Repercussions

Title: Not a chance
Character(s): Older!Shikamaru, Older!Naruto
Genre: General
Chapter: Prologue
Summary: If Naruto had answered differently, he wouldn't have been alone.

"If you could go back in time, theoretically, would you? Even if you couldn't change anything, and you had to watch them die again? Even if you made everything worse?"

Shikamaru's question seems out of place, Naruto thinks, in a lull in a conversation about their ever-dwindling supplies. But it shouldn't be surprising, really. Shikamaru has always thought too much, and it was inevitable that this would come to mind. It is surprising, however, that Naruto hasn't ever even thought about this himself.

He makes up for it by thinking hard now, closing his eyes as he ponders. He opens his clear red eyes and answers carefully. "Only if… only if I didn't have to leave you behind." He closes his eyes. "I think it would kill me if I lost you, too… I wouldn't be able to handle it, and I'd make too many mistakes to fix anything at all."

"Naruto…"

Naruto looks to his side to watch Shikamaru lying on the grass beside him. Naruto shoots him a watery smile. "How could I live with myself if I willingly abandoned a friend when I didn't absolutely have to?"

Shikamaru meets his eyes, and Naruto is a little surprised to see pain and sorrow in them. He wonders what Shikamaru is thinking.

"Yeah," Shikamaru finally answers. He looks away. "I guess you wouldn't… You're more selfless than I am."

Naruto frowns. He doesn't know what might be going through Shikamaru's head, but he isn't sure he wants to. He can tell that whatever Shikamaru means by his comment is not something Naruto wants to hear.

"I think that if I found a way to reverse time, I'd do it at any cost as long as I could bring you back with me. And only if."

"And if it turned out that you couldn't?" Shikamaru stares straight up at the clouds. His voice is tense.

"Then I'd stay behind with you, so you wouldn't have to be alone."

As Naruto stares at Shikamaru's profile, he thinks a smile is spreading over the other's face. "Yeah, me too."

"Naruto," Shikamaru calls as the blond is poring over some calculations. Naruto is grateful for the interruption. His head is buzzing and he finds it difficult to think. The amount of chakra required for a time-manipulating jutsu might even be too great for one as powerful as the Kyuubi to handle, but they can't have millions of chakra-storing seals half a kilometre long each.

Naruto turns to see Shikamaru hunched over the blood-stained desk. "Yeah?" He can't suppress a bit of excitement from creeping into his voice. Maybe it's a huge breakthrough, but he doesn't want to lift up his expectations too high, or else his hopes might crash and burn. He can't tell if it's good or bad from Shikamaru's voice.

"We can't…"

There is a sinking feeling in Naruto's chest. From those two words, he knows it will be bad.

Shikamaru turns to meet Naruto's eyes. He is crying, tears rolling down his cheeks silently. "We can't make it together."

There is tense silence as Naruto's eyes widen in shock. His mouth drops open, and his jaw is left hanging until he has the presence of mind to close it. He swallows back a scream. His heart might be ripping itself in a thousand pieces, one for every time he broke a promise, unable to stand against the sudden flood of emotion. Horror, shock, fury, sorrow. Disappointment, dismay… none of these words is strong enough to describe what he feels in that moment.

Over five years, wasted.

Naruto wants to ask if Shikamaru is absolutely sure, without a doubt, but he remembers how, during the past few days, Shikamaru had refused to leave his work for food, sleep, or even to relieve himself. He remembers seeing his furious scribbling. He remembers how Shikamaru wouldn't even speak to him, how his voice was tense as the Nara demanded that Naruto was to be quiet. He remembers that Shikamaru would never say something like this unless he was.

So, instead, he answers, "Oh."

They both avert their eyes. They'd been so close… and really, this doesn't have to go to waste. One of them could do it. Naruto knows that either of them would be able to succeed. Shikamaru can think of strategies that will turn everything in his favour. Naruto can throw himself into becoming powerful enough to protect everyone, and he had more contact with both the Akatsuki and Orochimaru. He had been closer to Sasuke, he had trained under Jiraiya, he had convinced Tsunade to become Hokage… perhaps he is the better choice. But if Shikamaru had Naruto's knowledge, he could doubtlessly manipulate the situation a lot better. Maybe he wouldn't have been strong enough, but that is why they were supposed to save the past together.

If one of them was to go… the other would be left alone. The last thing he wants is for this to happen to Shikamaru, but he doesn't want to be left behind either. He wouldn't be able to handle it.

"I'm not leaving you behind," he says determinedly. He wants to say that he would refuse to let Shikamaru to go alone, but he can't find the right words. He doesn't want to force Shikamaru into anything, or sound like he is trying to.

"Then I can't let you wallow in despair without me, either." Shikamaru's voice is strange. Naruto doesn't know if he's even sincere, but he can't help the relief from flooding through him. He doubts Shikamaru wants to be called on it – it would be insulting, anyway – so he isn't going to ask.

"Of course not."

They don't speak of it again.


Posted 14 October 2007