My way home is through you
Chapter one: Terrors

"...Like last night, they are not like tremors, they are worse than tremors,
they are these terrors. And it's like, it feels like as if somebody
was gripping my throat and squeezing and..."

"Envy...I- I don't have much time, help me… you're the only one who can. Find Mello… Envy I love you, f-find my body. It's so cold here, and- I can only see you, you're my light… Envy please, I can't tell you where my body is, they-they won't let me..."

"Matt, I don't understand. What do you mean, find your body… your fine, right? Matt I-I don't understand what your telling me? I'm going to Japan… I'm going to see your beautiful face. Your-Your fine, I know it, your fine, you're with Mello and Jinx… Matt I'm so confused…"

"My little firefly, I can't tell you. Find me, find my body. Hurry, my times run out, I love you-"

I awoke on the plane with tears running down my face, "…Matt…" I whipped my eyes with my hand, and looked around. The inside cabin was dark, and people around me were sleeping as well. 'How long until we get to Japan?' I asked myself. I had a comfortable window seat on the craft, so I lifted the blind and saw that the sun was slowly coming over the clouds. I smiled at the sun, knowing my destination wasn't far off. I shut the blind and put my head back on the small pillow and tried the best I could not to worry about what was to come. I shut my eyes and soon I was out.

"Good morning crew, we have safely made it to Japan, we will be opening to door in 5 minutes. So gather your things, and make your way out. Thanks for Choosing Fresca Airlines, come again."

My eyes opened as soon as she said the word Japan. Matt. Matt is in Japan. I could say that I was obsessed with him, but with the weird dreams I've been having lately, who wouldn't. The dummy doesn't have a cell phone either. So I couldn't call him.

I stood and stretched, "Uhhh" I groaned as I rubbed my back. I grabbed my green tote bag with "go green" and a panda on the side, and quickly exited the plane. I didn't know what I looked like, and I couldn't really care. I was going to see Matt. I put on my oversized shades, and pulled out my phone. I went down the list and found Jinx. I pressed call and sat on a nearby bench.

*rings*

"Hello?" Jinx answers curiously.

"Hey, Jinx? It's Envy. I'm at the airport."

"Oh okay." She sounded worried.

"Hey I have to talk to you about something… it's about Matt-"

"Oh-"She cut me off. "Well… I uh, have something to tell you, I'll be there in like 10 okay?"

"Oh, okay see you soon." I said and she hung up.

I closed my phone. It was early in the morning, and the air was ripe and crisp with a bit of a chill. Just the way I liked it. Well all's I know is that I was sitting in that bench far longer than 10 minutes. Finally a Black Camaro pulled up in front of me. The window rolled down, and I saw Mello. His scared face looked worried, and Mello never looked worried. I knew something was up.

I got up from my bench spot and opened the door, "I thought Jinx was coming to get me." I asked him. "No, she didn't think she could tell you." He responded coldly. "Tell me what exactly?" I asked with an inner fear growing in me. Mello didn't say anything and took off like a bat out of hell. We drove 90 down what seemed to be the back roads of Tokyo and finally pulled into an abandoned factory lot. Mello got out of the car and I followed.

"Mello, what is it?" I demanded. He gave me a cold stare and tears ran down his face. Truthfully I had never seen Mello cry. I wanted to comfort him, but he wouldn't accept it from me.

"Matt's Dead Envy." He said blankly.

My heart sank. "Matt's…dead…No, he can't be. Your lying to me, tell me you're lying! Mello please, this-this isn't funny!" Tears were running down my face, and I fell to my knees. "Matt, how-no, no, no… you're lying. Matt's not dead!" I screamed and slammed my fists into the concrete. I curled up into the fetal position and screamed to the top of my lungs. I couldn't breathe. Tears were starting to dry up and I began to dry heave.

I stayed on the ground for hours trying to calm down, and Mello sat against the car waiting for me. I couldn't care if I died. I wanted to die; Matt was everything I had come to live for. I finally got up to my feet, a process which probably took 15 minutes, and walked over to Mello. He looked up at me. I tried to smile but I couldn't. The tears came again. This time Mello stood up and rapped me in his arms, "Envy, I'm so sorry, Matt wasn't supposed to die, and I should have been there. I let him down…" and Mello began to cry again.

We stood together for a while, morning. Finally Mello said, "Get in the car, we need to go home."

The ride back was silent, no music, no talking, just the sound of the motor humming away. We pulled into an old hotel parking lot. It wasn't the nicest place, but I noticed Jinx's Purple Motorcycle sitting in the parking lot. Jinx, just the person I needed to see.

Mello led the way up to the room. Room 19 on the second floor, he knocked twice and waited. The door creaked open, with Jinx sticking the tip of her head out the door way, and noticing it was Mello and Me, she opened it up all the way and basically leaped into my arms.

"Envy, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't tell you, I wouldn't have the heart to. I sent Mello because I believe he could handle it better, right? I'm sorry, I keep going on and on about it…" She looked at me and noticed that the tears came again.

Mello walked past us without saying anything. Jinx whispered, "I think Mello might be taking this harder than I thought…" She brought me inside, it was small, with one room, the one room had a queen sized bed in it, and in the "living room/kitchen" there was a small beat up couch and a small TV with Matt's PS2. I stopped in the middle and again fell to me knees.

"Why…" I began to sob again, "…why, I don't understand why he's gone. W-who would kill him… he wouldn't hurt anyone ever. Matt. Come back, please…"

Jinx walked over to me, and picked me back up, "come on honey, I think you need to sleep." She pulled me into the room with the bed and stripped me to my bra and underwear. She pulled the blankets up and waited for me to get in the bed. I slowly crept to the bed, and got in. I fell asleep within seconds.

"Envy, hurry please. It's so cold; I don't think I can last here much longer… I see your face and I can't breathe, I love you, Envy…"

I awoke sometime later with tears; I didn't have my phone so I didn't know the time, but I wiped the tears away again before they crusted on my face. I got up slowly and looked about the room, there were clothes everywhere. It smelled funny, but I couldn't care less. There was a small lamp on next to the bed, I thanked Jinx for leaving it on, she must of remembered I didn't like being alone in the dark. I slid out of the bed and onto the floor, I didn't know what I was looking for, but I began to dig. Under it all I found one of Matt's shirts. I picked it up; it smelled of his cologne, Dirty English. I pulled the shirt over my head; it made me smile but brought tears to my eyes as well.

I finally realized that there was noise coming from the living room. Moaning at that… 'Seriously, how could they be fucking at a time like this?' I was half tempted to go out and yell at them, but I decided against it completely, I'll let them be happy. Through the moans, I pulled on my pants and found a brush to brush out my hair. I don't know what I looked like, and I thought about leaving and trying to find Matt, but a voice in my head caught me off guard and made me fall to my knees.

'Hey Firefly, where do you think you're going?'