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Chapter 2 – Cum Gladio et Sale
Blinking her eyes open warily, the girl groaned as the room started spinning. Her head was pounding, beat of her heart drumming in her ears and she brought a shaky hand to her forehead. The light coming into the room from the floor-to-ceiling window to the right was blinding and she screwed her eyes shut. She felt nauseous, trying to take calming breaths until the feeling passed.
Spencer sat up, pushing back into the soft pillows on the bed. The room was large and airy, some artwork hanging on the walls, a large flat panel TV on the wall across from her. She glanced out the window, squinting at the gray sky she saw outside. There was an expanse of churning, blue water, along with white, snow-covered tree tops just beyond the wall and she frowned.
"Mom?" she called out softly, noticing how her voice sounded rough and unused. Spencer tried to sit up even farther, but the pounding in her skull stopped her. She lowered her head, shutting her eyes in hopes the intense pain would subside.
She was so overwhelmed by the throbbing of her head, she hardly noticed the other person entering the room. "Oh hey, you're awake."
Spencer's head snapped up at the voice, an action she immediately regretted and laid her head back with a groan. Ashley sat next to the blonde on the edge of the bed, setting the glass of water in her hand on the nightstand. Reaching out, she brushed the back of her hand across the other girl's forehead, "Are you feeling okay? You've been out for a while."
"I uh...," Spencer started, not sure what she was meaning to say. She looked at Ashley, the concern in the brunette's eyes, and tried to relax. If Ashley was here, she was safe, she knew that at least. She looked around the room again; there was something she knew she was missing.
Ashley picked the glass up again and held it out for Spencer, "Here, you probably want your meds. You must have a killer headache."
Not sure how the brunette knew what state her head was in, but thankful nonetheless for something to ebb the pain, Spencer reached for the glass and the two little white pills. Reaching for the glass with her left hand, Ashley pulled it away, forcing it into her right hand instead. Spencer frowned, then noticed how badly her left arm was shaking as she lifted it up. Maybe, she figured, she should be starting to panic.
"What's wrong with me?" she asked, swallowing the pills and letting Ashley set the glass back on the nightstand.
Ashley furrowed her brows, looking into Spencer's eyes intently to discern if the younger girl was okay. Some of the blonde hair was matted in sweaty strands to the girl's face, her eyes were slightly glassy and her left arm was trembling as it rested on her legs. She took the blonde's hand into hers, squeezing it lightly and smiled softly, "You're fine, Spence, you'll feel much better once those pills start working and you've eaten something. Come on, I made dinner."
Despite the headache and cobwebs in her brain, Spencer knew better than to believe Ashley, "You made dinner?"
The brunette grinned and shrugged, standing up and pulling Spencer with her, "Okay, so I ordered dinner. It's the thought that counts."
Spencer grinned back, letting Ashley lead her out of the room. There was something she was missing, she knew, but whatever it was swam just under the surface, like she could almost reach it. Everything just felt hazy. They stepped onto a walkway that was part of a giant atrium and Spencer saw several closed off doors to the sides. The carpeting felt incredibly soft under her bare feet as they descended the staircase and Spencer noticed how much bigger the place was than she'd originally thought. There were picture frames on the wall they walked past - pictures of her, Ashley, her family. Spencer stopped.
Ashley turned to look at the blonde with a frown. Spencer stood beneath a framed picture of Clay, smiling brightly at the camera. "Hey, you okay?"
She felt such a deep sense of loss, she wasn't sure if she was okay at all. Seeing her brother's happy face, Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat, eyes lingering on the picture, then turned back towards Ashley. The brunette tugged on her hand lightly, pulling her down into the foyer, but she was starting to get a little worried. Spencer was acting weird.
The house looked even bigger from this position, several different rooms leading off of the foyer, all of them bathed in bright light. Most of the rooms seemed to have huge windows or paneled doors, allowing for an amazing view of the water and snow-covered landscape outside. Spencer squinted in the light, stabbing pains plaguing her skull.
