Disclaimer: Again I don't own Durarara, nor have I finished the second series, I've only seen up through DurararaX2 ten. So this is mostly based off of the canon for the First 24-episode season and the season titled Shou, (I believe) my story deviates and becomes an A.U. or Alternative Universe after the episode where Izaya was stabbed & left the hospital.
However, I don't own anything save my original character Kanra Hisikawa.
P.S. Don't take this fic too seriously, this one's really just for laughs!
And it's on to chapter 2.
Chapter 2- The Deal –
Namie Yagiri was much to her amazement, amused. She didn't know why? It didn't make any sense for her to be so inexplicably unscientifically …happy, delighted, enthralled? She couldn't decide. However, whatever this warm tingling feeling was, she just couldn't help it, she was also if she were being completely honest, somewhere between terrified & rapidly growing more & more intrigued by the second, because the HEAD was TALKING!
Really talking, and shouting, screaming, even crying for Kami's sake!?
A majority of her entire life she had stared at that head, and not once. Not a single day spent with it had it ever spoken, or so much as breathed a bit more heavily, now..now it wouldn't shut up!
It was like somebody had flipped a switch and it had so much personality!
Not only was the head talking, it was also completely mobile! Facial muscles were twitching accordingly, the eyes were functioning at an optimal rate, even the ears seem to be wiggling a little!
And then there was the voice! For some reason she had always expected the Dullahan's voice to sound mystical, or unnatural, otherworldly, maybe even divine, but apparently she'd been way off the mark!
Instead it sounded so…average? If there had been a body to go along with the head, then Namie would have sworn that it, she? It? Was just another normal young woman like herself?
This wasn't a bad thing, and it's not that the voice was unpleasant it just ..wasn't well….and she hated using the word….but… it wasn't magical!
Oh the talking head without a body part was supernatural no question there; but the voice was so…so….
"I'VE GOT CHEESE IN MY HAIR!(Hiccup..Sob..Hiccup)" it wailed.
…hilarious.
Namie couldn't help it! Between her usually cool collected devil of a boss's rapidly growing more and more alarmed facial expression and quite the reasonable complaint from the talking head, she lost it!
"Hahahhahahha!" laughed Namie as her sides squeezed in long overdue mirth. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed like this, it had been ages, but it was just so funny!
All these years, all her life, and what does it say?
"UGH! I SMELL LIKE BAAAD CHEESE! THE SMELL! Ewww! (wimper) WAHHH! AHH…GET IT OFF ME! I'M GONNA THROW UP!"
"WHAT!?" yelped the 'Oh so powerful' information broker holding it.
Oh. Oh this was rich. This was fantastic!
Namie couldn't help it, laughter cascaded out of her like a rapid river, she was rolling on the floor so overcome with mirth, and it was glorious! His face! Izaya's face! She needed a camera, for once in her life she needed a damn camera! Was it her birthday already?
She would never doubt wishing at a shrine again!
"Namie-san. Stop that immediately! Can't you see how distressed poor Celty-san is!?" Izaya tried to order, his usually smooth voice a bit 'ruffled', as his collected facade finally took a break from being so smug. 'What a beautiful sight,' she thought as she watched his face contort from the scowl he was trying to give her, to the real panic he had to be experiencing, making his efforts to intimidate her null.
"UWAHHHHH (SOB)PUUUKE'S IN MY HAIR!" wailed the head loudly enough for the whole city to hear. Wiggling in Izaya's hands as it trembled from its terrible sobs, the noise just starting to grate on Namie's ears, but not enough to keep her from another bout of guffaws.
While Izaya on the other hand, looking a tad flustered at the situation and closer within range of the head, seemed to come to a conclusion about something. Namie was able too, despite the tears in her own eyes forming, watch as the man's maroon red eyes grew contemplative over the crying quivering head in his hands. One dark elegant eyebrow arched, before he calmly closed said eyes nodded his own head to himself, and in determined strides left the kitchen with the now fully awake & upset wailing head under arm all the way along with him.
Namie slowly tried to regain control of her giggles, before she got up & proceeded to follow.
"Their, their Celty san. It's easy to..," began Izaya.
"I WAS IN THE TRASHCAN! AGAIN!" interrupted the head angrily.
"understand, why that would be upsetting..," continued Izaya.
"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW! DO YOU SMELL LIKE OLD EGGS!" it shouted.
"Now really Celty san. Don't you think your behaving a…" began Izaya with a slightly irritated twitch.
"DON'T YOU DARE LECTURE ME ON BEHAVIOUR! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU GODDAMN NUDIST!"
!
Namie lost it!
Oh, oh where was her cell phone? Pictures! She had to get pictures!
"WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" shouted/squeaked Izaya right back as he stumbled on the stairs in absolute shock, his hands shaking as he nearly dropped the still weeping head. "Celty san! How do you know that!?" he demanded, his face turning a crimson shade of blushing virgin red that sent Namie to the floor for a third round on the silly train. Her chuckles coming in waves, 'Oh thank you Karma! You do exist!' she thought happily.
" YOU'RE A PERVERTED NUDY WHO TALKS TOO MUCH! AND YOU'RE …YOU'RE… CHEEESSEE! I SMELL LIKE VOMIT! (hiccup) (hiccup)WAAHH! MY NOSE! UUWWAAAH!" cried the head in answer.
Speechless.
Priceless.
Poetic Justice at long last!
'Hail the Universe!' "Praise the Sun!"* Thought Namie with ecstatic glee!
Christmas had come early!
