Author's Note: Awww! Guys! Thank you for reading this story and thank you for all of the love. It feels really good to have to back up. Thank you!


"Is this some kind of joke?" Shizuo scoffed, shrouded in disbelief. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"Funny you should ask…" I tried not to provoke him. In fact, for the first time in my life I desperately hoped to avoid it. "I'm almost wondering the same thing…"

"What are you talking about, tick?"

Begging for help, I crossed my line of sight with Shinra's, doing my best to portray to him the validity of a doctor - even one who kept underground - explaining this type of situation. For I lacked both intestinal fortitude and the energy to do so on my own. However, I was forgetting that Shinra did not grasp the facts either. For the billionth time, I was surrounded by human life, yet left completely on my own.

"I'm sorry, Izaya," Shinra apologized. "I can't make excuses for you."

Looking Shizuo in the eye, it became mighty clear to me that I couldn't make excuses for myself either. Most certainly, it wasn't like I was accidentally trying to kill myself. I planned on it. My mistake for failing. So why should Shizuo, my enemy until the end, have been granted the satisfaction of hearing the truth? That I was a miserable human being who did not actually love, but rather envied humans for obtaining the bonds which I lacked… bonds that always seemed to escape me…

"What's going on here?" Shizuo growled, becoming impatient as the questions flitting about in his head went unanswered.

"It doesn't matter…" I broke our eye contact. "I'm not in the mood for you today, so just leave me alone."

"Well it'd be a lot easier to leave you alone if you weren't here," he shot.

Rolling my eyes, I let out an exasperated sigh. That moron was making this harder than it had to be.

"Now wait a second, Shizuo!" Shinra attempted to put himself between us. I swear, he needed to stop doing that every time we got into it, or he was going to end up where I should have been: dead.

"Fine…" I chose the easy route; the one that would get me out of the doctor's apartment the fastest. "Since you clearly have business here that cannot be conducted due to my presence, I'll leave."

"Izaya… You can't!" Shinra hurried to my bedside.

Plucking the IV from my arm, I faked a smile. "I'm fine."

"That's a load of crap. You can't go!"

"Of course he can," Shizuo leered. "The faster, the better."

"No, Shizuo. You don't understand."

"Heh," a small, sarcastic laugh popped out of me. "And he never will!"

"Izaya!" Shinra hissed, clearly becoming irritated by the (for once) non-violent spat between myself and the blond idiot.

Dragging myself out of the bed, I grabbed my clothes from the nearby chair where they sat, waiting for me. Draping my coat over my shoulders, I tucked my hands in my pockets to find my switchblade exactly where I had left it. A strong feeling of comfort washed over me, so strong that I barely noticed my knees as they began to tremble.

"Izaya, you're being reckless. You're in no shape to leave." Shinra tried to convince me to stay.

"Wouldn't be the first time," I muttered, taking a quick look at the 432 missed calls and messages left on my cell phone. Shit. "I can take care of myself."

"And that's what worries me!"

Time stopped as my attention honed in on those words. "Elaborate."

"Don't do this to yourself."

"It's my right to do what I please with this body, is it not?"

"Well… yes… but…"

"Just let the louse leave, Shinra," Shizuo said, burning holes through my skin with such intense eyes. "There's no point in holding him back. Besides, I'll just beat the shit outta him before he leaves 'Bukuro and then he'll have no choice but to come back."

"God damn it!" the doctor yelled suddenly, finally fed up with the tension filling the room. "Shizuo. Shut up! Izaya… Please… You've been asleep for the past five days. You're too weak, and even if you weren't, you're unstable."

"I have always been unstable. I'll be fine."

"Fine, or dead?"

"Dead would benefit us all," Shizuo gave his unwanted two cents.

I couldn't help my next response… because I agreed… With a heavy heart, I nodded. "I'll do my best…"

"That's right you - huh?"

"IZAYA!" Shinra squealed, though his voice felt miles away as the sudden change in Shizuo's attitude consumed my focus.

My head dropped, and I could finally see my knees visibly shake from below me. Lightheadedness took over next. I could barely hold myself up beneath the weight of my self-loathing. To actually agree with Shizuo… now that was telling me something.

"I'm sorry, Shin-"

"Give me your knife," the doctor demanded, holding out his hand.

"Eh?"

"If you're leaving, give me your knife."

I raised a brow. "Why would I go and do a thing like that?"

"Because I'm not going to let you leave without reducing the likelihood of you killing yourself."

Feeling cornered, I glanced back and forth between Shinra and Shizuo. Both of them had this peculiar look on their faces, like they were challenging me to walk out; however, where the doctor's eyes held concern, the brute's were shifting somewhere between malice and an untitled calm. The trembling in my knees spread. My legs felt like the consistency of boiled noodles. Limp. Lifeless. I fell against the closest wall for support.

"This isn't necessary," the doctor shook his head, seemingly afraid for what could happen next. "You won't make it home, let alone to the front door, by yourself."

"Izaya…" Shizuo's voice, saying my name, pierced through my soul. I had never heard him say it with such… such tranquility…

"What do you want?" I retaliated against any forming kindness, hoping to suppress it before it revealed itself.

After all those years of rivalry and pure loathing, the very last thing I wanted was Shizuo's kindness at the end of my life. What a horrifying way to die… knowing that all of those years would end like that… I was disgusted. All the while, a warmth began to spread throughout my chest.

"Is that why you're here?" Shizuo asked, genuinely curious. His wide eyes beneath shaggy hair almost reminded me of a loyal dog, caring for his master due to natural instinct; not because he had a say in the matter. Shizuo… loyal. To me. Grab your umbrellas, people. The sky is falling.

"Is what why I'm here?"

"You tried to…"

"Kill myself? Yeah."

He frowned. "Why?"

"Who cares? Just the idea of it should make you piss yourself in excitement." The taller man clenched his jaw, intensifying those loyal dog eyes. "Don't look at me like that," I scolded him.

"Tell me why, louse."

"Because…" I closed my eyes, trying my damnedest to fight off the dizziness, "Because…"

Closing my lids was not working. Actually, it was making it worse…

My stomach churned angrily within me. Still empty, there was nothing for it to prevent the painful pangs of starvation, which also resulted in another serious urge to vomit. So without warning I dropped with the same grace as a bird dying in flight. I just plummeted to the floor without warning, which, while it wasn't very far away, felt like a mile down to the end. Time slowed. My eyelids were heavy. And as I took my last breath before the blackout, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around me, making me feel… entirely weightless.


I feel emotional. Irrational. Unbreakable.

Impossible to please.

I feel my finger on the trigger with a sense of urgency.

I feel everything and nothing at the same time

Can a vagrant and a king commit the same crime?