"Oh crap, I'm sorry Spence," Ashley said softly and with the push of a button curtains closed over the windows and doors, blanketing the room they entered in near darkness. A soft light came from a large fishtank standing against one wall and Spencer let herself be gently pushed into the soft cushions of a large sofa. "I'll get you some food, okay? Just sit still."
The blonde leaned her head back against the headrest with a sigh, wishing she didn't feel so weird. Something was going on that she couldn't put her finger on, something she should know but that was elusive to her confounded mind. Spencer reached for the remote control next to her and switched on the giant TV sitting on an entertainment center across from the sofa. The picture flickered and came to life, throwing eerie shadows across the dark walls.
"...back to Shannon in the studio. Shannon...Thanks, Brad. That wraps up our coverage of the 3rd day of the 22nd Olympic Winter Games. What a day it's been indeed. Tune in tomorrow for the 4th day of the 2014 Sochi Winter Games, I'm Shannon Lopez, have a good night..."
"You're not seriously watching that, are you?" Ashley said, suddenly appearing next to her, a distasteful look on her face.
Spencer shrugged and hit the mute button, as Ashley handed her a plate. Reaching out with her right arm this time, the blonde grabbed the plate firmly, almost sighing in relief when she didn't find herself shaking or something equally disturbing. Ashley sat next to her, wearing an expression Spencer couldn't quite make out. The TV was throwing shadows across the brunette's face and Spencer felt flutters in her stomach, that had nothing to do with nausea this time. The only thing she was positively sure of at this point, was that she loved this girl with all her heart.
Setting the plate on her lap, she reached for Ashley's left hand, running her fingers across the brunette's palm. Suddenly she stopped, staring at the girl's hand.
"Ashley," Spencer rasped and the brunette turned her head to meet her eyes, "what's that?"
Ashley followed the blonde's line of sight, seeing their hands together in the dim light and frowned. The plain, silver ring glinted, changing color as the TV images flitted across it. Ashley met Spencer's eyes, wearing a shocked expression.
"Spencer?" she asked softly, feeling a lump in her throat.
"I...," Spencer started, bringing a hand to her forehead as the pounding increased. Ashley took the plate from her, setting it on the coffee table and scooted closer. Spencer rubbed her hand across her forehead, wishing the pain away and the haziness to leave her. That's when she felt it, the raised skin winding its way along her hairline, the hard bump under the skin of her forehead. She looked up at the brunette, eyes burning with tears.
Ashley reached out, grasping Spencer's shaking left hand in hers and brought it up to her face. Spencer watched the older girl as she brought her own left hand to entwine with Spencer's and sucked in a breath. The silver rings glittered next to each other, sparkling even in the dull light. She stared at Ashley who gave her a soft smile and squeezed her hand.
"I'm gonna call your mom, okay? Eat your food," Ashley said so softly Spencer barely heard her. The brunette cupped Spencer's cheek with her hand, looking at her with so much love it nearly broke her heart. Planting a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead, Ashley stood up and went to find the phone.
* * *
2007
The sliding door opened smoothly as she pulled it open, stepping into the cold, antiseptic smelling hospital room. Most of the small room was occupied with various machines, beeping, spitting out numbers, none of which made sense to her, of course. A plastic chair was set up to the left of the huge hospital bed that seemed to swallow its occupant whole.
Ashley entered the room nervously, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans and turned her head towards the person sitting in the chair. Paula Carlin was wearing maroon hospital scrubs, her hair in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes. She closed the book in her lap and looked at Ashley, surprising the brunette by not shooting daggers at her with her eyes.
"Ashley, how are you?" Paula inquired quietly, and sat up straighter in her chair. Her back ached, her eyes were blurry, but she didn't much care. All she cared for was the girl lying silently in the hospital bed.
"Uh...I'm alright, Mrs. C. How is Spencer doing? Any change?" Ashley asked, stepping closer to the bed. Spencer looked as if she was sleeping, blankets drawn up to nearly her chin, various tubes poking out from under the covers. Her forehead and temple were covered in thin gauze pads and tape, blue and purple bruises covering the right side of her face. A plastic tube ran from behind her ears into both nostrils, supplying her with extra oxygen.