For Izaya Orihara was finally struck speechless!
His face absolute total cherry colored mortification! So stunned was he that he didn't so much as flinch as Namie for reasons she couldn't explain or understand at the time, call it her 'big sister' instinct kicking in, walked up to where the informant sat on his rear-end on the stairs, and proceeded to pluck the thing from his hands to carry it herself. As Izaya still with the shade of a rose petal stared stupefied at the blubbering head.
Still chuckling, unaware of how she was gently smiling down at the unhappy head, she continued on, what she assumed to be Izaya's trek to his personal bathroom, "My. My. What a surprise you turned out to be? Eh? Now..now don't cry. Hush. There, there." She spoke kindly to it, completely ignorant of how her voice took on a rather soft motherly tone that was actually working wonders on getting the head to calm down.
It's loud cries transitioning to littler sniffles & hiccups, as they reached their destination. Namie still on something of a high from her laughing fit, didn't even realize when she started to hum an old melody she had used on her brother to sooth him while growing up, as she quickly put the stopper in and began filling the bathroom sink. She then very delicately put the sniffling head on the bathroom counter as she turned to find the shampoo?
Only to face her boss, already holding the product out for her? It seemed Izaya had somehow managed to get back up and silently follow them up the stairs? Briefly she noticed the lingering slightly tinted pink expression on his face, and that he couldn't seem to stop staring at the head. His eyes were wide and still largely in shock with a flicker of something she couldn't exactly place when those maroon ruby orbs shifted to hers and like 'magic' it was gone, whatever 'the look' was, he then pushed the shampoo bottle into her hand and pointed to the soap.
"I'll fetch a towel," he murmured before walking away his expression shifting once again into a muddled one. 'Interesting?' she mused. She was tempted to 'poke' and question him, but a fit of coughing drew her attention back to what mattered.
The head.
"..Mmm..my hair.." it whimpered pathetically, it's face dare she admit it looking utterly adorable. To think she had actually grown afraid of this thing? To think she had been so worried?
"Hush now," she said softly, as she checked the water temperature, the sink was almost finished filling. In the mean time she decided to pull whatever large chunks of food off of the head that she could get first when suddenly it glanced up at her with a teary eyed friendly little look and said, "T..t…hank you…(hic)…(sniff)… Namie-san."
"Your welcome," replied Namie back on near autopilot as she finished removing the last of the large chunks, "Hmm. Well now, the good news is so far nothing seems to be sticking like gum, so after we get you all washed up your hair will be good as new, I expect."
"Oh..(sniff)..Thank the Higher Powers!" replied the head perking up a bit.
"The Higher Powers?" inquired Namie as Izaya returned with two towels in his arms, his expression unreadable again as he stood to Namie's left, his eyes constantly observing their interaction as he took in the scene.
"…Ya…know…the Gods, Buddha, Jesus, etc. etc. The Higher Powers" answered Celty's head calmly as the hiccups finally disappeared, 'Fascinating', thought Namie as she began to wash it's ears.
"So then there are multiple Gods out there? Dictating all of our lives?" she asked pausing in her movements as she glanced at Izaya from the corner of her eyes. He looked completely frozen. A statue couldn't have been stiffer. His body wound tight like a spring as if he were about to fight with Shizuo, his crimson eyes dead set centered on the talking head so strongly that Namie wondered if he had forgotten how to blink?
She would have noted more observations on him but was torn away as the head began speaking again, it's voice starting to sound chipper & growing steadily less upset & more excited by the seconds, "No. Well. It's kinda hard to explain to 'humans' I think. Hmm. Let's see, ('Creator for Dummies terms?)((It mumbled)) as far as I know IT'S really only one entity. However, were talking about the Creator of Everything here and to be honest none of us, even us 'Immortal Born' or 'Magical Beings' know exactly how IT works or what per chance IT is. IT could have a thousand forms or a million names! Or IT could have none. Many have speculated that 'we' aren't supposed to know because if we did the Balance between Time & Space could be at risk. Hmm.."
'Good Lord,' thought Namie absently as she tried to keep up with it, 'Another talker, and It's not even taking a breath?!'
"However, it is known in certain circles and has been speculated that there are certain species out there that have been 'gifted' with detailed knowledge of the Creator of Everything. Although, approaching any of them would be extremely dangerous. I mean seriously D. A. N. G. E.R. O. U. S! So don't even think about it Izaya! (By the way staring is rude, ya know.) 'Time's Children', Grand Angels, High Daemons Quantum Space Dragons or Holy High Dragons as they are sometimes called, heck what am I saying?! Plain Dragons are soooo NOT worth waking up. First of all they only like to talk in rhyme or say Gold or will Rawr excessively at you, and by the time you actually get an answer, three weeks will have passed. Second if they're hungry! Woo boy! I hope you two know how to 'book it' cause it'll be 'fried asses on the menu or a serving of 'Namie A la Carte' and 'Izaya Fondue Everybody!' take out for one! Did I mention Dragons eat other magical beings and absorb it! Yeah. So I'm nipping this idea in the bud. This ain't happening. I'm not helping either one of you wake one of 'THEM' up. Hell no. You two are just gonna have to settle like everybody else in the universe and go with a name you prefer like me. I use Higher Powers, because it is in fact a higher power then anything else, and since I don't know exactly what IT is or what IT prefers I feel like by keeping it open I have a better chance of getting IT right. Now, is that shampoo for me, cause I really don't feel like smelling bad anymore," finished the head fully animated now, doing little cheery wiggles, and eyeing the water in the sink happily, as it made a tiny little 'head' hop towards her bath.
