Continuing on! :D

I don't even know why I do that. I freaking just, suck. I go into the bathroom, and clean myself up. Being slushied is probably the worst thing, ever. I get to class and sit with my best friend, Kelsey. I always sit with her, because I have no one else, really. We're like, two peas in a pod. People say we're only ourselves when around each other. It's true. When one of us isn't in school, we're quiet, and we just hope they'll come into school late. When they come back the next day, we're like 'I hate you! I had no one to sit with! You left me all alone.' But of course were joking. I used to hate her in junior high. I was actually upset we were going to the same high school. But on the second day of school we sat with each other and laughed nonstop. And now we're best friends. People always laugh at our stupid jokes, or the stupid things we do. She's only in half of my classes this year, sadly. Quinn is in almost all of them. So when I'm in class with Quinn, Kelsey isn't in that class. So I sit with Kurt. Kurt is ok, but he's not my best friend. We used to be close, but not really anymore. I guess people just drift apart. I hate English class. We always are reading books that are probably a second grade reading level. Everyone is so fucking dumb in this school. We're reading some stupid book, out loud, of course, because SOME people can't read at a normal pace. I've finished the book, so I pull out my journal.

Quinn,

Why do you make me feel like this? Of course, I do, in fact, know why. But, I mean, why as in, how? How do you get me to feel these gooey, mushy, gross (not gross), feelings? I feel nervous when I hear your voice or your name. I'm pretty pathetic, I guess. But I hear your name, and get nervous. And shaky. I also get this feeling where you make me happy just by like existing. You talk to me, sometimes, and I try my best to not squeal or anything. We're kind of friends, I guess. We talk about things we like. We have a lot in common, and I never even realized that. Sometimes you call me randomly from across the class to literally just say 'hi.' I figure maybe it's because neither of us knows how to go about starting a friendship. I assume you're straight, but that's ok. You don't have to know I'm gay. We're both straight, to you. It's better that way. I guess we could be really good friends, but we're so awkward. I want us to be friends, I want us to be more than that, but I'll take what I can get. I get less nervous talking to you, for some reason. It's kind of like, you numb me. In a good way. You numb the world around me, so that split second when I'm talking to you, feels like you're the only one there. Just me and you. I am lame, but, hey. Smile more, because I fall more in love with it every day.

Love,

Rachel

I probably shouldn't even be writing this in class. But Quinn isn't in my English class, so it doesn't even matter. But if someone took it from me.. I've never really thought about that. I'd be scared shitless, honestly. I don't want people to know I'm gay. I just feel like it should be kept to me, you know? I have class with Quinn next, though. I'm not really looking forward to it. I don't want to see her. Some days I just don't, because I don't want to feel anything.

I raise my hand.

"Yes, Rachel?"

"Can I go to the nurse, please, I feel like I'm going to throw up," I say with an almost sobbing tone, and Kelsey looks at me.

"Yes, of course you can go," the teacher says while handing me a hall pass. I pack up my things and scurry down to the nurse. I wasn't entirely lying, I did feel like I was going to throw up. Love. I was going to throw up love. Or gay. Rainbows and plaid and cats and smiles everywhere.

"Rachel, you look horrible, what's wrong?" I'm asked, as soon as I step into the nurses office.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up, I've never felt this before," I say while crying. It's true, no one makes me feel like she does. So the nurse calls my dad, and explains to him how I feel. This is actually the first time I've done this. I usually just deal with my feelings. I stare at the nurse as she puts down the phone.

"Your dad is coming to get you, just stay here by the trash can." Yay. I get to go home. It's believable, that I don't feel well. I never complain, or miss school. I should get my homework, but I don't feel like it.

"Rachel, poor baby," my dad says while picking up my bag for me. I don't say anything, I just slowly follow him so he can sign me out, and I can go home. There's Quinn. Sitting in the office.

"Rachel, you're leaving? Feel better!" Quinn says, awfully cheerful. She's either happy to see me, or happy to see me leave. I'm hoping it's just happy to see me. I'm not happy to see her. I feel even worse, now. I manage to mumble a goodbye, and my dad finally signs me out, and we leave.

"Is that Kelsey?" My dad asks. He's never met Kelsey, I don't really bring my friends home.

"No, that's Quinn," I mumble. He just unlocks the car, and we both get in. We're almost home, but he stops at the store to pick me up some medicine. Though I didn't need any, I just went along with it. I pull out my phone quickly, and there's a message from Kelsey.

"Ha. You left me. What's up with you, lately? You were writing in your journal, and wouldn't even look at me," I close my phone because I see my dad coming to the car. I slide it into my back pocket, and he gets into the door.

"Do you need anything before we get home, honey? I have to go back to work," he asks.

"No, can you just hurry home, I don't feel so well," I start crying. What IS wrong with me? He tells me it's going to be ok, and starts the car. We arrive at home, and I say goodbye to my dad. I make my way up into my room, and just throw myself onto my bed. I open up my laptop, and scroll down my news feed. I decide to reply to Kelsey.

"I'm ok, just tired, and need a break. Bring my work to my house, ok? Thank you," I felt bad for leaving her. I take some NyQuil, and about 10 minutes later, I knock out.

Ok.. so do you guys like it? Please review, and let me know. :) It may eventually become rated M.