Paula rubbed her eyes tiredly and stretched a little, eyes never leaving her daughter in the hospital bed, "Still the same, no change. The swelling has finally gone down though, she could wake up at any time. She's through the worst of it, but we don't know what'll happen. She might be different, Ashley. Or have epilepsy."
Ashley met the woman's eyes, unwavering, "I know, Mrs. C. We'll just have to get her through it."
Nodding, the blonde woman watched the two girls, one silent and unconscious, the other silent, yet seemingly willing her daughter awake. After a few moments Ashley turned to her, sounding defeated, "Well, I didn't know you'd be here, so...I guess I'll go home."
The girl made a move towards the door, but Paula stopped her with a hand on the arm. Rising slowly out of the chair, she sighed and handed the book she'd been holding to the brunette, "My shift starts in a few, I just wanted to sit with her a bit. Here, I've been reading to her, it's one of her favorites. Take care of her, Ashley."
Ashley blinked, not sure whether she was hallucinating now, but nodded nonetheless. Paula leaned down and kissed Spencer's forehead gently, giving Ashley a weak smile before she went out the door. The brunette girl sat in the chair and pulled it closer, reaching for her girlfriend's hand on the bed. Although Spencer had come out of the surgery alive, she had yet to wake up, nearly 48 hours later.
Ashley sighed, squeezing the blonde's hand and leaned back in the chair. She looked at the book and quirked an eyebrow at the title, "Harry Potter...Spencer, really? I never would've thought. Hey, if you wake up, maybe I'll dress up as a wizard, just for you."
Grimacing at the mere idea, Ashley watched Spencer for any signs of life other than the rhythmic fall and rise of her chest. Nothing. Sighing, she opened the page to the one Paula had marked and began reading,
"When Dobby had worked for the Malfoys, he had worn the same filthy old pillowcase. Now, however, he was wearing the strangest assortment of garments Harry had ever seen; he had done an even worse job of dressing himself than the wizards at the World Cup. He was wearing a tea cozy for a hat, on which he had pinned a number of bright badges; a tie patterned with horseshoes over a bare chest, a pair of what looked like children's soccer shorts and odd socks. One of these, Harry saw, was the black one he had removed from his own foot and tricked Mr. Malfoy into giving Dobby, thereby setting Dobby free. The other was covered in pink and orange stripes..."
Unable to help the small grin gracing her lips, Ashley shook her head. Maybe it had potential, but she still thought Spencer was a dork. Her dork, but nevertheless. About to continue, Ashley suddenly noticed Spencer stirring, a movement that was an unconscious twitch or trembling, but actual movement. It wasn't much, really, the blonde's fingers curling slightly inwards, her leg shaking imperceptibly, her eyelids fluttering.
"Spencer? Open your eyes, baby. I know you can do it...come on, Spence," Ashley pleaded, closing the book and standing up to grasp the blonde's hand again.
Spencer groaned and tried to turn her head, grimacing at the obvious pain she was probably in. Her fingers clamped around Ashley's and the brunette felt her heart beat faster. The blonde sucked in a breath, coughing slightly, and grimaced again, trying to lift her hand towards her head. One hand was being held tightly by Ashley and the other was so heavy she could hardly lift it at all. Slowly, agonizingly, Spencer opened her eyes.
"Mom?" she whispered, blinking to clear her blurry vision, trying to force down the nausea, "Mom?" Her voice cracked slightly and she felt tears pooling in her eyes. The pain in her head was so intense it was blinding; white hot pain lanced through her skull and Spencer tried to take a deep breath. The nausea just got more intense.
"Spence, it's me, Ashley. I'm right here." The voice came from her left and Spencer knew that it was familiar, but it took several seconds for the recognition to sink in. She turned her head, it was so incredibly heavy, and blinked at the blurry shape standing next to her.