…..
.
.
Times Children?
Dragons?!
Immortal Born?
Grand Angels?
High Daemons?
Holy High QUANTAM SPACE Dragons?!
Magical Beings!
…
.
.
What?
What on Earth did any of that mean?!
Had she woken up in the Twilight Zone?
Suddenly Namie felt like a blasted anime character! 'Dragons? Real Dragons?' her logical mind spun, she shouldn't be surprised, she was in the middle of helping to wash a talking head for goodness sake! Finding out about other magical mythological creatures, even one's she had never heard of, existing should not surprise her!
So why did she feel like, all her knowledge, everything she thought she knew about the world she lived in had just come crashing down leaving her to face a reality where she? What she had been taught from day one was all …wrong or skewed?
Also…why did the head…seem so …familiar with her? Come to think of it? Why did the head say she wouldn't help her or Izaya wake, 'them' up? As if the head suspected that they would….wait?!
Did?
Just how long had this head been awake!?
Putting that thought in the back of her mind for later, she watched as the head made another little 'neck wiggle' hop towards the sink, it's upset demeanor now gone & replaced with a cheery cute upbeat little attitude. Acting completely nonchalant in it's little mannerisms as if this was all normal! Completely normal!
"Hey Nami-chan could you please pick me up and put me in the sink now? I gotta get this gunk offa me! Oh, and hey ya doing okay over there Izz?"
Namie flinched a bit at the nickname.
She had completely forgotten Izaya was still present, she turned to find him with his arms crossed and his head slightly tilted his expression still entirely unreadable. Namie had to admit she could understand his reasons for wearing such a strong mask over his thoughts right now, she too was feeling a little out of her depth.
"Um…Iz? Oi Izzy? Biz? Hey. Uh oh. Dear me I think I broke his brain. (Sigh) Namie chan ya better slap him. Make sure it's a good one. I think he's gone catatonic," suggested the head seeming quite serious.
"What!?" squawked Namie a little taken aback by the heads request, while deep down her heart wanted to do loop de loops. Again what a surprise? She and this head might really get along, "With pleasure," said Namie as she turned towards Izaya palm at the ready.
"Try it and you're fired," he finally spoke, deflating Namie's happy 'balloon' in a second before he mumbled a little to himself, then it came. The hated smirk. The 'Bastard Smirk', as she liked to call it, the one he showed only when he knew he had the upper hand. 'Drat' she thought before next thing she knew she was shoved to the side as he grabbed the shampoo bottle and began lathering up his own hands with it, "Izz eh and what else did you call me, 'Biz?', 'Izzy'? Well I do believe you're the first to ever bequeath me with such a variety of nicknames, I think I'm flattered Celty san."
He spoke in those persuasive tones he used on all his clients, or as he liked to call them his, 'precious humans,' his eye lashes fluttering coyly, as he began to lay on the charm, although much to Namie's delight the head didn't seem to be falling for any of it. In fact judging by it's narrowed eyelids and furrowed brow it appeared less then impressed with Mr. Orihara's attempt at charisma.
'Fantastic!' thought Namie as Izaya's eyebrow twitched. Apparently he was noticing this new fun fact about the head as well, 'This just keeps getting better' thought Namie smugly.
Kami this was great!
She just couldn't get over it, if only the head had woken up sooner, maybe she could have had a real friend growing up other than her beloved Seiji….
'Seiji' she thought.
'SEIJI!'
Like a rock being thrown out the window, all her good feelings on the situation at hand plummeted to the ground, and dug deep into the earth. Suddenly she felt dizzy, nay sick? What was this horrible sensation tearing into her chest? 'Oh god,' she thought her eyes going back to the head.
The TALKING HEAD!
THE VERY ALIVE HEAD!
ALIVE.
Namie's mind froze. She felt the urge to wrap her arms as tight as she could around herself, as a cold dark feeling penetrated the very deepest places of her own insecurity! Suddenly, she was transported back in time, back to that terrible day in her Uncle's study, reliving that cruel moment when the most precious person in all her world became. . . BEWITCHED. . by that 'sleeping head' now 'talking head'!
'Oh god,' she thought as her mind reeled at how foolish she had been!
The floor could have swallowed her whole for how fast she felt her heart plummeting.
School chums, female classmates, female teachers, the girl that had lived next door, co-workers, girls her own age, young, old, hell even hookers, other woman in general had always been a source of fear for her because any and all of them could win her Seiji's heart and take him away from her! All it would take is one! One spark and he would be gone! That was why she didn't have any female friends. Suppose one came over often enough and met her brother and they 'clicked' or if he came to visit her at work and the secretary was hot!? She had deliberately chosen a more male oriented field so that, 'that' would never happen! She had thought it all too risky, avoided so many things. Kept him as close as possible. Shunned her fellow females as much as she could. Other woman were dangerous enough and it hadn't of mattered.
Every single choice in her life, choosing her career, the surgery on that 'wretch' who was flaunting herself at her brother this very moment, her own lack of friends, none of it mattered!
They were nothing! All the other women in the world were nothing!
She had been so stupid.
"Ne, Celty-san make sure you keep your eyes closed now. Wouldn't want to get any suds in those pretty orbs of yours," went Izaya's smooth voice from the other end of the galaxy.
"Hm. Okay!" chirped a sickenely sweet new hell on Earth.
'I'm so dumb,' thought Namie as her heart felt like it was shattering.
