"I really don't see the issue here Captain."
"Ma'am, your intern is th-"
"It's Doctor and Assistant, Captain."
Steve pinched his nose and took a deep breath. "Right. Sorry Doctor Foster. As I was saying your assistant was involved in an altercation with-"
"Hold it right there Captain. Why don't we call it as we see it? Your friend sexually assul-"
"He didn't," yelped Steve.
"Really dude? Was it a part of his charm from a bygone era then? Is that how people from your time greet each other?" peeking over Jane's shoulder, Darcy drawled in disbelieve. "Look Cap, I'm a modern woman and all but I do like to get to know a guy before he feels me up."
"He was doing nothing of that sort," protested Steve.
Jane snorted. "I call bullshit. He watches her continuously. I have seen him staring at Darcy on four separate occasions."
"You might need better arguments Cap. The Scientist has spoken- and Jane's world revolves around her work. If she noticed something other than science; you can bet your cute little ass it's legit!" Darcy proclaimed loyally.
Steve's face rapidly lost colour. While it was true that Bucky had found one Darcy Lewis fascinating, he had been uncharacteristically shy about talking to her. He had preferred to do what he had called long range reconnaissance instead. Sam had called it stalking and had clucked loudly and continually at him; until Bucky had bodily tossed him out of the apartment. Never had he imagined Bucky's well-kept secret was not so well- kept after all. Lost for words, he simply gawked at the two triumphant faces in front of him.
"I knew it! He WAS stalking you," Jane exclaimed. "You HAVE to send that Sexual Harassment Claim right now! Just add that bit about him stalking you and send it HR. Or maybe Hill."
"No!" horrified, Steve blurted out, "Bucky likes you. I- I mean, you captivate him. He thinks you are so interesting that he could watch you all day." Steve slapped his hand over his mouth before he could vomit out any more of Bucky's secrets.
"Huh? You know now I kinda wish I had tased him too," said Darcy thoughtfully.
"Please Miss Lewis, you already sent him to the medical wing," begged Steve.
"I did? Wow, this is so going into my Resume; right below: Tased Thor," Darcy exclaimed.
Steve nearly tore his hair out. He was getting nowhere. "You could have caused permanent damage," he nearly sobbed. He groped in his back pocket for his last ditch effort to make the ladies see sense, just to hear:
"Doubt it Captain, what with Super Soldiers and their 'balls of steel'. Maybe if he stops being a creep his bits might grow back," Jane dismissed him with an air of finality.
Steve grabbed the lull in their very frustrating conversation to shove his phone under their nose. "Just watch," he pleaded.
As the security footage from that fateful incident came to an end, both the women looked at each other in horror.
"You sure Super Soldier bits grow back Jane?" Darcy whispered.
"You could visit the medical wing and find out," Jane whispered back.
"Lend me your sneakers," Darcy said; as she toed off her shoes.
"What? Why?" Jane asked even as she slipped off her ratty, held up with threads and glue sneakers.
"I am not going to go discuss retribution with a man while carrying the very weapon that brought him down," Darcy stated in a matter of fact voice.
"Retribution? What do you mean?" Steve looked alarmed. He had hoped that the security footage would prove Bucky's innocence (which it did) and put a stop to the ladies vengeance (which he was not sure it did). Now he was watching Darcy shuffle her feet into Jane's shoes and stomp towards the exit.
Darcy stopped at the door, "Dude, right now Peter Parker and Tony Stark are on my shit list. I will hazard a guess that they are on Barnes' too. I'm gonna grab some ice cream and plot with your BFF on how to get back at the kid. Meanwhile you will help Jane plot against Stark."
With that she bowed out, leaving behind a gobsmacked Steve and a crackling Jane, "Welcome Captain Rogers to Mistress Jane's Payback Express."
