It was quite some time before either of their cries subsided. Harry ended up on his back with Draco's head on his chest, his arms around him, absentmindedly playing with his long blond hair. Had it always been so soft? He didn't know. His brain was empty and his body felt numb. He wasn't real sure what had transpired over the past hour but was exhausted and didn't feel like moving. His face and lip throbbed and had a headache.
Both were breathing heavy as they lay still, Draco acutely aware of Harry playing with his hair, realizing he didn't mind, thinking that it felt kind of nice. He was drained emotionally, not interested in starting a fight for a change.
"Draco," Harry said quietly. "You okay?" His throat hurt and eyes burned but somehow felt better.
His head lifted, resting his chin on his hand as he answered, "I'm okay, I guess. You?" He'd never been this relaxed around Harry before and thought it was much better than trying to kill him.
"I actually feel a bit better," he answered honestly, realizing neither of them was moving from their rather close position. Bright green eyes met ice blue and for the first time in years there was no anger or malice or hatred. There was…contentment.
Contentment!
It was as if sparks ignited between them, causing both Harry and Draco to sit up in a hurry, suddenly realizing they'd been too close for too long.
"I didn't mean to…"
"I'm sorry…"
Both stopped their rambling as they sat on opposite sides of the bed, trying to figure out what they'd been doing, not looking at each other.
"Can we…uh…stop the bickering?" Harry asked cautiously, wincing from the pain in his lip. "I can't handle two wars, Draco."
"Yeah," Draco answered quietly. "Um…I'm going downstairs now." He stood and glanced over at the mess from the broken bottle. "I'm sorry…I should clean that up…"
"Forget it," Harry said, standing up as well. "I'll spell it up. It's ok." It was nice to be near Draco and not want to kill him for a change. He almost laughed at his thought. Nice to be near him?
They both rounded the bed corners, Draco to leave and Harry to go to the window, when they stopped in front of each other. There was an odd energy in the air that seemed to prevent them from walking away from each other.
"I…uh…" Draco began, unable to meet his eyes. Damn those piercing green eyes. Had they always been that bright? "I don't want you to get the wrong idea…I just…um…" What was he saying?
Harry watched him, suddenly wishing he was holding him again. Holding him? What was he thinking? "I understand," he said with a nervous shrug. "You don't…" He didn't know how to finish. Didn't what?
"You don't…do you?" Draco asked, barely audible. He couldn't believe himself. He was acting like a…well like a shy schoolgirl…with a…crush? "Oh god," he muttered, suddenly embarrassed, starting to walk away. This was crazy. They hated each other…didn't they?
A hand around his upper arm stopped him. "Look at me, Draco," Harry said gently. "Please." He didn't understand this himself but wasn't ready for it to end. He didn't want Draco to go yet.
Draco took a deep breath and lifted his eyes. "I need to go," he whispered. It was more of a plea. Shouldn't he call him a wanker and leave? That's what he wanted to do right? Then he thought back to laying on Harry's chest and how he…how he liked it.
"Do you really want to go?" Harry asked curiously. "And don't fucking lie to me. Not now." Their crying, their clinging to each other, had changed something between them. He couldn't ignore it and wasn't about to just let Draco leave.
Draco looked away uncomfortably. What was he doing? What was he thinking? He looked up briefly as if the answer hung above their heads. "I don't know," he answered truthfully, lowering his eyes to meet Harry's. Oh dear Merlin, he thought. I can't call him a wanker. I can't walk away. Do I want to go?
"If I asked you to stay," Harry said. "Would you?" His heart was pounding. He was asking him to stay?
Draco looked around again. He found himself wanting to say yes but it was all so odd. He wasn't even sure he really knew what they were talking about or maybe just didn't want to admit it. "To stay," he repeated. "As in…"
Harry almost smiled, an act that felt foreign but good. "I don't know," he answered with a shrug, slightly relieved. "It's just…that was…it was kinda nice…and I get so…lonely in here…but yet I usually want to be alone…and…you realize we're not fighting?" He knew he was rambling but there were too many jumbled thoughts for anything to come out in a coherent sentence.
Nodding, Draco answered, "You're right. About all of it." Dammit. He had liked it. How did this happen?
Ice blue locked with green again. "All of it?" Harry repeated for clarification. Would he stay? Did that mean…
Draco took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation," he said with a slight shake of his head. "I think…"
"Don't think," Harry said quickly. "Just stay, all right?" He knew he was putting himself way out on a shaky limb but had to take the chance. Those few moments with Draco had felt really good…very…right. And he couldn't remember a time in his life where anything had felt right.
And then he heard Draco say okay.
Draco stood in silence while Harry quickly spelled away the mess and extinguished the candles, before they stood on either side of the bed, slowly turning down the covers. Draco took his pants off and quickly slid under the sheets wearing his t-shirt and boxers. Harry was hesitating.
