As usual I don't own anything related to Xenogears nor Xenosaga. Here's an update.
Shion Caramia!
The same classical music plays in the background as the camera moves to Eris. She drinks two cups of whisky in hopes to forget her last show.
Eris: This is I, Eris and my last interview didn't go so well.
She drinks another cup.
Eris: Here I am to give an interview to a female hero of the Xenosaga Series. Shion is a character of unknown proportions, a smart and yet an oblivious character beyond her means. She is no stranger to pain and heartbreak and deeply cares for others. On this show, I will interview characters in hopes of what makes her tick.
The camera cuts to a scene in the Kukai Foundation...
Eris: Hello Allen...
Allen: Where do you come from?
Eris: I'm here to do an interview on Shion Uzuki. I'm Eris, host of Behind the Hero.
Allen: Ah I see, pleased to meet you Eris. How may I help you?
Eris: I just want to know about Shion. Now tell me, what do you think of her?
Allen: Oh, she's a beautiful person, but she ignores me often. If she does pay attention to me, she just punches me.
Eris: I see, so this is an unhealthy relationship?
Allen: I wish we were in a relationship to begin with. Look at her ass for Christ sakes!
Eris: Uh, yea whatever. I'll leave you alone with whatever you're doing...
Eris leaves the scene.
Allen: Sigh, no one likes to talk to me...
Allen goes to his bedroom with a porn magazine in hand. Meanwhile Eris stumbles into another character. She spots Gaignun smoking a pipe.
Gaignun: And who are you?
Eris: I am Eris, I am here to make a report on Shion Uzuki. I'm sure you know of her.
Gaignun: Shion...hm, is she the one with the blue hair?
Eris: Uh no that's KOS-MOS.
Gaignun: I see, there's so many females but I can't seem to remember most of their names.
Eris: Mind if I help?
Gaignun: No, no I got this one...Shion...glasses..
Eris: Yes that's her!
Gaignun: Ah the brown haired girl. How is she?
Eris: I'm the one doing the interview...
Gaignun: Right, you see...I never got to know this Shion.
Eris: I see, but you have seen her right?
Gaignun: If you say so. Hm, I'm going to be late for my meeting. I'm sorry, I must go.
Eris: mumbles You're no help...
Eris leaves the area and enters into the Elsa. She bumps into chaos.
Eris: Damn! Where did you come from? She rubs her head.
chaos: I should ask the same.
Eris: Hey! You know much about Shion. I have a question first.
chaos: Sure go ahead.
Eris: Are you really an embodiment of an extraterrestrial organism that emits energy waves, in hopes of bringing back a sentimental androgynous being back into the realm?
chaos: Not sure if I understand what you are saying but I can say this...He transmits his thoughts into her brain.
Eris: ....Not what I have in mind...
chaos: Exactly.
Silence ensues for 5 minutes.
Eris: Stop reading my thoughts.
chaos: Stop what?
Eris: Ugh, do me a favor...let me read your mind.
chaos: Are you sure?
Eris: Yes!
chaos: Don't say I didn't warn you...
Eris reads his thoughts and her face goes red...
chaos: What did you find?
Eris: Something that involves you, the FCC and I if I say anything...
chaos: Hm must be the sexual tensions...
Eris: Uh yea, about Shion...
chaos: Oh look at the time, I must go do maintenance in the engine room...
Eris: What about KOS-MOS?
chaos: She's an android, she has nothing! SHE'S NOT REAL!! JUST METAL!! UGH THE AGONY!!!!!!
chaos runs off and disappears.
Eris: I guess he saw something no man should see or feel...
She walks around a bit until she sees Shion. Shion is working on KOS-MOS as usual.
Eris: Hello Shion...
Shion: Allen, I told you a bunch of times not to bother me when I'm working on KOS-MOS!
Eris: Allen has a girly voice?
Shion: Huh? turns around Oh! I'm sorry..
Eris: It's ok. I'm more sorry of Allen and chaos
Shion: Is chaos alright?
Eris: I'm sure he'd be fine after the trauma. It was something about KOS- MOS being fake, but before he seemed to be doing fine. Well, he was being a pervert after I asked a question.
Shion: Oh, he just does that to throw us off at asking who he really is.
Eris: I see, anyways I was just strolling around looking for answers about you.
Shion: Oh really?
Eris: Yes. I'm doing a Behind the Hero exclusive on you.
Shion: I must be honored!
Eris: Yes, yes. I have a question. What do you think of Allen?
Shion: Who?
Eris: Allen! What do you think of him?
Shion: Oh, Allen! He's a nice person though. Don't understand why he acts weird all the time.
Eris: He told me that he likes you.
Shion: He did? When?
Eris: A while ago...
Shion: He likes me? Hum never thought that my crew would like me.
Eris: That is not what I meant.
Shion: I'm sure it is. I worked so hard and my crew realized my efforts. I am praised!
Eris: Shion, Allen loves you!
Shion: They all love me! Shions dances around the room singing.
Eris: ...
KOS-MOS gets up.
