her. Need to be held, comforted, loved in ways Nod couldn't do now. She didn't dare voice how scared she'd been when Ronin wouldn't wake up.

Ronin pulled her in tighter, desperate, eager to get her closer, deeper. MK slid her fingertips along his collar. She felt him settle big hands on her waist. Breaking apart for a moment, she said;

'We can't do this.'

Ronin ran fingers up the back of her skull and pulled her in again. MK went without any resistance. She made a little noise when he parted her lips, and dragging him closer, she didn't want to move again until they were done. It was like sweet relief. Sweet safety. For the first time in weeks, MK felt better about things. But Nod haunted her. How hurt he'd be. How much he needed her. But she had to move. For him

'Ronin, please – we can't.'

He released her.

'Does that mean I have to pretend I don't want to?'

'No,' MK shook her head. 'It just means we can't. Ronin...you've changed.'

He nodded.

'So have you. Facing down the Gods of death can do that to you.'

'You faced them down?' MK couldn't resist a little tease. 'Like, eye to eye?'

'I did. I look them right in their ugly little eyes,' Ronin cracked a small smile. 'And I said...' he imitated a girl, 'don't hurt me!'

MK laughed.

'No, that can't be you. Surely, "back you devils!" is a bit more...macho?'

Ronin winked.

'Believe what you want,' he said. 'I'm not going to pretend MK. But...you need to do what's right by you.'