Chapter 1: His reason for return
Good day to all readers. There's always a certain point in life when we all enjoy and love the overcome-all-obstacle-by-sheer-willpower characters archetype. As we get older, our preferences often change and think of those characters as childish or even ridiculous. However, don't you think there are always certain things only they can do?
Shirogane Takeru POV
January 2002 – Cherry blossom trees monument
I stand in front of the monument we built together. The monument we built to honor and immortalize all the soldiers giving up their lives for the future of humanity.
In the silence, I found myself reviewing all the activities I have done. Coming to this insane world, I have first-handedly witnessed the fall of humanity. After seeing that, I had a sense of sadness I could not describe. I can still feel the pain in my chest at that moment just like yesterday.
Then I convinced myself it is my responsibility to save this world since I'm the only one who'd seen Armageddon. But because of that, I lost sight of something much simpler and closer to me: my friends.
"Thank you… Because of you all… I feel like I finally understand what a soldier means… I'll never forget what you have taught me…"
"… Looks like you haven't disappeared yet"
When I turned around, Yuuko-sensei along with Kasumi is already standing behind me. Sensei asked if I still have any regrets left.
My mind comes to a standstill; I don't know whether it's due to me being afraid to think of the subject or not. So I just blurted out the first random thing coming to mind
"… I guess, not getting to make you cry"
Sensei felt into silence with my remark. Although it is random, I did promise the other world's Yuuko-sensei I would do that after all.
After laughing off my comedy attempt, she said:
"Welcome home"
I was taken back for a brief moment. Sensei had never come just to talk to me right after an operation. When I try asking her why the change now, she brushed off the matter lightly. Does this mean she's felling sad about me leaving? Hu!... no way… no matter what happened… she wouldn't do that… probably.
She handed me her handgun saying it would be fine to kill her now. Since I'm not a casualty conductor anymore, even if I kill this Yuuko the other sensei will not be affected. She also told me no one will remember I ever exist in this world after I disappeared so feel free to end her life.
"I told you to save whining and complaining until the end, right? This is the end"
So she said but I use my hand not to grab the gun but to push it away. I know this world still needs her and my childish tantrum will not help but just create more sufferings. I also know sensei is not weak to suffer easily; she is the furthest thing from that.
However, sometimes I wonder if that is her real personality. If she's only a cold-hearted scientist, she wouldn't have drunk herself stupid and cried to me back then… wouldn't have checked the Captain's sister's well-being… and wouldn't made time for Sumika and me to be alone.
But I know one thing for certain: she's a strong woman who leads others and never shows her weaknesses. Even more so when she locks all the sorrows inside never complaining to anyone.
While thinking how fortunate I am to be one of her students, she asked what subject I want to discuss until I disappear. Although nothing in this world interests me anymore, I still want to know what will happen to the peaceful world I messed up when escaping responsibility.
She informed me that everything I broke should be fixed and I should be back on October 22nd. Although she does not know which world I would be sent to, she's confident all the damage I caused over there is being reconstructed.
With my remaining worry cleared, I once again think about my comrades. Unlike me who know the future, they kept on fighting without asking or being told. They gave up their life in exchange for a future to give to the people of this world.
To divert from my depressed mood, I tried asking sensei what will happen in the future. She told me all our actions and achievements have earned humanity a major victory. Especially the Intel we gathered from the Primary Objective should have bought a buffer time span thirty years. She went on and talked about something about human infighting after that.
To be honest, I don't care about anything in this world anymore. Humans wage war in all worlds so it is no surprise for different countries' interest to collide with each other. What I really want to know is that the sacrifices we made have meaning.
At the same time, I can feel my vision's turning white. Sensei told me that my time is up
"…goodbye, bratty savior…"
After nodding to her, I moved my sight to Kasumi. I told her to keep helping sensei and talk about everyone with pride. She told me she would go to the sea and make a lot of memories when the world is peaceful. She said she would never forget about me.
"…And I did love you…"
"Eh?"
Ah, I see. I'm such a dumb ass. I can't believe I couldn't notice feelings of any girls close to me at all. All I could offer her is my gratitude for her feeling. She bid me farewell after our silent stare into each other's eyes
"…see you… later…"
"…yeah… see you…"
And with that everything is covered with whiteness
—
? time - ? place
I opened my eyes expecting to see the familiar room in my old world. However, what I can see is a world filled with an ominous black color.
