Welcome back!I originally planned to update Saturday, but your reviews triggered me to go ahead! Christmas comes early!

Chapter 2: A Little Discontent

Saphira winked at Galbatorix. Thank you. Your repayment will come in the third book, which will hopefully be me ruthlessly tearing you to bits then eating your intestines.
"Shh!" Said Nasuada. "It's starting!"
The soothing, yet crap, cinema music died down with the lights and the film started. A rider's view of his flight atop his black dragon showed. A generic voiceover prattled on in too little detail about the rise and fall of the Riders.


Eragon noticed that Orik was clutching onto his seat, white-knuckled. He tapped his dwarven friend on the shoulder.
"Orik? Are you alright?"
Orik turned to look at Eragon. His face was pure white. "I…I'm okay…Just remembering when Saphira flew me to the Burning Plains…For Gûntera's sake, will I ever get over my fear of heights?"
The introduction was over just as quickly as it had begun. A blue-tinted forest clearing appeared, and three figures on horseback rode through the clearing. A fourth figure watched them from under the foliage's cover. Come on, don't tell me you can't remember it. If you don't know what this is, you're not even a fan of the book.

Durza leapt from cover, as did a bunch of grown men that were covered in make-up, Marilyn Manson-style, in a failing attempt to look like urgals. They didn't even have any horns for Christ's sake! How can you make men look like monsters if you don't have one of the species' most important features? It was just plain stupid. Although the battle was just cheaply made – no swords – it had some nice use of pyrotechnics. Durza just went at it with fire. Brisingr this and brisingr that…it was a nice introduction to magic. But if you were being picky – as I am – you could point out that all the fire was yellow. Wouldn't you think that magical fire spewed from a Shade's palm would be, like, so hot that it would be blue?

Surrounded, Arya lifted up Saphira's egg – which was too big – and sent it away to where Eragon would later find it. The real Arya stood up and pointed her index at the screen.
"This is preposterous!" She bellowed. "In the book, you didn't get to see the egg! Here, it's as clear as daylight! And…" she added, looking insulted and a bit breathless to boot, "…They made me look fat."
Durza captured Arya. Hey, do you really expect me to go through it all with you? You're old enough to remember things for yourself, and this has to be shortened to fit it all in. Just like the film, eh? I mean, they cut out about half of the book, and changed just as much.


A similar, also blue-tinted forest clearing appeared. From the looks of it, the producers couldn't be bothered, so they recycled around half the sets. A hunched figure walked in it. Opening credits continued to appear. There was a collective roar in the room when 'Based on the novel by Christopher Paolini' appeared. From the looks of it so far, though, it should have been 'Based very loosely on the novel by Christopher Paolini, who, if he were dead, would be turning over in his grave'.

The figure – Eragon, duh – carried a quiver of arrows and a neat little bow. It was well-crafted, looking shoddy and homemade; a nice use of props. He was stalking a deer, keeping his eyes on his target and weapons at the ready. Finally, something that was completely faithful to the source material. But when it was this small, who cared? Oh yeah, that would be really useful when the director was asked about his reactions to the fans' complaints. "The viewers were too focused on the negative points of the film to notice the down-to-the-bottom accuracies, like the way Eragon hunts a deer." Wow. Yep, that's definitely going to justify the film.
Just as Eragon prepared to take a shot, a great wall of fire burst in the clearing. So far, so good. Or, the calm before the storm. Eragon's face showed – how was this faithful? He was blonde. Blonde! Come on!


The real Eragon, clearly aggravated, rose from his seat and grabbed Zar'roc. Well, he tried to grab Zar'roc, but felt nothing in his sheath. He heard a fake coughing to his left, and saw that Murtagh was holding Zar'roc, smiling with glee. Of course. He'd taken it at the end of Eldest. Eragon gave Murtagh a two-fingered salute before sitting back down. How could they? Him, the lead character, had been lost in translation from page to screen! He watched his badly-remade self pick up Saphira's laughably enormous egg and get ready to trudge back to Carvahall.