**author note - would love some reviews and comments! If you haven't seen coffee prince, look it up right now. Gong Yoo is a force of nature. Gong Yoo is Han Kyul
CHAPTER 2 - REMEMBERANCE OF THINGS PAST
Ha Jin felt herself being yanked back from the traffic intersection. A man's arms wrapped around her waist and scooped her back to the curb. She lost her breath for a moment. It couldn't be.
Glancing up, she recognized the man, but it was a vague recollection. He was tall, broad shouldered. His eyes were expressive and concerned. He was familiar but she did not know him. She spluttered at the contact.
"Go Ha Jin!" The man was saying to her. She shook herself off and pushed against him.
"How do you know my name?" She straighten up, gripping her bag to her chest, and he removed his arm and bowed slightly.
"Go Ha Jin," he half-smiled at her, "you were my patient for a year at Choi General Hospital. Are you alright? You walked almost straight into traffic."
"Thank you." She tilted her head and tried to remember if it was the same doctor who discharged her. "You are...?"
"Choi Han-Kyul." He extended his hand and shook hers. "It's good to see you out and about. I'm guessing the recovery is going well?"
"Yeh." Ha Jin nodded. She wanted to go home. She didn't really want to talk about coma with anyone.
"I've been meaning to reach out to you."
Ha Jin finally made eye contact with him. She noticed that a few of the passing women were looking at her enviously. She supposed that Choi Han-Kyul was handsome and tall, but Ha Jin wasn't really into handsome men, always too much trouble than they were worth.
"Since we discharged you, I've been reviewing your brain wave activities during your coma and it's one of the most interesting cases I've ever seen." His gaze was warm, but intense. Ha Jin felt a little scrutinized and shift her weight around.
"Would you have a coffee with me?" Han Kyul was asking.
"I-I-don't think I can." Ha Jin stammered. She couldn't quite explain her past memories to anyone who would understand and not put her in the looney bin. Suddenly, she grew afraid. What if this doctor started asking her too many questions? How would she able to stay abreast of the lie and not talk about ancient Goryeo. She was not a skilled liar and Han Kyul looked like a worthy advesary.
"I just want to put this whole thing behind me. I'm sure you understand Dr. Choi." Ha Jin bowed and started speed walking away.
She heard him say her name one more time in confusion. That was fine. Her behavior would be confusing to anyone. After all, he was just a doctor checking up on his patient and she treated him like he was a loan shark after her money.
Ha Jin arrived back at home, showed her mother the new dress she bought, and immediately sat down in the living room to start reading Gwangjong's Legacy Parts I - Part IV again. She just got to the part where Gwangjong's son and wife revolted against him. That Yeon Hwa, Ha JIn thought. She would never stop. She supposed that was something admirable about Yeon Hwa was that she knew what she wanted and she would never stop until she got it. Ha Jin tried to read about Jung's family line, but there was no mention of a daughter. Only sons. She felt coldness in her chest, would there ever be anyway to know what happened to be Byoel? A few tears dropped onto the page and blurred the characters and Ha Jin sighed in exhaustion. She should really stop reading so much, it wasn't helping her at all.
Her mother bid her goodnight and Ha Jin kept reading until her eyes were heavy. When she finally trudged up to her bedroom, it was nearly three o'clock in the morning.
That night, Ha Jin finally fell into a dreamless sleep. When she woke up the next morning, the world felt a little less strange. She wondered if she finally started adapting. Maybe her brain was finally reconciled with all the Goryeo stuff now. She hoped so, or the sadness of losing her true love and her baby would never lift, and she would be incarcerated in her grief forever. Ha Jin wondered if it was the price she paid for leaving him.
One week later, Ha Jin stood in the middle of a beautiful french restaurant named July in Banpogdong. So much activity was happening around her. Her mother had bought a cake, her father was ushering the entire group of family and friends into the private room where the party was taking place. Nan Gil was pocketing a fortune in Pokemons as he bounced from table to table.
