Disclaimer: I neither own Naruto nor do I profit from this in any way, shape or form.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hokage Office

"Why the hell are you TWO here again?" the Third Hokage asked in resignation, eyebrows barely able to resist the temptation of twitching madly. Sprawled right in front of him in a wide comfortable couch were the two bans of his existence, back against each other, heads leaned backwards and sake bottles in hand.

The wizened Hokage waited and waited and then waited some more to receive a response from the two drinking duo, but unfortunately for him and his slowly slipping sanity, they appeared to have no interest in answering his question.

"GIVE ME AN ANSWER RIGHT NOW!"

His ear-splitting voice, coupled with the anger embedded in it, snapped the two drunken duos from their stupor as they jolted up from the couch and saluted sloppily, eyes halfway closed as they looked around the office. It was somewhat funny, to be honest.

"H-hey old man!" the duo greeted in unison, their state of drunkenness clearly evident from their slurred voices "Watchca doing here?"

The old Hokage was tempted to bang his head against the oak desk but refrained from doing so, clearly aware of the consequences of such actions later. His head still hurt from the previous brutal beatings he had delivered to himself before.

"I should be the one asking that question" Hiruzen retorted snappishly as he sat down, griping the edges of the oaken desk to restrain himself from firing a couple of deadly Jutsus at the insane duo. He hadn't done that in a decade or so.

"Really?" Naruto asked lamely, scratching the back of his head "Why?"

"Yeah, why?" Anko repeated pointedly, taking a nonchalant swig from the sake. Where the hell were they? This place seemed familiar and strange at the same time.

"Because you are in MY office!"

"Damn … look at his goatee, look at his age and look at his tran- transp- transport lies!" Naruto muttered in surprise as he gazed at the stupefied Hokage. How could someone so old and respected lie like it was nothing at all? "Have you no shame?"

"Hey stud, I think it's transit lies, not transport" Anko interjected, hands idly rubbing the underside of her chin in a thinking pose.

"Wow babe, you are smart!" the blond praised loudly, genuinely impressed with Anko's vast wisdom.

"Thanks foxy, I aim to impress!"

'What the hell?' the brown haired Hokage looked with jaw-dropped expression as the two embraced each other and rubbed their cheeks. What the hell was so smart about that? Both words were wrong at so many levels that it was not even funny.

And where the hell did their sake bottles go?

"You two, get out now!" he shouted in barely restrained anger, pointing his hand towards the door. He was going to die one day because of these two lunatics, of that he was hundred percent sure.

"WHAT!?" Naruto shouted in response, surprising the wizened man with its intensity and seriousness "You are in our home and ordering us to get out? Are ya high or something? You get out!"

Hiruzen's jaw dropped to the ground in shock. "Wha…"

"Hey stud, this old fart ain't gonna leave the easy way, why don't we show him the door Naruto+Anko way?" the bloodthirsty Jonin proposed with a wide grin, reaching for her trusty kunais. It was time for Yin and Yang to come out and play.

"Man, remind me to give ya a big ol' kiss for this when we kick his ass out" Naruto announced cheerfully, instantly agreeing with Anko's plan. In his opinion, not a single defect or flaw could ever be detected in Anko's brilliant plans. She was just that good at it.

"We go on three" Naruto declared firmly, eyes narrowed into thin slits as he lowered into an unfamiliar fighting stance, Anko following his example to the T.

"One!"

"Wait!"

"Two!"

"Snap out of it you two!" the Third Hokage shouted desperately, frantically waving his hands in front of the two battle-ready outcasts. Fighting them would be no problem _ he was the Hokage, people _ but fighting them both INSIDE the office would prove disastrous.

"And three!" the blond announced in glee "Let's go to town on his wrinkly ass!"

Before the two could release all hell on the sweating Hokage, a shadowed figure stealthily entered the office and snuck behind the pair like a stalking predator. A pair of circular objects appeared in the intruder's hands as they were brought firmly upon the heads of the duo within the next second.

THUNK!

THUNK!

'Whoever you are, I am gonna give you a smooch on the lips for saving my life!' the Hokage mused in relief, heart rate returning to normal after he witnessed the unconsciousness figures of his would-be-attackers. The silhouette of the duos' attacker and his savior stepped into the light to reveal…

The annoyed form of one Kurenai Yuhi.