'How? Why did I never realize until this very moment?' thought Namie as her eyes took in the fully animated 'wonder' before her, while her heart felt like it was being crushed alive, 'WHO THE REAL COMPETITION WAS!?'
The head was alive, talking, humming even breathing!
Seiji's object of complete adoration was awake.
"Ha he haa ha he AH! That tickles Iz!"
"Oh! What's this? Is Celty-san ticklish under her ear?"
"Ah! Hahahe Oi! Stop it Iz! Hahaha! I'm gonna swallow soap! Hahah!"
"Heh. Hehe," came the soft involuntary chuckles of her boss, his hands gently entangled in the head's, no, her luscious redhair. His demeanor unconsciously shifting from the rigid tension he usually displayed to a more relaxed posture. His body language softening and opening right before a horrified Namie as she realized that even Izaya, cold, calculative, manipulative bastard Izaya Orihara was submitting and falling fast to the head's seductive powers!
'Oh god!' thought Namie, 'Even I thought she was CUTE!'
Well….F. . &…*8.
She had to leave.
She had to leave this room right now.
Battle plans had to be made!
Steps to be taken, but first she had to escape.
Things would get ugly fast if she didn't, and she couldn't afford to lose her job just yet.
No.
No, she couldn't afford to lose this job at all! It was vital that she now keep this job! Keep the enemy close and under watchful eyes at all times!
"…Well, it only takes one of us to wash your hair, I'm going back to the kitchen to make us dinner," said Namie as she turned tail and fled in a hasty retreat.
'This is just starting!' she thought as she ran down the stairs.
At last her enemy had appeared catching her off guard with her cute little adorable expressions, nearly enchanting her into thinking they could be friends! Oh her foe was a sneaky one!
'EVIL INCARNATE!' thought Namie as she entered the kitchen, 'The perfect disguise! Innocent and sweet then like a spider once her prey is caught chomp! Seiji may as well be a fly pinned to a wall!' At that thought Namie picked up the fallen ladle down and decided one thing. That as she stewed sauce she would brew war!
The enemy was cunning, and judging by the giggling she was hearing and Izaya's rejuvenated merry chatter echoing throughout the apartment, also a power-house when it came to seducing men! She had watched her Uncle waste his life away staring at that thing and then it hadn't even said a word! She had worked with Shinra & at least five other scientists who had all fallen for the head or it's body in some way!
'Maybe it's part Siren? Why not?' she thought, 'Apparently every other mythological creature possibly exists, if it's words can be trusted!'
Namie Yagiri didn't have a boyfriend, never had, probably never would, but that wasn't important.
What was important was that if she had; then as a loving girlfriend, she woulda told her boyfriend to start packing & leave the city pronto for his own free will!
Yes like military commanders of old Namie swung her soup ladle in distressed authority, as she plowed her way through cooking supper, sparing non and taking no metaphorical prisoners as onions were diced to smithereens! Her mind raced with one thought, 'How does one kill or get rid of a 'Talking Head?' While keeping their job with the wretched boss who is obsessed with said head?'
"Namie make us some tea will you," came Orihara's voice from the living room, confident as ever, the blind daft fool!
It had only been for a second hell, not even that, just a moment, but she had seen it all right! Izaya Orihara had looked at that head with the same love struck expression as her brother, thus he was a goner.
"Namie make sure to use the leaves I bought yesterday," ordered Izaya.
Tea.
Namie wasn't an expert on American history but in that second she finally felt like she could fully empathize with those rebels during the Boston Tea Party.
"Make sure to make enough for all three of us now," ordered Izaya.
Sure.
Why not?
After all, poison was such a cliché, and the head was 'magical', maybe she should do some research first. Can't have a sloppy assassination. Oh no. Not this time. Had she learned nothing from the past few months? She was working for the jerk in the other room due to blackmail because last time her schemes had been messy. This was an even more dangerous situation with unknown mystical variables. Yes. Tonight she would stay up & work her brains out on research at the public library. Then she would carefully plan out her steps and tomorrow….she'd go HEAD HUNTING!
Namie grinned and oh look a packet of Earl Grey was in the cabinet. Her favorite. A positive omen, "'Higher Powers' be thanked," she said maliciously.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((XD)))))))))
"So you wanna go to Valhalla?"
"Indeed Celty-san."
"Are you sure?"
"Quite."
"Are you absolutely positive?"
"Yes."
"100% no take backs, feet first, jump in ready freddy certain?"
"…Yes. Without a doubt."
"Riggghhhttt…" a female voice slurred skeptically.
.
.
"Are you really set on doing this tango?"
"Hn, you'll find I'm quite the dancer," gloated a male one chidely.
"…You really wanna go? Like Go Go Gadget? Go?"
"How do you even? . .Never mind, Celty san..are you stalling?"
"I gotta be sure your certain about this Iz. What about your job?"
"Celty…"
"I mean you have heard the saying, 'Grass isn't always greener on the other side' right, pretty sure that completely applies to this."
"…."
"I'm just saying Valhalla is not like Hawaii, it's a one way vacation & the hotels aren't exactly made to match the Ritz, pal."
"Hee. Hee, now I know Celty san is stallin…"
"Look I gotta be sure your clear about this Bik!"
"Bik? Huh..? Just how many nick names do you hav…"
"I mean you really really really really want to go to Valhalla?"
"Celty san! I am completely absolutely committed to reaching Valhalla."
.
.
"Er. (Sigh) Okay well first there are some necessary steps you have to take." Dramatic pause, "Number 1. You must grow a beard."
"A beard?"
"Yup."
"Very well."
