STORY TITLE: Incinerated
CHAPTER TITLE: Just don't understand
WORD COUNT: 2,097
DISCLAIMER: I do not own QUEER AS FOLK, none of the characters or the places and events that have happened previously and sometimes with in my story. The QUEER AS FOLK people created them and I take no claim of them. However, my plot and these chapters and words are all mine.
RATING: M (Mature content= including a relationship between many gay sweaty men, mostly BRIAN AND JUSTIN-SO BEWARE.)
CHAPTER TWO:
A petite blonde emerges from a yellow taxicab, his smile radiating through the crisp Pittsburgh morning. However, as he passes the driver some money, and takes his bag further from the side of the street he can't help but feel the tiredness aching through ever joint of his body. Anxiousness warms his stomach and loneliness rings his eyes with dark bags. New York had chewed him up and spit him out with no mercy. The thought brings a wry smile to his lips, snip-its of his life in the big apple fluttering through his mind. The city may have eaten him up, but he at least fought some knowledge out of the high-rise plagued area.
He gazes up at the familiar loft, and swallows nervously, his mind thinking up a thousand possibilities if he were to walk right into that loft at the very moment. However, it is only six in the morning and Brian doesn't even get up until seven thirty to start getting ready for work. Justin loses the nerve to just rush into the loft and surprise the brunette, after the frosty attempts of conversation between Brian and himself for the last two years; he can't help but feel a little unnerved at the prospect. Their conversations had been riddled with one-word answers and grunts of agreement, neither of them getting up enough courage to utter the words both of them had been dying to hear, "I miss you."
Picking up his large duffel bag, he proceeds to walk himself to Debbie's house, knowing that the woman had given up her shifts at the diner after Carl died. Although it is a little bit of a walk he doesn't mind stretching his legs after the plane ride, and the cool air is comforting verses the warm, circulated air that the plane had spewed around the small interior. He can't deny the overwhelming feeling of home, and the comforting feeling of being back in familiar territory. Even after two years, he still feels like an outsider in New York, but this place is his home, the people, the sounds, and of course, the harsh man that had stolen Justin's first time.
Rubbing his jacketed arms, he tries to warm himself slightly, but abandons the attempt when he reaches the familiar neighborhood. Even at six in the morning, people are still walking the street, heading home after a long night, others leaving for their early jobs. Shouldering his bag differently he strolls up the quaint sidewalk, glancing around quickly before moving up the steps and positioning himself in front of the door. After a moment's hesitation in which he shuffles from one foot to the other; he reaches forward and presses the doorbell, hoping the exuberant woman is somehow up.
Justin lets his duffle bag drop to his feet and he warms his hand against his mouth, blowing against them weakly warming him slightly. The door opens slowly, a curious eye peeking out in hesitation, Justin offers a meek smile, "SUNSHINE!" The familiar ecstatic voice makes him feel welcome as the red wigged woman opens the door fully. Nothing had changed with the woman, maybe a few more wrinkles, but Justin doesn't care leaning forward to hug the woman happily.
"Deb!" Justin returns just as enthusiastically, patting her back and nearly squeezing the life out of her in return. "How are you doing?" The blonde asks the perky woman standing in front of him.
"Oh you know, not so busy now that I'm not working at the diner. Kind of bored not working these tits to the bone!" Justin rolls his eyes at her calm remarks and hugs her yet again; not realizing how much he had missed her. "Now come inside sweetie, it's fucking freezing out here!" Debbie takes them inside, closing the door with a shudder. Every year it seemed she became more and more susceptible to the cold. She quickly sets about making coffee, watching the liquid start to collect in the pot. Leaving it to brew she moves back to the living room, where Justin is warming himself on the couch. Thankfully, she had thought to put on a fire this morning when she woke up freezing, it is put to good use as the warmth radiates around the small room.
"How about you Sunshine? You go and see Mr. bright and shiny himself yet?" Debbie asks, placing herself next to the blonde on the couch. Her fluffy slippers keeping her toes from touching the ice-cold floors and her pajamas match with a rainbow swirl pattern that is made of flannel. She gets up quickly when she hears that the coffee maker is done, she pours two mugs, adding milk to Justin's and leaving hers black.
"Not yet, I just got into Pitts this morning, took me forty minutes by cab to get here," he takes the cup of coffee offered to him and drinks it, relishing the heat as it spreads through his body. "I kinda chickened out when I got dropped off in front of Brian's place. We haven't really been speaking much lately, of course that isn't so surprising, because Brian never talks much about his feelings anyways and that's really all I want to hear when I'm in New York missing him." Justin gives a nervous laugh at the end, upset that their conversations had always ended in unfamiliar silences; before things had been pleasant, practically comfortable with everything they did for each other.
"Yeah sweetie, but that's Brian—" Debbie pauses, debating with herself whether she should tell Justin about the recent change in his 'lover'. Taking one look at the poor boy's face, she shakes her head, realizing he would figure it out once he stepped through the door of the loft. "Have you seen Michael, Ben, and Hunter yet? Maybe Emmett or Ted?" She asks warmly.