July was a beautiful restaurant, full of warm wood and streamlined tables. Even the wait staff was beautiful. Her mother told her breathlessly that the restaurant was known for it's seasonal menu but that the crispy duck breast was renowned. The chef, Oh Se-deuk, was even a famous television chef. Ha Jin nodded and tried to remember that before her coma, she was a foodie who loved going restaurants and telling her mother about the details of the meal.
In truth, Ha Jin felt like she was among strangers. She would have to get to know everyone all over again. With all that happened in Goryeo, her previous life felt like an old VHS tape she watched in her mind. Her life before Goryeo didn't feel real. When she watched that memory tape in her mind, she could connect people faces to their names, but she couldn't find the emotional glue that bound her, only vague feelings. Only her immediate family stirred something deeper, but friends and coworkers didn't strike the same recognition or affection in her anymore. She felt so untethered to this time. Could everyone see the coldness in her?
Everyone was there, her friends from the ISOI makeup counter, college friends, aunties and uncles were everywhere. Ha Jin had to take a deep breath, it was going to be truly unnerving trying to make a speech in front of everyone when she felt like she was looking into a room of strangers.
"Ha Jin," Her mother squeezed her shoulders. "This is such a beautiful party. Everyone came to see you, everyone is so glad that you're out of your coma."
I'm not. Ha Jin thought to herself. Sometimes, she wondered if she knocked herself into another coma if she would be alive back in Goryeo again.
"Yeh, Oma." She smiled at her mom. Her mother had done so much for this party. Calling in almost every relative in the city and tracking down all of her close school friends.
She had a glass of wine in her hand and she took a nervous sip from time to time. One uncle greeted her so warmly while she was drinking that she nearly chipped a tooth on the glass. Her entire family was there, waiting, expectant. She scanned the room, everyone smiled at her, encouraging her to make the speech that would reassure the rightness of the universe, that Ha Jin survived a terrible ordeal but things were back in place now. Everything returned. Everything in its rightful place. Ha Jin wrote and rewrote the speech numerous times, but nothing felt right.
"Everyone!" Yoon Young, Ha Jin's mother called out. "Thank you so much for coming to our welcome home dinner for Ha Jin!" Her mother yanked her into the center of room and everyone turned to look at them. Ha Jin tried to smile at all these familiar yet strange faces.
"Ha Jin was in a coma for an entire year after she tried to save a little boy in from drowning." Her mother held her hand tightly. "We are so grateful to have her returned to us. The Go family couldn't have done it without all of your support and love. There were so many times that I was so sad and one of you brought me food, or helped me drive to the hospital. This party is to celebrate family and love. We love you all so much. Ha Jin loves you all."
"Oh, Dr. Choi is here too!" Her mother waved excitedly at Dr. Choi's broad from from the back of the restaurant. "Please come to the front. Please!"
Ha Jin watched the doctor take a slight bow and sit back down. Han Kyul shook it off, a little embarrassed by all the attention. He looked warmer than when she first met him at the hospital, wearing a thick fisherman's sweater and simple jeans. His hair was a little rakish from being a winter beanie. He looked younger than Ha Jin remembered.
"Dr. Choi was Ha Jin's neurologist attending during her coma. Thank you to Dr. Choi for watching over our daughter. He visited her everyday during his rotation and was the most reassuring doctor I have ever met. Thank you for saving our daughter." Yoon Young bowed deeply to Dr. Choi and everyone in the room erupted in clapping.
Ha Jin blinked in surprise. She had no idea that Han Kyul saw her everyday in the hospital. Her mother nudged her subtly and whispered, "He looks like the actor from Coffee Prince, doesn't he?"
"Now, Ha Jin would like to say a few words."
Ha Jin felt her mouth go dry at the prompt from her mother. She glanced down at the prepared speech in her hands, the little three by five notecards cutting a groove into her tightly gripped hand. She looked at everyone and suddenly, she couldn't see their faces.
"Ha Jin?" Her mom was concerned.
