AN: Thank you to everyone who's read this story so far! I'd also like to say thanks to Logan27, who helped me with a part of this chapter when I was stuck. I really appreciated, and I doubt I could've completed it without another pair of eyes!
It was taunting him, and Lucifer was convinced that the gates of Heaven didn't look as uninviting or as intimidating. Of course, he hadn't been up there in thousands of years, but still…
"Lucifer?"
The Devil turned and was surprised to find Maze and Linda standing behind him. The latter was frowning while the former raised an amused eyebrow.
"Maze. Doctor." He returned his gaze to the monstrosity before him, determined to be the winner in their staring contest.
He felt Maze step closer. "Why are you staring at the mall entrance like it's a giant Hell Hound?"
"Because it's taunting me." He didn't break his gaze.
The doors were constantly opening and shutting, shoppers passing through like sinful souls passing through the gates of Hell. More were going in than out, and the shoppers coming out were sweating and carrying hundreds of bags.
It really was a reminder of Hell, more so than the DMV.
"We're here Christmas shopping," said Linda, coming to stand by Lucifer's other side. "I'm assuming that you are, too. Why don't we brave the mall together? There's nothing to be afraid of."
"Really?" Lucifer raised his eyebrow. "I think Hell was calmer than this during World War 2. And we had Nazis coming out of our ears."
"You should've seen Black Friday," said Maze. "Ten times worse than this. So much fun to watch."
"That's where you've been disappearing to every year?"
"Lucifer." Linda got his attention again. "Are you afraid of the mall and its shoppers, or are you afraid to go inside because you have no idea what you're going to get everyone?"
Lucifer sighed, annoyed that Linda had hit the nail right on the head. He really didn't know what he was going to get anyone other than Maze (Knives. What else?), and hadn't wanted to ask the Detective for the list she offered. He didn't want to come across as unobservant and shallow; too focussed on himself that he didn't have a clue what his friends liked.
"I was planning on spending lots of money, and hope they're at least appreciative of how much effort I've put into it," he admitted.
"It's not about who spends the most money, Lucifer," Linda explained. "That's not a sign of effort."
He frowned. "Then what is?"
"Getting gifts which people didn't know they wanted or needed," she replied.
"That sounds dreadfully hard. Can't I just trick them into giving up their desires?"
"That would be cheating."
"Decker gave me a list," Maze spoke up. She took out a folded piece of paper. "I can make suggestions if you're all out of ideas."
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "The point was doing this without a list, Maze."
Linda nodded. "Well, think back to the last time you spoke with everyone, remember what they were talking about, and see if you can come up with anything. They may have already unintentionally revealed what they want."
With another sigh, Lucifer did as suggested, and he found himself thinking back to when Chloe spoke with him last. It was on the phone, and running the conversation through his head, he came up with nothing. So, he thought back to the conversation before that – when she initially invited him.
Ah. He smiled.
The knives for Maze were easy enough. He knew exactly what style she was into, and what she already had. With the demon distracted by Linda's hunt for the perfect Christmas crackers, Lucifer was in and out the shop within five minutes.
Getting the game console was just as easy, though he had to ask Maze which game the spawn wanted. He bought two more on top, because the child would definitely want more than one game, plus there was a special offer in the store, and he was beginning to fear that the mall was beginning to have an effect on him because bloody hell he was getting drawn in by all the special offers around him.
The gift for Penelope came to him out of the blue. Linda dragged him into a fragrance store, and once inside he'd been hit by a fragrance he recognized – one that Penelope always wore whenever he saw her. He quickly bought a bottle.
When he, Maze and Linda sat down for a coffee, he took out his phone and ordered some new science equipment and a Limited Edition Bodybags boxset online. He felt immensely pleased with himself as he tucked his phone away.
"…and then he ripped the picture from the wall and smashed it over his knee," Linda was saying. "So now I have a bare wall staring at me whenever I'm sat at my desk."
"Want me to kick the guy's ass for you?"
"No, but I appreciate the thought."
After their coffees were done, Lucifer split from the other two and hurried into an art gallery he'd passed earlier. Recalling the size of the picture Linda had mentioned, he bought a much nicer one that was the same size; a painting of the sun rising over a calm ocean, with the morning star shining brightly to right.
Amenadiel was surprisingly easy once he thought harder about it. He bought a bottle of Vodka, along with the ingredients to make his brother's favourite drink: a Cosmo.
But then came the hardest gift of all: Chloe's.
He aimlessly followed Maze and Linda as they completed their Christmas shopping. He didn't even complain (much) when they picked out his Christmas jumper: completely black, with the works 'Bah Humbug' knitted into the front. (He supposed it could've been worse; Maze had also been eyeing one made entirely of the Grinch's green face.)
It was close to closing time when Lucifer paused outside the jewellers. Women liked jewellery, didn't they? But he couldn't give Chloe just anything; he had to give her something special, something that told her everything he wanted to say to her, but didn't have the courage to.
He went inside – and a small section of the store immediately caught his attention. It was where customers could choose their own pendants and charms to place onto bracelets or necklaces.