"Ashley," she rasped, not sure when the room had started spinning, or when the bed had started moving, up and down, up and down. But despite the haziness, the blinding pain, the nausea, she held one thought clearly in her head: Ashley and Aiden.
"No," Ashley said, forcefully almost, feeling a lump in her throat, "No. Ashley and Spencer. I love you, Spencer, not Aiden."
Spencer frowned, not remembering whether she had said that aloud or not. She shifted slightly in the bed, noticing how the entire left side of her body felt incredibly weak. Pulling her hand away from the warm one wrapped around hers, she tried to lift it, but it was trembling so badly she could hardly get it up more than a few inches. Drawing it across her stomach, Spencer gritted her teeth, closing her eyes against the pain and the tears.
"Spencer," Ashley said softly, feeling her own tears leaking out of her eyes. She hated seeing the blonde in so much pain and so closed off from her. Then again, it was really her own fault. Biting her lip, Ashley reached out and brushed the tears away from Spencer's eyes, careful not to get too close to the bandaged incision running along the blonde's hairline, from the middle of her forehead down to her right ear. "Spence, I love you so much. I was so afraid; when I thought you were going to die, I felt like I was dying, too. I've never felt like this about anyone, it's not even a question. It's always been you, Spencer, and it always will be."
The blonde didn't respond, eyes still closed with tears leaking out, a choked sob escaping her lips. Her left hand trembled as it laid across her stomach and Ashley squeezed it lightly, "I'm gonna go call a nurse, okay?"
Spencer probably couldn't have responded if she wanted to. Her arm was trembling, her head felt like it was being crushed to pieces, her stomach protesting violently and her heart, her heart wasn't sure what to think. Ashley sounded so sincere, so sad, so desperate, but the fog blanketing Spencer's mind left her confused and unable to think. The pain was too intense, gripping at her with iron claws that tore her flesh apart. Spencer gripped the blanket under her right hand tightly and whimpered. She could feel her stomach in her throat already.
Seconds later warm hands were on her and she managed to open her eyes, seeing the nurse standing above her with a concerned look. Spencer's vision swam and despite the feeling in her throat she managed to squeeze out two words, "I'm gonna..." The nurse had had enough foresight, seeing the sickly pallor and beads of sweat on her patient's face, to slightly prop the girl up and push a kidney dish in front of her, before Spencer threw up.
Ashley walked back into the doorway, having alerted the nurses and asked them to page Dr Carlin, when she saw Spencer hunched over as far as possible in her condition, throwing up relentlessly, sobbing, quivering, a nurse standing next to her holding her up. Ashley swallowed, her heart breaking at the sight, but unsure whether the blonde even wanted her there. Suddenly Spencer looked up, glassy eyes unfocused as she stared at Ashley and reached out a trembling hand.
She didn't need to be asked twice; Ashley was next to the shaking, crying, miserable girl in a split second. She rested one hand on the blonde's back, rubbing soothing circles, while she wrapped the other around Spencer's chest, holding her up as she trembled. It was this position that Paula found them in, just a few minutes later.
* * *
2014
"You barely ate any of your food," Ashley said quietly, sitting down on the sofa again.
"Wasn't hungry," Spencer shrugged, arms crossed in front of her chest as she leaned back against the cushions.
Ashley looked away for a few seconds, watching the images flicker across the TV, before turning to the blonde with a weak smile, "Hey, so, I spoke to your mom. What do you think about us going down sooner than we planned? We can go tomorrow, if you'd like."
Spencer stared straight ahead, thoughts still jumbled in her head, "That's fine."
Sighing, the brunette looked down before raising her eyes to meet Spencer's. Ashley rested her head in her hand, propped up against the back of the sofa and just watched the blonde. Spencer had been acting weird lately and Ashley knew it was largely due to the aftereffects of her injury, but it was starting to worry her. Over the years, Spencer had learned to cope and get around whatever difficulties she still had, and 90% of the time she was completely fine. Ashley knew the blonde didn't handle stress very well, another reason she was hoping they could go to LA early to see the Carlins – Ashley would suffer through the extra days of staying with her in-laws, as long as it made Spencer happy.