"Umm, hello? Anybody here?"
My voice echoed into the void space with no replies coming back
"Eh? Could it be… sensei's prediction was wrong?"
A scary thought surface but I tried to suppress it and calmed down. In the process, I should probably go around to check the surroundings.
As I'm walking, the silence and the blackness reminds me of the time when I was stuck in the Fubuki during the Mount Tengen evacuation.
"Meiya…"
Yes, during the incident Meiya and I rode in the type 97 together. I saw for the first time how strong the girl is. She cares for the people deeply, to the point of going against orders just to protect a single civilian. Her position within the UN serving as her responsibility and contradiction does not sway her from her love of the people.
She is the perfect replica of her twin sister in that she prioritizes the wellbeing of the people. As the black side of the same coin, she still could not meet her white counterpart despite sharing the same feeling and emotion.
And such a girl fell in love with a guy like me. I can understand the reason if this is the loop we spent so much time together. But I don't get why such a noble and honest girl would love me in this loop. All I do is keep getting paranoid about a doom future that may not even exist to even take notice of her feeling. Moreover, after my breakdown she was pushed down and about to be violated by me.
"…At the very least… I want you… the man I love… to kill me"
Everything does nothing to change the fact about the confession she made before I pulled the trigger. I could not even offer her a word of apology and instead ending her life. I even had the nerve to ask her to become my noble confidant just before we sortied. Why am I always so blind about the feelings of others? I'm beginning to think the other girls also hold the same feelings as they sacrificed themselves to keep me safe in the original Hive.
If only I could do better just to notice my surroundings, I could have responded to their feelings. Just a word of thank you or apology is nothing difficult for me to do. Since my feelings are with Sumika this time
Sumika is my childhood friend, my lover, the one whose love for me transcends time and space. I never considered her as someone that precious in the old world simply because she's always by my side. I only know the difference when she was not found in the BETA world.
In a sense, I feel relief that she would not have to suffer in such a world. On the contrary, I only learnt how close she's been with me in both world; and in both of them I regard her existence as a norm before losing her. Oblivious to all her painful experience, she still loves me dearly. Her love is enough to pull me away from other worlds to be with her despite being reduced to only a brain and spine.
Looking back at all that, I wonder how little I have done for her. When she went insane, I can only give her a hug to calm her down. Even the said insanity is partly my fault since she witnessed the other me's death. When she's afraid I'm going to hate her knowing her past, I can only offer some cheesy lines and a condolence sex. Of course I love her but sleeping together like that makes me think we're just licking each other's wound. Lastly, the only thing I could give her was the crude wooden Santa rabbit doll which she held until her last breath.
"… Ah… What the…"
My vision blurred as the same time I recalled those memories. The black scene before me seems to distort due to the amount of water accumulated.
Back at the monument, I told myself not to cry or I would shame what all the fallen soldiers stand for. Within this atmosphere, however, all my past and experience surfaced and I couldn't control my train of emotions. No matter how hard I try, I'm still no match against sensei at keeping a cool mask.
"Eh?"
My feet suddenly touched something very heavy and halt my movement. As I looked down, what I discovered is the person I'm thinking about: Sumika with her pink 00-unit suit. She's lying down on the black ground that seems to suck her into the earth. Her pose is just like the last time I remember in the escape pod: a peaceful sleeping posture with both hands placed on her chests. Even the Santa rabbit is resting within her slender hands.
"…Ah… Ahh… Ahhh…"
My brain tries to tell me this all cannot be real to no vail. Within this weird black space, combined with all the emotions I suppressed since my last operation, I prompt to act based on emotions.
"Sumika… Sumika… SUMIKA!"
I crouched down with both knees and held Sumika's still warm body into my arms. As I said her name, tears that I thought were already dried flows down on her face.
"So, now you really are out of regrets…?"
The question sensei just asked, the question I tried to avoid once again comes to mind. I see, I really was afraid to answer this question since I know, deep down, there's still something I wish to do.
I want to… keep everyone alive
That's right; I just want everyone close to me to be happy. Such a simple reason and it took everyone's lives for me to recognize. Once again, it is too late for me to do anything by the time I found the answer.
