Supernatural drabble somewhat Destiel woot I got bored and my other SPN fic refuses to be written so I decided to do the second part of the challenge huzzah
No judging it was done in like a 2 hour timespan ok so I know it's shit but I felt like uploading something wheeee :D
I apologise that it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever I got a small bunny in my head while in the shower this morning sooooo
Enjoy, my darlings!
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CHAPTER 2 - LOVE
How long has it been?
He's watched over mankind since before they were mankind. He's fallen in love with humanity over and over and over again, only to have his heart/mind/grace broken.
Sometimes he wonders whether it's worth it, all the pain and the grief and the death and the evil that he witnesses, and then –
Then he sees all the goodness and compassion and life in them and remembers why they're his Father's greatest creation.
The happy, the resilient, the naturally caring, the helpful, the kind… he remembers why he fell in love with them so long ago. They're so beautiful in everything they are, the way they live and create and love.
They're all so inspiring to watch, their individuality and wonder creeping into what he'd like to call his soul, the thing he wants so badly…
He watches the birth of righteousness with a curiosity most of his kind would call irresponsible or unwise.
He watches over him like the beautiful and shining mother of justice told him he would, and cries for him when he loses her and everything dear to his heart.
He watches him fall into every pit of despair and rise out of them again, only to wish he could pull him back out when he comes close to ending his own life.
He watches as he seals his fate in darkness and shrouded self-loathing and co-dependency, and knows that soon will be his moment to help him realise that his fate is more than he ever dreamt it would be.
As Dean Winchester gazes upon him in the burning depths of Hell, in the old and decrepit barn, in the car he calls home, Castiel smiles.
He smiles because of the self-sacrifice and justice in Dean's heart, and he smiles when Dean's soul is finally reunited with his body, because – as Castiel sees it – Dean is the epitome of the goodness of humanity.
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Castiel falls in love again and again and again, only to have what he calls his heart broken when he realises how broken the one he loves is, only to feel it crack and shatter into itty bits and pieces when he sees how much Dean hates, detests, loathes this world, this life, this thing that is himself.
When his heart keeps breaking, Castiel only ever does the things he thinks will mend Dean, and along with him, his heart, in the hopes that he might love Castiel back some day, in the hopes that the thing Castiel desires so badly will come to him, even if it means waiting forever, even if it means lying and leaving and cheating and causing that love pain.
Castiel doesn't understand why Dean gets mad at him when his explanation is the most obvious thing, the greatest and most driving force, the thing that made Castiel so intrigued with humanity – love.
Love that means betrayal,
Betrayal that means loyalty,
And loyalty that means never wanting to let go.
Because he didn't want to leave Dean with some woman he made love to a decade ago.
Because he didn't want to cause Dean pain by accidentally carving his brother in half.
Because he loves Dean so much, too much, that it hurts to hear him yell. It hurts to see him so disappointed and angry and confused and wondering why.
It hurts so much to be so empty that all he can think of is to fill that emptiness up with stupid plans and wicked schemes and to betray Dean again so that he realises how much love he has for his righteous man.
It hurts so much to see Dean's fear and melancholy that he barely feels himself implode and float away on the calm and serene and unknowing water.
But when he gets to see the beauty that is relief and happiness on Dean's face, it makes Castiel think that all his extremes were not in vain, and that his wishes might come true.
So he slips on the coat that Dean hands him, and does what he feels is right, he tries to make up for what he did wrong, even if he knows it won't work.
Because never wanting to let go means the never ending cycle of loyalty and betrayal.
And because betraying your family and all you've ever known for the one person you'd give your life to… that means love.
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oh my god it's 804 wordsss so littleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee only four pagesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
again I'm so very sorry
~~OL-T~~