"Second you must sacrifice five hundred sheep,"
"Hmm.. that might be a little challenging but doable,"
"Good cause then you must dance around the land 30 times while singing, ' Kumbayah while wearing a hula skirt."
.
.
.
.
"Excuse me I must have misheard…a hula skirt, Celty san?"
"A hula skirt or bust man."
"…."
"You could try a kilt."
"Ha!… Your making this up aren't you?"
"Oh No sir. That's completely vital. If you don't wear one you could end up in Narnia or worse Oz." replied Kanra as seriously as she could, "Now, I hope you like opera, because that's all the Valkyries speak in, and how do you feel about inhaling leagues upon leagues of week old goat milk?"
" …Ne, Celty san ?"
"Yes?" replied Kanra innocence personified.
"Are not Dullahan's fallen Valkyries?"
"Sure" she quickly answered while thinking, 'Nope.'
"Then why aren't you singing now?" Izaya smugly asked thinking he would catch her at her little game before he reached over to take a sip of his tea.
'Well that was an easy question to make up an answer for,' thought Kanra.
"I got fired. Jeesh, how do you think I ended up here?," she huffed pretending to be irritated over the imaginary scenario, 'Hollywood's got nothing on me,' she thought to herself proudly as Izaya seemed to choke a little on his tea, before he regained his dignity, seeming a little put out. The tiniest twitch of his left eye could be seen as the only sign of his slight exasperation.
'It appears Celty's Head is a little trickier in nature then the rest of Celty,' he thought to himself as he took in the all but 'gloating' head hopping along his table like some weirdly shaped happy little bunny.
He found a portion of his brain, constantly registering the word 'oddly cute', but quickly shoved that thought away. Everything he had read on fairies pointed to them being tricky and deadly. So far Celty's head albeit, ' surprisingly engaging', was living up to at least one of those labeled traits.
'Which means that the other's are quite possible,' he thought as he unnoticed by the head narrowed his eyes in shrewd calculation. He would have to be cautious with his words, already the head had rattled him twice today, 'It would be nice to avoid such 'human emotions' again', thought the informant, but even as he planned to stay vigilant.
A spark of something odd twisted deep in his gut as he watched the pretty little head wiggle within reach for her straw and sip her tea, unconsciously humming to herself in satisfaction. Beautiful aqua eyes alit with an inner 'golden' light gazed cheerfully around the room, that super soft red hair of hers glinting in the light bouncing and swaying right along with her. The knot inside him stung, as once again he felt a strange flare of heated energy swell up inside him like some frisky balloon for the third, fourth? He was losing track of how many times this….this 'spark' for lack of a better word was stirring tonight and it had only been what two hours since the head had first screamed it's awareness to the world? Those aqua orbs peeked over at him again as she continued to sip more tea from her straw, but it was that inner iris golden shifting shimmer that ringed her pupils which kept making Izaya feel the need to squirm?
'It's…Her.. eyes are so…so enchanting,' he thought, hand shaking as he took another sip out of his own cup. Those gold ringed pupils were watching him again. A heated 'spark' pooled inside him, pushing him to move closer to the head, as if something was being called from some deep place within him to her? Something hot and spicy making his fingers tingle. . like…like…?!
!
'What the hell?! Get a hold of yourself !' he thought in vexation suddenly frightened as he fought off the sudden alien instincts and another more 'ghastly primitive' one, 'I have to be more careful! For all I know it could be using some sort of glamour or fairie magic to seduce me!,' he surmised as his brain did everything it could to turn off what had nearly become a serious mistake in regards to the 'nether' regions of his pants. How he had even allowed, brief as it was, his body to even minutely start behaving in such a pathetic human way was unforgivable! If not appallingly embarrassing!
Especially now when his best chance for an immortal life was finally awake! He ignored the slight sense of humiliation he felt. Valhalla was now closer then ever to being within his grasp. He just had to get the Dullahan's Head to see him for what he truly was. A God!
'AH! That's it!' his mind screeched as the light-bulb above his skull flicked on, his brilliant brain coming to rapid conclusions, 'It's using it's cuteness & feminine appearance just like a Siren or a Harpy to prove my weak mortal limitations and to distract me from getting it to answer my questions! It's testing me for my humanity!' he joyfully thought, 'This means I have a chance! Why else would it bother testing me?'
Excitement flared in Izaya, he could practically taste his dream of impending Godhood made real. Suddenly he had to try very hard to keep his body still, when all he really wanted to do in that moment was pick up the head and start dancing happily around the room with it.
For her part Kanra Hisikawa aka: The last Witch stuck in the Dullahan's Head, was just happy to be clean and sipping the green tea she had been offered via straw. She wondered to herself how that was actually working? Technically. She was just inside a head right now? So…where was the tea going that she was drinking? It was going in her mouth and down the little half of neck that she was currently possessing but from there…? Well, it wasn't forming a puddle underneath her on the table? Yep. The table was dry she could feel that so the tea had to be going somewhere?
Was it going to her own body perhaps? Or….was it going to the rest of Celty's?
Who was going to have to pee once it went through the digestion system?
If it even was going through a digestion system?
A flash of her own body stuck covered in it's own thilth somewhere while she wasn't present to clean herself, seriously upset her, but she doubted Izaya noticed. The man was lost in Valhalla la la land, and judging by the dopey grin he was unconciously sporting wasn't coming back home anytime soon. Absently she noticed he was also blushing?
Weird. Sometimes Izzy was just weird.
