(Hello, So I'm re-posting this chapter since I have edited it again. I'm hoping this does not confuse to many people, sorry if it does)
Re-posted: 7/11/2010
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Twilight and no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter2: The House
Staring out the window I was hoping my brother would forget about me sitting in the back seat. I wasn't so lucky, as he started speaking to me or I should say more like yelling at me.
"I don't know what you think you were up to but you are to stay away from those guys. They're no good and I don't want you getting involved in whatever they found themselves in. Do you understand me Willow?"
I honestly wondered if he thought I was going to answer him. Did he really think I was going to all of a sudden start talking because he asked me a question? To tell the truth my brother was the last person I wanted to talk to. From my earliest memories, my brother had always been a mystery to me. Deep down I always had this feeling that kept telling me it was best to stay clear of him. It was a feeling I knew came from somewhere in the darkness that concealed so many of my first years.
Closing my eyes I focused on shutting my brother out as he kept going on about how messed up those guys were. I would have probably made it all the way in to my word if he hadn't brought up the little girl who had sat down next to me.
"And that poor little girl, I think her name is Claire too young to even know what she has been pulled into. I can't even believe her parents are letting her spend so much time with that Quil guy. I've seen what he can do, that guy doesn't have any control over his emotions at all."
I almost couldn't believe those words had left my brother's mouth. Did he really think he was better than this Quil guy? Made me question if my brother even paid attention to the things he did or by this point had my mother convinced him that he wasn't responsible for his own actions. Knowing what I knew about my mother I was going with the second choice. Jon was her baby and she would do anything to keep him happy and safe. As I've said before I was the unwanted child, the child that changed everything.
Taking a long deep breath I pulled myself back from the dark memories. Now wasn't the time to go in to that part of my life. Then again there never really was a good time to go there. Sensing a change in the movement of the car I looked out my window once more to see that we had made it home finally. Not that it really was a long distance from the beach. Wasn't even sure why Jon made the decision to drive when we could have just walked. It wasn't like he had to walk with me I could have stayed a close distance behind him. No one would have guessed we were together.
I knew from the way he acted at the beach that's what he wanted. Shaking my head slowly I knew that wasn't the whole truth it was his actions throughout my whole life that told me he didn't want me around or anyone to know who I was to him. Bringing my eyes back to the front of the car I watched as my brother turned the car off and opened the door. Biting at my lip I waited until he had opened the front door of the house before I even moved to get out.
Gradually I moved my left hand over to grab my bag that I had taken with me to the beach. Feeling nothing there I snapped my head down to find the seat and floor next to me empty. Shaking my head I realized I had left the bag at the beach. This wasn't going to make my brother or my mother very happy. Then again when had I ever made them happy.
Looking back up towards the house to check at see if Jon was waiting for me, I figured I could make it inside and up to my room without him knowing what I had done. Not seeing him, I grabbed for the handle, opened the door and stepped out of the car. Afterwards I shut the door gently so that it wouldn't draw my brother's attention back outside.
Feeling my heart rate increase as I made my way up to the front door. The only thing that keep running through my mind was; "Don't let him be standing just on the other side of that door." Cautiously I opened the door just a bit to let my head poke inside. Not seeing Jon in the living room, I pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped inside.
When I came back I was shocked to find it exactly as my four year old mind had remembered it to. Though it wasn't flashy, it was still a big difference compared to what I used to live in. Walking in, I saw color to the walls instead of white. A couch in the middle of the living room with a, what was it, a television. I hadn't been allowed to watch one while I was away. Even now I wondered if I would be allowed to.
In one corner was a bookshelf lined with books, some had gathered a bit of dust but hardly noticeable. Mom had a coffee table in front of the couch and a rocking chair in the far corner. The kitchen looked a little spacious, two side by side sinks, a refrigerator, stove and plenty of counter space. In the dining room we had a circular table and two more shelves in each corner. Between the kitchen and the dining room was our back door the lead to the yard.