"…Sumika…Sumika…"
As I continued calling Sumika's name, a voice from above my head reached my ears
"...gane… Shirogane Takeru, right?"
I don't know whether it was because of my state of confusion or because of all the tears I'm shedding, but I can't seem to respond to the voice. A sense of regret and resentment hit me as I feel a pain in my chest. A pain that feels like a very big sword has cut deep inside me.
"Hey! Aren't you Shirogane Takeru?"
"SHUT UP!"
As the voice raised its volume seemingly annoyed that I ignore it, I also shout at the top of my lung. I don't know the exact reason but I get angrier and angrier the more I hear my name.
"YES, I am Shirogane Takeru, the one who always brags about world salvation!"
"AND SO WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT ALL MATTER AT THE END!? Why did I never think about it!? Why do I always act like a BRAT acting as if he knows everything but found out he knows nothing until it's all over!? I did not even know how everyone feels about me! I should have known, right at the beginning, the reason I felt such pain and regret right after waking up in that fucked-up world. It's not the world's end that I'm sad of; it's the PEOPLE in them that I care about! It's always my close friends! Their demises are what cause me to save that world so that they don't have to leave the planet or face its doom together with me!"
I paused a brief moment to catch my breath
"AND THEN WHAT? AT THE END, THE RESULT IS THE SAME OR EVEN WORSE THAN THE PAST LOOPS! One of them could have lived if I just take my time choosing my fancy… BUT NO! ALL OF THEM HAD TO DIE FOR MY REDICULOUS GOAL OF WORLD PEACE!"
I shouted with everything my strength could offer to match with the feeling about my incompetence. I don't even know if I can face them anymore in the peaceful world with my current conscience
"... And I couldn't even protect my lover after finally finding her… My feeling for her is nothing compared to what she has for me…"
Like a puppet with its strings cut, my voice finally dropped as my eyes once again move to Sumika's face. For this once, I don't care if she wakes up right now and punch me with thousands of her Milky Punch. For every mistakes I have made, that is the least I can suffer. Not to mention the joy of seeing her expressions animated again will fill me with enough joy to take on any kinds of pains.
"… Why am I not smart!? Why am I always such an idiot…"
But there is nothing I can do now. I'm not a casualty conductor anymore. Even Sumika is not there to keep my existence stable anymore. I'm not a genius like sensei so there's no way I can find a way back to remedy my mistakes. If only someone more suitable was chosen to be in my role, that person could have done everything that I could not.
Then a moment of silence returns this place to how it was before my outbreak of emotions.
"…Aren't you misunderstanding something?"
"Eh!?"
Just when I thought the voice had disappeared among my shouting, some form of question was thrown my way just serve to confuse my thoughts.
"How old do you think you are right now to not be a brat? You're not even out there working in society yet and you claim you should have known everything? Pfff !"
Although the voice has a point, my amazement still keeps me from closing my mouth let alone speaking
"And you know what? Humans can never fully understand each other unless expressing their thoughts directly. What makes you think you're so special you can understand others' feelings?"
"!.. But…"
What the echoed voice said sounds like something sensei would say. It is how the world works regardless of my opinions. Of course I understand that much, but I can't shake the guilt of not knowing their feelings until it's too late
"More importantly, do you really want to be smart?"
"Eh?"
Before I can voice my standing, it continue with another question
"What you said is that you want to be smart, right? Do you think you can still maintain your own identity when you change into someone you're not?"
I see, it must be talking about the price I got to paid to become a smart person. If that could help my beloveds, I'm willing to go to any length.
"Assuming you become smart, do you think your lover could still be the same?"
"!"
I shuddered at the what-if question that could become a reality.
"In other words, your identity defines what happens around you. So there's no guarantee you can have the same experience if you try to become someone you are not. Are you sure you still want to be smart?"
With my sight still on Sumika, I cannot imagine another person's face will replace hers. I also cannot imagine a me without knowing my entire close the friends. Everything I have gone through, although painful and hard time, I do not want to forget them.
"…No, I do not …"
Because that is the proof of my existence
"Indeed, most of the time being smart or stupid is not the cause of a problem."
The voice paused as if to think about something
"Moreover, smart people cannot do everything they want. Sometimes, they even envy those they call idiots"
"Eh?"