"I searched the entire village for you two idiots and you are here drinking sake while trying to attack the Hokage?!"

'On second thought, forget about the kiss'

He, along with the rest of the village, was well aware of the blond's exploits as well as his feelings towards his partners. He may act all cheerful and forgiving but he left no one, not even his superior officers unpunished when they were found guilty of making a move on his 'babies'.

His son, Asuma, was well aware and intimately acquainted with that particular rule.

His esteemed status as the Hokage and his well-earned title as the Professor would have zero effect on the boy should he learn that he had thoughts of thanking Kurenai by kissing her. He valued his life, thank you very much!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ichiraku Ramen

"Naruto, are you sure you should be here during your missions?" Ayame, a brown haired girl somewhere around the age of 20 to 21 asked unsurely as she watched the blond boy devour bowl after bowl of ramen, all the while releasing miserable sobs of sorrow. She had a pretty good idea why.

"Who c-cares about t-the damned m-mission? I MISS MY BABY!" the blond yelled passionately, comical tears streaming his whiskered face "Even eating ramen feels like I am swallowing molten lava!"

Ayame took a few cautious steps back from the overwhelmed Genin with a sheepish grin. Everyone in the Leaf village knew who this 'Baby' was; those who didn't needed to have their heads examined. The Ichiraku family was especially acquainted with the duo since both always came to the stand together.

"Wow… calm down Naruto, I mean she has been gone only for a few minutes and will be back before the day is over" she stated placidly, trying to calm down the now sobbing blond. An over-excited Naruto was never a good thing.

"How can y-you expect me to c-calm down, Ayame? My baby is g-gone, we prank, eat, sleep and l-laugh t-together! I even tried to p-pour itching powder into the ANBU u-uniforms and watched them s-squirm like worms but it w-was not the s-same WITHOUT MY BABY!"

'Wow… that's just … wow'

The brunette was left gaping at the sobbing blond as he related his tales of sorrow and misery. She had no idea why he would mix the word prank, eat and laugh with sleep, especially in the same sentence and with such blatant honesty.

It was no real surprise to the villagers that the young Genin was intimate with a lot of Jonins in the Village, specifically the Four Ice Queens, but it was still somewhat disturbing considering his age. He was 13 for goodness sake!

'What do I do now?'

Trying to calm him down was off the bucket list that was for sure. To be honest, besides giving him some semblance of calm and ramen, she had no idea what to do with an overwhelmed Naruto. Especially a Naruto who is sobbing and there is no Anko to calm him down.

Fortunately for her, someone who was at least able to distract him for a few seconds appeared in the form of a pink haired Genin … a pink haired Genin who appeared as though she had just covered a few thousand miles by running, if her panting was any indication.

"Naruto, where the hell were you?!" Sakura shouted in outrage, waving her hands in front of the sobbing blond like a raging monster "Why the hell did you run during the middle of a mission!?"

"Hey there bra" Naruto greeted casually, head laid on the wooden table.

A tic mark pulsed on Sakura's forehead "Was that a crack at my chest size?"

The blond Jinchuriki raised a delicate eyebrow "What chest?"

"WHY YOU…."

Ayame had to hold the fuming Genin down from attacking her teammate, all the while trying not to let her giggles divert the attention of the outraged pinkette from Naruto to herself. No matter how crude and rude it was, she had to admit the truth was there.

"Hey calm down, will you? He was just joking, right Naruto?" Ayame stated pleadingly, giving the blond boy a pointed and accusing glare.

"Nope!" the aforementioned blond denied firmly, the afternoon suddenly gaining a brilliant and blinding strength as the blond ominously rose from his seat "I was effortlessly accurate in my assumptions in regards to her negligible chest measurement, I shall not weaver from my declaration no matter the cost for I, Naruto Uzumaki, do not falsify or 'sweetify' my words in the face of any malevolence! Do your worst, you evil doer, for the truth shall remain! Kung Fu still lives!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

At the end of his 'aspiring' speech, even the formally thunderous pink haired Genin lost all her anger and stared at the insane blond with dropped jaws 'WTF!?'

All that just to say that she had a small chest size?! There were so many things she wanted do and so many questions she wanted to ask, but damn her mind needed to reboot a few times before she could do that.

