AN: I'm glad a lot of people have taken interest in this story! This keeps me wanting to update and come up with ideas haha. But in all seriousness, I appreciate all your review/fav's/alert's and even PM's. I was overwhelmed by all the kindness and excitement for this story, and I'm glad I can take you all on this journey.
As said, I'm updating this on either a Friday/Saturday/or Sunday. Towards the end of the semester (like maybe a few weeks from now) I may not update because I have quite a few papers and projects as well as tests. But after that, I should start to update again on the regular weekend basis. Also, I'm beginning to really think about Hazard to Myself so I can update that too eventually. It's harder than I thought, and I can usually come up with ideas for other people, but for myself, it's harder haha.
Anyways, onwards and upwards!
As always, I do not own Big Time Rush, or anything you may recognize. Sad face.
James wakes up to the sound of Kendall and Carlos playing on the Xbox in James and Logan's bus. The guys all like to get together and play some video games, especially on the days that they don't have shows, just so they can blow off some steam (well, at least to have one way to blow off steam). James sees that the curtains to Logan's bunk are still shut, which leads him to deduce that Logan is still sleeping and hasn't heard of Carlos and Kendall's intrusion.
James complains, "guys! Don't you have your own Xbox on your bus? Seriously, it's really early, do you really think playing Call of Duty at this hour is healthy?" He approaches the two boys.
Kendall responds, "yeah well, our Xbox has the "red ring of death" and since we're miles out from somewhere where we can buy another one, we'll just have to use yours for now."
Carlos amends, "you can use ours, when we get our new one, any time you want to pay you back for waking you up."
"Thanks guys, duly noted" James responds sarcastically. "I'm just going to hang out in my bunk for a while until you assholes leave."
Kendall insists, "Hey! Wait! Don't go! Come chill with us! Let's have a chat!"
"Chat about what? What is there that you desperately need to talk about?"
"About last night, Logan texted me after he tried to talk to you, said he felt a little helpless, and asked me if either Carlos or I knew about what's going on with you."
"Oh…"
"Yeah, so you've got to tell him how you feel. It's no longer just affecting you, now Logan thinks he's done something wrong, or he feels like you hate him, which I know is the exact opposite. But, yeah, you get the picture."
Carlos adds, "and when one of us is sad, the rest of us feel it too, like we're all connected in some way."
"I'm just not ready yet. I'm afraid about the "what ifs." Like, what if it doesn't work out, what if he doesn't feel the same, what if the band breaks up because of me. I don't think I can live with myself." James explains.
Kendall points out, "we understand, bro. But you've got to do something, and you've got to do it soon. You're just going to hurt yourself even more."
"I know, I'll think about it. I'll give myself till the end of the week, and if I don't do it by then, you have my word that the next time Logan asks what's wrong, if he does, you can tell him." James promises.
~*PAGE BREAK*~
As the concert comes to a close, the boys each cross off the city on their list, and are quickly getting ready to get on the road once again. James, knowing Logan has said he would stop bringing back "fuck buddies," looks forward to a long night's sleep. The boys have a day off tomorrow due to the time distance till the next destination is a little over 18 hours, so the extra sleep would surely be quite appreciated. James especially looks forward to sleeping in, and maybe catching up on some shows on Netflix.
James makes his way to the bus and sees Logan hasn't arrived yet. He quietly goes into his bunk and, before he knows it, passes out due to the post-show exhaustion.
~*PAGE BREAK*~
"Oh yeah Logan, give it to me harder."
"Yeah baby, you feel so good."
James wakes up from, what one may say, a quite pleasant dream. He hears Logan tossing and turning in his bunk across the way.
"Oh Logan, you know exactly what you're doing." A very noticeably MALE voice came from Logan's bunk.
Well, that voice is definitely not Logan
And that voice is definitely not female either…
All his dream was, was the incorporation of what's going on across the way
And that thought alone took care of his little "problem" in his pants.
James now starts to stew. Logan did say he'd stop bringing back people. And James hates when people don't live up to their word. The one thing James hates most is when someone lies, and not only has Logan lied, but he probably snuck this guy in because he figured James was asleep. James continues to stew and struggle with all these negative thoughts. He just can't be in there anymore. He wants to kill Logan (well, maybe not actually perform the act of killing), and to just separate himself. He quickly gets up from his bunk and tries to see if maybe the bus driver can pull over the bus and get in contact with Carlos and Kendall's bus driver so that James could hop on their bus for the night. The bus driver, thankfully, was able to pull over, and James grabbed everything he would think he may need so he can just avoid Logan as long as possible. As James is grabbing his things, he hears Logan approaching.
"Dude! What's up? Where are you going?" Logan questions
James doesn't answer, because he knows he'll say something he'll regret. And now he sees red.
"What's going on? Why did the bus stop?" Logan's male fuck-of-the-night questions.
James takes one look, and just bolts. He's 1000% done with Logan. However, Logan was just a tad bit faster.
"Dude talk to me! Why are you leaving?"
"You want to know why I'm leaving… YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M LEAVING!?" James humorlessly chuckles "I'm leaving because someone can't stick to their word. I'm leaving because SOMEONE" as James pushes Logan, "said they weren't going to bring anyone back to the bus anymore. Did you really think you could pull this off under my own nose? I can see how you thought you could especially since you KNOW I was tired and probably would pass out instantly, but really!? Logan, we've been friends for over half of our lives, and not once have I wanted to be more physically done with you than I have at this moment. You must think I'm a real idiot for trying to get away with this. You know, it wouldn't be so bad if you'd asked me first, or even maybe sticking to your word. But to bring this guy in THE DAY AFTER YOU SPECIFICALLY TOLD ME THAT YOU WOULDN'T BRING ANYONE BACK… You know what? I'm done talking to you, I'm done wasting my energy. I'm getting my shit and staying on Carlos and Kendall's bus till further notice. Just stay out of my way. Here I thought you were my so-called best friend. I trusted you Logan, you were the one I cared about the most out of the 4 of us, and the one I trusted the most. I guess I was wrong, it took me till now to see your true colors. I'm just done."
Logan whimpers, "James…"
James ignores Logan's pleas and continues on a rampage to get his stuff together. Before Logan knows it, he's out the door, without another word.
~*PAGE BREAK*~
Meanwhile, what James didn't see was Logan's face. They say anyone can tell how a person feels through their face, and James didn't see how Logan turned white as a ghost, how endless tears are dripping down his face, and most of all, James didn't see how truly horrible Logan feels.
After Logan kicks out his fuck-of-the-night, he curls up into a ball on the couch, and completely breaks down. He sobs harder than he has in such a long time. He feels someone come and hug him, but it doesn't make a difference. He's not going to feel any better until he has James back. He will make it up to James, and if that's the only thing that's trustworthy that comes out of his mouth, then so be it.