Spencer glanced at Ashley through hooded eyes, watching the emotions cross the girl's face. She wasn't sure why she felt so off today, not at all like her usual self, even though the headache had dulled immensely. But looking at the brunette, sitting next to her, eyes downcast, Spencer couldn't help but notice the sad look on Ashley's face. The older girl was worried, she knew, and she wasn't making it any better by being moody. It was just so hard when your own brain was trying to betray you.
Reaching over, Spencer grasped Ashley's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and giving the other girl a soft smile. The way Ashley's eyes lit up made the blonde's heart burst with love. It was strange how that still happened after nearly ten years. Crazy, that's what they were.
"Don't you have a meeting to go to?" Spencer asked, feeling like she was slowly making her way through the fog. It didn't feel like she was out of it, it just felt like everything was off somehow.
Ashley frowned, playing with Spencer's fingers in her lap, "I can cancel, they don't need me there anyways."
Spencer raised an eyebrow at her and shook her head, "How did you get that out without hurting that big ego of yours?"
Pouting, the brunette smacked Spencer in the arm lightly, before turning serious again, "Seriously, Spence, I don't want you here alone, not when you're feeling crappy and all."
Laughing lightly, the blonde scooted closer, draping Ashley's arm around her shoulders before snuggling close, "I'm fine, Ash. What could even happen to me here? We've got more security than the White House and plus, Esmeralda's still here, she'll make sure I don't die while you're gone or anything."
Ashley frowned, pulling the other girl closer, "That's not funny, Spencer." They sat silently for a few moments, Ashley hoping Spencer would change her mind, but to no avail. Sighing, she leaned back, "Fine, I'll go, but I'll tell them I only have an hour. Eat something while I'm gone, okay? I love you."
Leaning down, one hand cupping the blonde's cheek, Ashley kissed Spencer softly, lips lingering for several seconds before she pulled away and stood up. Spencer watched her with a smile, sauntering out of the living room and turned to shout after her, "Love you, too!" The brunette turned and winked at her, then a few short moments later Spencer heard the front door slam. She sat in silence for several minutes, watching the TV on 'Mute', when she heard a voice to her right and looked up.
"Spencer, how are you feeling? Ashley let me know you had another episode and to make sure you ate."
Spencer frowned, sometimes wishing Ashley were a little less overprotective, but she nevertheless smiled at the older woman standing next to her, "Really, I'm fine, Esmeralda. Ashley just likes to exaggerate, you know how she gets."
The housekeeper smiled at the girl on the sofa, shaking her head softly. She'd been their housekeeper now for almost 2 years, living in the in-law suite that came with the giant house. According to Ashley, the only reason they had hired a housekeeper had been because Spencer got frustrated with the brunette's messiness and inability to cook anything half-way edible, but Esmeralda had learned better over the years. She wasn't exactly old and wise, but a woman in her mid-40s she definitely had some years experience on the girls. She had learned quickly that when it came to Spencer, Ashley meant business. No one messed with the blonde, unless they wanted Ashley to come after them. Esmeralda still pretended to believe Ashley's love for disorder had given her the job, when she'd known almost from the beginning that it was because Ashley just couldn't be bothered with something so trivial when she was trying to take care of Spencer.
"She just loves you, hun, a lot. She worries."
Spencer sighed, smiling at the dark-haired woman, "I know." She blew out a breath, sounding frustrated, "This is just a bad time, I don't know. I hadn't had any problems on the new meds for five months and all of a sudden...you know. Maybe it's the stress, it's driving me nuts Ashley won't really let me in on it, just keeps telling me everything's fine. Why can't I help her, too?"
Esmeralda stood next to the girl, brushing a hand across the top of her head, "Oh honey, she's just trying to protect you. Talk to her. You guys just need some time to relax and everything will be fine again."
Nodding, Spencer smiled softly, thinking about their upcoming trip, "We're actually going to my parents' tomorrow, Ash suggested going early. I haven't seen them in a few months, it should be fun. Other than, you know, Ashley and my mother living under the same roof for four days."