Back to the issue of eating food as just a head, 'Hey..wait a second? Now that I think about it, where did all that vomit I through up earlier come from? I mean chunks of…oh gosh I better not think any more about that!' though Kanra to herself as her borrowed face turned a shade of green just in recollection, 'Yeah definitely better not think about that,' she confirmed to herself.
Noticing the shifting pallor of his unexpected house-guest, Izaya Orihara decided not to comment on it, but instead to continue pressing the head for details, if it was feeling queasy then maybe that meant he was closer to getting the head to spilling it's secrets then he thought! 'Things are going well' he thought as he offered to poor the Celty-san more tea.
"More tea my dear?" he said.
Uuuuh.. She really shouldn't have reminded herself about earlier! 'Bad idea!' Kanra's brain repeated as the nausea came back armed and ready.
'Hn? Oh um..(gulp). No..no thanks Izz," Kanra mananged to squeak out.
"Alrighty, then," responded Izaya as he elegantly sat himself back down across from the little now 'green-looking' head. Aqua golden-lit eyes were looking a bit dull and a bit stressed as it seemed to be fighting another wave of…sickness?
Again the thing he had felt inside him just moments ago flared to life?
He inaudibly swallowed, but forced himself to focus.
'Was the little head sick? It was just a head? How was it that it was even sick to begin with? It had been throwing up in the kitchen trashcan earlier hadn't it, but still? Hm. Odd as hell but maybe now wasn't the best time to be picking the fairy for information,' Izaya wondered with a little concern from whatever the hell that damn feeling was and more than a dash of disbelief. As he observed the head wiggle a smidge in obvious discomfort before it seemed to make a determined effort to have another small sip of it's tea. The green pallor of it's skin slowly fading and leaving nothing but the beautiful pale complexion he was more familiar with as it seemed to regain control of itself?
'There is so much I don't know about this thing?' Izaya realized. Sure he had spent hours reading up on Norse, Welsh, Celtic, and European mythology at large but what did he really know? What did even the blasted authors of all his books themselves know? Many of the authors he knew had based or written down only what they themselves had read or had heard. In all his books only four of them held what could be considered eye witness accounts and the accounts themselves were either too vague to take seriously or unrelated to fairies at all! Most of them dealt with much to Izaya's annoyance wizards and witches above all things!
Witches.
Once upon a time when Izaya had been back in grade school he would have scoffed at the idea of such a thing. However, he had grown a long way since his early childhood and all it's bitter disappointments. To denounce witches seemed utterly foolish, especially considering he was drinking tea with a fairy currently. Still as he watched the little head and heard Namie come in to join them, he couldn't help but ponder those so-called Magical Humans?
'Would I love them as I do all my other precious humans? Could I love them? Do they even count as human? Or would they have to be put in the same place as Shizu-chan? They are often depicted as evil incarnate hm. I wonder,' Izaya ruminated as he felt another strange tug and a sudden urge from something deep within him call him back towards the head on the table? Almost without even noticing his own lack of control he found himself locking eyes with the Dullahan's own aqua ones, and then for a brief second Izaya felt… ?
Like he was falling, flying, burning, twisting, groping, clawing, freezing, like he needed to run, to swim, to fight, to cry, to go somewhere important, was he on fire? Oh Kami he felt inflamed by golden light and a need unlike any other consumed him, kami he desperately deeply yearned for something, no someone, yes oh yes, someone needed him, like water, like air. Vital. So, so much. Needed him so very much, burned for him, longed for him, him to hug them and him to hold them and to kiss them and to touch them, to make lots of love to them over and over and..!
"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Izaya shouted at the top of his lungs his face blood red as the two females stared at him in honest to god shock, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Screamed the suddenly out of nowhere very flustered and sexually repressed frustrated young male!
Kanra and Namie shared a glance with each other.
About five minutes ago, Kanra had managed to get the nauseous feeling to subside and found herself once again enjoying the relative freedom of not having to hide the fact that she was awake. When Namie finally decided to join them, she immediately noticed the hostile air and the negative energy surrounding the other woman and couldn't help in her mind sighing to herself. Good grief. 'Don't tell me she's already thinking I'm out to get her brother?' thought Kanra as she decided to try to make small talk with the only other female present, "So Namie-san this is great tea thanks a bunch!"
"Hn. Your welcome," replied Namie coldly.
"You must be asked to make tea all the time! It's so delicious!" cheered Kanra with all the rays of sunshine available.
"Hn. Not usually," replied cold front Namie.
"Well will just have to change that Namie san! Your tea is superb! The world should know" went the Capital of Florida, intrepid as ever.
"I would prefer to keep things as is," stated the looming iceberg.
"Awe, but why hide such a wonderful talent! It'll be fun! Why I bet plenty of people would like to share a cup with us and just think of all the fun we two could have in preparing and going to the market! Betcha with the two of us working together we could brew the best herbal tea around town and I know some ingredients we could find in the woods nearby that would give it just the magical kick needed to really zing the public," bubbled and gushed the happy little marshmallow warmly before a frosty icy glare with all the pent up mistrust of the last ice age came down upon it.
"I. Think. Not," said a voice that froze Mammoths.
…
.
.
'Cold Namie-san,' thought Kanra with a little sweat drop on a borrowed brow, 'Just cold.'
Right then, it looked like Namie did indeed suspect her of trying to A. Take her brother away from her and B. Get in her brother's pants which sadly C. Kanra had absolutely no interest in whatsoever and really Namie shouldn't either!