Mom's bedroom I stayed out of. I imagined it to be fairly large as well. Even as a small child I never went in there. She never seemed to be very motherly to me like she was Jon. Then again who could be motherly towards a child who took everything away from you. Biting my lip I held back the memories of my past. It seemed in this house it was way too easy to bring back everything I had suppressed so far. I didn't think anything could cause them to come out.
Without waiting another second I took off up the stairs. Moving swiftly up the stairs, I made sure to listen for any sign that my brother was coming to get me. As small as I was I known it wouldn't take much for him to over take me. Not sensing any movement towards the stairs I keep right on going until I reached the top. Only coming to a stop when I reached the door to my room. There wasn't much on the second floor besides my room, which was right next to the stairs. Next to my room was a bathroom and across the hall was my brother's room. Opening the door I thought about how my room wasn't very striking. Of course it was certainly more than my padded room. As simple as it was, I did miss it to an extent.
Closing my eyes, I thought back to the first time I had been brought in here after coming back. Looked around that day I didn't recognize any of the furniture arranged neatly. I had hope that it would still be the same as I remembered, yet at the same time I knew too much had changed in the eight years I was gone.
To my right was my dresser, it must have already been there or mom picked it up from a different family. The edges had been rubbed down and it was scuffed up a little. The hardwood floors had been scratched too it looked like from pushing the dresser and bed into place. What I would have imagined to be, what was the word? It wasn't coming to me which caused a bit of frustration. New wasn't the word I wanted to describe but the vibrancy of the wood was no longer seen, instead it had darkened a lot. Not black but certainly not a pine color at all.
Looking towards my closet which was bigger than I needed, filling that wasn't something I was putting on my to do list. So to help matters I spaced out the little amount of clothes I had along the rail and some in the dresser despite my efforts, it still looked big. I had a few other things in my room, like a set of shelves, not that I had a whole lot to put on them, I had a full length mirror too, speckled with what looked to be black paint but it did its job seeing that I wasn't one to use mirrors much. I still couldn't recall the last time I really looked at myself in one.
Stepping inside the room I closed the door behind me as I leaned my head against it. I wanted to make sure I really was being left alone before I moved away from the door. Glancing towards the mirror for some reason I was being drawn to it. Without hesitation I made my way over to the full length mirror.
Coming to a halt right in front of my mirror, I finally let myself see what I looked like. Picturing how I looked had grown difficult as the names of colors faded from my memory. I started at the top, looking at my hair I brought my hand up and pulled my hair down from the bun I had placed it in this morning. It looked soft so I reached up and touched it, running my fingertips through it. What was this color? What had they called it before. Ebony? Letting my fingers reach the end of my hair, which was longer until my mother cut it after I got here.
Slowly I moved my hand over my face with my fingertips, tracing my jaw and then my cheek bones. My skin had looked white, no, not white, pale was the word. It lacked the darkened tint my brother and mother shared. My eyes I remembered, Hazel. They weren't as bright as I imagined they would be. I knew it was a reflection on how I'd lived my life all these years.
Bringing my hand down, I took a hold of my shirt and pulled it up over my head. Tossing it in to the hamper before looking back in to the mirror to take a look at my body. I always knew I was skinny, not eating much does that to a person. As for my height I had to say I was pretty short for my age. If I had to guess I was about 4"7, give or take an inch.
Glancing down at my arms I cringed as I took a closer look at the needle marks that went up and down both arms. It seemed the nurses and doctor found it easier to deal with me in an unconscious state then awake. I couldn't help it when a person skin came into contact with mine it felt like I was being burned, still does. Who in this world wouldn't scream or yell out at the feeling of being burned?
Unable to look at myself for much longer, I turned from the mirror as I closed my eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, I was able to calm down a little but I didn't turn back to the mirror. Seeing what I was now only reminded me of where my mind would go if I continued to look. Unwillingly traveling back into my past to my untold story, bringing back the memories of what the past did to me to, how it had made me the way I am. I wanted nothing more than to keep it locked away.