Did the word 'sweetify' even existed? According to her knowledge, it sure as hell didn't! And what was all this talk about evil doer and Kung Fu?

Right beside her, the brown haired girl, who was quite well-acquainted with Naruto's antics, could only palm her face in embarrassment. That was the single most idiotic and comical thing she had ever seen from Naruto and he was the best in doing those kinds of things.

Naruto, on the other hand, did not take well to being ignored or stared at as his temple found itself the unwilling home of a few pulsing veins.

"See, that's why I don't respect people cause they don't respect me! I went through all the trouble of making up those long ass names and no one is even clapping or bowing!? If my baby … was here, she would've given me a French kiss and then drag me off to the forest to do some serious rutting! Do you people have no sense of drama!?"

"Ok calm down, Sakura, he is Naruto which means it's sort of his job to piss off people … so no pressure … deep breathes" Ayame muttered through gritted teeth, pleadingly rubbing a shaking Sakura's shoulders "Just remember the happy times"

Fortunately for her, the pinkette calmed down enough to realize her true purpose for coming here. The pink haired Genin took deep breathes and restrained herself from choking the life out of the down-trodden blond who seemed to be sulking in the corner, muttering something along the lines of 'no sense of drama' and 'rutting in the Forest of Death'.

"Naruto, we have a C Rank mission tomorrow. Be ready by 6 in the morning and wait at the gate!" Sakura announced angrily before stomping off like an angry gorilla, while Naruto picked his ears.

"Now that I think about it, she has no luck in the chest department, but man she sure has some serious firepower in the trunk!" Naruto stated with a perverted giggle as he ogled Sakura's dress-covered rear before smacking himself in the face "But she is too young for me"

Soon after, a harshly dented frying pan found its sweet home upon his head with a resounding thud.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Next Day, Front Gate, 9 o'clock

"That's just rude" a tired and sulky Kakashi announced miserably as he leaned against the trunk of a tree outside the front gate. Every single member of his team, along with their drunken client, a brown haired man in his late forties, were present at the front gate … well everyone except Naruto.

"What's rude? That Naruto is late?" Sakura asked unsurely, letting a bit of her anger and resentment slip through "you really shouldn't be pointing fingers, sensei you were two hours late as well!"

"No, what's rude is the fact that Naruto is even late than ME! I mean I am supposed to be the guy who always pisses off people by mentioning one time and appearing two hours late" the silverette declared miserably, a dark cloud of depression hovering above his head "He is stealing my spotlight!"

'That's what he is worried about?' the two Genins plus one client thought in deadpan.

While the team fought against their own demons in one form or another, the topic of the day appeared in all his nonchalant and causal glory. Naruto Uzumaki walked through the front gate with an extra spring in his steps, a wide grin on his face and a giant … frying pan?

"Hey there bra, Duckbutt, Cyclops and ..." Naruto announced cheerfully as he walked up to the four individuals while dragging the giant frying pan along with him, blissfully ignoring their outraged or annoyed expressions. The blond blinked several times when he saw the familiar form of the brown haired bridge builder "who the hell are you?"

"He is our client, Mr. Tazuna from the Land of Waves" Kakashi introduced lazily, never once taking his eyes away from the holy verses written in the Icha Icha novel. Averting one's eyes from the holy lines inscribed into the novel of Icha Icha was equivalent to ignoring its wisdom which was simply unforgivable.

"Did I ask you?" Naruto deadpanned. People these days seemed to have no sense of respect, only bent on putting themselves into the spotlight.

"Ummm … no?" the silver haired Jonin replied lamely before his eyes fell on something or someone that sent uncontrollable shivers down his spine. He was screwed, royally he might add. "What is SHE doing here?"

Walking right behind the smirking blond was an equally grinning Anko Mitarashi.

A dark aura surrounded the blond Jinchuriki as his eyes turned crimson "No one asks why my baby is here"

"Did that answer your question, Cyclops?" Anko questioned smugly, eyes leering into Kakashi's squinted eye like a predator "Or do ya want me to explain it to you?"

