** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1
A different sort of meltdown 2/4
"Fuck sake Nicola pull yourself together. It's almost 1am and you're sitting here alone on your third glass of wine thinking about something that never should have happened in the first place." Nicola muttered setting the glass of wine in her hand on the bedside table, tossing aside the briefing paper she hadn't been reading anyway and sinking back onto the lumpy pillow she knew she'd not get a decent night's sleep on.
Since they'd come back from the conference hall she'd done everything she could to avoid Ollie a feat which hadn't been hard to achieve since Malcolm seemed to have decided to make it his personal mission to get her drunk. A fact she knew was probably in the hope that she would do something ridiculous that the press would leap all over and it would deflect from the fact the prime minister's speech went down about as well as a whore in an Alabama Baptist church. Now though having been alone in her room for over an hour she was feeling distinctly tipsy and only adding to that feeling by opening the bottle of wine she had stashed in her luggage. What she'd really hoped was if she kept topping up the alcohol already in her blood stream she'd eventually fall asleep and stop thinking about the kiss. That just wasn't happening. The more she tried not to think about it the more she thought about it and the more she thought about it the more she wanted to do it again and the more she wanted to do it again the angrier she got with herself and the more she drank. As vicious circles went it was up there with the best of them.
Standing in front of the full length mirror on the front of the wardrobe door she looked herself up and down. When she was able to relax, get out of the horrible grey and black that she was constantly forced to wear she thought she didn't look bad for her age. Now in a spaghetti strap vest and loose cotton pyjama bottoms she thought she could even pass for attractive but given that she couldn't remember the last time James even touched her she was beginning to wonder.
"Shit Nicola you really need to sort yourself out sexual frustration is not a good look on anyone and now one fucking kiss that only happened because you were being a twat has turned your head so much you are seriously thinking about what it would be like to….no….no you don't bed before you do something you'll seriously regret."
Standing outside the hotel room door his hand poised to knock Ollie heard the quiet mutterings from inside and briefly considered just turning around, going back to his room and forgetting the whole fucked up idea that had been forming in his head since he got back from the bar half an hour before. Since they'd got back from the speech Nicola seemed to have made a point of ignoring him and he'd decided he had to do something, apologise or something, to break the ice. He still wasn't exactly sure why he'd kissed her before her. Yes he knew it would likely shock her into going out there and doing it without giving in to her usual nuclear level of panic but all evening he'd been reliving the moment and he knew that it had become more than it should be. Now he knew he had to close the incident down by establishing that he was sorry and it was a fucking huge mistake even if he wasn't sure it was anymore. The whole evening he'd found it impossible to stop his mind wandering to how soft her lips were and how amazing it felt to kiss her, and how much more amazing it could be if she was actively participating as opposed to being in shock and not interacting with him at all.
"Get a fucking grip Ollie stop being such a pussy and just knock the fucking door." He scolded himself glancing up and down the corridor to ensure no one would see him before knocking quietly on the door.
"Fuck sake Ollie you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack you realise it's one in the morning don't you? I thought you were fucking Malcolm coming to give me a bollocking for something I hadn't even realised I'd done!" Nicola snapped opening the door not sure if she was relieved or even more nervous about the fact she'd found him on the other side.
"Sorry I wanted to…..I….shit Nicola can I come in if someone sees me standing at your hotel room door at this time of night he really will have something to bollock both of us about." Ollie whispered taking the few steps into the relative safety of her room as she stood aside. He'd never seen her look so relaxed and it was not helping the situation at all. Nicola Murray in pyjamas was something he never thought he'd find attractive but somehow the fact that it seemed to have stripped away the hysteria that hovered around her when she was working was having a very unexpected effect on him.
"Well now that you're here do you want a drink? I have wine or there's probably a whole selection of shit in the mini bar." Nicola sighed disappearing into the bathroom and coming out with the tooth mug from the small vanity unit. "Sorry but I only "borrowed" one glass from the bar earlier I wasn't expecting company."
