Merry Christmas! Or to anyone who doesn't celebrate, like me, Happy Holidays!
Given that this story takes place over christmas, It only felt right to update. Enjoy!
December 23, 2016:
Ughhh. My head was pounding. How much did I drink last night. I just wanted to go back to sleep.
"Dan, have you seen Attie? She's not in the off-" Phil burst into the room and froze.
I sprung up, clutching the duvet around me, realization suddenly hitting me.
"I… I'll… sorry." Phil quickly exited and shut the door behind him.
I looked over beside me. Just as I thought. A sleeping Dan. A naked sleeping Dan. And I was naked in his bed.
Fuck.
Now here I am, somehow I managed to end up in Dan's bed naked with him. I knew what that meant, but I didn't want to think about it at the moment. My head was pounding and I was dehydrated.
Dan was still sleeping, so I got up and threw on the first clothes I could see. It just happened to be my leggings and Dan's shirt. I didn't see my bra or underwear anywhere and I didn't want to waste anymore time looking. Quietly, I slipped out of his bedroom.
I went down to the bathroom to try to find some Aspirin. After rummaging through their medicine cabinet I found some and swallowed them quickly, wishing my hangover headache would clear up soon. It was only then that I got a good look of myself in the mirror. I was a mess. Makeup smearing. Hair sticking in every direction. But the worst thing was the big red hickey on my neck. UGH DAN! I had nothing to cover this, and all I wanted to do was take a long hot shower. But I knew I had to face Phil first.
I walked back up the stairs, and knocked on Phil's door.
I waited for him to say come in before I entered. I didn't want a repeat of 10 minutes ago.
I walked into his bedroom, not knowing what to say. He was seated at his desk on the computer.
There was an awkward silence between us.
"So…" he tried to break the awkward silence, "you and Dan huh?"
"Ughhh!" I groaned as flopped down on his bed and hid my face in shame.
I could sense Phil starring me down even though I couldn't see him. I was afraid of what he would think of me.
I've always been closer to Phil. When I was a fan, I liked Dan more. He was cooler and funny with the perfect amount of snark. And sure, I met Phil first, but it was more than that. I've always been more like Phil. I've never been very outspoken nor confident, and so I found a kindred Hufflepuff spirit in Phil, who I could tell felt like he lived in Dan's shadow a bit. Once we became friends, Phil was the one I could always text or call when I needed someone to talk to who would listen without judging.
But right now I was afraid that he was judging.
"I don't know how last night happened. I can't remember much," I mumbled into Phil's duvet.
"Oh," he sounded surprised.
"Yea, oh." I mumbled again. "I can't remember anything from last night. For all I know, I went crazy psycho fan on Dan and practically forced myself on him."
"Well with the way Dan was making out with you last night, I don't think you forced him to do anything."
I sat up confused and stared at Phil. "What?"
Phil looked nervous, or maybe it was uncomfortable, "Yea, you guys were making out pretty intensely in the kitchen last night. There was about a half hour period where no one could get any more drinks because no one wanted to enter the room…."
"Oh no. So everyone knows." I hid my face in my hands because I was so embarrassed. Dan and Phil's friends all knew, many of them youtubers that I follow and admire. "They probably all think I'm a crazy Dan fangirl now."
"I wouldn't say that."
"But it's true!" something in my brain must have snapped, because the filter that had been doing such a good job of keeping my cool around Dan and Phil was gone. Everything just started pouring out. "You know that I was a fan girl before I became friends with you. But have you really thought about it. I may not be as crazy as some, but I know so much about your lives. I even know about the video that must not be named. And I had a crush on Dan. A huge crush. I've imagined having sex with him. I've imagined having sex with you before too. Hell, I've imagined having sex with both of you, at the same time, because I'm a crazy fan girl."
At this point I look at Phil for the first time, his face bright red. And only then do I realize all the things I've just said. Specifically, the one video I brought up.
"I… I'm sorry. I don't what came over me… I should go…"
I was about to get up and leave, but with perfectly ironic timing, Dan walks into the room without knocking. He's still shirtless, making me blush, but at least he's in sweatpants. "Wow crazy night last night. I'm gonna need you guys to fill me in once this headache subsides." He looked over to me. And I can feel my face getting hot. "Whoa Attie, looks like you had a crazy night too. Is that my shirt?" I stared at him in silence, my face getting more red from his mention of his shirt. Did he not remember anything either. He took my look as confusion, "Phil, did you not tell her that she has a hickey the size of a grapefruit on her neck."
I quickly reached up to cover my neck. I know need to talk to Dan, but all I wanted to do right now was be anywhere but here. So that's what I did. I pushed past him, as he was still standing in the doorway, and ran to the office where I was temporarily sleeping.
He didn't remember. Neither did I. But I knew it happened. Phil knew it happened. And many youtubers knew something happened. I couldn't just pretend that it didn't happen.
And all the things I just said to Phil. I can't believe I blurted out that I imagined sex with him. But worse, I can't believe I brought up that video. THE video. What would this mean now for my friendship with him. How could I stay with them for three more weeks. It'll be terribly awkward. But I have no where else to go.
I sat on the futon, thinking about last night, trying to recover my lost memories. Small things were coming back.
I remember laughing in a corner, cuddled really close to Dan. I don't know if anything was funny or if we were just drunk, but I remember his warmth the most.