"I too am very grateful for everyone here." Ha Jin finally managed to get out. She set her notecards down on the table next to her. "I feel loved that all of my friends and family are here and I feel loved that you were so helpful to my family. I am truly lucky. I am not very good at writing, so I thought I would tell you a poem I learned a long time ago." She took a deep breath and started reciting the poem Wang So gave her so many years ago. The words were written behind her eyes, she knew them so well. She carried his words, the poet's words, with her everywhere she went. Even now, as they were separated by thousands of years, Ha Jin felt like speaking his words made him real. Alive. She could imagine that he was just standing a few feet away. That's how feelings were, irrational.
In the middle of my life
I was fond of the Buddhist Way;
中歲
頗好道
now my life is late and I'm at home,
along the Southern Mountain.
晚家
南山陲
Desiring this
lovely, solitary life,
興來
美獨往
superb of scenery—life's affairs
now gone from awareness.
勝事
空自知
Walking until
the water's edge,
行到
水窮處
I sit and watch
as clouds rise up and appear.
坐看
雲起時
By chance, I happen
upon an aged forest man;
偶然
值林叟
we talk and laugh,
not returning—for we have time.
When she finished, she felt tears at the corners of her eyes and she blinked them back hard. Everyone looked a little puzzled. Ha Jin was not a girl particularly well versed in literature, but this poem was so beautiful about poignant loss and waiting for hope. This was an entirely different side of Ha Jin.
"I've read that comas can often change personalities, is that true?" One of Han Kyul's table mates leaned over conspiratorially.
"Sometimes." Han Kyul looked skeptically at the man sitting at the table. He noticed that he was ducking out of view of the most everyone who was in the room.
"That's not Go Ha Jin." The man said decisively.
"Do you know her?" The doctor was curious.
"I was the bastard ex boyfriend who broke her heart." Cha Young Bin was overwhelmed with guilt. He had only come because he wanted to make sure that Go Ha Jin was alive and to apologize to her in some way. Her so-called best friend quickly left him when the relationship turned sour after a few months. It made him realize that he had been had, he played himself when he abandoned Go Ha Jin and he was careless to a precious girl who really loved him. However, this girl with the soulful sad eyes and ancient poetry was not the girlfriend he had last year.
"How different is she?" Han Kyul's eyebrows shot up. He knew cases like this. He had seen many different outcomes of a coma. Ha Jin's was particularly interesting because she had a moment of near brain death, but that her function came back online, like a switch had turned on. Han Kyul had never seen anything like in all his years as a doctor.
"She was a make-up counter girl." Cha Young Bin, "that's not an insult, but she was charming, sweet, and bubbly. She loved her friends, but she wasn't good at school. I mean, that's why I met her the makeup counter. Did you listen to that speech? It sounded so old fashioned. Like she's been studying classical literature for years. She used so many old words that I remember from school and reading Goryeo poetry."
Han Kyul nodded and made a mental note to himself.
"What are you going to say to her?"
Cha Young Bin shrugged and shook his head.
"I don't know. I feel like I owe her an explanation for why I did what I did. I feel terrible. I felt terrible when I found out about the coma and that I couldn't apologize to her anymore. And now, this is my second chance. I can finally be a good person to her." Cha Young Bin abruptly got up from the chair when he saw Ha Jin walking towards the two of them.
Ha Jin recognized the man next to Han Kyul. Her grey memory tape spun to the right section. It was her ex. Cha Young Bin. Cha Young Bin who broke her heart before she knew that her heart could be consumed by someone like Wang So. Cha Young Bin who cheated on her with her best friend. Cha Young Bin. Ha Jin tried to recall the anger and hopelessness she felt the moment at the lake when she first met Jimong as a homeless person. The feelings didn't come back.
"Ha Jin!" Young Bin's voice cracked. "I know I shouldn't be here."
Ha Jin held his gaze and spoke without emotion.
"That is fine. I thank you for coming to my party."
"Ha Jin. I wanted to say with the deepest apology in my heart that I am so sorry I wronged you so deeply. You were a good friend, a faithful companion, and I threw it all away on someone who was only using me to get a nicer apartment. I hope you can forgive my foolishness." Young Bin hung his head.
