Lucinda Harrowine let out a dreamy sigh as she flipped through the pages of one of the books in the grand Shinigami Library. She was hiding in the far corners of the library, specifically in an old storage room, sitting on the floor with only a little light to see from. Though Lucinda did not mind the dim lighting, for as long as she had her book, it did not matter if she got a headache from exhausting her poor nearsighted vision. Her smile grew and grew with every sentence she read, the admiring look in her bright yellow-green eyes becoming stronger and stronger.
"Harrowine? Harrowine are you here?"
Lucinda froze as she heard one of the head librarians call her name. Clutching tightly onto the book, she internally prayed to herself that she would not be caught sneaking off from work again, for she knew she would not hear the end of it if she did. Though, even if she was working like she was supposed to, she would be called out for shelving the books wrong again. Or the fact that she wasn't in the proper uniform, or that her long dark orange hair was out of place, or that her glasses were not put on correctly... The list could go on and on, in fact, to the point where Lucinda expected to be criticized just for breathing at the wrong times.
Just have one thing out of place and the whole world has to point it out.
Eventually, she heard her superior's footsteps ceased, going right pass the storage room. Lucinda let out a sigh of relief and continued back to her reading.
Until the door to the storage room was forced opened a minute later and let out a bright flash of light. Lucinda shielded her eyes and growled.
"H-hey! Don't open the door so fast!" she cried out. "It hurts the eyes!"
A small chuckle went passed her ears.
"Then perhaps you should start rethinking on where to hide when you want to slack off. Honestly, Lucinda, you really need to think these things through."
With her eyes getting used to the light, Lucinda lowered her hand to see the face of her good friend, Ronald Knox.
"Well, if you haven't noticed, there aren't that many places I can go," Lucinda said as she stood up. "Nor is it easy to get away from all these supervisors and higher officials around."
Ronald rolled his eyes, yet having an amused smile on his face.
"And yet I wonder why they keep having the higher ups keep an eye on the library staff so often, specifically you..."
He paused for a short moment.
"Yep, that is a mystery that I will never know."
Lucinda growled and playfully punched his arm.
"Shut up! Like you don't slack off when they give you overtime with reaping souls!" she countered.
"Though at least I know how to not be so obvious," Ronald replied.
Seeing the book in her hand, he quickly took a hold of it and stole it away from Lucinda. She gasped in protest, trying desperately to get her book back as Ronald pushes her away. While keeping her back, he read the front cover. He frowned.
"Really, Lucinda? You're reading that old textbook about the most famous grim reapers?"
He opened the book with one hand and saw that one particular section is bookmarked.
"Oh! And the 'Adrian Crevan' section is the part where you are reading, I see..."
"Give it back, Ronald!"
Finally able to get the book out of his grasp, Lucinda took the book and hugged it protectively to her chest, her face turning bright red. Ronald smirked.
"I can see that old crush hasn't left you," he said. "Even after all this time out of school, you still dream about the Legendary Adrian Crevan."
Lucinda narrowed her eyes.
"S-so what if I do! He is a great shinigami who has done so much! Reaping the souls of people like Marie Antoinette and Robin Hood... How can someone, especially someone like you who actually reaps souls, can't admire that?!"
A dreamy look appeared in Lucinda's gaze as she started to ramble on how great Adrian Crevan was. Ronald, sighing to himself, allowed her to ramble and praise as he dragged her out of the storage room.
"Uh-huh. Yeah, that is interesting to hear, Lucinda..."
He closed the door to the storage room, locking it in the process. Lucinda blinked, now realizing that Ronald wasn't really listening to her.
"...Fine, don't listen to me!" she exclaimed. "It doesn't matter! For one day I'll meet him when I become a legend just like him! A great reaper of souls, the first and greatest female shinigami!"
It took all of Ronald's self-control not to burst out laughing, as the edges of his mouth twitched.
"...Lucinda, listen to yourself. You just said to of the most impossible of things," he said, his voice sounding a mix between amused and serious. "The higher ups would never accept a girl into their ranks. Soul reaping is just not a thing for women to do. It is a far too physically and mentally challenging that requires a lot of will and patience, which is even hard for us men at times! And second, Adrian Crevan has disappeared from the reaper society centuries ago, so even if you somehow did get famous with soul reaping and all, you would most likely never meet him."