"Not-too-smart people tend to act based on their feelings, not logics. That's why they don't bother considering every little detail before their actions like too-smart ones."
"…"
"There will be always things smart people back away from while the idiots keep charging head on. Although it is rare, they do succeed."
At this point, I already consider this voice to be some kinds of self-advisor in this place. May be all my emotions go haywire and my head offers me something to not fall into despair. Although it feels like I heard this voice somewhere before
However, I must admit what it said makes sense. I keep on saying I would save the world without any basics. With just sheer willpower, I really did save that world… not completely…
"Lastly, from all the waterfall you display, it is hard to think that your feelings are not worth the same amount. So do you still want to be an idiot and keep doing what you always do? Or maybe the smart guy version?"
Despite the hint of sarcasm in the voice, it helps me find my resolve
"…I know my answer now!"
That's right! I don't need to care about all the complicated stuffs about Quantum Physics Theory sensei brags about. It's never in me to think about difficult matters. What I had, have and will always have is my determination to do what I have to do. With that and that alone, I will come back to finish what I started. I won't be able to be at ease if I left all my friends' feelings unanswered. And I will definitely save Sumika this time in order to prove my love does not lose in strength to hers. I am the only one who can do it, since I am the Shirogane Takeru that my friends know about.
"Do everything you want with the strongest will possible"
The lines sensei always reminds me once again fuels my will. I try and focus all my thoughts wishing to come back to that not-so-pleasant world. My feelings for those laid down their lives for humanity, those in the rear awaiting victories, those still fighting beside me, and… those dear to me, occupies all my thinking process.
"Wait for me, Sumika. I will definitely keep you safe this time!"
To the girl worth more than my whole world, I offered her a new promise I know I will keep
"…Could it be!?"
Shortly after, a familiar occurrence happen to me: My and Sumika's bodies are glowing white. The beautiful white color reminds me of our white Christmas we spent together.
"This time, I will try to make a better Santa rabbit for you"
Another promise was made by me to the still sleepy other party. I wonder if how I feel right now is similar to her feelings watching me sleep every morning.
Although I have no ideas which worlds we are being sent to, one thing is clear: we will always be together.
"Is the consultation time over now? Aye yai yai yai yai! How tiresome… if I don't wake up from this weird dream soon, Jinguuji-sensei will scold me for being late to class again"
"Huh?"
Although I should have hardened my resolve, the voice does not seem to disappear. As I just stood up, the voice this time seems to come not from above but somewhere behind me
Marimo-chan?
When Marimo-chan's name was mentioned, I suddenly realized where I heard this voice before. Like when a missing cog in a machine was found, everything connects to each other and recovers my memories
"You are the last person seen together with her that night before she disappeared"
"Why do you claim you know nothing? I know you have something to do with it!"
Yes, this is the same voice. This is the same voice as the classmate condemning me of Marimo-chan's death in PE class back then. My cowardice of wanting to run away from reality is what causes her untimely death.
"! You are…"
Turning my head around, I try to verify the source of the mysterious voice.
At the same time, everything is covered in white once again.
—
October 22, 2001 – BETA world, Shirogane residence
I slowly opened my heavy eyes when the light from the windows tells me it's morning
"…I'm… in my bed? So… this is my room?"
As I look frantically around the same old room, that fact is confirmed
"I'm… back!... Ah… what's going on?"
I don't know why but I feel relieved being back to my room to the point of tears.
All I remember is that I had some very weird dream. That dream is really long that I suspect it may be real. In my dream, everyone I know is still there just different circumstances and backgrounds. I even met new people like Kasumi and Kyouzuka-obaa-san. I joined the military, even almost died in some southern island too.
But most importantly, why did I create something terrifying like the BETA? I faint twice just looking at them.
In order to test out what is the dream and what is the reality, I proceed to dress up in my uniform and go outside. If my dream is true, the confirmation can be seen right next door. As I steel myself, the doorknob of my house is unlocked.
"Ahh, as I thought. So that was all real…"
The robot resting on the rubbles that used to be Sumika's house is really there. If my memory of the dream is correct, it is a type-77 Gekishin. I remember I got really excited the first time seeing it and getting closer to check it out.