"Naruto, I know you are excited and all, but she is a Jonin herself…" Kakashi started hesitantly; well aware of the blond boy's temper issues when it came to the purplette "she has responsibilities and must be assigned by the Hokage"

A giant question mark appeared above the blond Jinchuriki's head as he blinked "What the hell is a Hokage?"

Everyone beside the causally smirking Anko could feel giant sweat drops trailing down their heads as they watched the blond practically ignore the existence of his leader like it was nothing.

Seeing their deadpan expressions, Naruto turned to the only person who had the answers to pretty much any of his questions "Hey babe, ya know anything about this Hokage shit?"

"I think One Eye is talking about the old fart who threw us out of his dingy office last morning" Anko replied 'helpfully', nodding her head in confirmation of her words "Ya know, the one with the funny goatee and hat?"

"Oh that old dude? Nah, he can't do shit about it as long as I am alive, kicking and screaming" Naruto declared passionately, draping his muscular arm over the purplette "Secondly, my baby here doesn't even know what responsibility means, let alone having one"

"Fine, why were you late? For three hours I might add?"

Anko's smug grin revealed everything he needed to know about the mentioned reasons.

"Well since my baby was sent on a month-long mission, we had some 'catching up' to do"

"It was for an hour, Naruto, not a month"

"You obviously don't know what you are talking about" Anko deadpanned instead of Naruto, eyes narrowed into narrow slits "In the Naruto + Anko Rule Book, separation of one hour equals to one year!"

At the end of their little debate, Kakashi realized that the only way to deal with this problem was to ignore it, endure it and pray that he is still in one piece at the end of the mission … cause when you were with Naruto and Anko, there was a high possibility of being maimed and not by the enemy.

Sasuke and Sakura blissfully shifted away from the two partners and walked out of the gate towards their destination, the bridge builder right between them. Seeing his Genins walk away, Kakashi sighed miserably and followed their example, taking the rear of the group.

The two inseparable partners draped hands over each other's shoulders and strolled through the forest, cheerfully singing songs one after the other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A Few Hours Later

"Babe, let's see what we can get out of these poor saps" Naruto announced cheerfully. Too cheerfully, Kakashi noticed with a sweat drop as Naruto and Anko mercilessly dragged the two Demon Brothers off into the bushes with sinister laughter ringing all over the isolated forest.

A few hours ago, these two missing Nin had attacked them, obviously to eliminate the nervous bridge builder. Since he had confidence in Naruto and Anko's battle prowess, he had faked his death and left the situation entirely in the hands of his Genins and Anko.

That had been his gravest mistake.

Naruto and Anko had produced popcorns from somewhere and slumped against the trunk of a nearby tree and observed the battle between Sasuke and the two brothers with gleeful expressions, all the while placing bets on who was going to get his ass kicked first.

In the end, he had been forced to intervene in order to save his two Genins from death, since Naruto and Anko clearly had no intention of doing so. When he had asked them about their reasons for not intervening, they had answered in a way that it had rendered him answerless.

"You were up there watching the show as well, Silver Bangs, why didn't you insert your ass in the fight?"

"NOT IN THE FACE, NOT IN THE FACE PLEASE!"

And so, here they were waiting for Naruto and Anko to finish interrogating the two unlucky Shinobi. He never thought he would feel sympathy for a missing Nin, but here he was feeling sorry for the two unlucky brothers to be interrogated by those two lunatics.

"PLEASE NOT MY NUTS!"

The waiting team, except Sakura, self-consciously cupped their family jewels with uncontrollable shivers when a high pitch squeal reverberated through the forest. How Naruto could not feel sympathy for his fellow male was beyond them.

The thrashing and ear-splitting squeals of pain stopped after a few minutes, followed by the familiar rustling of bushes as the two partners emerged with shit-eating grins on their faces and extra spring in their steps.

"We proposed some terms to the Nins and they were kind enough to agree with them" Naruto stated smugly, nudging a triumphantly smirking Anko with a grin "Right babe?"

"Yup, we didn't let my snakes bite them in the nuts, nope, not at all" she agreed smugly, taking sick pleasure from the uncomfortable expression on the team's face.

"Yeah, I mean we are not that sadistic" Naruto chirped in "We are considerate towards the pain of others"

'Considerate my ass!' Kakashi mused with a sweat drop. He could only hope that those two were alive after what they had gone through.