Han Kyul nodded politely and got up from the table to give the couple their privacy.
"No Dr. Choi, you don't need to go." Ha Jin reached and grabbed his arm. He looked at her, at the place where her small fingers grasped his sweater. She was truly a stunning girl. Han Kyul felt a moment of guilt. Doctors were not suppose to look at their patients like potential dates, it was one of the ickiest parts of the profession and he was never one to fall like so many other doctors would easily do for Ha Jin. But he had been. He had been looking at Go Ha Jin for a year. He had all the time in the world to observe the careful symmetry of her face. Her white almond skin, the bowed lips as pink as a grapefruit, and the thick long lashes which rimmed her large eyes. Ha Jin was beautiful. He felt like he had seen her face before, maybe years earlier. And it was even more compelling because Han Kyul had only seen those eyes closed for a year. To see them open, to see her searching his face for an answer, it made him feel strange. He quickly pushed down the feelings.
"I just need a moment of your time. Do you mind staying around?"
Han Kyul nodded and moved off to the next table.
Ha Jin looked at Cha Young Bin and she felt nothing. Currently, she felt bad that he seemed to be wracked with guilt over a perceived past wrong. And she supposed that Cha Young Bin find himself to be responsible for her past miseries. Maybe that was true, but Ha Jin had learned that whether we were destined to be a king or a watermaid, what mattered more was living life in the present.
"Young Bin," Ha Jin's voice was a little more gentle. She was trying to connect. "I don't remember much of what happened in our relationship before the coma." She tried to absolve him. "It was good that we broke up because I was not in the right place to be dating. And I'm definitely not in the right place now."
"Oh? You mean you don't remember me?" Young Bin was a little taken aback. He had been arrogant enough to think that his past transgressions had ruined her, but Ha Jin was in front of him, letting him off the hook.
"Yes. I don't remember much. I'd much rather remember you fondly as a friend." Ha Jin bowed and turned her back. She wanted this era of her life to be over. The part where people hurt her in the past who reemerged just to atone. She didn't want to feel like a priest absolving guilt. It wasn't in her nature to dwell on grudges. Dwelling on grudges only made her feel the initial pain of insult to injury. She didn't want to live that way.
"You're right. Ha Jin. Please have a happy life." Young Bin stepped out of the restaurant and into the night.
Ha Jin turned back to the table where her mother was chatting eagerly with Han Kyul. She sat down and another waiter poured her a glass of wine.
"Ha Jin," Her mother beamed at the young doctor, "Dr. Choi here as just telling me about his plans for the fall. I was just telling him about this little amazing bed and breakfast near Hallasan. Remember that place? You used to love it as a child."
"I've never been to Jeju island," Han Kyul offered as a way of explanation.
"It's beautiful." Ha Jin wanted more than anything for the night to be over. She was tired and wanted to sleep. She wanted to return to her dreams of Goryeo, even if she had to wake up crying again.
"There was something you wanted to ask me about Go Ha Jin?" Han Kyul raised one eyebrow. His mannerisms were so easy going and unaffected. Han Kyul was a twenty-first century man, comfortably inhabiting his body and position. There was something so right about the flicker of candlelight behind him, his warm eyes the color of chocolate and sympathetic. He leaned towards her and she saw the smooth muscles of his forearms rippling as he toyed with a pen on the table.
"Yeh. About my hospital bill. I imagine my care was very expensive was it not? I was there for nearly a year."
"Aish, Ha Jin, don't talk about such things with Dr. Choi." Her mom swatted off the question.
"As it turns out, your family qualified for one of our programs to help families with patients with long term care. It's been taken care of by Choi General." He smiled at her reassuringly.
"The hospital took care of my bill?" Ha Jin was puzzled. She had never heard of such a thing before. Usually hospitals were responsible for bankrupting families, not saving them.
"Yes. It's a new program."