"Let's check just for sure"
I move closer to the unit, not for the same purpose as the old me though, but to ascertain once again everything is not a dream. I pick one of the rock sharp enough then proceed to lightly cut my finger
"I see… Red blood and this clear feeling of pain… maybe it's all real after all"
Accepting my reality, I keep walking on the street with no destination in mind. Registering the ruin of a town in front of me with the one in my dream, I remember something important from my dream.
The Alternative plan
If everything's like my dream, there are Alternative IV and V both of which should be active by now. Although I know little about Alt IV, V is more obvious to me, too obvious to my liking
Only one hundred thousand…
Indeed, only one hundred thousand selected humans will escape this Earth via spaceship that did not even have a sure chance of finding habitable planets. I still remember watching the fleets leave its doom planet when all the G-bombs hit the globe.
"Huh?"
Suddenly a sense of pain like that of a knife hit me. The pain is different than the one I cause to my finger earlier. This pain is from within me, right in the center of my chest.
"Is this… regret?"
I mutter the only answer I could think of. I have a weird feeling I regret not doing something. Something inside is urging me to do something before it's too late. All of this could be my imagination since my dream and reality still confuse me
"Everyone, wait for me! I will at least be with you all!"
In my moment of confusion, my friends are who appeared on my mind. They are the people I know well in both world and I know we will always help each other. With my knowledge of the future, I will assist them with all my power.
"I have decided: I will save this damn world!"
For now, that will be the goal I set so that my friends will not have to suffer the same regret I felt when the world ends. There are still a lot of things I want to know but my gut tells me this is the right decision.
After remembering where they should be right now, I set my destination to be my once-school now military base.
—
Cherry blossom trees pathway
On the way, I review many other things about my dream. One thing in particular is the cherry blossom trees along the road I'm walking. Many soldier died in the BETA war is said to rest in peace under these trees, watching over us remaining survivors.
I wonder how much of that story is true. If it is, could it be you guys that sent me back in time to finish what you could not? I don't know. I don't even know how it feels to sacrifice myself for a greater cause. I can't even imagine one of my friends is somewhere under the road I used to walk to school
"…Sumika…"
And yet, Sumika is not among the friends that are in this world. In my dream, at least in database or in the base I'm heading to, she did not exist. Although some part of me is glad that she is not here, a certain feeling of loneliness overcame my mind
"…No! What am I thinking!? Why do I believe a mere dream? She's out there somewhere! She must be!"
I don't know what came over me. But the thought of a world where Sumika and I are not together is unthinkable to the point of making me angry.
"Just you wait, Sumika! Ready your dumb head before I find you and deliver my judgment"
With a renewed will to find my childhood friend and protecting my friends, I confidently walked to the front gate where two familiar guards standing as usual
"Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something else?"
Thinking I will gradually remember all the details in my dream, I speed my steps to my destination
—
Little does Shirogane Takeru know what he has done. Just like the time he forcefully move back to the Extra world, Jinguuji Marimo from BETA world fused with her peaceful counterpart. Now the opposite has happened instead, and that is the price he has made.
Unknown to Takeru as he repeated his loop, another person from Extra was transferred to this war-ridden world. And that man is watching Takeru as he's making his introduction to the two guards
Author's note:
Now this story of mine have progressed… just a little though! I love build characters like this and the fighting is far from sight so you have to bear with me for at least 5 more chapters. And in case any of you ask, I got more days off due to the Chinese New Year last week so this is an early update. In another case if you want to ask then yes, this Takeru had his memory reset just like the in the original game. Why? Since I love mixing canon and non-canon together. But note that there's some of my own difference
Moving on, for my mere prologue to have 3 reviews and so many views makes me very happy. As in literally nothing happened in that damn chapter but just a foreshadowing, know you have my appreciation for giving my story a try. I will take your opinions and improve my writings as time goes on. BUT let me make this clear: this is my story and I write it in the way I like. I respect your view but you can also respect mine by ignoring my writings. I write story to enjoy myself after a hard day at work, not to stress myself writing in styles I don't like.
Speaking honestly: yeah, I don't care what you think, my story won't change anything and there's nothing you can do about it! Muwawawa!
But seriously, although your comment won't affect much of my story, know that I will read all the reviews you guys have for me.
Live long and prosper!