"Let's go"

If Tazuna thought he could get away with keeping such information from him, he had another thing coming. He was going to talk about those things when his mind relaxed a little.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An Hour Later

"So babe, what should we do here in Wave?" Naruto asked absently, his arm draped over the purplette's shoulder while he took a deep swig from a sake bottle and passed it to her "I mean, we are gonna be bored out of our minds within a few minutes"

A deep blush adorned Anko's cheeks as she took a swig from the sake and hummed lightly "We could kidnap the Feudal Lord of this country, ya know just for kicks and laughs"

"This country doesn't have a Feudal Lord" Naruto deadpanned. If this damned country had a Feudal Lord, then why were they under the control of the despicable maggot known as Gato?

"Really? Well, how about just some random dude from the streets?" she proposed unsurely "We could even force him to watch while we rut like horny bunnies!"

Naruto shook his head in negative "Nah, I don't like it when someone is watching us rutting like bunnies"

"You like it when Kurenai is watching" she pointed out blankly.

"Come on babe, you should know that by now" he retorted snappishly "I only like it cause she joins in after a few minutes of watching us"

"Yeah, that's true" the purplette agreed reluctantly. He had a point there.

"So… any ideas?"

"Besides kidnapping someone and going at it like animals in heat, nothing" she countered moodily.

"Then kidnapping someone it is!" Naruto declared passionately, hands clenched into fists.

"You two might want to stop your nonsensical argument and watch out for threats!" Kakashi stated loudly, glancing around the clearing they were in, eye narrowed and peering into the dark and unsuspecting corners of each and every tree like a predator.

His instincts were screaming at him that something was not right and he usually listened to his instincts while on missions. Fighting against two Chunins in the first hour of their C rank mission had already shattered his visions of a peaceful escort mission.

This clearing was too quiet and peaceful for his liking. Anything this peaceful during missions was never a good thing; that he knew quite well from experience.

Now if only Naruto and Anko would stop talking about going at it and kidnapping people, he might be able to put his Sharingan to good use. Whoever this would-be-attacker was, he was quite skilled in the art of Stealth.

As soon as his hand reached for the cloth covering his hidden eye, the sound of something large and sharp ripping the through air reached his ears, instantly putting him on alert. Kicking Sasuke's feet with a clean sweep and tackling Sakura along with their client, Kakashi dived for the ground to avoid being sliced in half by the huge sword.

It was then his eyes saw something he thought he would never see in his lifetime. The giant sword was speeding towards a tree in breakneck speed and seated upon the wide surface of the sword were the two drinking partners, wildly waving their hands in the air and giggling like school girls.

"WHAT!?"

His already numbed mind shut down when an unsuspecting Ninja tried to land on the handle of the sword, only to be kicked in the ass by Naruto and sent flying towards the lake besides the clearing with a manly squeal.

"Never take a space already occupied by Naruto and Anko" the blond stated in an admonishing tone, as if lecturing the still drowned Ninja.

"Oi Foxy, we agreed on me kicking his ass to the lake!" Anko demanded angrily, bopping the blond on his head "Ya can't just go against an agreement"

"But you were taking too long! And what's with kicking his ass using snakes?" Naruto retorted in a childish whine.

"It's my choice whether I kick his ass or have my snakes kick it for me!"

"Ok fine, don't get all moody" he relented woefully "You can fight him"

"That's the spirit!" Anko purred in excitement as she jumped down from the sword and gave the sulking Naruto a wide grin "Keep the brats and Silver Bangs out of my way, will ya stud? I don't want to accidently stab one of them"

"Fine" he replied glumly, shoulders slumped in misery. He had been waiting for this since he got on this damned mission and now here he was sitting on a sword and watching Anko fight the Nin. Where was all the fairness?

The water of the lake exploded in a violent show of strength as the missing Nin emerged out of the pool and stood a few feet away from the widely grinning Anko. The man was a tall, shirtless and eyebrow-less ninja, who apparently had some strange fascination with huge swords.

Wait, this guy seemed familiar…

"Oh Eyebrow-less dude, do I know you from somewhere?" Anko asked unsurely, scratching the back of her head in a Naruto-like fashion. She could've sworn she had seen this dude somewhere.

