Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark violation is intended.
Added note/disclaimer: I know I usually use real quotes. But this story is a bit … strange. So, I'm not really using quotes, but I might. So, if you find something, let me know.
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
II
Hermione's Pet Peeves
When Ron Weasley of Gryffindor was caught snogging Vincent Crabbe of Slytherin in the Astronomy Tower, Luna realized that it was not a glitch. It was complete and utter madness. The world had run mad.
According to Luna, it was almost enough to make her run up and down the halls naked and screaming and pulling at her hair. But the comforting thought that perhaps Hermione Granger, the most logical witch she'd ever met, would remain sane, restrained her.
Which was why she found herself standing in front of Hermione who seemed to have developed the irritating habit of carrying a little hand mirror in which she kept looking at her reflection to check her make-up and hair.
"…Ronald was caught with Crabbe," Luna said. "I know I'm not the most logic-happy person in Hogwarts, but even I can see that this – this defies all logic and common sense! Ron should with you! Ginny shouldn't be running around with Goyle and… and…and… I should not have to see Neville Longbottom having a snogging session with Sprout…!"
Hermione nodded. "Yes. The fact that none of these people have enough common sense to do their snogging in private truly bothers me. I mean…" Hermione trailed off.
"Oh my God!" Luna said. "Is that… Snape and – and – and…"
"Dad!" I heard Draco exclaim.
"Oh my," Hermione said. "Very interesting… Very appalling to see Lucius Malfoy and Ape, I mean, Snape together."
"Ape?" Luna said, looking at Hermione strangely.
"Slip of tongue," said Hermione. "Now, what's with you? Are you seeing anyone?" Luna backed up a little, concerned.
"N-no," she stammered. "I – I think I just heard someone call my name!"
xxx
As it turned out, Neville and Sprout, Snape and m – Lucius Malfoy, We – Ron and Crabbe, Ginny and Goyle were not the only odd couples getting together. In fact, Luna and I, as it later dawned on me, separately observed many other strange couples getting together. Of course, it would be a long time before Luna convinced me of the general insanity. It seemed perfect to me, back then. But let's save that for later, because really, this isn't my story. It's Luna and Draco's story.
Anyway, the oddest couple was… Tonks and Hagrid. How that works, I have no clue, but they're still together, by the way.
During that one day, there were many couples discovered, such as Pansy Parkinson and Harry's cousin, Dudley Dursley… as he's a Muggle, Luna and I have often wondered how he got there. Surprising, Harry's uncle Vernon, sworn magic-hater and homophobe began dating Kingsley Shacklebolt – a wizard, male, black and in other words, the embodiment of everything Vernon Dursley hated… or loved in an illogical world.
xxx
It was just after lunchtime when Luna met Hermione again. Hermione seemed to agree on the oddness of the couples that were being discovered.
"I think," Luna said after a while of conversing on the irritating habit of the canoodling new couples had, when Hermione said, "You know, Luna… I have many pet peeves. But… there is one I absolutely love…"
Luna stared at her. Hermione was speaking very, very loudly. Almost yelling her comment…
"Oh?" Luna said nervously. Then she heard a cackling behind her. She turned slowly and saw him coming toward them. The moment he was close enough, Hermione said, "Peeves, darling! Luna has informed me of the most horrendous news – the world has gone mad!"
"Yes, sweetling," Peeves said. "The Bloody Baron is kissing the Fat Lady."
– Robin Williams
A/N: I figured this story needed an update. I'm feeling a bit depressed, so I wrote more humor! (Yes. I'm insane. I know.) Anyway, guesses for the narrator! It doesn't have to be human…..
Review Response:
Hyuga Kyuuketsuki
Karui Kurayami
Sarah123Babe
Night Essence
ga nat nat
Airlady
Rettz
Queen Vampyre Akasha
NinjaoftheDarkness
Thanks for taking the time to review! Just out of curiosity, do you really want me to keep going, or not? I've got the framework of this fic worked out, but it needs a bit more work…. So it'll be a while before I update again, but never fear, I've promised myself I'll finish every chapter-length story I start, so it'll be finished eventually. However you're welcomed to suggest strange and random couples. The only requirement is that they're insane couples no one would ever think to put together. Unfortunately, Dumbledore's already taken, as are a few other people. Oh, and quotes would be lovely as well. I'm not finished yet, although that might be because I'm depressed at the moment, but it's getting better – I just need a bit more humor… so yes, quotes, preferably Buffy quotes or Angel quotes, since I can use those for any other fanfiction as well. Besides, I collect quotes and lyrics. Anyway, drop me a line if you'd like – oh and if you notice a mistake, let me know! Some of the grammar mistakes are deliberate though, so it just depends. Misspellings however are not deliberate. And yes, constructive criticism is welcomed!
Keir