"I usually sleep naked," he said apologetically.
"We've got the same equipment, Potter," Draco said, trying to sound like himself. "It doesn't matter." It did matter, who was he kidding? What were they doing? His brain couldn't keep up. He was getting into bed with Potter willingly.
"Right then," Harry said, taking off his shirt and pants, sliding under the sheets with lightening quick speed, heart racing. I'm naked and in bed with Draco, he thought. Dear Merlin, have I gone mad? We were just fighting. I'm supposed to hate him but want to hold him again instead.
There were a few moments of silence, both laying perfectly still staring up into darkness, until Harry asked, "Can I…uh…lay close to you?" He wanted that moment back from ten minutes ago when they were in each other's arms, laying comfortably and not thinking about it whether it was right or wrong.
"Yeah okay," Draco answered quietly, throat dry as Harry moved so that the sides of their bodies were touching, sending electricity through his body, fighting to regulate the pounding in his chest. "Um…maybe we could lay…you know…like earlier?"
"Okay," Harry said as Draco rolled over and settled himself on Harry's chest, tentatively putting his arms around him, almost afraid to touch him.
Draco felt better when he heard the fast thumping of Harry's heart under his ear, knowing he was nervous too. "Could you…the hair thing?" he whispered. It had felt so good before. He really wanted Harry to do it again. Harry Potter. He just asked Harry Potter to play with his hair! He'd surely be sent to St. Mungo's tomorrow.
Harry smiled in the darkness as he caressed the white hair, running his fingers through the soft locks, lightly touching his scalp as he went while his other arm rested on his back. He didn't fully understand why, but this felt right somehow. It was the calmest he'd been in months. And it was the first time in years that he wasn't loathing Draco. He was…liking him...enjoying being close to him. When had he ever enjoyed being around Draco? Especially this close?
"That feels good," Draco whispered, wondering whose heart was pounding faster.
"Yeah it does," Harry agreed, aware that his nipples were hardening from Draco's warm breath tickling his skin when he talked. And that wasn't all…
Harry began to realize that he should have left his shorts on because it would be obvious in a matter of seconds just HOW good it was feeling to him. Oh man, he thought. Bad, bad, bad. Think of something…um…Mrs. Weasley naked…oh boy…that's not working. Damn.
"Um…Harry?" Draco said, noticing even in the relatively dark room that the sheet was rising. He'd made sure to stay away from…that area…keeping his own from Harry as well.
"I'm sorry," Harry said, embarrassed, unsuccessfully willing it to go away. "It's the…physical contact I guess…I…"
"Would that be happening if Hermione was laying here?" Draco asked curiously. Was Harry bi? Certainly he'd been with girls already. Were they both bi then? This was wild. Draco never considered himself bisexual.
Harry almost laughed. While he loved Hermione, she never came close to causing that reaction in him. "Well…probably not," he answered. "Should we try?" He was slowly beginning to understand why things didn't work with Cho and Ginny. He was attracted to guys. But why had he never realized it until now? Had he always been?
The thought of Hermione in bed with Harry was suddenly a vision Draco didn't like. Why did he have such an instant aversion to it? "I'd rather not," he answered quickly. "So I'm doing that then?" Harry was turned on because of him? He liked the fact he had such an effect on him.
"Um…well…yeah," Harry admitted, still embarrassed. "I can put some shorts on or something if..." He thought Draco was only into girls but after tonight realized maybe he liked both. With the way Draco was acting though, this had to be new to him too. He wondered how long he'd been bisexual.
Harry tried to move but Draco wouldn't let him. "Relax, Potter," he said, hand pressed to his stomach. "I'm flattered." He never would have thought Harry would be attracted to him like that but realized he didn't really know anything about him as a person.
"Gee thanks," Harry said, rolling his eyes, apprehensive now. "Makes me feel much better." He didn't need to give Draco any more reason to tease him. He couldn't help the reaction he was having.
"This should make you feel better," Draco said, moving his leg to brush his own hardness against Harry's leg that he had been trying to hide. Ever since Harry started playing with his hair…
"Oh…you're…," Harry said, having wondered if Draco was having the same reaction. "Okay then." Was this real? If it was a dream, Harry didn't want to wake.
They continued to lay still in the darkness, Harry's fingers gently combing through blond locks while Draco's were lightly dancing over the stomach under him. Neither wanted to move or speak for fear of breaking the energy that was around them. They found themselves at odds with this new interest after hating each other for so long but couldn't ignore it.
Harry didn't fully understand this transformation. All they'd ever done was fight and yell and throw insults at each other. He'd always hated him…hadn't he? Lying together like this was a bit odd and yet not. And Draco wasn't calling him names. He was allowing himself to be held and caressing Harry's body. And Harry was liking it even though a bit nervous.