"Thanks." He replied taking the two small bottles of scotch she'd retrieved from the mini bar and pouring them into the plastic mug while she sat cross legged on the bed and stared at him expectantly. "Look I wanted to say sorry about earlier I don't fucking know what came over me you were just…..you know being a little too "Nicola" for 2 minutes before you were supposed to give a speech and I needed to do something to snap you out of it. It wasn't like I was…you know like it was because I…"
"Jesus Ollie relax will you I know you aren't about to declare your undying love because of one kiss that meant nothing even if it did feel…..I just know you didn't want to do it so don't worry about apologising we got through the speech that's what we should be focusing on because there'll be another fuck up to deal with tomorrow no doubt there usually is." Nicola interrupted mentally kicking herself for almost giving away the fact that in spite of not appearing to do anything while he kissed her she'd enjoyed it more than she was willing to admit.
"You did ok today and the fuck ups are getting fewer we're down to one or two a day instead of one or two an hour like when you first started." Ollie smiled wanting to change the subject before his imagination turned the comments she'd almost made into something a lot bigger than they were.
"Yeah right by the time the PM has kept me around long enough to be able to sack me without losing face we'll have cracked it." She laughed staring into her drink for a second trying to think of something to say that kept with his change of tone. "Have you seen Glen tonight? Is he ok? His face was a fucking mess I'd have given good money to see the look on Malcolm's face when he realised he'd hit him."
"Oh it was priceless and John fucking useless wanker Duggan looked like he was going to shit himself he really has to be the most useless waste of space around and that's saying something in this hotel this week."
"Have you ever seen anyone so useless how the fuck did he become press officer anyway he must be screwing someone pretty high up to keep that job." Nicola laughed starting to feel a little more relaxed as Ollie laughed then stopped and looked like he was seriously considering the wisdom of saying something. "What? Come on Ollie tell me. Do you know some gossip?"
"No, no it's not that it's just…well it's just I've heard that said about you too." Ollie smiled enjoying the shocked expression that briefly crossed her face before she descended into giggles. "I mean when you first got this job more than one person suggested that it must be because you were fucking Malcolm. You weren't even on the radar for a ministerial post and suddenly there you were and you didn't exactly exude competence so…."
"Malcolm? God they couldn't even suggest I was at least fucking Tom just shows where they think my level is! Do you seriously think if I was going to sleep my way into a ministerial position I would have picked the shitest department in government? You realise the lengths people will go to not to get this department don't you? If I was going to have to sleep with Malcolm fucking Tucker to get in I'd want something better than this, actually there's government position that would make that worthwhile. Not only that but I'd need to be a really terrible fuck to end up here don't you think?" Nicola laughed knowing that she should be insulted or appalled that they'd been suggesting her political career was based on who she was sleeping with or how good she was in bed rather than how good she was at her job but finding it impossible to find the whole thing anything but hilarious.
"Well I don't think anyone was suggesting you aren't great at….you know I think it was just a general thing that people….I'm sure you're great in…"
"Ollie has no one ever told you when you're in a hole stop digging?"
"Yeah but I've never been very good at following that advice. What I mean is I'm sure it wasn't a reflection on how good they thought you be in bed more just general fucked up speculation. You know you get away with a lot more than the rest of us do where Malcolm's concerned you stand up to him more than anyone else I've ever known that just made it all seem more likely."
"Yeah and fat lot of fucking good it does me." Nicola sighed feeling another wave of frustration wash over her as he seemed to be paying more attention to her chest beneath the neck line of her vest than he was to what she was saying. Grow up Nicola she scolded herself he's a man he can see the hint of a pair of tits it's not because they're yours it's because they're there at all.
"Yeah but how do you do it?" Ollie asked the way her breasts bobbed as she laughed hypnotising him as he tried not to focus on the fact he was now finding it impossible to think about anything but how good she would be in bed. The images thrown up by her comments were slowly muddling his mind in a way that he knew could be very dangerous given that they had both had way too much to drink and were in a relatively anonymous hotel room in the middle of the night.