KOS-MOS: Shion, why are you not upgrading my internal drives?
Eris: I am afraid that Shion is daydreaming..
KOS-MOS: Daydreaming? What is daydreaming?
Eris: Just something humans do.
KOS-MOS: Do you have any business here?
Eris: Yes, I am doing an interview on Shion. Just wondering though...what did you do to chaos?
KOS-MOS: He wanted to see the real me, and I showed my mechanical fuctions. I am afraid he saw something and ran away screaming there is no god.
Eris: Mind if you show me?
KOS-MOS: It is your funeral.
KOS-MOS shows herself onto Eris. Eris finds something interesting.
KOS-MOS: Why haven't you run away?
Eris: It's just chips and wires. There's nothing wrong with it.
KOS-MOS: I see. Then why has chaos run away from me?
Eris: Well, he probably thought your 'ahem' anatomy were real but were nothing but metal and stuff resembling what one would see on ER.
KOS-MOS: I understand.
Eris: Yep, nothing to worry about.
Shion: KOS-MOS, what are you doing?
KOS-MOS: Shion I..
Shion: You're not supposed to be up yet. How many times should I tell you that you can't be activated with your body opened up!
Eris: I should go...
Shion keeps babbling while Eris leaves the room.
Eris: Whew...and I thought I never get away. Wait, what is this room?
????: Allow me to show you...
Eris: Who the heck are you?
????: I am what they call testament.
Blue Cloak: No you're not! Why are you such a liar boss?
Wilhelm: ...Do you have to ruin my plans?
Blue Cloak: Yes I do, I must be included in your plans!
Wilhelm presses a button. A hole opens and the Blue Cloak falls below.
Wilhelm: Go do some stuff whatever you testaments do.
Eris: Ooooookaaaaaaaay....
Wilhelm: I'm sorry for what has happened. Blue is not supposed to bring in people into my office...
Eris: Um right. What am I doing here?
Wilhelm: I was expecting someone else, but you'll do.
Eris: Riiight.
Wilhelm: I sense some sarcasm, mind if I ask why?
Eris: I was just doing an interview.
Wilhelm: I see, doing a report on one of my employees?
Eris: Yes, sir.
Wilhelm: Looks like you didn't get much out of it.
Eris: How do you know?
Wilhelm: I just do. Now forgive me for this incident I have cause and here's something for your troubles.
Wilhelm gives Eris some money of about 1,000.
Eris: Cool, money. Wait, I have a question!
Wilhelm: You have 30 seconds.
Eris: Well, how old are you? How do you become CEO of Vector? Where is the Zohar? I got a score to settle with it.
Wilhelm: That's 3 questions but okay, I'll answer.
Eris: Good.
Wilhelm: I don't reveal my personal information to anyone. I became head of Vector because I founded it. I do not wish to reveal the whereabouts of Zohar. Since you are on a quest to fight against it, how about if you become part of my group?
Eris: Uh no thanks.
Wilhelm: Well, that's your decision. I'll give you time to think about it, until then goodbye.
Eris: Eh?
Eris wakes up and is in the halls of the Elsa.
Eris: What the? Where am I?
KOS-MOS: She has regained consciousness.
Shion: Good, I was starting to worry about you. Are you all right?
Eris: Yes I'm fine. What just happened?
chaos: It seems you bumped your head. I'm sorry, you seem to catch me at the wrong time.
Shion: Yes that is what happened, what were you doing anyway?
Eris: I was doing an interview on you, Shion.
Shion: Hm yes that was before the accident. I'm sure chaos took great care of you. You were out for 2 days.
Eris: WHAT?
chaos: Yes, I took great care of you. chaos winks at Eris.
Eris: Huh?
Shion: Rest now Eris, you need to relax until you recover completely. C'mon KOS-MOS.
KOS-MOS: Affirmative.
Shion and KOS-MOS leaves the room.
Eris: Exactly what is going on here?
chaos: Well if you needed to know... He whispers into her ear.
Eris: O.O WHAT!?
chaos: Funny, you weren't like that in the engine room.
Eris: Was I drunk?
chaos: Too drunk. Well I must go now.
chaos leaves the room. Eris looks at the Cameraman...
Cameraman: What?
Eris: Whatever footage you have of whatever I did, burn it!
Cameraman: Would it be better if you just keep it? You have to know what happened.
Eris: Yeah whatever, another souvenir for me. First the severed Deus and now a video tape of a scandal in the engine room...
Cameraman: Relax, at least no one but us three know about it.
Eris: You're right. Once I recover, I will stay away from these people. They're insane!
Cameraman: What about Albedo?
Eris: Hm, he's insanity himself. I should do an interview of him.
Cameraman: What about the Zohar?
Eris: I'll get my revenge on it...I will get my revenge...
Cameraman: Ugh ok...so how was the coma?
Eris: Did I spoke with Wilhelm?
Cameraman: You never did.
Eris: I could've sworn I did...
Cameraman: Nope you were too busy and drunk getting knocked up.
Eris: ...
Eris throws a chair at the Cameraman killing him.