Draco noticed Harry's slight intake of breath each time his fingers moved further down his stomach, noticed that muscles were tightening underneath him and that one in particular was still standing tall. Why was he comfortable with this? Why wasn't he going back to his room? Since when was he attracted to men, least of all Harry? But he was and couldn't pretend he wasn't. Dear Merlin, Hermione was right. I'll never live this down. Why haven't I realized it before now?
"Is this wrong?" Harry asked curiously, breaking the peculiar silence.
"What do you mean?"
"Just…this…us laying here," Harry answered. "Given our past…"
"I don't want to talk about that," Draco said quickly, suddenly ashamed of every bad thing he'd ever said to Harry. "Can't we just start now?" He wanted to pretend like the past seven years hadn't happened. He'd been such an ass.
Harry sighed. "You know we can't." He knew Draco wanted to forget the way they'd treated each other since the day they met, because he did too, but that wasn't realistic. They would have to deal with past daggers and soon.
"Yeah," Draco whispered reluctantly. "I know." He lay still for a few more moments, gathering his courage. "Would it be wrong if I…uh…touched you?" he whispered. He'd been wanting to ever since it…
Harry swallowed. No one, other than himself obviously, had ever touched him there. "Um…no…not wrong," he heard himself answer. He closed his eyes as he felt Draco lightly slide his hand down his flat stomach to the sparse patch of darker, curlier hair and nearly held his breath when he felt the coolness of Draco's hand against the warmth of his length. When Draco's fingers tentatively circled around him, Harry released the breath he'd been holding.
"Okay?" Draco asked, amazed at how soft his skin was, and immediately wondered if Harry had been with anyone.
"Yeah," Harry answered. "It feels…good. I'm just…nervous…I guess."
As Draco's finger grazed the top, spreading the small amount of liquid there, he said, "Well I'm sure girls you've been with were quite…adept at this." Even though he touched himself, touching someone else just wasn't the same. Even if they were the same gender.
Harry knew he blushed then, not wanting to have this conversation. "Er…well…there hasn't…uh…" he stammered.
Draco lifted his head then, propping his head up with his hand, allowing the other one to continue playing. "Don't tell me you're a virgin, Potter," he teased, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. Of course, if he thought about it, Harry's life was not normal and everything had been centered around Voldemort. When did he have time?
Harry turned his head to the side, not wanting to answer, embarrassed that he didn't have more experience. There was no excuse really. He'd just never had the right situation and then with this war…
"Hey," Draco said, removing his hand from his length to touch his chin, gently turning his face. "You are, aren't you?" Draco found it instantly endearing. Harry had never been with anyone? Draco realized he felt quite protective of him suddenly. This physical contact was probably Harry's first as well so he didn't want to screw it up.
Harry nodded, hating to. Draco would probably laugh at him now. It would start all over again and…
"It's okay," Draco told him, seeing the trepidation cloud his face, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, covering Harry's body with his. "It's all okay," he whispered again, leaning down and gently touching his lips to Harry's, careful as they'd split each other's earlier in their fight and both their bottom lips were swollen. "Don't be embarrassed." Within minutes, Draco went from seeing Harry as this confident guy to this insecure little boy and wanted to shield him from anything and everything.
Harry's lip hurt but he felt little pain as Draco kissed him lightly. He thought for sure when Draco learned he hadn't been with anyone that he'd give him a hard time. But instead Draco was kissing him, accepting him. Acceptance wasn't something he was used to, not from people that were supposed to be family and certainly not from someone who'd hated him for so long. And it was all he'd ever wanted. Just to be normal and accepted.
Acceptance. He felt accepted. He felt wanted. And wanted another in return. His body responded to Draco as it never had with Cho or Ginny and it overwhelmed him along with the combined emotions from earlier. His reminiscing had brought sadness; Draco brought anger and frustration, with a bit of confusion; while now there was what he'd almost call tenderness coupled with relief. His throat tightened and breathing hitched as he pulled away from Draco, hands covering his face as tears slipped from his green eyes once more. Damn this crying!
"It's all right," Draco soothed, cradling Harry underneath him, never realizing just how much they'd been suppressing till now. "Let's just…can we just lay here tonight?" He was curious about more, but knew Harry wasn't ready emotionally. They both needed time to adjust and figure out exactly what was going on with them now.
Harry was nodding and wiping his face. "Yeah okay," he said. "I'm sorry. I'm just…a mess apparently." There had been too many months of holding everything in and now once he allowed a little, it all came rushing out in a flood.
"We both are," Draco said, nestling beside him, arm across Harry's stomach. "More than we thought."
The next morning, pounding on Harry's door woke the young men.
"Harry, you awake?" It was Hermione. She'd argued with Ron about who would go to his room and lost.
Harry stretched and Draco groaned as they untangled themselves from each other.