Two pendants in particular caught his attention.
Lucifer was flagging down one of the jewellers before he lost his nerve and backed down.
"There are many things I'm willing to endure for you and your spawn, Detective – this isn't one of them."
Chloe sighed. "Maze is going."
"You attempted to use that trick to persuade me onto the trip, Detective," said Lucifer. "And considering the subject matter, I can only imagine you bribed her into going. What was the bargaining chip? Letting her beat up criminals in the interrogation room?"
"Trixie bribed her," said the Detective. "And looks like I might have to bribe you, too."
"No amount of bribery will convince me to attend your offspring's school Nativity."
It was absurd. The Devil, going to a play about the overly-romanticised story of his little half-brother's birth, who just so happened to be his Father's new favourite? He almost laughed at the thought.
"It would mean a lot to Trixie if you came," Chloe explained. "My mom and Dan were supposed to come-"
"I thought you said Penelope would be flying out to meet us from her new film?"
"She was going to come here first to see Trixie's Nativity, then fly back out to her film for a few last scenes, before flying to Colorado to meet us," she continued. "But they had to stop filming because of a storm, and if they want to be done in time for Christmas, Mom needs to stay there instead of flying back here. And Dan was chasing a lead for a case he's working on-"
"I thought he stopped putting work before the pair of you?"
Chloe sighed. "Please stop interrupting. He has, but this time wasn't his fault. The lead led him to San Diego, and there was a minor earthquake there which has caused traffic chaos. All the airports and train stations are shut, too. He can't get back in time."
Lucifer's eyebrow rose. "And you're dragging me along to this torture forged in Hell because…?"
"Trixie's already upset that her dad and grandma can't make it, so I thought bringing along two of her favourite people will cheer her up," Chloe replied. "I also have two extra tickets now, and I want to get my money's worth."
The Devil turned from her and began to pace. "You know, when you called me over here," He gestured to her home, "you said it was an emergency. I thought you were being held at gunpoint, or someone was missing, or you desperately needed an orgasm because you haven't had sex in over a year-"
"Lucifer!"
"All I'm saying is this doesn't count as an emergency, at least in my book."
She sighed for the second time. "Looks like Trixie will have to convince you."
"Lucky for me, the spawn isn't here."
"Lucky for me, I recorded her before she left for school." The Detective took out her phone and brought up a video. Before Lucifer could avert his eyes, the video was playing and he was assaulted by Trixie's perfect impersonation of a kicked puppy.
The impersonation Lucifer himself had helped her perfect for conning purposes, having no idea it could be used against him. He was starting to regret ever coaching her.
It took all of ten seconds before he couldn't take it anymore. "Fine! I'll come! Just take it away!"
Chloe stopped the video and removed the phone from his view, smirking all the while. "And the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day."
"I though you taught your offspring that manipulation is bad, Detective."
"Only when she's trying to manipulate me. Manipulating you is another matter entirely."
"Well played, Detective. Well played."
At the end of the day, the spawn's Nativity could have been worse. The children were either overenthusiastic or lacked enthusiasm entirely, but Trixie's performance as a sheep stole the show in his opinion. Acting definitely ran in the Decker family.
But what made the show more bearable was the Detective's threat before the performance began: if he interrupted the show in any way, or made any inappropriate comments, she would tape his mouth shut. She even showed him the duck-tape to prove that she was entirely serious.
The times when Beatrice wasn't on stage he spent fantasising about all the bondage fun he could have with the Detective and the duck-tape. Both of them preferably naked.
"Lucifer, it's fine."
"I look like a marshmallow, Detective!"
Chloe, clearly trying very hard not to laugh, gave his shoulder an assuring pat – or at least, Lucifer thought she did. She couldn't feel anything due to the massively thick coat she'd practically forced him into. And he didn't even want to think about the hat that had been plopped on his head, the thick gloves that he could barely move his fingers in, and the scarf she'd almost strangled him with.
Maze and Amenadiel weren't even trying to hide their laughter.
"You two laugh now," Chloe called over her shoulder. "But both of you are next."
They quickly stopped laughing.
"I'm the Devil, Detective," Lucifer informed her. "I can't freeze to death."
He probably could around her, due to his vulnerability that only seemed to occur within her vicinity. But all things considered, he'd rather freeze to death than wear the ghastly portable prison the Detective was adamant he had to buy for the trip.
The thermals were one thing. He'd be wearing them underneath his clothes so no one could see them. The snow boots? Black and actually rather stylish.
But the rest… He actually thought about begging his Father to strike him down…
"You're wearing this, Lucifer. Otherwise you won't be coming on the trip. And I'll be forcing you to tell Trixie why: that you're a big baby who refuses to wear a coat-"
"Alright, fine!"
At least everything was all red and black. There were worse colours.
In the end, Chloe went through with cancelling the seats she booked for herself, Dan and Trixie, instead choosing to tag along with Lucifer and the others on the private jet he'd hired. Dan had complained initially.
He had no complaints when he was sat in one of the jet's massage chairs.