Oh. Lord. Feeling very misunderstood and just a tad dejected Kanra glanced over at Izaya. The handsome lithe crazy was sitting in his seat like the cat that had gotten the damn cream and seemed to be once again lost within his own thoughts when those two beautiful ruby eyes of his met Kanra and, 'oh shitten spells,' she thought.
She felt a sudden rush, a sudden ache, and a song of stars and moons start to play in her head, and all she wanted to do was get her broom and go flying, let her magic run wild….!
Kanra turned her eyes away from him faster then Greece lightning!
'Shitten spells,' she thought again. Ever since their eyes had met for the first time Kanra had been feeling a certain spark around Izaya but she refused to call it what it was, if it was, and furthermore she had more important priorities, such as, finding her body!
This being just a head business was getting old!
"So, Namie-san do you want to go to Valhalla too?" asked Kanra genuinely curious, about what the other woman's opinion on that idea might be. Also it would help her prepare for the worst case scenario because Kanra was pretty sure once Izz found out Valhalla didn't actually exist that there would be hell to pay. The man had started and all out gang war and had the maturity level of a toddler. Shit would hit the fan pretty fast if and when he found out the truth, and Kanra knew him and knew the idiot well.
He'd come after her with knives a throwing!
….
So it would be good if Namie didn't have similar aspirations because then maybe she could get the woman on her side? After of course clearing up the whole brother- in love with a head issue.
.
.
"I don't particular care. Life is what it is and I was born mortal. It's what I know. However," stated Namie before a calm predatory grin spread across her face, eyes glancing maliciously at Izaya's location with just a tint of rivalry, "If you find that I am a worthy candidate for a place amongst goddesses then who am I to turn down such a rare and valuable offer? Eh Celty-chaaannn."
Oh Mother Medea and Aunt Medusa thrice removed this was bad!
Gandalf and Merlin's beard tied in a knot they both want to be immortal! Leaping Lizards and Brooms Blazing!
"I see," said Kanra trying her best to mimic Buddhist monks, "Ookay, boy guess I have my work cut out for me! Two wannabe deities plus two tickets to Valhalla. Wow that's a tall order so…then Namie are you absolutely sure?"
Thus began the cycle of another round of what Kanra decided to call: Necessary Dissuading Questions or NDQ for short. Granting her much needed as yes Izaya guessed it, stalling time for her to come up with a real legitimate plan out of this mess? Hm. They weren't stupid, actually much as Kanra hated to admit it, both Namie and Izaya could probably run circles around her IQ in a marathon. After all, just because she was 200 or so years old did not necessarily mean she had somehow maintained a world's worth of wisdom in her noggin. Longevity did not equal Ingenuity, and there was her wise advice for the day!
Back to the matter at hand, could she use these two? So far neither Namie nor Izzy seemed to have figured out that she wasn't really Celty-san which perhaps shouldn't have surprised her but really they knew Celty or at least Celty's body!? Heck even hidden behind a bookcase Kanra had come to know Celty and Celty and Kanra were frankly nothing alike! Sure they were both kind to animals, both liked bikes, and both were of the magical mystical population outside humanity!
That didn't mean they were the same blasted person!
'People really don't pay close enough attention to the details,' thought Kanra in exasperation, 'I would of at least expected Iz to have noticed? Gee he's sure being awfully quiet over there….'
"So Celty-san" said Namie smoothly cutting into Kanra's train of thought, "Yes?" responded Kanra.
"I could not help but notice that earlier when you first spoke you mentioned that you had been in the 'Trashcan' before and you seem to know both Izaya and my name quite well. Could it be that you have been awake observing us longer then this evening?" Namie asked with all the gentleness of a cat about to pounce.
'Why is it that crazy people also have to be so damn smart!' thought Kanra in frustration, denying it would be pointless, that little secret went out the door when she called Izz a nudist. She sighed.
"Guess I aughta come clean, in truth Namie I've been awake for the last.."
"
"SNAP OUT OF IT!"Izaya shouted at the top of his lungs!
'Shitten Spells! He's having a bloody breakdown!' thought Kanra with a start!
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" went the madman staring right at her arms going all akimbo, face beet red!
Kanra was at a loss for words! She looked at Namie for answers! Namie looked at her for the same! Five seconds and both woman looked back at the floundering flailing handsome young man who was all but sputtering profanities before he literally ran away up the stairs to his bathroom!?
"What the hell?" said Kanra turning back to Namie slowly eyes wide in shock, "He's gone bonkers!"
Namie tried and failed not to let out a huff of a laugh, but mortal enemy or not, the head was right, "Ha. Hee. Ahem. Yes, well as I'm sure you've noticed there has always been a bit of a screw or two loose with Orihara. Really I'm just surprised his degradation took so long to start, particularly now of all times. Then again perhaps not, after all you had him quite bewitched just now? Tell me how do you ensnare and enslave men to you in such a way?"
What?
"I beg your pardon?" Kanra stated in absolute confusion.
"Come now, don't be coy, you're a fairy aren't you? Isn't that what some of your kind do? Capture unsuspecting men's hearts and make them fall in love with you until you have your fill of seducing them?" accused Namie coldly as she slammed her teacup down on the table with conviction.
Of all the rude, presumptuous, scandalous! Even if she wasn't really a fairy that kind of allegation was uncalled for!
"How dare you say, that! Why I never!? I will have you know right now once and for all that all magical species save the harpy's take love very seriously! Especially ME, in this day and age thank you very much!" Kanra said with as much righteous indignation as she could!
The nerve of the crazy brother-loving nut!