A tic mark pulsed on Zabuza's forehead when he heard the nickname "Of course you know me, you crazy bitch, you are the one who burned my eyebrows!"

Realization hit Anko like the powerful thrusts of Naruto's … never mind. Her eyes widened in sick glee as she remembered that particular mission. That was one of the few missions where Naruto had been absent and thus she had been quite horny and frustrated, resulting in Zabuza losing his precious eyebrows during their encounter.

"Hey Foxy, this is the dude I have been telling you about!" Anko shouted out in excitement, gaining the attention of the glum Naruto "Ya know the one who had his eyebrows burned by yours truly?"

"Really? Damn, I am starting to love you even more! But…" Naruto raised a delicate eyebrow when he noticed something peculiar "Why is he still alive?"

"Well, there was this little brat who saved him just when I was about to find a silver platter to put his ass into and present it to him with honor" the purplette replied casually, fully aware of Zabuza's leaking killing intent and the monstrous tic marks on his temple.

"Wow babe, you are not only smart but considerate too!? I mean who would go through all the trouble of finding a silver platter to present someone's ass to him? I certainly wouldn't!" Naruto gushed out in excitement, eyes glittering in admiration while Anko puffed out her barely hidden chest in pride "I would stomp on his ass and turn it into a silver platter before putting his ass in it!"

A sweat drop trailed down Anko's head "Foxy, if you turn his ass into a silver platter, then what are you going to put in it?"

A smug grin appeared on Naruto's face "Find someone in the immediate vicinity and put his ass in the platter!"

"Awesome, we should try that some day!"

"Ya betcha!"

A gaping Zabuza turned his wide comical eyes towards the Jonin of the team "Is it too late to say that I quit?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tazuna's House

Entering the wooden house, Naruto and Anko giggled at the young daughter of the bridge builder, already ogling her like a piece of meat while the woman shifted uncomfortably. Sasuke and Sakura dropped to separate chairs in the living room, Kakashi leaned against the wall of the room while Tazuna greeted his daughter.

Naruto jumped into the comfortable embrace of a large sofa and sprawled like he had just conquered the entire land of Lightening, sighing in content when the soft surface of the sofa met his tired and stiff back.

The purplette Jonin looked around the living room for a vacant space, shrugging nonchalantly when she found nothing but empty space with no furniture. Seeing her foxy sprawled over the sofa, a mischievous grin graced her features as she tensed her legs and jumped over his vulnerable form.

Her eyes widened in surprise when instead of coming into contact with the indestructible layer of muscles she was well acquainted with, she found her body meeting the soft surface of the sofa.

She wasn't given much time to think about the whereabouts of her 'cushion' as the aforementioned blond appeared above her body, tightly griped her hands and bite her neck with a throaty growl, causing the purplette to moan.

The special Jonin could feel herself getting excited when she felt the familiar sensation of something long and hard lodging itself between the plump cheeks of her rear and grinding into her flesh with frustrating ease.

"You thought you could get the drop on me, huh babe?" Naruto asked in a husky tone, nibbling on her earlobe with a smug grin, while Anko tried and failed to control her moans. She could try to control as much as she wished; it wouldn't even matter since he knew all her pleasure points like the back of his hand.

"Fine, you win this round" Anko admitted with a glare, cheeks glowing red as she gazed back at him over her shoulder "Now, get off of me before I get too excited and give the kiddies a special show"

Naruto blinked when he realized the true meaning of her words, glancing back over his shoulder with a sheepish smile. Staring at the two occupied partners were the two Genins, the silverette Jonin, the brown haired bridge builder and his daughter with wide eyes, dropped jaws and blushing cheeks.

"We were discussing a little strategy" the blond stated lamely, causing a massive sweat drop to materialize in the living room.

"If by strategy, you mean lodging that monster between my ass cheeks, then yeah that was some serious strategizing we did back there" Anko retorted smugly, patting a sheepish Naruto on the back while said blond glared at her with a twitching eyebrow.

The gaping and blushing visages of the assembled team members as well as the father and daughter duo was really getting on his nerves and that's why Naruto came up with a brilliant plan to change the topic into something normal and comfortable.

"So Tsunami, how old are you?" a widely grinning Naruto asked excitedly, eyes wide in child-like glee.