"I am so glad we ditched our original seats," Chloe said to Lucifer. The pair were sat side by side, feet up, and enjoying some martinis which had been brought to them by the stewardess.
Lucifer felt the same way, but not for the same reason Chloe did (walking straight into a private lounge after arriving at the airport instead of having to que up, avoiding the Christmas crowds, and not having to deal with the flight being delayed).
He was just grateful for her company.
"I wish we can travel like this all the time," said Ella. She was playing a video game with Trixie, their seats rolled back flat, and both lying on their stomachs in front of the large TV screen.
Linda gave a pleasant moan from where she was sat next to Dan on her own massage chair. "Amen to that."
"I'm not currently answering prayers right now," said Amenadiel. He and Maze were sat at the jet's bar. "But I'll put it on the list."
"This must have cost you a fortune, Lucifer," said the Detective. "Thank you."
"No need to thank me," said Lucifer. "The pilot owed me a favour."
It was all a blur once the plane landed; collecting their luggage, meeting up with Penelope, hiring a van, braving temperatures so cold that Lucifer wondered if Hell had literally frozen over…
Though he could admit through his discomfort that the snow-covered landscape around them was beautiful. Far more so than the Silver City it resembled.
And when they finally arrived at the cabin, Lucifer was first inside, desperate to get out of the cold.
"Glad I convinced you to buy the coat?" asked Chloe with a smirk as she followed him inside.
"There's no need for that tone, Detective. Being the Devil, I'm not accustomed to colder climates."
"The clothes aren't that bad, Lucifer."
"Easy for you to say. You look drop dead gorgeous in anything."
Her cheeks flushed, and he smirked triumphantly before glancing around the front room. There was a bare Christmas tree stood in the far corner, an old-fashioned fire place with logs stacked beside it, a large circular couch that took up half the room and an old wooden piano pressed up against the wall on the opposite side of the room.
Lucifer was convinced that he'd walked into a living Christmas card. He half-expected the music for a Hallmark Christmas commercial to start playing in the background.
Though the setting had yet to be completed; there were boxes of Christmas decorations in the centre of the room, with a note next to them that read: Enjoy!
"We're supposed to do the decorating ourselves." Chloe brought him out of his thoughts. "Since you're the Devil, do you mind putting your skills to good use and get a fire going while the rest of us bring in the bags?"
"So being the Devil means I have ultimate control over fire?"
"Yep."
It didn't take him long to start the fire, by which point all the bags were inside and everyone was starting to wonder who was sharing with who when it came to the bedrooms.
Chloe quickly took charge. "I think we can all agree that Mom gets her own room, since she arranged all this."
"Thank you, sweetie," said Penelope, as she walked up the stairs to locate her room with Dan wordlessly following behind her, carrying her bag.
"I'm with Linda," Maze said immediately afterwards. She grabbed both their bags and carried them up without effort. Linda looked surprised by the decision being made so suddenly, but otherwise shrugged and seemed happy with the arrangement as she followed behind her friend.
Trixie then stepped forwards, her hand clutching Ella's tightly as she dragged the lab tech behind her. "Mommy, can I share with Ella? We were talking about Super Mario Brothers and the Zoo on the plane, and I think it'll be really fun-"
"Are you sure, Monkey?" the Detective asked. "You were thinking about sharing with me before we came."
She nodded. "Yeah. But I changed my mind. And this way, you'll get to share with Lucifer!"
The Detective's response was to go a little wide-eyed.
Lucifer grinned. Why, the clever little minx.
Before Chloe could answer, Trixie grabbed her bag and happily skipped up the stairs with Ella following behind – but not before sending the Detective a look of apology which honestly just felt a tad half-hearted. And since she also winked in Lucifer's direction…
"Right. Looks like it's you and me, Detective." He sent her a suggestive smirk and wiggled his eyebrows.
Chloe rolled her eyes and glanced at Amenadiel. "Can't you-"
"If you think I'm going to be sharing a room with my brother or Dan, you have another thing coming," Lucifer interrupted quickly. "Both scenarios are liable to end with one of us killing the other."
"I hate to say it, but he's right," said Amenadiel with a shrug. "At least about sharing a room with me."
"You of all people should know that I'm also right about sharing a room with Dan, Detective," the Devil continued. "And honestly, do you really want to share a room with your ex?"
She sighed, defeated. "Fine. Take up our bags. But if I find you in my bed even once, or if you strip naked out of some…ploy to get me to sleep with you, then I'm banishing you to the couch."
"I solemnly swear to be on my best behaviour unless you tell me otherwise."
At that moment, Dan came back down the stairs and glanced between who was left. "Who am I sharing with?"
"Amenadiel." Chloe nodded in the Angel's direction.
Dan didn't look fussed…but Amenadiel looked positively awkward, and Lucifer was reminded that his brother also knew what their mother had been doing in recent weeks – or rather who.
This should be fun, he thought while trying to hide his amusement.
The rest of the afternoon was spent decorating the cabin with Lucifer playing Christmas tunes on the piano at Chloe's request. Modern hits instead of carols, of course, because while he was willing to do anything the Detective asked, he still had standards.