"Oh really?" began Namie sarcastically, "You expect me to believe that? After what I just saw happen with Izaya, not too mention my Uncle or my beloved Seiji!"
"Your Uncle? When the blazing brooms did your Uncle ever come here?" squawked Kanra, "And for the record I don't give one flying fig about Seiji! I thought you hooked him up with some creepy ass talker chick who belongs in a mental institution?"
"AHA! SO YOU ADMIT TO WANTING MY BROTHER!"
"I! Wait, WHAT? I just said I DIDN'T! AS IN I DO NOT want your brother!"
"SO IT WOULD APPEAR BUT YOU INSINUATED THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND BELONGS LOCKED AWAY IN AN ASYLUM MEANING THAT YOU WANT TO REMOVE HER FROM THE EQUASION SO THAT YOU CAN PUT YOURSELF IN HIS BED! I SEE YOUR TWISTED MIND NOW CONFESS! CONFESS YOU SCHEMING SEDUCING WAYS BODILESS WENCH!"
"Namie I will turn you into a frog, if your not careful."
"GO AHEAD! USE YOUR MAGIC ON ME! MY LOVE FOR SEIJI IS ETERNAL & TRUE! CURSE ME! CRUSH ME! I WILL NOT STAND ASIDE AND LET YOU HAVE HIM! EVEN AS A TOAD I WILL FIND A WAY TO STOP YOU! SEIJI I LOVE YOU!"
"OH For High Powers sake." Groaned Kanra. If she had a hand she would have slapped her forehead, "Namie your completely hopeless."
"I WILL CARVE MY WAY THROUGH ANY TRIAL FOR MY LOVE OF SEIJI BURNS BRIGHTER THEN ANY…"
Hi. Houston. Remember me?
Yeah about those Martians, apparently one of them is from Venus.
No sir, I'm afraid we tried to explain to it the situation, and no it does not recognize plain honest Japanese.
It's suffering from serious delusions, what should we do?
Houston, are you there?
"Ugh. Namie listen!" shouted Kanra but to no avail as she wiggled dramatically only to fall over onto her side, ear pressed against hardwood. Great now everything was on it's side and Namie's love professions were going strong. What time was it? 11:24 pm geez they had been up longer then she thought? No wonder she was starting to get mildly cranky.
"SO LET THAT BE YOUR WARNING! AFTER TONIGHT! WE ARE MORTAL ENEMIES! GOT IT!" barked Namie, throwing all her plans of secret plotting to the wind! 'LET MY ENEMY KNOW!' she thought boldly!
Kanra glanced up from her vertically challenged position, seriously she felt like a blasted upside down turtle, "Namie-san, I know this is hard to believe, but you really need to listen. I sincerely from the very spell casting depths of my star glass heart want nothing and I mean NOTHING to do with your brother! It would NEVER and I MEAN NEVER WORK!" Kanra finished with a huff.
Silence filled the air as the two females locked eyes.
A door opened and quiet footfalls could be heard as the third occupant of the apartment returned to his living room.
A lost, almost vulnerable look passed over Namie's face before the woman crossed her arms, and then turned her back on the Dullahan's head lying sideways on the table, 'It couldn't be true?' thought Namie with her back turned to hide the confused muddled face she now sported, 'It has to be lying! It's trying to win me over? Fool me? I can't trust it. So why does it sound and look so honest? Damn. Seiji what should I do?'
"Hm. As lovely as it has been listening to you two females shout or in Namie's case scream over your love lives, I'm afraid it's getting late and I think we all might do with a good night's sleep? Ne," came the smooth tone of one Izaya Orihara.
"Sounds good to me," said Kanra honestly feeling a little drained, this was the longest conversation she'd had in over a year.
"Fine then," said Namie as she walked over to pack her things. It was best that she left now, she had to think, about what her next move would be.
"Good, Celty-san do you think a pillow and the sofa would do for you?" asked Izaya the complete picture of civility.
"Works for me!" replied Kanra!
"Wonderful. So will all get a good night's rest and then in the morning will pick up where we left off," stated Izaya.
"Left off?" asked Kanra as Namie made her way to the door.
"Why Valhalla of course, Celty-san," answered Izaya firmly as he fluffed a pillow for the head, before he picked her up and plopped her onto his couch.
"Oh right. Valhalla Yup. Got it," squeaked Kanra as Izaya leaned over her, for a split second, as he adjusted the pillow behind her. His ruby eyes catching hers for the briefest of seconds before he seemed to shiver then getting up and away from her he walked over to the light switch of the room and said, "Remember Celty, Valhalla in the morning alright?"
The lights of the apartment turned off, "Sure thing," said Kanra.
"Promise?" came the soft lilt of Izaya's voice.
"It's a deal," mumbled Kanra before she fell fast asleep.
Never knowing how confused ruby eyes had simply watched her in the dark for a whole two hours more, trapped between fear, fixation and wonder.
So that was it.
That was the first time they spoke to each other.
That was their first deal.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((^-_-^))End of Ch. 2-
Second Disclaimer: So yeah I did not fully proof read or re-read this after I finished typing it! I apologize for the lousy chapter! If it drags or doesn't make any sense or is just bad I will try to fix it later! I just really wanted to update this ficlet and this chapter seemed at a risk of becoming a metaphorical roadblock so I cranked it out of me! Hopefully it's gets a laugh or two. This fic isn't meant to be taken too seriously and as always thank you to anyone who reads it or any of my stuff! I love and I love all of you! Thanks and Goodnight!
-Sincerely Stella Limegood.