"No, you're the first one!"
"Oh Justin that's so sweet! Well if something goes wrong, or you need a place to stay you know my house is always open. It's actually even more vacant than usual because Emmett moved into Drew's place and they're getting along just great." She admits, glancing around her quiet house, slightly annoyed that she only lived there now. "I might just open up a home for wayward queers if I'm along much longer!" This prompts a laugh from the blonde just imagining watching Debbie lay down the law for some scared twinks.
"Thanks Deb, but I'm hoping nothing blows up in my face at the moment, and I'm more than wishing that I get to sleep in a certain bed tonight." Debbie doesn't have to reply to know that the blonde's thoughts are on the empty spot next to Brian.
"Okay Sunshine, do you at least need to crash at here for an hour or two and get cleaned up? No offence but you smell like baby's vomit and ball sweat and not the kind you like." She flashes her kind smile and Justin rolls his eyes again accepting the offer to stay and 'freshen' up. Debbie reminds him where the spare towels are, and that his favorite shampoo is under the sink. However, before he leaves for upstairs she promises to invite everyone over to her place tonight for a welcome home dinner. Justin agrees tentatively, having hoped that he would be prior occupied with Brian's affections, but the longer he waits to meet with man the more he is agonizing over their first meeting in practically two years.
Justin slowly walks up the stairs and down the hall to Michael's room, remembering when he used to live here since Brian was more than fed up with having him at the loft. However, Justin just liked the fact that he was still somewhat a part of Brian's life, and from then on he had weaved himself in to the fabric of Brian's existence. The blonde had been trying to make it so that Brian could never think of another man but him, and he had thought it worked when they were going to get married, and he was even still completely sure that Brian loved him, and that the reason they didn't get married is because they realized what they were doing was silly. Neither of them needed a ceremony to know that they loved each other. Except, after Justin went to New York, and the months turned into two years he felt a growing rift between the two of them. Not that there hadn't always been a barrier between Justin and Brian's emotions, but now it seemed as if Brian didn't even want to talk to him. Justin still feels as much in love with the brunette as he had always been, but he isn't sure if Brian feels the same. His emotions had always been a mystery to him, only a few glimpses had been shown to him in the past, and the thought frustrates him, more than anything he wants to be able to read the brunette like a book, because that is what Brian can do to him. Not being able to do it in return makes him feel like he is constantly on display, as if nothing he thinks will ever stay inside his pretty little head.
He makes his way into Mikey's old room and smirks at all the remnants of himself and Mikey once living in this room that remain and are mixed together. Justin moves over to the desk and opens the middle drawer, moving a few books he pulls out the papers mixed together that had been resting at the bottom. Justin moves to the bed kneeling in front and spreading the papers out in front of him with a heavy sigh. The first four were drawing of Brian and Justin in different situations. One was of them kissing softly their hands intertwined as they stand facing each other. Another was just a fast sketch of their silhouettes touching foreheads in dawns light coming in through a window. The last two were detailed drawings of Brian's sleeping face, both capturing the childish innocence that overcomes him when he is sleeping.
Among the papers was the picture that Justin had first seen when he came into this room, of Michael and Brian. He had loved the youthful carefree look on Brian's face. It made all the feelings he knew he felt swell up again and bubble over the top, his chest aching from the cavern seemingly developing between them.
The last three things were printed out pictures of Brian and Justin, each more hilarious than the last. Brian had taken Justin on a day trip to a beautiful park he had researched on the internet and there he had bought one of those wind and snap cameras for Justin to fool around with. In the end, most of the pictures had turned out awful because either Brian covered his face or the pictures were blurry. However, three of the pictures turned out great, and Justin just had to keep them.
The first was of Justin sitting in Brian's lap after Brian had sat down on a bench and Justin plopped himself there and snapped a quick picture of them. Brian had let slip through a quick flash of delight which had been caught on camera before Justin was pushed off and Brian walked off grumbling.
The second was of Brian standing near a lake at sunset, he wasn't paying attention, and so Justin snuck up in front of him and snapped at picture of him thinking deeply. When Justin got it developed, he couldn't believe the emotions playing across the brunette's face. There were so many memories hidden in those eyes, and sadness along with happiness in the edges of his smile.
The last was when they were in the hotel they were staying at and Brian was stripping Justin of his clothing, and the blonde smacked his lips against Brian's before taking the picture. It turned out beautifully from the surprise factor on Brian's face.
Coming out of his little world Justin holds back the tears threatening to fall, and shuffles that stack of pages back together, deciding that now is as good as any to take these. He had left them before because he wasn't ready to take them as his own, but now he can't bear the thought of leaving them any longer. Opening his duffle bag, he places the images in there and gets out another change of clothes and some shampoo and soap, finally getting around to taking that shower.
Thanks for reading the second chapter!
Comments are always nice, what do you think?
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-Hana