Chuckling at the blonde's wry expression, Esmeralda said, "A sight to behold, I'm sure. Now, do you want me to make you something new or are you going to eat what Ashley brought you?"
Spencer glanced at the plate still sitting on the table in front of her, picking it up with a sigh. She really wasn't all that hungry, but she'd do it just to make Ashley stop worrying. Taking a bite, she looked at Esmeralda to make sure the woman saw she really was eating and turned back to the TV with a grin. Ashley really was unbelievable.
* * *
Someone was furiously tapping a pen on a pad of paper, someone else blowing out their breath every few seconds. Ashley looked from person to person with an exasperated expression and stood up. It was one thing to call a meeting, but another entirely to call a meeting and then not show up. She was going to kill Josh. She grabbed her keys from the table, ignoring the looks some of the others were throwing her and walked towards the door.
"Sorry I'm late guys, something came up." The tall, well-dressed man that entered the room nearly bowled Ashley over and gave her a weird look. "Ashley, you just get here?"
She huffed and crossed her arms, "No Josh, we've all been here for the past hour waiting for YOU!"
He grinned at her, his teeth almost too white, and walked to the head of the table, leaving the brunette girl no choice but to return to it as well. Not sitting down this time, she stood behind the chair, arms still crossed. Josh set a folder on the table, digging through some papers, until Ashley slammed her palms onto the table.
"Seriously Josh, I can't be here all night!"
A skinny guy with messy dark hair to her right nearly jumped out of his chair, but everyone around the table seemed to agree with her sentiment. Ashley was probably the loudest and, sometimes, angriest of their group, but none of them wanted to spend more of their off-time sitting around in a conference room.
Josh chuckled, brushing his fingers across his frosted hair, and threw her a look, "Well, Ashley, just because you can't go without sex for one night, doesn't mean the rest of us just wanna blow off our jobs."
Ashley balled her fists and threw him a look that could kill, "Don't even fuck with me tonight, Josh."
He looked at her, frowning at the intensity on her face and sighed, "Alright, Ash, I'm sorry, but I just want these new studio schedules approved. Now if we can all agree on the dates, we'll be out of here in no time."
The three other guys and one girl around the table nodded in relief, each grabbing for their schedule to get this over with. Ashley, still glaring at Josh, pulled her paper over and gave it a cursory glance, before signing. Josh sighed, knowing she hadn't really read through it, but he wasn't in the mood to fight with his biggest star. He'd managed several bands over the years, but Pandora's Box was the only one to hit it big. Josh knew it was in large part due to Ashley Davies, whose infectious attitude and good looks were very marketable. While the other band members took longer to look over the schedules, Josh turned to Ashley before she could leave.
"Hey Ash, People wants to do a spread and interview, when do you want me to set it up?"
The brunette girl looked at him and shrugged, "I don't care, whenever, but I won't be here for the next four days. No one better disturb me while I'm in LA, either. Oh and Josh?"
The brown-haired man looked at her tiredly, running a hand through his hair. This girl was going to be the death of him, "Yes, Ashley?"
"I thought I'd set up conditions for these interviews," she started, watching as Josh nodded warily, "then why did the chick from OK! last week start asking me about Spencer? I thought I'd made it clear what the taboo topics are?"
Josh groaned inwardly, wishing those damn reporters didn't try to subvert whatever instructions he gave them. It was somewhat of an open secret in the entertainment industry that Ashley Davies, though openly gay, refused to answer questions pertaining to her home life and partner. This was just going to make it harder to get the brunette to agree to more interviews. "Alright, I'm sorry, but you know whoever gets you to talk about Spencer will make some big bucks."
Ashley scoffed, glancing at the vibrating phone in her hand, before looking at Josh again, "Whatever, Josh, just make sure it doesn't happen again." Without another glance at him, she slipped out the door and answered her ringing phone. She frowned as she heard the voice on the other end.
"Leon, what's going on?" Ashley stopped in the hallway of the office building Josh worked out of, leaning against a wall. She hoped he had good news, but knew it was unlikely.
