I shivered as the cool wind from a Virginia evening in September began to set in. It was dark fall and we had spent a glorious day on the lake. It was sort of a Labor Day weekend tradition. All our friends and families got together for a huge barbecue, the adults sitting around playing cards and talking while us teens swam and frolicked in the water and played volleyball and such. It had been a truly glorious summer, one that I would remember forever. I looked around at the perfect moon and the perfect starry sky. The grown ups were off in the distance while we kids sat around a small fire toasting marshmallows. It was mostly the football players and my fellow cheerleaders from school. Alexandria wasn't that big and we'd all practically grown up together anyway. We all laughed as Emma Hoyt pretended to lecture her boyfriend, Gerry Bertier about the way he was toasting his marshmallow. She was right of course and he kept refusing to admit fault no matter how many times it fell into the bottom of the firey pit. It was getting chilly and I was getting cold as my clothes and hair were still damp from the water.

"Let's take a walk", Ray said softly as he draped a towel over my shoulders . I took his hand as he led me silently down a trail away from the others.

"I can't wait for school to start", I said nervously trying to strike up a conversation.

"Yeah...me too."

I could tell Ray really wasn't interested in a conversation about the new school year. I shivered again as he brushed a wet lock of hair from my face and the shiver had nothing to do with the cool night air. His face inched closer to mine and I felt his lips brush against my cheek. We looked at each other for a minute, neither one of us speaking a word. Then he kissed my lips.

"Ray, we should get back", I whispered.

"It's okay, Marty-Courtney. No one is looking for us. We got all the time in the world, baby."

I nodded uneasily as we kissed again. I enjoyed making out with Ray but I always got nervous because I knew one day the making out would eventually lead to other things, things I wasn't sure I was ready for. His kisses fell lower on my face then my neck on down to my chest at the edge of my bathing suit top.

"Ray..."

"Shhhhhh", he hushed me, putting a finger to my lips . He removed the towel from my shoulders and laid it across the ground. Gently he caressed me and eased me onto the pallet.

"I love you, Mary-Courtney."

His hands began to roam all over my body and I was torn by one side of physical wanting and pleasure and the other part of me a scared, confused little girl. We kissed and cuddled a while longer before he began taking off my clothes.

"Ray...wait..."

"What's wrong, sugar?"

"Nothing...I mean, I don't know if I...you know, if I want to, I mean if I'm ready for all this yet."

"It's been over a year, Mary-Courtney."

"I know."

"Don't you love me?"

"Yes. Yes Ray of course I love you."

"Don't I make you happy."

"Yes but..."

"I love you, Mary-Courtney. Girl, I love you so much sometimes I can't even believe how much I love you. I just want to show you, baby. I've told you how I feel now I want to show you. I want us to be together, to go all the way. I've been patient honey but it's hard. I don't know if I can wait much longer. I want you so bad. Don't you want me too?"

"Yeah but..."

"But what?" he asked with a hurt expression.

"But...but it's a sin."

That was the first thought to pop into my head and it seemed to roll off my tongue so well

"A sin?"

"Yeah like we learn about in church, Ray. We're gonna go to hell."

"Mary-Courtney we are not going to hell."

"We're not married."

"Yeah but we will be. Right after high school. We'll get married before college. It's gonna be perfect and God understands that."

Thoughts of a marriage and children with Ray floated across my brain.

"Is that the plan?"

"Always has been."

"Ray...do you think it will always be like this? This moment right here right now."

"For the rest of our lives."

He gave me a reassuring look and before I knew it we were kissing again. I felt so self conscious as Ray removed the top. Automatically my hands went up to cover what the material wasn't. Then he eased off my bottoms. I was so terrified I was sure he'd be able to hear my heart, which was about to thump right out of my chest. Then he sat up and slowly removed his shorts. I closed my eyes. I had never seen a naked man before and truth be told, it was kind of scary. I mean, I knew the basics about what goes where bit it was still a mortifying experience. I was so naïve and shy. I did love Ray but something didn't feel quite right.

"You ready?"

I nodded and tried to prepare myself for the experience. There were arms and legs flailing everywhere, which made for it a bit awkward then came the pain. A dull, aching pain that made me yelp out loud.

"You okay, Mary-Courtney?"

"It hurts", I whimpered.

He tried to be gentle and tender but it didn't matter much. It still hurt. As I lay there underneath his weight a flashback of every love scene from every romantic movie I had ever watched ran through my mind. There were all these images of beautiful people doing beautiful things to each other having a grand old time as they hollered out in pleasure. What was wrong with me? Where was my pleasure? Instead it felt like Ray was ripping my guts out. I closed my eyes and in a few minutes it was over. Just like that. We lay on the towel in silence for what felt like forever.

"You okay?" he finally asked.

I nodded.

"Ray, I don't want to get pregnant", I said.

"And I don't want to get you pregnant. Don't worry, I was careful."

I nodded again as we scrambled to find our clothes and get dressed. Once we did, he grabbed my hand and walked us back to the fire to be with our friends who had barely noticed our brief absence. They laughed and talked, reminiscing about the past, planning excitedly and hopefully for the future. I sat there with them, silent as an old church mouse, rubbing my shivering arms.

"I love you, Mary-Courtney", Ray whispered.

And he gave me a sweet smile, a smile with a future in it.