Squeezing my hands in to fist at my sides I started to shake as anxiety slowly took over my body. Without even thinking about it, I moved swiftly towards my bed where I grabbed my pillow and blanket before heading over to the corner. Dropping it to the floor, I soon followed it as I fell down on to my knees. Curling up in a ball I pushed myself back as far as I could into the corner. Closing my eyes I tried to make myself relax as the darkness over took my mind.
My eyes shot open causing my breathing speed up at the sound of someone screaming from downstairs. Not sure how long I had been lying there, I took a quick glance out the window to find it was now dark out. Hearing voices again I knew my mother was home, which made me push myself back in to the corner even more.
Hoping she would just forget about me for one night. It had been the same thing every night since I came back. My brother would forget to feed me and she would drag me downstairs to eat whatever was leftover from what my brother had fixed. Closing my eyes I pleaded with her to just stay downstairs for once.
Hearing a loud bang as my bedroom door slammed in to the wall behind it. Without even opening my eyes I knew she was standing there waiting for me to get up. I could see the anger building up in her eyes. Feeling my body start to shake I pushed myself onto my knees as she started in on me.
"Willow when are you going to learn you have to eat. You can't just hideaway in this room all day. It's not good for you and I don't care if this is what you're use to. I need you to stay healthy, don't want those stupid people from the state saying I can't take care of you. Then where will I be, all of this will be gone thanks to you. Now move it young lady before I really get mad."
Taking off down the stairs I just let her continue going on about how hard it was for her to have me back. It wasn't like I asked to come back here. This was someone else's idea and yet here I was getting blamed for it every day since it happened. Without one word I sat down at the table and took a bite of whatever was on the plate in front on me.
Food didn't mean the same to me like it did most people. I couldn't seem to taste it so what was the point in trying to enjoy it. So I never really caring about what I was given to eat. The only thing I saw food being good for was to keep me alive. Then again I never really seem to eat enough to keep myself going. I didn't see the point in making myself stronger. My life wasn't going anywhere but down.
While taking another bite I keep my eyes on my mother as she paced back and forth in front of me. Every so often she would stop and glare at me.
"Would you eat faster!" she snapped at me all of a sudden.
I didn't know what to think or do, she had never done that before and yet she didn't stop there.
"You know what you little brat, some of us have to get up early and go to work. We can't all be lazy like you. Lying around all day in that stupid corner you seem to like so much. Would you please stop dilly dallying and eat your damn food, Willow."
Fear spread throughout my body with each word she spoke. I had no idea what she might do next. All I could think was; "Please don't touch me," over and over again. Taking a few quick bites, hoping that would make her happy but it seemed there was nothing that was going to change her mood.
Setting my fork down as I chewed my next bite, I started watching her begin to pace once more. I figured she had to be tired after working all day, then having to come home to a house that looked like a pigsty. At least that's what she had said the house looked like to me too many times to count. I didn't really see a problem with how the placed looked. Then again I mostly stayed in my room, hiding away in my corner.
Lost in thought I hadn't realized that my mother had stopped pacing and was once more staring at me. Tilting my head up I gazed into her eyes only to find them even more irritated. Leaning back in to my chair I waited for her to unleash her wrath on me. Without warning, she kicked the chair in front of her and started yelling at me again.
"I've had it with you Willow! I didn't ask for you to come home and I'd send you back if it didn't mean I'd lose this place. Stupid reservation and their stupid rules. I'm tired of wasting my time on you. If you don't want to eat then fine don't eat but remember whose fault it is when they put you back in the cold white room alone."
My eyes widen with each word she said, in the end I didn't think they could have gotten much bigger without popping out. Biting my lip I sat frozen in place until she turned away from me and walked out of the dining room. I knew time was passing as I watched the entry way for my mother or Jon to come in but no one did.
Not wanting to sit there all night I stood, picked up my plate and made my way over to the trash can. I lifted the lid up and dumping what food was left on my plate in to the trash. Taking a deep breath I placed the plate in to the sink before walking out of the kitchen.
Proceeding through the living room and up the stairs, I made it to my room in no time. Shutting the door behind me I leaned myself up against it for a few minutes before crawling back in to my corner. After closing my eyes I still wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go back to sleep.
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