"Open the door?" Harry asked, a little apprehensive. "Or…"
"Might as well," Draco answered groggily. Better Hermione than anyone else. Even if she would gloat.
Harry waved his hand and the door unlocked and opened.
"Harry, have you seen…" Hermione began as she stepped in, immediately noticing he was not alone. "Oh…uh…okay then…." She had asked Draco about being attracted to Harry but didn't think she'd find them in bed the very next morning. Wait…Harry and Draco were in bed together? What the bloody hell…
"Haven't you seen two men sleep together before?" Draco asked, slowly sitting up and running a hand through his hair. He wanted to go back to sleep, curled up against Harry, quite sure he hadn't moved once the night before. It was one of the best nights sleep he'd had. Hermione's blank look was rather entertaining though.
"I…uh…no actually," Hermione asked, a blush coloring her face. "Everyone's been looking for you." It had started when Ron noticed Draco's bed wasn't slept in as the household then began searching inside and out for Draco, afraid he'd been taken or had possibly left on his own, either having the potential to be bad news and cause for panic.
"Shit," Draco muttered, looking at Harry. "I don't exactly want everyone knowing about…" He wasn't ready for the household to know about something he didn't fully understand himself and hadn't thought about Ron noticing he didn't sleep there. Dammit.
"I agree," Harry said, glancing at Draco. "Hermione, close the door please."
She did and walked over to the bed, sitting down on Harry's side. "Are you two…," she began with a slight smile. They actually did look cute calmly sitting together, instead of yelling at each other. The energy around them was serene, something she never thought would happen, even after the war. What in the name of Merlin happened last night?
The two men looked at each other, smiled and shook their heads.
"We're not really sure yet," Harry answered, knowing he could not explain it where she'd understand because he still didn't. "Please don't say anything about this."
"You're not sure?" she asked. "How are you not sure?" They were in bed together. Seemed obvious to her.
"It's a bit difficult to explain," Draco added. "Just please don't say anything until we figure this out okay?" It would be difficult enough when the truth did come out. Not something he was looking forward to.
"I won't say anything about this but I will have to say something in explanation," Hermione promised, looking at the men before her and smiling. "I will tell you that you both look happier than I've seen in a very long time." It looked good. There'd been too much hatred between them that was affecting the household and possibly Harry's chances against Voldemort. This was extremely positive for everyone and she was thankful she said something to Draco, even if it had initially made him mad.
Harry blushed and Draco shook his head.
"Just tell them that I came up drunk last night and we fought some and yelled some and I passed out on the floor," Draco said. "Something like that."
Hermione had noticed the bruises and their larger than normal bottom lips. "You guys really fought then," she said. "Is that what started…this?" She was unsure what to call it.
"Kind of," Harry answered. "We're okay though. Just a few punches."
Hermione smiled. "All right," she said. "Well I'll go back downstairs and tell them what you said." A quick glance down and she added, "You might want to get out of bed though incase someone comes knocking on your door other than me." There would be no way to explain their way around being in bed together, not to mention looking happy about it.
"Get out," Harry said with a slight laugh as she got up and closed the door behind her.
Harry and Draco faced each other with questioning looks.
"So, Scarhead," Draco said first with a smirk. "Regret last night?" This was definitely not the time to get serious, knowing that was still to come. They would have to keep up the façade of not getting along for a little while longer.
Harry smiled slightly. "No, Ferret Boy," he returned with a smile, their nicknames said with affection instead of malice now. "You?"
He laughed. "No," Draco answered. "I don't. Except that maybe we should have done it sooner?" Hermione must have noticed something that they couldn't, or wouldn't, knowing she'd corner him later.
"We haven't done anything yet," Harry said quietly, almost nervous with anticipation of the next step.
Draco lifted an eyebrow. "We could fix that," he said with a devilish smile.
"I…uh…"
"Relax," Draco said, quickly kissing him. "Come on. We need to work on our story and get downstairs before we have a group outside the door. That's the last thing we need."
The day had been anything but normal for Harry and Draco. Everyone had gathered in the kitchen while Harry and Draco explained their fight and huge talk that lasted all night. They still sounded like they didn't like each other, keeping their sarcasm fresh and throwing in a bit of name calling and glaring for good measure, making sure their story seemed believable, as Hermione had confirmed later. Most were relieved that Draco hadn't been captured by Death Eaters and that he and Harry were talking, sort of. Harry and Draco were relieved that everyone believed their story.
It was hard for the two to stay away from each other though. Harry didn't barricade himself in his room all day, which did bring a few curious looks from the household, and found it near impossible to keep a straight face around Draco. A few times, Draco walked by Harry and pinched his ass when no one was looking, causing Harry to blush and Draco to laugh to himself as he quickly walked away. Around others, they tried to still sneer and call each other names, but there was noticeably less tension. Everyone was too happy to have it to care how they got it.