"I-I don't know how to thank you enough." Ha Jin stood up immediately and bowed. Han Kyul shook his head and motioned for her to sit down again.
"Please, we would have done it for anyone." He grinned at her. "However, if you'd like to stop by my offices once a week so we can discuss your unusual brain, I'd like that a lot. I have a lot more questions to ask you."
Ha Jin swallowed hard. She didn't really want to go into further details about her time travel. She already had a hard enough time grappling with it personally. Was there really a need to expose that piece of information to anyone else?
"Ha Jin! It's the least you can do for Dr. Choi." Joon Young was beyond happy.
Ha Jin nodded and looked back down at the table. Her mother was right. It was the least she could do for the excellent care that the hospital gave her and freedom from medical debt. It was generous, warm hearted gesture from Dr. Choi.
"He's going to be teaching at the hospital too! Isn't that great?" Her mother was smiling proudly like he was a son-in-law already. Ha Jin found the whole thing unnerving.
"That's is quite an accomplishment." Ha Jin politely nodded. "What are you going to be teaching?"
"Neurological assessment in coma patients." His eyes lit up and they crinkled at the corner, like hers did, as he held her gaze. "It's my life's work."
"Oh. So I didn't come to be your patient by accident."
"Not at all. Your case is actually a little famous now."
"Famous?" Her hand gripped the cool wine glass tightly.
"Well, among neurologists. Not famous famous. So really me and two of my colleagues are interested in your case."
"That's wonderful Dr. Choi!" Yoon Young was especially pleased that Dr. Choi was taking such a personal attention to Ha Jin. Throughout the year that he was treating her, Yoon Young had grown fond of Dr. Choi. They talked for long stretches of time when he went through Ha Jin's charts and explained medical details to Yoon Young. She felt utterly at ease with Dr. Choi. Her first hope was for Ha Jin to wake up. Her second hope was for Ha Jin to meet the man who has been as devoted to her, certainly better to Ha Jin than that no good boyfriend who ran off with Ha Jin's best friend. "Ha Jin, you will help Dr. Choi a lot won't you? She's so grateful to you."
"I'm sorry. I am very tired and just want to go home." Ha Jin sagged a little to show how she felt. Her mother got up and gently held Ha Jin's arm.
"I'm sorry my dear, your father will take your home."
Ha Jin nodded numbly and walked away from the table. As she stood outside the restaurant waiting for her father to pull the car around, she looked out at the moon and remembered someone so silly howling at the moon, calling her from her room at the Damiwon. She ached for someone who died a thousand years ago. She was trying accept her life as it was now. But it was so hard. Flashes of Wang So, all the times he had cherished, touched her, kissed her, set her heart ablaze. She sometimes felt like Wang So was burned onto her heart, she could cry buckets of tears and it would never quench the smoldering mess that his love left her in.
She held herself and felt a shiver of the winter air. Exhaling slowly, she loved looking at her breath as the whirls of condensation swirled and made miniature clouds in the night sky.
"Ah, pretty girls should never cry alone at night." She heard Han Kyul's voice. "I think you'll attract too much attention, Go Ha Jin."
PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 3
Han Joon Ki was a serious man. He was born in the year of Tiger under an auspicious harvest moon. His family adored him. He fit in exceptionally well anywhere. It was easy to talk to Joon Ki, he was charming with his crooked smile and polite manners. Underneath the perfection that was Joon Ki, there was something savage and raw that changed him forever when he was twenty. He was driving home from university for summer vacation. On the Hallasan mountain road back from a weekend, when a tractor-trailer exploded in front of him. It was a high pressure fuel tanker and the four cars in front of him were incinerated. Joon Ki was lucky enough that he spun his car off the side of the cliff and the car became airborne, landing on its side about 500 meters from the side of the cliff.
When Joon Ki was upside down in his car, hanging by his seat belt, blood dripping from his jaw down to his mouth, he began to see things that he couldn't explain. He saw cherry trees from ancient Goryeo, a gilded red room with a throne, a girl with a scar on her wrist who laughed often.