I tried more to remember the actual sex. A bit came back, barely anything. Mostly a feeling of it being very messy and rushed. Basically what you'd expect of a drunk hookup. I admitted to Phil that I imagined sex with Dan. Well my reality didn't live up to the fictions.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost didn't hear a knock at my door.
I mumbled a "Come in."
It was Phil. At least it wasn't Dan. I don't think I'm ready to face him yet.
Phil came and sat down on the bed with me, and instinctively I moved closer to him. He put his arm around me and I snuggled closer. It was a relief that I could still find comfort in him after the awkward things that I said.
Should I bring it up? Should I ask about Dan? Dan seemed easier to talk about at the moment somehow.
"So he knows now?" I finally asked. He and Dan must have talked about something once I ran away.
"Yea. Umm. Obviously I don't really know what happened. But I managed to fill in a few of the gaps."
I just nodded.
"Are you going to be okay when I leave tomorrow?"
I totally forgot that Phil was leaving for Christmas with his family. So it would be just me and Dan in the apartment for five days alone… How awkward.
"I think I'll be able to manage somehow." I said quietly, not entirely convinced it was true.
I didn't know what else to say. I knew I had to apologize.
I reluctantly pushed myself away from Phil. I didn't want to, but I knew I wouldn't be able to say the things I needed to if I was cuddled with him.
He gave me a concerned look when I pushed away. "Phil, I think I should apologize for my word vomit."
I could see Phil's cheeks get pink, "We don't have to talk about it."
"But I think we do. Because I can't just pretend I didn't say what I said. And you'll always know that I know what I know now."
Phil gave me a confused look, and I quickly retraced my words and giggled, "Ok, I don't think that made any sense. But that's kinda the point. Were skating around the issue."
"I didn't think we had any issues between us."
"Sure we do. Your feelings for Dan." I said it. Word vomit again. I really need to fix my filter. Phil's face turned from pink to red.
"I… I don't know…" Phil said quietly. But he didn't outright deny it.
I decided we did enough talking about this, so I finally could re-snuggle myself under Phil's arm. I felt him relax as I did so.
We sat in silence for what seemed like minutes but what probably only seconds, and then he started chuckling.
"What's so funny," I asked.
His cheeks were pink again. "Did you really imagine threesomes with me and Dan?"
I quickly grabbed my pillow and swung at Phil's face. "Oh shut up!"
We laughed. I was happy to laugh. I needed to laugh.
December 24, 2016:
Phil's flight was super early this morning. But on the plus side, when I woke up to say goodbye to him at 4 in the morning, Dan was still fast asleep.
"Message me anytime if you need. I'll answer when I can." He said as we hugged goodbye.
"No, you enjoy your family. I'll be fine. Merry Christmas!" He didn't look to convinced, but he had to catch his cab so he couldn't say more than "Merry Christmas" back before he left.
Somehow after that, I didn't feel tired. I did go to sleep pretty early the night before from hiding in the office/guest room. So I decided to eat breakfast and then play some Skyrim on my laptop in the lounge.
Of course, time flies when you're playing Skyrim. I didn't even realize it was a normal time to be up in the morning until Dan walked into the lounge.
Automatically it was awkward. Clearly he wasn't expecting me to be up this early.
He started to turn to leave the lounge, but I didn't want to drive him out of his own home.
"No, you don't have to leave just because of me," I said, as I started to get up to leave myself.
"You don't have to go either," He said awkwardly.
I sat back down, but I didn't feel like playing my game anymore. Dan sat in his normal browsing spot on the couch next to me. There was only a couch cushion between us.
"So…" He started. It was awkward. There was a huge elephant in this room, and neither of us knew what to say.
"So…" I repeated.
Yup. Very awkward.
Thankfully he continued, "I did that? The uhh..." He motioned to his neck. Oh the hickey. I hadn't done anything to cover it up yet.
"Either you or a vacuum cleaner," I tried joking. Why did he bring this up…
"Well this certainly explains the bra and panties I found in my bed yesterday."
"Yea, I want those back."
"Of course. I don't think they'd look particularly good on me anyway," Dan joked. I started laughing. It wasn't particularly hilarious, but for some reason I just couldn't stop. Dan could have thought I was being weird, but instead he just started laughing along too. It was comforting.
"So now what." I said, once our laughter subsided.
"I don't know. Phil only gave me a few details. Mainly him finding you in my bed this morning. I really don't remember anything though. So I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way."
Back to being serious. I didn't like this being serious, "I don't remember anything either. Well a little bit. I've never had a drunk hookup but what I remember was textbook drunk sex. I'm a little bit disappointed actually."
"Disappointed?"
"Yea. I get what thousands of fangirls want, and I can't even remember what your dick looks like."
I had been avoiding direct eye contact up until that sentence, but when I said it, I looked him in the eye, and at the same time we both burst out laughing. Phew.
"Well I'm a little disappointed too. Last night was the first time I've had sex in years. And I don't know how it went."
"Well we can always fix that." I meant it jokingly when I said it. But as soon as I said it, I realized subconsciously that I meant it.
Together, as if we were thinking the same thing, both Dan and I lunged at each other.
Lips connected to whatever surface they could find. Hands clawed at clothes trying to remove them. I didn't know what I was doing. Okay yes I did. I was about to have sex with Dan again. But this time 100% sober.
(If you don't know what video I'm referring to when I say 'THE video' and you want to know, PM me)
Whoo. Merry Christmas!
I've been a little depressed this holiday season, but writing this story has always been a way for me to escape. So I really hope you like it at least a little! Don't hesitate to review!