"Hey Ash, sorry to be calling so late, but we received another one," the deep voice came across the phone and Ashley leaned her head back against the wall.
"Shit, the same guy?"
"Yeah, we think so, but we're having it analyzed as well. We want everything to be official."
Ashley sighed, trying to clear the jumbled thoughts out of her head, "Where'd he send it to?"
"The PO box; we're still confident none of the private information has been breeched," the man responded.
"Okay," she said and nodded, not that he could see her, "I appreciate the call, Leon, keep me updated, alright?"
Shuffling of paper could be heard in the background, along with another voice, before Leon spoke again, "Ash, there's something else. This one was about Spencer."
Ashley felt as if she'd been punched in the gut, ending the call without saying goodbye. She leaned heavily against the wall, rubbing a hand across her forehead. The brunette didn't move for several minutes, needing to get her bearings before she went back home.
* * *
2007
The sun was bright, the air warm and she half expected there to be birds singing, just to sour her mood. It really was a beautiful day and most of the students streaming into King High for their first day back seemed to genuinely enjoy it. They were meeting up with old friends, talking about their summer, falling back into the routine.
Spencer stood just on the outskirts, not wanting to stay really, but not wanting to go any further. She watched them intently, their smiling faces so careless, even as they walked past the impromptu memorial that had been set up in front of the school. No one paid her much mind as she stood there, hesitantly. Spencer wished she hadn't insisted on going to school, she could've just stayed in bed like her mom wanted. Turning around, she realized Glen had already left and now she had no choice but to go inside.
Taking a deep breath she steeled herself against the potential onslaught of people. Before she could even take the first step, she felt someone's hand slip into hers and turned her head. Ashley gave her a soft smile, squeezing the blonde's hand lightly, "You ready?"
Spencer nodded, feeling a lot less panicky about going into the school with the brunette by her side. Together they walked up to the memorial and Spencer stopped in front of a picture of Clay. It had been over three months now since her brother died, but to the blonde the pain was as fresh as ever. In those first few days after she had woken up, she had been too medicated and out of it and her parents hadn't told her about Clay until a week after the shooting. She hadn't taken it well.
Ashley watched the emotions flicker across the blonde's face and squeezed her hand tighter. It had been a rough three months for the Carlins, and Ashley had been there most of the way. Spencer's physical injuries had all healed fairly quickly, the only reminders of the shooting the long scar running along her scalp, the hair already growing back, and the scars and bumps on the right of her forehead that were barely visible. She'd often found Spencer sitting in silence, teary-eyed, fingertips on the bullet shaped scar tissue that covered the titanium screws and plate in her head. However, most noticeable had been the behavioral changes in the blonde and that was what worried Ashley the most.
The doctors, including Paula, had reiterated numerous times that it would take some time for the brain to heal and for other parts of it to take up functions that the damaged tissue had been controlling. According to Dr Rasgotra, Spencer's neurologist, the damage had not been as severe as they originally feared, and due to Spencer's age the doctors were hoping for a near full recovery. However, having spent a good amount of the past three months with Spencer, Ashley wasn't so sure the doctors knew what they were talking about.
Spencer had been moody, though that had been in part due to the large amounts of meds she was forced to take. More worrying, however, had been the blonde's complete apathy; there had been times when her family or Ashley practically had to force her to eat or drink, otherwise Spencer simply would not have cared enough to do it. This was what scared Ashley the most, her formerly bubbly and goal-driven girlfriend too apathetic to eat, let alone care about rehab or even schoolwork.
"You get a doctor's note for everything?" Ashley inquired, tugging lightly at the blonde's hand. She'd never cared about being late to class before, but she knew Spencer would, if she hadn't been injured.
Spencer rolled her eyes and padded her bag, letting Ashley pull her away from the memorial, "My mom wrote me a note, of course. Actually she wrote me eight; one for the nurse, one for the principal and one for every teacher I have this year. It was the only way she'd even let me go to school."