Naruto's childish question was met with two fists finding their sweet home upon his skull, courtesy of Anko and Tsunami.

"You don't ask a lady about her age, brat" Anko admonished firmly, eyes glaring at a moody Naruto who was rubbing the twin bumps upon his head with a scowl.

"What should I ask then, her measurements?" Naruto retorted snappishly, causing the brunette to blush lightly in response to his blatant comment.

The purplette nodded her head "Yup!"

"Ok then, what are your measurements, young lady?" he asked perversely, eyebrows wiggling up and down suggestively.

Tsunami shifted uncomfortably when she became the focus of the two insane partners. Her discomfort was heightened even more when Anko wigged her eyebrows shamelessly and waited for her answer.

What was wrong with this woman? She could understand the blond boy for asking such a rude question since he was a boy, but why was she, a woman, interested in her measurements?

Unless …

Her eyes widened in surprise while steam poured out of her ears in great volume when she realized something. She was bi! Now she really needed to be careful where she sat and slept, cause having a woman who was interested in both genders was not a comfortable thought.

"I-I am gonna go …check on the f-food" she stammered and bolted out of the living room.

"Yeah sure …" Naruto answered absentmindedly, ogling Tsunami's retreating rear with a broad grin. Man, that was a perfect trunk he would love to tap anytime of the day and he was going to, if he had anything to say about it.

That was why he was here in the first place, back in time to his residence to screw over anything he found unworthy and to have fun without bringing catastrophic changes into the original timeline.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Where It All Began

Somewhere around the degraded and outright disgusting part of the prodigious Leaf village, in a rundown apartment and in the middle of a messy and entirely unhygienic room, a brilliant light announced its presence in the most impressive and dreadful way possible.

The normal and serene aura of the room changed significantly, cracks appeared in the fabric of space and shattered into shards of glass. A hand engulfed into brilliant light emerged out of the shattered space, tearing away the rest of the air like a tissue paper.

Another hand joined the first, followed by the emergence of a humanoid head and body, until the entire body floated out of the light and dismissed the shattered fabric of space with a twitch of his finger.

The brilliant light shimmered down into a serene glow until the entire form could be seen completely without suffering some serious eye problems. The light was being emitted from a floating form of a tall and muscular man with long blond hair, reaching to the small of his back.

Sharp and piercingly narrow blue eyes gazed around the entirety of the room with something akin to nostalgia and longing before being diverted towards the bed situated in the middle of the room.

The glowing spirit floated towards the bed with a soft smile, eyes glancing over the malnourished form of a blond boy, somewhere around the age of nine or so. The thin inhabitant of the bed appeared as though he had no idea what was going in his room, blissfully lost in the land of dreams while clutching a toad plushy.

It brought a slim pang of pain to his heart when seeing the condition of the boy lying helplessly before his eyes. The boy lived in a Ninja village, filled with experienced and veteran killing machines and yet he could sleep like this? Truly he was ignorant of the world's true colors and goals.

But he would soon remedy that particular mistake.

"Sorry buddy, but I am taking control of this body" the astral form stated in a deep but smooth tone, gradually descending into the sleeping form of a small, malnourished boy who had some serious similarities with the ethereally glowing projection.

A brilliant glow dominated the room when the entire projection entered the body, finding a place for itself in the body of another. The glow died down after a few minutes, until it revealed a fascinating sight.

The previously unaware and ignorant boy was seated upright upon the uncomfortable bed, disturbingly glowing eyes gazing at his hands in something akin to wonder and … disgust? The blond boy touched the floor of the room with his feet and pointed his index finger towards his overused bed, lighting flickering it upwards.

The motionless bed shook like a leaf amidst a storm and shot up like a bullet, impacting the ceiling of the room with a resounding boom and going sailing straight out of the shattered ceiling into the dark and motionless night.

Overused furniture, shredded wallpaper and other usable utensils gained a mind of their own, floating to the middle of the room and shooting out of the chamber into the dark night air, while a sinister grin graced the lips of the malnourished boy as his eyes glowed a deep crimson in the empty room.

Naruto was back!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Done!

Short? I know, but instead of overlooking it for being short, why don't you consider it a gift for being updated so early?

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. The chapter was written in a hurry so expect some mistakes while reading.

Please leave me some feedback, either through an account or Guest!