Lucinda tightened her grip on her book.
"So just because I wasn't born a man means I have to be stuck here all my life?!" she demanded, sounding offended.
Ronald shook his head as he grabbed a large stack books from a nearby desk.
"No, I mean if you really hate your job, you could become a secretary or even a teacher," he suggested. "I mean, there are a loads of things you can do."
"Yeah, but those are all jobs that are exactly the same as this one!" Lucinda argued. "They keep me cooped up in one place and don't have anything of self value to them! I want excitement, a chance to go outside our realm and see what the mortal world is like! Want to be a true grim reaper!"
Ronald took awhile to reply, his yellow-green gaze staring deeply into Lucinda's eyes. A rare look of concern and solemnity appeared in his usual carefree expression, where he let out a heavy sigh.
"Lucinda, you've got to understand that it is just a fantasy and nothing more," Ronald said. "You can never have the job like I have, and even if you could, you wouldn't like it. You really don't know what you would be getting yourself into, and you will immediately regret it the moment you try to reap your first soul. Now, hold this."
Stepping closer to her with the large stack of books, Ronald gave the stack to her. Lucinda struggled involuntarily to hold onto them, however her eyes remain on Ronald.
"You don't know if that is what I would truly think," she said firmly. "How can you just assume that if I have never been able to have the chance?!"
"Because it is not how it is supposed to be," Ronald replied. "I may not be fully by the book either, as a lot of the overly strict rules can be annoying at times, such as overtime, but at least I know what can be pushed and what can't be. And if you keep your head in the clouds, you are going to put yourself into a big amount of trouble with the-"
"There you are, Harrowine!"
Ronald was cut off as he and Lucinda turned to see the head librarian approach them.
"Harrowine, you better not be slacking off again!" the head librarian exclaimed, her voice full of intense anger. "I have caught you slacking off over a hundred times this decade! I have warned you time and time again for your laziness and disrespect, but this is the very last straw!"
Overwhelming anger burned within Lucinda, as she started to open her mouth come up with a snappy reply. But before she could say anything, Ronald gave a carefree smile to the head librarian and said, "Sorry ma'am, I was just wanting to speak with Lucinda for a second, after a long day of work and all. She was working really hard when I stopped by, hence the large stack of books she is carrying."
He pointed towards them for emphasis.
"Sorry if I caused any problems."
The head librarian narrowed her eyes, her gaze shifting between Lucinda and Ronald. Behind the stack of books, Lucinda gave a 'what the hell?' look but Ronald seemed to ignore it. Eventually, the head librarian sighed.
"If that's how it is, I'll take your word from it, Mr. Knox. But please, don't distract Miss Harrowine from her duties. She has enough problems as it is."
What?!
If it wasn't for the stack off heavy books she was carrying, Lucinda would have punched that woman in the face. With that said, the head librarian walked away, and once she was out of earshot, Ronald turned to Lucinda.
"See what I mean? You already have it bad for yourself and you don't need to make it worse. If I didn't save you right there, you would have been out of the job."
Lucinda growled and put the book stack, including her own book, down on the table.
"But what else am I suppose to do," she demanded, "just pretend that everything is fine and go with what everyone tells me? That I should ignore my own ambitions because it isn't normal for what women want?! I've been trying and trying to fit in, but it doesn't seem to work, as you clearly see!"
"I understand that it is hard to be at the exact standers that everyone puts on you," Ronald replied, a hint of sympathy in his voice. "But you will find a way to show that you belong, I know you will. Just don't let your stubbornness blind you and keep you back."
He smiled.
"Glad that I was able to give you another chance to keep your job. I got a date tonight, so I'll see you later."
Waving goodbye, Ronald left the library. Lucinda watched him go, a million things going through her mind.
Find a way that I'll belong...
She laughed softly to herself.
As long as I'm trapped in the role I'm in, I'll never find my place.
Picking up some of the books, Lucinda began to shelve them back in their proper place. As she worked, she could hear some of the other librarians stare at her and make comments to themselves. Some of them were even laughing. Lucinda tried to make eye contact with them, but once they noticed that she was listening to them, the two would quickly pull apart and go back to doing their job. Lucinda let out a heavy sigh.
Damn my life.