They wandered past the groups of students mingling in the quad, towards the lockers and drew some curious looks as they walked by. One look at Ashley, however, was enough to keep anyone away. As they walked farther into the school buildings, they noticed some changes had been made – mostly in the form of additional security guards and screens on all the windows. It made Ashley shudder, thinking about being back here and she forced the memories aside. When they arrived at the brunette's locker, she took Spencer's bag, stuffing it inside after pulling out three prescription bottles.
When Spencer had had her first seizure, Ashley had been there and it had scared the crap out of her. There probably had never been another time in her life that she thanked God for Paula's presence. Although they'd been told there was over a 50% chance Spencer would have epilepsy in the future, it had still taken them all by surprise and left them in shock. It had happened almost exactly three months after the shooting, just when Spencer seemed to be returning to her old self more often than not. Knowing the blonde still couldn't be trusted to do as she was supposed to, Ashley would gladly play pharmacist to make sure she took her anti-seizure meds on time. Not to mention, if someone had to get in trouble for carrying medication on them and not turning it into the nurse to be dispensed, it might as well be her.
Holding up the three bottles, she stored them in her bag and looked at Spencer, "I'm gonna come find you when you're supposed to take those. And I've got your Motrin, so if you're in pain, let me know. I'll be your dealer for the day."
Spencer rolled her eyes at the brunette's antics, but secretly appreciated the way Ashley was taking care of her. She couldn't explain it, really, but she just hadn't felt the same since the shooting. Things had become harder for her, she could no longer figure out simple solutions to problems and hardly felt like doing much of anything some days. She'd had residual weakness on the left side of her body, sometimes finding her hand shaking or too weak to hold a simple object. The seizures had been the last straw really and if it hadn't been for her family and Ashley, Spencer knew she wouldn't be here. Now she just worried she'd have a seizure at school and become the school freak.
Grabbing Ashley's hand again, they walked together to their homeroom. They'd almost made it to the door, when someone came up to them, stopping them in their tracks. Both girls looked up at the tall, dark-haired figure of Aiden standing before them and Ashley felt her heart stop. This was so the last thing they needed right now, though of course it had been naïve of her to think they could escape Aiden's presence while at school. She had spent three months trying to convince Spencer that Ashley only had eyes for her and had hardly had contact with the boy at all. He'd called a few times, all conversations of less than a minute, and she'd seen him at their house, visiting her sister. But this was the first time she had really seen him since the hospital, and, more importantly, since Spencer had seen him. Ashley wished she could just run away.
"Hey Ash...Hey Spencer, how are you doing?" Aiden asked, sounding reluctant and unsure of himself, not something that came naturally to him. Looking at the girls' joined hands and judging by the daggers Ashley was shooting at him, Aiden knew he had lost and he'd pretty much spent the past three months dealing with that very fact. Now he was just trying to get his friends back, to return to what they all had before he had acted like a jackass.
Ashley was about to respond, throw whatever sarcastic and snide remark she could at the boy, but to her surprise, Spencer beat her to the punch, "I uh...I'm sorry, but...who are you?"
The sincerity with which that statement slipped from the blonde's lips made Ashley's eyes widen in surprise. Spencer had had no problems with amnesia, no memory loss at all after the shooting, and the only times she'd ever been confused and out of it had been after a seizure. Not sure what to make of Spencer's words, the brunette had been momentarily rendered speechless and, judging by the confused, shocked look on Aiden's face, he'd been similarly affected.
Spencer pulled Ashley inside of the classroom, leaving Aiden standing outside and when they both sat down in their respective seats she turned to the brunette with an apologetic look, "I'm sorry, but I just really didn't feel like dealing with him right now."
Ashley gaped at her girlfriend, shocked that the blonde would use her injury as an excuse to blow off Aiden, "Spencer Carlin, I think I've corrupted you."
The smile that Spencer threw at her nearly made her blush and she wasn't even sure why. Nevertheless, Ashley knew without a doubt, that come heaven or hell, she would love this girl for the rest of her life.
to be continued...
